Unavailable Men and Available Women Ep 3 P1 (04192023)

The podcast episode discusses the topic of emotional unavailability, specifically focusing on unavailable men and available women. The host explores the reasons why men tend to be emotionally unavailable, such as societal norms and a fear of vulnerability. The host also highlights the importance of emotional bonding and communication in relationships. The transcript concludes with a call for both men and women to share their views on the topic. Hello, this is Karen Ten, your host with Bridging Our Gap, a podcast where I talk about difficult matters in relationships between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and husbands and wives. And I offer encouraging words for each situation. Today I will be talking about being emotionally unavailable. Being emotionally unavailable, and this is part one on unavailable men and available women. Unavailable men and available women. Emotional unavailability tends to be associated more with men than with women. This desire for a woman to bond with males, she's challenged by trying her hardest to understand the feelings and emotions of the male in her life. She desires to bond with the male in her life in order to communicate at the highest, most loving level. And I think men would agree that they would enjoy the benefits of connecting at the most highest and loving level with females in their life. Whether that be a mother, a sister, a mate, there's nothing better, more beneficial than connecting on high levels of love and communication. But today we're talking about unavailable men and available women. Why is it that men tend to be unavailable emotionally? What exactly is the barrier? Is it because of their upbringing? Is it because of societal norms? It's not acceptable to show emotion, which is connected to women who show emotion. Is it because they don't want to feel vulnerable? Showing emotion is going to a place that oftentimes men are unfamiliar with or knowledgeable about. It makes me think about how women have become so emotionally available. And I think about how when a woman becomes a mother, when a woman becomes a mother she has little knowledge or experience about how to be a mother to her new baby. But along the journey of becoming a mother, she learns through feeding the child, changing the child, bathing the child, burping the child, engaging with the child and their personality. And most of all, she learns about how to love and bond with her baby. Now this doesn't happen all at once. It's a slow process, it's a journey. And if she has another child, she has to go through that same experience and go through it until she connects on a different level of intimacy because it's a different child. Nevertheless, she's connecting. My point is that a new mother makes the effort to learn about something she's unfamiliar with and she does this until she gets the job done. When is the job done? The job is done when she has a close bond with her child that lasts a lifetime. Now of course this doesn't happen in everybody's situation. Mothers don't bond with their children for whatever reasons, but the ideal situation is that she bonds and that the bonding lasts for a lifetime because it's at a high level of communication and love. I believe that because women go through this as mothers, they also desire to bond closely with the males in her life as well. I believe also that men desire to have that connectedness. The effort is just not made. It's not considered that important. Also, I believe it pulls on something from men that they're not willing to give or they don't understand how to give it without looking or feeling or sending the message that they're being feminine. Now, if the woman does not get the connection from the males in her life that are important, it can have a devastating effect on her character development, her attitude, and her outlook on life. To her, her reaching out to the males that she needs to bond with in her life feels like she's reaching her hand out, but she's not receiving back a hand to connect with. I like an excerpt that I read in an article from Integrative Psychotherapy. The article was entitled, Ten Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man. The article said this, when a person is emotionally unavailable, it means the person has a difficult time relating to and understanding both their and the other person's emotions. They don't fully comprehend or know how to engage with and reciprocate love in a way that feels fulfilling physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. An emotionally unavailable person often has fear or blockage to emotional intimacy, leaving the other person feeling like they are gasping. They feel left misunderstood. They're emotionally unsatisfied, and they are confused. While relationships are often challenging, they are meant to experience feelings of security, excitement and calmness. End of excerpt. In our world today, this achievement to have feelings of security, excitement, and calmness may seem so impossible, yet the sound of it is so very refreshing. How do we attain this? Both men and women today are so pressed, so hard pressed by everything and everyone in their everyday lives that it seems impossible to be in a place of full security, excitement, and calmness. But we need to work on these things, even though they seem so far-fetched or there's so few and far between. These are the important things. These are the more valid things, the valuable things to focus on in our lives, to live the best lives we can while we have time. So how does a woman relate to a man who neither understands her emotions, nor does he understand his emotions? What does a woman do when a man doesn't know how to fully comprehend what she's saying or how to reciprocate love in a way that feels fulfilling physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually? She's trying her absolute best to communicate that she wants to comprehend him, give him fulfillment physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually, but he only takes the sexual part and leaves the rest by the wayside. What is a woman to do when the men in her life have blockages to emotional intimacy and leave her feeling like she's gasping for air and grasping to be understood and to receive emotional satisfaction? Women have been accused of being crazy, depressed, emotionally unstable, and a lot of other things simply because her very makeup as a female has been so misunderstood. So what does she love to do? Become so liberated that she desires to leave every male in her life behind and march for forward with like-minded females experiencing the same societal norms of rejection. Is that what women are doing today as a result of the rejection that they feel so greatly by the men in their life? Now, that has its place, it's all well and good, achievement, aspirations, desires of being fulfilled, et cetera, but it still doesn't solve the battle between unavailable men and available women. Men, please chime in and share your views. Women, please chime in and share your views. So long for now. This is your host, Karen Penn. Thank you for joining. And I hope you were encouraged. This is part one. There will be a part two on sharing about emotional unavailability. Next time on Bridging Our Gap. Have a great day. Bye.