Nothing Shall Offend Them Part 2

The speaker begins by expressing gratitude for the privilege of fellowship with God and for the Reverend Gordon who shares God's Word. The topic of discussion is offense and being offended, which is prevalent in the body of Christ but often goes unnoticed. Offense arises from a sense of being right and when our pride is wounded. Many leaders in churches have left because of offense. Offense is also tied to our sense of what is right and wrong and our values. When our sense of right is violated, we can easily become offended. The challenge is identifying that we are offended because we believe we are justified. The speaker reads Proverbs 19:11 which speaks about the discretion of a man deferring his anger and passing over a transgression. Discretion means wise discernment and evaluating a situation before acting. Jesus taught to be slow to anger and quick to forgive. The speaker gives an example from the parable of the wheat and tares in Matthew 13 where the master advises not to up Go ahead, Faber, start us out. Well, welcome to another edition of our Bible study. It's always a blessing coming to learn at the feet of God's Word and God's servants. So, let's pray. Father, we thank you for this privilege, this glorious privilege for that we can have fellowship with you. David said, who is man that you are mindful of him? Lord, I thank you because it is a rare privilege that we mortal men can have fellowship with you, the Almighty, the Sovereign One, the One who defines definition and description. Thank you, Lord, for all you've been doing in our lives. Thank you for what you've been doing in my life, in my family. Thank you for your servant, Reverend Gordon, whom you've been using to share your Word. And tonight, Lord, we ask that as your servant, we bring your Word again, that your Word will be the Word which terminates our being, and your Word will perform that which you intend bringing it to us. And I know that, Lord, a number of people will have to listen to this recording. Lord, I pray and ask that in your mercy, the same grace and the same anointing that you will give to us tonight. Lord, that same grace and anointing will reach them and will meet them as they listen to this recorded message in the name of Jesus. Thank you, Father. In Jesus Christ's name we pray. Amen. Amen. Now, as requested, we'll launch into Part 2 of the subject that I really did not want to bring forward. I struggled with it myself because it's a subject called offense or being offended. And it is so prevalent in the body of Christ that we are really surprised because although it's so prevalent, it's often under the radar. It sneaks in. And we were discussing one of the reasons it's so hard to identify offense is because when you are offended, you believe and perceive yourself to be right. And this is attached very closely, in favor to our pride, I think. Because when we believe that we are right in a situation and someone has wronged us, it's difficult to behave with wisdom when our pride has been wounded and our sense of correctness has been violated and we have been disrespected. And all of those things cause offense and easily cause offense. We were sharing this situation is so prevalent that I know of few leaders in churches, few who have left for any other reason than being offended. The excuse are many. Well, this was this way and this one said that. But when you come to the root of it, there is an offense that has been beyond healing, beyond being able to resolve it, at least they think it is. And so they will step down from teaching or from leading worship. And even, you know, musicians are sensitive people, artistic people. And often it's your musicians and your artists who are the most quickly you can offend them. If they're not appreciated, if they're perceived that they're not given their proper honor. You see, this is the thing. We perceive there's a correct treatment, which I deserve. And I have been not treated correctly. So, the other challenge is it's tied to our sense or conscience, even if you could call it that, our sense of what is right and what is wrong. Our sense of values that we hold very close to ourselves. We value, you know, showing honor and all of that. When someone violates our sense of what is right, we can easily become offended. Because, you know, there's a correct judgment that goes on within our hearts all the time. And when something is... If you come in my house without saying hello, and you jump into my bed to go to sleep without any word of greeting, there is something inside of me and also within my wife that you have to face action because you were incorrect in how you behaved yourself. Is that true? Could anybody come in your house and just make use of your bed without even knowing they were coming? And they just come and they don't greet you, even though you're there. And they just say, I'm sleepy, good night. On so many levels, this is incorrect. And your voice within you of your conscience of your judgment of right and wrong is going to be screaming, saying, this is not correct. Often our offense comes out of a sense of right and wrong. Out of, I feel like I should have been treated this way and I was not. They treated me wrong. They spoke to me wrong. They didn't give me a raise in my job when I deserved it. They gave the one they just hired a raise before me. I'm in line in the traffic and I'm in this taxi and I'm in a hurry. And these people are all cutting in front of me and I must get to my destination. It's a sense of, it's not correct to do that. And so this sense of right and wrong when it's aroused can easily cause us to be offended. What I'm seeing is there's such a challenge, Faber, to really identifying that I am offended. Because it comes up first and covers itself first is I'm justified. The words escape me. Maybe, Faber, you can point out how, I think you said it well last time. I don't remember, but you said it well. It doesn't come to me. I probably have to go over the recording and then... Remember what you said, yeah? Because it was very good. It was very good. But it's based in the sense of what is right and wrong. And so I am indignant or I am frustrated or I am angry because of what was done. So I'd like to read, having come this far with somewhat