4/5-week 9

In this week's chapter on power from DeVito's interpersonal communication book, Lucy discusses six principles of power: some people are more powerful than others, power can be shared, power can be increased and decreased, power follows the principle of less interest, power generates privilege, and power is influenced by culture. Lucy reflects on her relationship with her four sisters and how these principles do not play a significant role in their dynamic. She emphasizes the importance of equal power in relationships and the benefits of pro-social communication. Lucy concludes that seeking power in a relationship can negatively impact it, and equal power is key to maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Hi, this is Lucy and this is week nine, the last week of looking at my relationship between myself and my four other sisters through the lens of interpersonal communication. So this week, I'm going to be talking about chapter 12 of DeVito's interpersonal communication book. And this chapter, he talks about power. So what is power? It is basically the ability of one person to influence what another person thinks or does. So power is basically influence. And in this chapter, DeVito breaks this down into six principles of power. So I'm going to just list those six and then go into greater detail as to what those six things really are. So the first is some people are more powerful than others. Secondly, power can be shared. Thirdly, it can be increased and decreased. Fourthly, power follows the principle of less interest. Fifthly, it generates privilege. And sixth, it's influenced by culture. So those are the six principles of power. But what do those really mean? So the first one, which was talking about some people are more important than others. The idea of this is just that power is asymmetrical. So for one person to have more power, that means another person has to be lessened. And then the second one, talking about how power can be shared, is basically the idea that you can raise another person's power by sharing it to them. And in doing this, you can allow them to have more control over themselves and their environment. And you can do this by raising their self-esteem, being open with them, positive and empathetic and supportive, or even helping them make decisions. The third one was talking about how power can be increased and decreased. And DeVito gives examples of how both of these things can play out. For increasing power, he talks about power priming, which is basically just envisioning yourself in times where you felt really powerful, and that's supposed to increase your power. And then for decreasing, he said that when someone doesn't follow your influence, that decreases your power because power is essentially your influence over other people. So if you can't get someone to follow your influence, then you lose power. The fourth one was talking about how power follows the principle of less interest. The idea of this is that the person who is less interested or dependent on another is the one that holds the most power. And then the fifth is power generates privilege. This is basically just saying that when you have more power and more influence, you have more leniency when it comes to rules, you have the final say, and there's just more opportunities available to you, essentially. And then the sixth was talking about how your culture influences your power. And in certain cultures or countries, your power is influenced by other things, the most common being gender, and depending on where you are, the difference in your gender could also cause a difference in the opportunities that are available to you and the power that you have. So when I was reading this, in terms of my relationship with my four sisters, I really couldn't see much of this in our relationship. I never really have felt as though there's this fight for power when thinking about my sisters. And just going through those six things, the first being how one person is supposed to be more powerful than the other and that decreases the other person's power, I've just never really seen that at play. I feel as though we all are very equal. When we were younger, there definitely was that power imbalance, like the oldest was the person that had the most influence, and as we got older, that just kind of went away, I guess, because now we all just feel very equal. And with power being shared, the second one, there definitely is some of that at play in my relationship with my sisters because we do try to raise each other's self-esteem and we're empathetic towards one another when needed, but it's not for the sake of them receiving more power, it's just because we're trying to be there for our sister. So I wouldn't call it power sharing, but that kind of lined up with my relationship with my siblings. And then everything else just is not in our relationship at all. The third being the power increasing and decreasing and the principle of less interest, power generating privilege, and then the influence by culture, none of those were really at play in our relationship with my sisters, but I thought it was interesting still because I can definitely see how power comes into other relationships, and I've seen it, just not with my sisters. And in the book, Davida goes into how you can get power, both verbally and non-verbally, and he talks about getting power verbally by bargaining and promising, by manipulating or threatening or direct request, and I've definitely seen those at play before, just with other relationships in my life. And he also did the same for non-verbally. He talked about avoiding adapters, so like scratching your head or biting your nails, fidgeting with your fingers, all those things can kind of decrease your power. Or remaining comfortable and relaxed, dressing conservatively, all these things are supposed to increase your power. But like I said before, I've just never really seen those when it comes to my sisters. I've seen all these things before, just not in those particular relationships. And so I started to wonder why, so I did some research as to how seeking power in relationships affects those relationships. And according to Insider, when you make someone feel insignificant or that you are more powerful than them, you can start to destroy that relationship and build distrust, or even imposter syndrome, which imposter syndrome is just when you feel like you don't have any importance at all. And Psychology Today also said that are those where you have equal power. And I think that's the reason why I never really saw these aspects of power at play in those relationships, because there isn't this relationship between us of trying to be the superior or trying to be the influencer. It's just we're all equal, like I said before. And I think that's why our relationships are also strong between myself and my four sisters, because we don't seek to overpower the other person. At the end of this chapter, DeVito goes into pro-social communication. And pro-social communication is communication that benefits either an individual, a group, or society overall. And it's basically a more positive way of communicating with other people opposed to power communication. And this can look like mentoring or sharing, complimenting one another or advising. And that actually reminded me a lot of my sisters, because that's like 90% of our conversations. So in conclusion, what I got from this week's reading is that I don't believe you can have a relationship where you're seeking to outpower the other person and have that relationship still be a strong and healthy one. In my experience with my sisters, the best way to relate to one another is to have equal power. So that's everything that I have for this week. But thank you so much for listening. And if you have any questions, you can leave it in the chat box. And that's all. So thank you. Bye.