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The Therapeutic Jenny Podcast discusses the topic of being mixed race. It explores the challenges and experiences of individuals with parents from different racial or ethnic backgrounds. The podcast emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and appreciation for diverse identities. It also highlights the need for supportive environments to promote the mental well-being of mixed race individuals. The host shares personal experiences and struggles with identity and acceptance. The Q&A segment addresses topics such as cultural differences, personal identity struggles, and growing up in areas with racial prejudices. Welcome to the Therapeutic Jenny Podcast. First and foremost I would like to formally apologize for being about three weeks late. There was a few circumstances that arose during the time that made it kind of hard to stick to the timeline. Today we were supposed to introduce our co-host Jacqueline, but again some unforeseen circumstances did come about. So we're going to push introducing her until we do a follow-up episode of this episode. But today, hmm, this episode is particularly personal to me. So we're going to delve into an intricate topic of being mixed race. At the end of this episode I do have a list of questions that Jacqueline did submit to me. So pay attention to the end because there are some hard-hitting questions that you may have probably been too afraid to ask or maybe probably too afraid to even answer. So let's get into it. Being mixed race, also known as biracial or multiracial, refers to individuals who are parents from different racial or ethnic backgrounds. The blending of cultures, traditions, and identities can create a rich tapestry of experiences, but it also comes with its own set of challenges. It is crucial to approach this topic with empathy, compassion, and open-mindedness, as every person's journey is unique. Did you know that the number of mixed race individuals is steadily increasing worldwide? This demographic shift reflects the growing interconnectedness of our global society and highlights the need for understanding and appreciation of diverse identities. Research as they may feel they don't fully belong to either of their parents' cultural communities. The feeling of in-betweenness can both be enriching and challenging. Shaping their personal growth and sense of self. One of the most significant aspects of being mixed race is appreciation and navigation of cultural heritage. Embracing diverse traditions and customs offers unique opportunities to celebrate the richness of multiple cultures. Studies have found that mixed race individuals who actively explore and embrace their cultural heritage experience a greater sense of pride and belonging. This exploration fosters resilience, promoting a deeper understanding of their own identities, and fostering connections with others. On the other hand, some mixed race individuals may encounter challenges when trying to fit into cultural communities and may perceive them as different or outsiders. This struggle to find acceptance can impact their self-esteem and emotional well-being. Empathy and understanding are essential in supporting mixed race individuals on their journey. Acknowledging their experiences, validating their emotions, and fostering inclusivity can create a more compassionate society. Studies have shown that supportive environments where people genuinely listen and empathize have a positive impact on the mental health of mixed race individuals. This nurturing space allows them to express themselves authentically and builds resilience against societal biases and prejudices. Now, let's get into the Q&A segment. Question number one. What is the biggest difference between the cultural aspects of your family? Well, my mother is white and my father is African American. And I grew up with my mother, her close friends, her immediate family like her parents, and her sister, and like one of her brothers. It is a vast difference from one side to the next. However, I really didn't know my father's side of the family that well. And to this day, I know still very little. I know more than I did back then, but they were out of state, so I didn't really get to meet a lot. But I did have, and I'm sorry, excuse the background. I am outside recording, so you're going to hear them in the background. But anyway, I did have the luxury of meeting my father's mother, and I did get some childhood memories with her. She's still alive, and I still see her a few times a year. And I love her very dearly, and I'm glad that I actually got to have a bond with her. I really didn't get to bond with my father that great. He made some life decisions that didn't quite align with being in my life in the way that I assume he actually imagined and wanted to do. I know my father loves me dearly. He just has some things in his life circumstances that just prohibited the proper bond and nurturing of a father-daughter relationship. So I don't really know deeply that side of me. And that's always been a little, almost, well, it's kind of, kind of gives me like an imposter syndrome. Almost because, you know, being biracial and growing up with mainly white people in your family, and they don't really relate to you, and most of them are racist, and they don't even want you in their family. And it kind of feels like, who am I? And I didn't really have that many black family members help me embrace that side of me. I had a lot of my brother's family members that I