of an understanding of what we were talking about. I'd like to go to Proverbs, the 19th chapter. Proverbs 19, 11. Yes, sir. Proverbs chapter 19. I think verse 11 is enough. Proverbs 19, verse 11. The discretion of a man defers his anger, and it is his glory to pass over a transgression. Wow. Let's start with understanding some of the words. So the discretion of a man defers his anger. First, defers means to push it off till a later time, to make it wait. You come to a stop, the police is there, and he is going to defer to other people first, and then he will defer to you. So you will be deferred, you will be made to wait. So the discretion of a man makes his anger wait, okay? And that's usually a good thing. What did Jesus say? He said be slow, slow to speak, slow to anger, right? Yes, sir. And also be quick to forgive. Yes, sir. All right, so what is discretion then? Discernment. Discernment, good. So he discerns it, he uses, thank you for this, but it's wise discernment. Discretion should, you know, it's wise discernment. You evaluate the situation, you discern the situation, and you say, okay, I'm not going to have to, I'm not going to act in haste. Oh, thank you. You know, last year something, we were praying, and I mentioned this while we were praying for the wedding night. I brought the scripture, and this week I've just been thinking about that, and I had to write it down. You know the parable of the wheat and tares in Matthew 13? Yes. The servants of the man who planted wheat, they were angry. They were angered at seeing tares the next morning. And so they said to the master, what do we do? Do we uproot the tares? But then the master, in his wise discretion, he said, no, let's not, let's defer that action until a later moment. I'll use these words. Let's defer that action. Let's not act hastily. Let's not act out of that emotion. Because he understood that his servants were pretty offended. And they were angry, you know, seeing tares planted alongside the wheat. But he was wise enough to realize that this was the work of an enemy. But then he said, don't act hastily, because if you act hastily, you would be an emperor of prison now. I'm reading into the wisdom behind his words. If you act hastily, you would be playing into the enemy's hands. Because what the enemy wants is to destroy the wheat. And if you act hastily, in a bid to take off the tares, you're going to affect the wheat as well. But he said, I want you to defer your anger. I want you to defer your annoyance, that offence that you may feel. I know you're offended, but I want you to defer and wait until the time of the harvest. And by then, the wheat would have been strong enough. And so when you begin to deal with the tares, it doesn't and it wouldn't affect the wheat. And so that is very interesting because, you know, it takes wise discretion to come up with such wisdom, to come up with such idea. Because what, you know, the situation, what it will propel the average person to do is to act in haste, is to be stimulated and, you know, angrily act. But, you know, the wise discretion of the master is something that we can learn from. And so, yeah, I had to put the word wise because discretion is not enough. It's good if it's wise discretion, then it's going to be effective in terms of the results that it produces or it produced. So, yeah. That's so deep, Saber. I love it. That's so deep. I love it. That gives such a picture of how we can act and react so quickly. And we can, what, we can damage the harvest and we can damage the wheat, the fruit in the life of ourself and others. Proverbs 29, 20 says, Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There's more hope for a fool than for him. Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There's more hope for a fool than for him. So this word discretion, deferring, is, this is a good verse as well that ties into that. I only recently found this one. There's more hope for a fool than for him. Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to react. That's wisdom and discretion. I think it involves weighing the consequences of our words. You know, our words have to affect, and we want that effect to be of good fruit. Paul calls them wholesome words. Only words which are suitable for edifying. You know, the emotion is there immediately, the reaction. We discern that what was done was incorrect. You know, this person is in my house, in my bed, and they never even said hello. But we don't know that they've been on the road running from the enemy for six days and haven't slept. So that's the rest of the story. If you knew that it was a friend of your brother and he had been running for six days because of his own innocence, and he had come to your house and fallen into your bed, you would have a different reaction. Yes sir, absolutely. With understanding. Yes sir. So you would not be highly offended, although in normal circumstances what they did and said was incorrect. However, with understanding and insight, I still like the example of Abigail when David was offended with Nabal because he was an evil man. David had been in the area hiding out in Saul for some time for Samuel 25. And he just asked for a meal. It was, I guess, a special celebration. And, you know, had he not been protecting those sheep and not one was missing and they hadn't seen any harm. And so when he asked, he was given an insulting reply in that he was treated as though his services had been worthless. We don't like being treated like we are worthless, do we? No, we don't. And it was very incorrect how the man treated him. However, so David determined with his men that they were going to take care of business and not one of his whatever was going to be left standing by morning. And yet Abigail, when she heard of it, that was the wife of Nabal, and she, being an intelligent woman, with good insight, good understanding, and some cleverness. Also, she was beautiful, the scripture notes. I find it interesting that the Bible makes comments on the beauty and appearance of certain people like Samson and certain people like this Abigail and even Job's children, his daughters, on the second time that they were born that they were the most beautiful in all of the land. Interesting how the Bible does that. It actually set me free in some ways