2024-05-21 Not having a future

The speaker discusses the idea of living in the present moment without being preoccupied with the future. They mention that while they do have practical future obligations, they strive to experience moments of no future by simplifying their life and letting go of unnecessary complexities. They find freedom and spontaneity in these moments and believe that it contributes to their peace of mind. However, they also acknowledge that completely eliminating the future is not feasible in the modern world. They suggest that monks living in monasteries or reaching the point of death may be able to truly live without a future. The speaker concludes by stating that they have practiced living with no future and hope it will benefit them in the end. It is possible, at least in moments, to have no future. The idea of being in the present implies not having a future. I mean, there is a future. There will be a future. There is always something that will come from the future. It's experienced now. It happens in the present. But it can be seen to be coming from the future, and then, at some point, you experience it. But to experience no future, to be so in the present that there is essentially no future, that there is no forward-looking, that the thing that might be coming is okay, it might be noticed at some point, that thing is coming, but then it is released, it is let go of, until it arrives in its own natural time. Meanwhile, whatever is occurring now is what is being experienced. In my experience, I have many moments where there is no future. Some of that is due to simplicity, some of that is due to not creating any complexity unnecessarily. There is always future. There are always things I will do, will need to do. There are appointments that will be kept and met. There are things that need to be done and organized. There is practical future. I have to catch the bus, catch the train, get to the doctor. They're practical future. I have to be aware of them if I want to not miss them. I have to be reminded, I have to carry the idea of them. And that's why it's not a perfect experience of a no future state. But because of simplicity, because of repetitive non-complexity, I get to experience a state of no future from time to time. It might be for a few hours, it might be for a few days. Every day I do something that essentially could be described as there is a future for me when I awaken and get ready. I will usually be going to the library and I'll arrive at a particular time a few minutes before it opens so that I can have my pick of where I sit. I may not be staying very long because I might want to have breakfast and I have to be there at a certain time in order to have it. I may want to have a shower and I want to get there at a certain time so that I don't have to wait. I know I'm going to do these things. I don't have to do those things. I don't have to get there to have breakfast. I don't have to go and have a shower. I can and do sometimes let go of both of them. The shower is not every day. And sometimes I don't go and have breakfast. But once I am in the library, I'm now doing what I'm doing in this moment, in that present. I don't want to disturb it. I let go of those ideas of the future. I'm not compelled to experience them. They are small futures that I can take into my present at the appropriate time. They don't carry great weight. Certain ideas of the future, certain things that have to be done are heavier than other things from my perspective. But the very specific things, the very heavy things or the heaviest things I experience are generally for towards the van. And there are three of those. The annual test, the annual paying of the tax and the annual paying of the insurance. The annual test can include repairs and servicing. Those three things are for me quite heavy. And each time one of them is done and each time all three of them are done even though they will come again the following year, there are months where I don't have to think about them. As they approach, because they are heavy, I don't experience that lightness, that freedom that comes from not having a future, not being aware of this heaviness, this idea. And I practice not allowing it to affect me. And each time it is easier. It was harder the very first time I had to deal with the van after having acquired it. But it was easier the second time and should be easier as it continues. But I think it will always have a certain heaviness to me. It's just easier for me to deal with it as I get used to what it's like to having to do so. But I think it's not important, it's not essential that I have no future and that gets longer and longer and longer. Essentially I would have to have no material responsibility. I would have to live reclusive. I'd have to be outside the world, have nothing to do with the world, have those little... I don't think it's possible, nor should I imagine myself ever having that. The fact that I have periods of time, hours, days, etc. where I don't have to be aware of the future is enough to benefit from the idea of not having a future. To know what it feels like to be in this moment only, to be free, to be spontaneous, to react spontaneously to a given unexpected encounter is easier when there is no future pulling at me. I know I can't do that because I've arranged to do this. I have to be here at this particular time. I have to have this, get that, see this, arrange that, fill this form, do this thing. It's fairly normal for most people's lives to constantly be aware of the future and never experience, never really be aware of not having it. It doesn't matter, it's not important. It's not something that has any meaning for many people. I like not having a future. I like how it feels to have nothing to do so that I can do anything I want within the limits of my own possibility. I don't want to do anything so that I can do anything, so that I'm free to come and go as I please, when I please, to act freely, spontaneously, to feel out of control, to not need to control, to accept what happens, to not resist, to not regret, to not hold on to what has been, to not try to make what will be what has been, to not insist on it, at least. I often make what has been what will be just because I like it. I don't need to change it. I have to make something happen and that's what I choose. But sometimes I can't. Sometimes that's not what happens and that has to be okay too. My state of mind is the most important thing. The simplicity of my lifestyle helps enormously with that. And sometimes I'm challenged when something out of my control, out of my expectations, happens that really interferes with that for a while. But the intention is to always come back to the centre. If my pendulum swings wildly one way or the other then I can feel very out of sorts until it comes back to the centre eventually and I am at peace again. I've learned to live life my way by letting go of all the things, as much as I can, that might interfere with that. Ideally, I would also let go of the van because of its heaviness. But currently there is no easier, better way for me to live that doesn't, that wouldn't require great complexity in order to achieve it or at least attempt to achieve it which may not even turn out to be achievable. So rather than always having an idea of the grass is greener over there I just accept the grass that I have. The idea of how I am is good enough. It may not be perfect, it may never be possible to be perfect but it's good enough and be okay with that. And that also brings me into the present in a way that I find peaceful and doesn't require me to have future. I will never get rid of the future, I don't think. The idea of being in the present is simply not possible when one lives in modern life. Even if I was wealthy, successful, could have around me people to do all those things for me I will still experience some future that I wouldn't think about now that would arise out of the circumstances I live in. So it is, there are levels of what is experienced. So many people will live life every day due to their choice of complexity because they prefer it where the future is always with them. I haven't really come across and perhaps it would be someone like a monk in a monastery who can live without future. They get up or they meditate, they eat, they might work, garden, they meditate, they sleep. These things don't require the idea of a future. It's repetitive, it is hardly thought about. This may be the only way to truly eliminate the future experience so that they live truly in the present. I don't live in a monastery. I live in my little monk's cell, you could say, but I don't live a monk's life. So I may never really know what it means to do so. I have imagined doing so in the past but circumstances never helped me, never showed me my path. I don't believe it is my path but I can imagine that that is the only way to eliminate more future than I actually have. Perhaps also, depending on how one has lived life, at the point of death, as death approaches, if one has made peace, is at peace, there is no future now. There is only what is happening and so maybe for many that is the only time when the idea of no future actually becomes real. I don't know what that experience will be like and if it is something that I am aware of rather than it happening suddenly, then I may have benefited from having practiced the idea of no future as I have lived my life. We shall see.