to say, you know, that is such a handsome fellow. That girl is probably so cute without the mixture of lust with it. She has a scripture acknowledging a fact, in my opinion. And I digress. And a beautiful woman, but her husband was a surly, mean man in his feelings, and he was a Calebite. I don't know the significance of being a Calebite, but whatever he was, I don't want to be that. All right, going back to where we were in Proverbs 19, 11. The discretion of a man he birthed is anger. Oh, the scripture. What did Abigail do? She came hastily with her servants and with camels, donkeys, and they brought plenty of food suitable for a king. Suitable for a celebration. And she honored David and his men, and she averted, by wisdom and discretion, she averted the anger and the sin and the trespass of David that as he became king, these also were somehow that family of Nabal. He had sons, he had other family, and they somehow, I haven't done a study, they somehow were involved in the kingdom. It would be an interesting study to complete. So, she saved him from blood guiltiness by a gentle word and by wisdom and discretion. Now, the rest of this first favor, you want to comment on what does it mean a man's glory is to pass over a transgression? That's a loaded question, I understand, but see how far you can get with it. Yeah. First off, I see that line and I'm thinking, okay, let me grasp it in a simple, let me grasp it in a simple terminology, in simple terms. So, first this comes to my mind, it's honorable, right? It's honorable to a man if he came to pass over a transgression. It's honorable to a man to pass over a transgression. So, it is to a man's credit. It is to a man to pass over a transgression. However, as you take it a step further, paying particular attention to the word glory, I would say, you know, it is his glory to pass over a transgression. So, it's kind of like, you know, I think about glory, I think about honor, I think about, so I'm thinking from this scripture, God honors, God glorifies a person who chooses to say, okay, I'm going to let this transgression pass. I'm not going to hold on to this. I'm not going to, you know, let this affect me more than it should. I'm just going to let this pass. I'm going to have to forgive even when maybe I, forgiveness wasn't sought, you know, by the offender. I'm just going to let this pass. It is glory, it is honor. So, that's how I understand that. Other words might be dignity. It gives you dignity. What dignity is there to fly off the handle when somebody trespasses against you, even though you had the right to strike them down. You see someone pull back their anger and behave in a manner higher than that, more glorious than that, more dignified. A man of infinite authority can choose to deal with that or to let it go. Overlooking a wrongdoing. I was just thinking in 1 Corinthians 13 in the love chapter. Love hardly even notices when others do it wrong. Love overlooks a multitude of sin. Love covers a multitude of sin. I think that's the same meaning, isn't it? Love covers a multitude of sin. The glory, if you can think of a king or of a person of high respect, the words like power, splendor, honor, dignity, importance. The Hebrew word for glory is heavy or weighty. Not light. I think maybe that's where our word lightweight comes from. You ever hear that? They're just lightweight. Meaning they don't have much weight. You know certain people walk into the room, perhaps your father for example, and he's not large in stature or loud in voice, but he carries something heavy. And people listen because of what he carries and who he is. And so who he is, to react to a beggar slapping him or something, he may react indignantly because of who he is. Not because of the action. So it's a man's glory. It brings us to a whole different understanding of what we should be doing when offended. Offense carried or anger that's held onto leads to what, Faber? Yeah, if you hold onto anger, what does it lead to in your emotions? Offense. It leads to a lot. It leads to unforgiveness. Yes. I'm thinking of the word bitterness. Bitterness, yes. That sums a lot of it, doesn't it? It leads to a root of bitterness. What does the scripture warn us about bitterness? Many of you see the bitterness coming up. Let me search that. Yeah. And many become defiled. That's the root of bitterness springing up. Defile you, defile trouble you and defile many. What is the solution to avoid bitterness? It's to, like we looked at the Proverbs 19, it's to do the best we can to pass upon to let go of to let go of to overlook transgression. To make a path for somebody. Just like you, just like in the illustration you gave, when you started you said, somebody walks into my house, goes to my bed, and just lays down and doesn't even say a word of greeting, I know I would react. But if I were to have a better understanding of the situation, like, okay, this person has been on the road maybe six days, running away from enemies and comes to my bed and all that, the moment, and this is true, the moment I get a better understanding of the situation, automatically, my reaction, there will be a calm, there will be a calm, there will be a compassion to how I go about that, to how I handle that situation. So, I say this because if I can, if I can learn to, if we learn to make passes for people, and try to think, okay, maybe this, okay, maybe that, okay, okay this, and we say, okay, we can overlook this transgression, and we make a pass for them in our head, and we encourage ourselves to overlook the transgression, we can be able to deal with the roots of beatenness, and we can be able to escape that. I like the word you said, give them a pass, in our own minds. Yes. And I think love does that. You know, if your neighbor's child comes to your house and breaks your favorite thing, the anger can be great. But if it's your precious nephew or niece, you know, there's a love there that covers, and I think love is, through the lens of love, if we look at people, we hardly notice their shortcomings, or how they would have, we could have been offended by what they did and what they said. Instead, you know, grandparents laugh at that, you know, think it's cute, or think it's whatever. It's the love. It's the love that keeps us and protects us from being offended. And the verse that says, be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12 has quite a bit to say on these different subjects, and there's a number of verses in Romans 12, but that's a good one. Romans 12, in its first 21, be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. How does that verse lie to being offended? And the verse we were talking about in Proverbs, the discretion in that. How does that tie together? Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Because when offense comes, if we allow the offense to linger longer than it should, it will overcome the bruise in us. You know, it will overcome that love with which we, for instance, when you describe the people who worship, the ministers, the musicians, and if they feel, oh no, okay, I wasn't respected, or I'm not being respected as I should, and that feeling, you know, gets a strong hold of their emotions. It will overcome the sense of fulfillment they felt probably while ministering, and the joy, and the blessing. It will overcome that, and they go like, okay, I'm not honored here, I'm not respected here, and once it overcomes that sense of fulfillment, offense has come in, it's making room for bitterness if they don't deal with it early enough. So Paul writes and he says we should not allow evil sentiments, the lies of the devil, oh, I'm not respected enough, oh, I'm not honored enough, oh, I'm not recognized enough. He says we should not allow that evil to overcome us, to take over our thinking, to take over our thoughts, to take over our judgment, to take over what we believe. He says no, but we should overcome evil with good. We should say, oh no, I am respected, I am honored, I am appreciated, and I'm doing this as unto the Lord, my Lord. Lord, and so we should we should reiterate we should reiterate this good thought, and it would and before you know it, it would overcome the evil, and then the stronghold of offense would not take hold of our heart. And that's a good word, because offense becomes a stronghold in which bitterness lives. And we are convinced that we are correct, we are right, that we have a right to be angry, and it may be that we were treated unjustly, unfairly, and that the actions of that person were incorrect, and yet we're asked to forgive them. So this is where offense is deceptive, because we think we're right. And it becomes a stronghold, and it becomes, you know, we begin to sit in the seat of the judge, and determine that this person does not deserve my attention, does not deserve me to ever speak to them again, does not deserve my kindness. They don't deserve a hug or a handshake. That's all. You know, there's bitterness that's built up. So out of that bitterness, a stronghold of bitterness comes bitter words. You can't help it. And those bitter words offend other people. And you become a greater sinner in that situation than the person who offended you. Because with the same judgment if you judge, it's going to be judged back to you. And it's a law of the kingdom, a law that God put in the universe. We can't violate that law. When you hold an offense, Jesus teaches what to do with offense. In Matthew, he says we need, when we go to the altar, if your brother has sinned against you, Matthew 18, verse, let's read it, favor. Matthew 18, verse 15 to 17. We read it last week. I think it bears repeating. If your brother transgressed against you or trespassed, what do you do? It's sure to happen. Matthew 18, from 15 to 17. 15 to 17. Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And he shall, and if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church. But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. I'm certain that's not just talking about feelings, talking about an actual trespass or sin against you. We can so easily have our feelings. And the brothers meant no evil by it. That's just maybe how they talk. But there's something there that Jesus is explaining. You don't just let people walk all over you, or you don't just let people sin in the church. You know, they violate your right. You're free to go talk to them, but with discretion. But at the same time, do you have to deal with everything? Can you also overlook it? It's the glory of a man to overlook it. But if it reaches a point where it needs to be dealt with, it's the right, according to the word of God, for us to go to them, just you and them, and see if they'll hear you. If they won't hear you, take somebody with you. With the motive and the purpose to restore not just to prove you're right, or to prove they were wrong, but how can we restore this so this doesn't happen, keep happening to other people? I think so much of offense is when we try to solve these things, we try to show that we were right, and they were wrong. I heard a story today where somebody had been hurt by other people's words, and they were crying and just calling on the Lord because they shouldn't have said those words, and those words were so hurtful, and God will you please help me? This person, and the Lord spoke in a very strong voice inside, and said, go repent. Wow. So, this person, she obeyed, and she went and cried unto the Lord, her heart broke, and the Lord showed her what that other person had been going through, and how they were, and that other person did not need one more person praying against them, or rejecting them. You know, favor, somebody carry a spirit of rejection. They are not easy to be around, because it seems like, it feels like, you just want to throw them away. It's a spiritual, supernatural phenomenon, because it's a spirit. Yes. The offense has become so deep that they have gathered a spirit of offense, and spirit of rejection, and that spirit of rejection tries to perpetuate that same thing. Tries to make that person rejected, and those people can act very nasty, and they're very hard to love, because of this rejection that emanates from them. I mean, you just want to walk up and slap them for no reason. That's a feeling that comes. That's true. And yet, what does that person truly, truly need? If we apply correct judgment and discretion in the love of God, our heart is to restore such a one, we will reject that spirit of rejection, and we'll act in the opposite spirit, in love and acceptance, in trusting and caring for them, and speaking well of them, including them in the circle, and offering to pray for them in the areas they've been hurt. The spirit of rejection lives in a stronghold of hurt. That's true. And so, because they've been hurt, they're also willing to protect themselves, and don't let anybody get close. And so, they defend themselves this way, but if we understand, we understand how the devil works and how human nature is, we can begin to love them in very practical ways, and we can at the same time be binding that spirit, coming against it, casting it down in the name of Jesus, so that Jesus can win that heart, and heal them. That's what he wants to do, is heal them. But the devil will protect them from getting healed by ugly actions he makes them. Stirs them up to act ugly. And they just need to be healed. And the love of God sees right through it. That woman that washed Jesus' feet, it didn't sound like from the story that there was one person in that room that had a tenderness and a compassion for that woman. It sounded like from the story that everybody wanted to cast her out. This wicked woman, but something in Jesus' heart, the spirit of the Lord and compassion met her, where her true need was. She didn't need to be cast out. She needed to be accepted and received. She needed a gift that she had to be received and valued. Jesus did both. Sometimes all we need to do with people is give them a small place where they're respected, they're valued, they're important. Please, will you hand out the bulletin every week? Make sure every person gets it. That will be your job. I know you can do it. That's such an important job. Everybody appreciates that you do that. Sometimes that's all it takes for somebody that's hurt and rejected. Give them a little something of respect because the devil has set them up for rejection. Amen. Amen. Offended and bitter people offend others. Yes, sir. And it's a cycle that perpetuates itself. I first really understood it well from Rick Joyner. He wrote a piece called The Final Quest. In that, he paints a picture that he saw in a vision. He saw this vision a number of times and he saw that he was ascending the mountain of the Lord. He had entered through the gate of salvation and he was making his way up and he was looking down. And he saw all of these people who all were Christians and they were all just pardon the ugliness of it, they were all just they would vomit on somebody and that person would be covered with this slime and they could not get off of themselves. And soon that person would be vomiting on the next person. And you could tell they would become very angry when they were vomited on. Very angry that happened to them. And become very angry and yet they turned to slime and then soon they were doing the same thing to someone else until the whole thing was just one mess. And he said the understanding the Lord gave him was that that's how the devil works. And he said he could see the demons stirring up and working and excited that this stuff was happening. And they were behind perpetuating, turning that vomit to slime. So that person was trapped in the same bitterness and unforgiveness. And they would begin to... And the other thing that he noticed is that they were proud, thinking that they were correct. And he says that is the Lord gave him understanding that this is being offended. So that's a picture. And so I I commit to trying to find that. I can probably find it through his website. Some of the early writings he had of that vision. It's now in a different book. It was called The Final Question. Now it's called Something Different. It's contained in a different book. So I'll try to post that on... I think it would be quite instructive. And then last week we talked about how offense causes us to shrink back. Shrink back. To be offended, to shrink back. The other picture of being offended is to stumble. The rock of offense and the rock of stumblings. We went through those scriptures. There's like five or six of them that called Jesus the rock of offense. And the stone of stumbling. And so one thing that offense does is causes us to fall and to shrink back. To give up. To pull back. You know, you were leading worship. You were teaching Sunday school. But something offended you and now what? You don't want to do anything. And that's one strong effect of being offended. Bitterness comes in and shrinking back Hebrews 10.39 says brings destruction. Yes. And shrinking back and being offended it says Hebrews 10.39 but we are not of those who shrink back and get destroyed. But we are of those who have faith to preserve our soul. You know, Favor, I think it takes faith and discretion not to be not to fall over the stones of stumbling. The offenses. Favor, think about it. See if you can answer this one. How does faith help us avoid stumbling over offense? How does faith help us avoid stumbling over offense? I believe we looked at this some time ago. When we have faith when we know that God can do all things. God can work on that person. Work on that situation. That you know that is causing offense or that seeks to offend us. God can work through it. God can work on it. That's faith. So when we think about it and we know that okay, this is it. I don't walk in fear. I cannot finalize on a thing because I have faith. I have hope and I know God can walk through anything and through everything for the betterment of His will and purpose. It makes me not to be wrapped up in offense and all of that because I know that He can work on that situation. He can work in that person and a person who probably by whose actions today cause me hurt and cause me to want to pick offense. Same person can be a vessel in God's hand so much joy, so much fulfillment in my hand. So when I understand this by faith I would not give into offenses today. So that's only how they are today. But by faith I can see that God, wow, they can be a blessing. Can we even by faith begin prophesying over that person? And even though they're a really big pain and they cause a lot of trouble in the church. Can we even begin prophesying over them? You know God has planned for you to become such a blessing in this church. That you are God has designed that you would become one who edifies and builds up. You're an encourager. Oh, words of faith, right? The other aspect of faith and offenses, you know, favor, they just called me the worst of names. And they say I'm lower than the low. But by faith, I'm not going to let the desert define me. By faith, I'm not letting those words, because they're not true. I'm a child of God. Make some mistakes so I'm covered by grace. And a God that works in me. And there's, he's making something beautiful out of my life. So I humbly confess I make mistakes. And I do deserve sometimes to be reprimanded, but the Lord loves me. And I don't have to go into a low valley because they called me the lowest of low. So by faith, yeah. So that's the other aspect I was thinking of. As you were talking, you know. Yes, sir. You know, Reverend, okay, I can say this. I don't mind that it's on record now because I wanted to, I was typing something and I wanted to share with you. You said something and I wanted to share a personal incident. But it's good that we share it now. This is Bible study and it should be a blessing to somebody. You know, we talked about how the people can, as a result of death and some hurt, they, you know, they, maybe they become, it's difficult for them to receive love and all of that. And I don't know if I've told you this, but there is something that happened when I was quite young and this time I remember it. Somehow I tend to think it affected me but I thank God for, I thank God for love, the Word of God, for the gift of love and faith in Christ Jesus and how he works. He works wonders in my mind, even in spite of all of that. That really had some strong effect. I was, and others, but this was the first, I was seven years at this time and a friend of mine, he had, I had thrown up in school and so he helped cover the vomit. He helped to cover the vomit with sand and all of that and so I was really appreciative. But I left, I had to go home earlier and then when I got home I started feeling better and so their house wasn't quite far away so I just wanted to go over there as a little boy and say thank you because people noticed what you did and what you did was really good because at the time in my school if you threw up and you had vomited, you would maybe have to also be required to cover your own vomit in spite of how sick you were. But he had to cover my vomit. He had to cover my vomit and I went over to his house to appreciate him and to say thank you and when I got there, his mom bought this gift for me, a long gift and gave to the son to give to me as a way of saying oh I'm sorry to hear you were not feeling well. I just hope that this makes you feel better and all of that and I received that and I said thank you and so just before I would leave their house and go home, myself and this boy, we just started playing boys, playing around and then we were running around a car, a mechanic workshop, a car workshop where they fix cars and so there was this vehicle, I think they were repainting the vehicle and all of that and so I didn't know that the backlight of the vehicle wasn't firmly fixed and so as we were playing hide and seek and all of that kind of game, I was running around the vehicle and just then a part of my body touched the backlight of the vehicle of the light and it fell off and when it fell off I was so scared because I was scared because I wondered what my parents would do, I knew I was in trouble and so I tried to see if I could pick the backlight and fix it back and then we leave the scene pretending as though nothing happened but as I bent down in the backlight the mechanic who was working on the car came out and he says stop there and so he takes the backlight, he grabs me, he says you'll have to call the police, you'll have to fix this car and I became so scared and so I needed somebody, an older person to maybe advocate for me to maybe plead with this man that I'm sorry, and the backlight wasn't actually broken, it just fell off of the car it wasn't like broken into pieces, no no, well done, yeah but I would later realize they were only trying to use that to make me feel scared but I also learned I had an experience that and that's what I'm telling, an experience that would not leave my mind just like that, so in the midst of all of that he was saying I should call my parents my parents were not around they had gone to church, they had no idea that I came out to see a friend so I went to see my friend, I crossed over the road to, you know, over to his mom's shop to see if I could get the mom to plead with the man on my behalf I'm sorry I'm taking time brother I'm just sorry to see if she could plead with the man on my behalf so when we went over there the mother of my friend asked my friend we were two boys same age, and she asked him she said what's the problem? and so the boy tells the mom that we were playing and I hit the backlight of the car and it fell off and so the mom was careful to ask him if he had a hand in that the boy said no, that he didn't do anything that was the one whose body hit the backlight and it fell off and then she said okay, she said now this was somebody who less than 40 minutes ago she had given me some biscuits as a way of saying get better soon, get well son but now in the midst of this crisis she says well you know what, she takes her son to herself and she says you know what, you go meet the people that you spiked their vehicle, you go sort yourself out with them alright, just leave this just leave this place, you go sort yourself out at that instant I just became overwhelmed with fear I was really afraid I was terrified and alone and alone well eventually they let me go but I got home and to be honest with you I was never able to wrap my head around how that this woman would say oh leave my son you cross over there, you go sort yourself out and she didn't care what became of me and I tell you that affected me for years and sometimes it made me feel like well I shouldn't get too close to people and I'm and I'm also you know I'm scared to say this I feel but it made me not, and it's not to it made me not to commit so much to people, not to I respect people, I don't speak evil of people as a personal policy, as a personal principle and it's the word of God that taught me that I don't speak evil of people I don't gossip, I try not to backbite right, but at the same time I don't think I'm walking in the fullness of love like the scripture encourages us to, and I think when I look back you know this is one experience that I always remember and there are other experiences but I'm going to stop here, maybe three basic experiences in my life that I struggled with for so long so you have really experienced on several occasions things that left a permanent mark in your in the way you treat people and I think we all have some experiences like that, each one of us but what can we do what can be done about those kind of things what kind of discretion and insight and understanding could be added to that situation that you could give them a ticket what ticket would you give first of all to that mechanic or understanding that maybe he's just kind of a crude man yeah see now you have wisdom and insight that you can draw on that you didn't have as a child I see and so with wisdom and insight by the help of the Holy Spirit I know that you've chosen to forgive first of all we're just talking about the man who started it really and made it an issue why would a why would a man torment a child like that I wonder what uncle or father or somebody tormented him so your assignment I mean your assignment should you choose to accept it is what ticket are you going to give to this person that in your own mind that's understanding and love and forgiveness because that's the words you used earlier yes sir Reverend I just for clarity how do you mean when you say what ticket I think you used that term earlier yeah when I said give a pass that's the same thing as the ticket oh ok what pass when they give you a pass you get this little piece of paper that allows you to go through when other people you know haven't earned that right but you have this ticket I'm going to a thing tonight for Christmas and we're going to be staying actually in the mayor's suite up above to view this beautiful and nobody else is allowed to go in there but we were given the ticket the pass undeserved but it's a free gift so what pass or what ticket in your own mind can you give this man I already gave him the ticket I think I gave him the ticket of I tried to understand the situation I tried to say maybe perhaps he wasn't just trying to I said maybe he was just messing around trying to say teasing a little boy yeah teasing a little boy but I thought it was some teasing maybe kind of cruel maybe that's how he was treated when he was little and he thinks that's how you're supposed to treat little boys and turn them into men yeah I was a little scared but I think the person who I'm trying to wrap my head around the situation isn't the lady is the woman this is really hard for me at this point the woman because I didn't I don't understand what I ever did I was a lot quieter than I am now I was very very shy growing up it wasn't something it wasn't always so easy for me to come out of my shell and have somebody to play with and if I had a friend or anybody I felt I could play with or be close to it's usually just that one person I didn't have many friends that couldn't just come out of my shell so her son was just that one person that I could feel free and I could be free around him and so playing with him and this happened and she now says okay you just go and sort yourself out she didn't even stand up from where she was sitting she didn't even stand up she didn't even say okay let me see the person let me understand what happened she just says no just go sort yourself out and she took her son by her side she made a separation okay no no no my son come over here just maybe if he's in trouble let him go sort himself out but we were just young boys and this was the same person who had bought you know some biscuits for me she said okay this is like so I'm just I'm trying to wrap my head around that so you did this not really because you cared for me maybe the son had pressure you know pressured mommy buy this for me so I can give my friend and now in the midst of this challenge you didn't even stand up she just treated me and she just used her hands you know she made a hand gesture remember it like shoving me away like go go go go go go go go go go and then she took her son to her side do you think that sometimes people reach that point where they don't know how to deal with something and they don't want to it's too much for them yeah it could have been a feeling like in her own self this is too much for me I'm scared to go see this man myself so just make this thing go away maybe she had a tendency of well even like giving you a cookie you know just trying to fix it make everything go away maybe she had that kind of mentality but if she's afraid if she was afraid to stand up to the man what makes her think that I was in a better position to stand up to the man you see these are the questions she was selfish so here's the thing let's admit let's admit this lady was selfish and that's the truth this lady did not stand up for you or protect you as a younger child that's the truth that's hurtful and offensive that's the truth there comes a point you don't have to sort out any more than to admit this lady was not what I had hoped she was I have to admit that you know she protected her own self and her own child she did not even get up out of her chair so her love did not go as deep as you had imagined that it would so she showed you who she really is so one way to resolve something is to simply accept the truth of it the facts of it and the fact is this is how she was this is how she acted and she didn't act well and it hurt her too so what did you lose in that situation she took something from you she took a lot of trust she took trust in people in older people she took that I think so for years you were affected by that yes sir she took a lot from you didn't she absolutely at any point in time I see myself I remember when I was in both when I was in college and when I was trying to do my postgraduate studies as well a number of times people who are close to me people who get to be around me for a long period of time they'll always tell me something they'll say you have trust issues and I didn't like those words but I'll try to say oh no no no deep inside of me I knew she was saying the truth you know I knew she was saying something close to the truth and each time I think about the roots cause of death that woman would always come to my mind you can think about how I remember this story I was just yeah there was still emotion attached to that story when you told it yeah so yeah so we're gonna gather up just gather up everything you lost let's consider it even you almost lost getting married yes yes sir if it had not been for the hand of God to minister to you almost the same it could have been it probably is the same thing probably connected yes sir you really have stolen a lot from this action of this lady a great deal of loss but I'm just encouraging you to count it up what you've lost in your own mind you don't have to verbalize it but just think back over it, it should come to you pretty quickly relationships opportunities bread insecurity so until you count up the loss you've lost you can't forgive if somebody breaks into your home and takes a few things you can forgive them but you can't really forgive them until you know what they took and what you've lost so you don't know all the depth of the crime until you know, oh my wife is missing now that's serious right it wasn't just a few jewels and the pots and pans from the kitchen oh they took my wife that's a whole different depth of loss so when we count up the loss then we have the opportunity to choose to forgive even on that level and that's where I believe you'll find release relief from that and restored so favor if you if you took all of this loss and you chose to give it to the lord to repay or whatever he will do with it to take vengeance or whatever he's going to do why don't you ask him lord if I give you these things this whole loss how would I be and what would you give me in return okay and he'll work with your imagination to see a new a new life a new life after this loss okay so let's just even do it right now okay lord if if I give you this we've counted up the loss if I give you this what would you give me how would I be lord all in the name of jesus I give you my heart and soul and the express of my heart lord I pray lord if I give you this loss how would you what would you give me in return if I give it to you lord I know I lost I lost friends and there are times I had to I acted in fear and insecurity and there are times I even I even hurt people who didn't hurt me just because I thought they would hurt me right so I didn't hurt them because I wanted to hurt them but I just hurt them because I was afraid maybe they were not maybe they were not really having my best interest at heart and then I tried to take a step to defend myself but I realized I just hurt these people there was no need for maybe defending my heart or maybe protecting my heart thinking oh no no no this person is going to betray your trust this person is not loyal this person is not somebody to trust there was no need for all of that it was just a function of all that I thought from the past and I'm giving it all over to the lord I'm giving it all over to the lord so you just express what you might what you might gain if you give it to the lord and no longer have that I know I feel his abuse just saying just praying about it just saying it I do feel his peace like when the lord if you were crying somebody just embraces you and you have their head they show that they put their head up and cry I just feel that I just feel that lightness that light feeling inside I believe that the lord is bringing so what would it be like moving forward if you didn't fear to trust if you were innocent again oh then I would then I would love without reservation then I would see that the good of the other person the truth of the other person then you wouldn't be afraid to give friendship and receive friendship I see there wouldn't be a barrier you know even in your own marriage it has to affect to a degree and so being free is a freedom to trust so he's willing to give that to you because you're just willing to give it the loss amen so we didn't expect to have you know a practical demonstration but favor thank you for being willing to be vulnerable amen let's just pray and we can continue if we want heavenly father thank you for this beautiful demonstration of what you can do to set someone free when we realize that we've been we've been hurt, we've been offended and we've carried offense for various reasons because we can't understand what had happened and we can never truly resolve it so Lord I'm asking God that even anyone who would hear this recording and would be touched by your presence that they would know that they can count up what they've lost and they can decide to to pass over that they can decide to give it to you and they can ask you Lord what you would give to them if they gave it to you Lord would you give them beauty for ashes would you give them oil of joy for mourning would you give them a garment of praise where there was heaviness so Lord we're thanking you that that you died for this purpose to set us free from offense and offenses and to resolve those things so we can be free to love with your love be free to accept be free to know what it means to trust you to protect us Lord we thank you that you're trustworthy and that you're able to take everything that is meant for evil and to turn it for good grateful Lord and we thank you for this time in your word together that you would help us to live with people with discretion that we can defer anger and even pass over a transgression give us the ability to have the dignity the honor and the authority to see past that which is offensive and be able to minister grace to the very inner need of that person the reason why they act the way that they act Lord even we pray for this woman who wasn't caring enough perhaps was overwhelmed and didn't want to get involved whatever her thinking was we pray for her Lord you said to pray for those who have despitefully used us so Lord we're praying for them God that you would even these years later be so living that you would heal her heart and minister to her give her courage to be able to to care about others enough to involve herself in their needs oh God for this day God we thank you and Lord that you have been glorified and Lord till we meet again we ask you that your face shine upon us gracious unto us and give us your peace in Jesus name Amen