grew up with. Actually, his father adopted me, so some of his family really just took me under their wing. And a lot of my mother's friends, she really had a lot of black friends, so I grew up with them a lot. So I learned a lot about backgrounds from friends and like everybody else from TV and radio. So I kind of have imposter syndrome because I don't feel so connected with the African-American side of myself. And that's just a little, so in terms of culture, the things that I've learned, the different foods, even though we're all from the South, African-Americans of the South and white Americans of the South are vastly different, yet they have a lot of similarities, a lot of similarities. So some of the things were just, I just flew in like a flow with it. Some of the things were the same, but, you know, it wasn't that hard. Most of the time I didn't even really think about it because I had great friends of many different cultures that didn't really harp on us being different colored or anything like that. We just brought our experiences together and taught each other from what we learned and kind of created communities like that. So I felt safer with friends. Question number two, has your biracial background ever caused you to struggle with your own personal identity? Of course, reaching back into my long-winded answer to question number one, yeah, I actually have imposter syndrome most of the time about that because a lot of people look at me and they think I'm of Asian descent or of Hispanic descent. And every now and then they can accurately guess that I have some black in me, but rarely do I ever get the white. I never get mistaken for white. I probably never will. A lot of the white individuals that I encounter will never consider me white. And even some cousins and stuff that actually share my blood, they will never consider me white. A lot of people stick with that one-drop rule. So I have black in me, I'm black, and vice versa. I just shot that up to ignorance because people don't know the difference between race and ethnicity and stuff like that. So there's a lot of ignorant individuals walking around, and I don't mean ignorant in a bad way. Ignorant is just a lack of knowing something. So we're all ignorant to a point to something. So yeah, just a lot of ignorance has caused me to kind of struggle with my own identity. Hopefully in the future the ignorance will be lowered. Growing up it wasn't that hard with friends because children have their own feelings and beliefs. And regardless of what parents try to teach them, they kind of know what's right and wrong. So a lot of the children who had racist parents didn't all the time feel that way. So they kind of still made me feel safe in the love, regardless of what their family felt. But now as an adult, it is a little bit more difficult for me to reach out and make friends, particularly with white individuals. And it's difficult because I find connections with them, I find similarities with them, and I think they'll be awesome. But the bigger part of me is also afraid of what they're not showing, the skeletons in their closet. What they do when they're not around, and how that could arise if we're in a situation where we may be inebriated, not quite strong or whatnot. So I get kind of weary because I have white individuals in my family, and I know how facades can be, I know the fakeness. I know how it can be, and that kind of puts poison in my mind, and it kind of scares me, and I wish it wasn't like that. I just want to be able to be the friendly person I am to everyone without my heart feeling like it needs to be guarded. So I'm a little timid when it comes to making new friendships with white individuals. But I'm not opposed to it because I really want to connect, and I really just want to be seen as a person and not as a color. And I don't want to see them as a color, or as a past, or as their ancestors. I want to see them as who they are. So it's a mental battle with that, and it's a work in progress. Let's see, are we on question number four? Do you feel more connected with one side of your family background than the other? Actually, no. I don't feel connected with either side of my family the way that you would think I do. I just connect with individuals of each side of the family, and I connect with them on a personal level, on a mental level. That's pretty much how I connect with anybody. It's on an individualistic, personal level. So as a whole, I don't really connect with either side. I have the wonderful blend of both sides, so it's not a more or less thing. It's just that I'm there. Five, what was it like for you growing up in and around areas where there's still a sex of people who struggle to accept others due to the color of their skin? Well, I was born in a very country town. Thankfully now, it's got a lot more culture there. There's a lot more different races and ethnicities, and there's a lot more mixed individuals now. But it wasn't always that way. Growing up, I experienced a lot of racism with the white side of my family. I remember walking with a particular family member that I used to always spend time with. He was holding my hand and walking me into the store, and we were talking. We would get looks and stares, and we would hear comments. He would sometimes say stuff, but most of the time, we would ignore it. But I did experience racism in the presence of white family, not with the presence of black family. I felt safer going out in public with black friends and family, but I didn't feel safe going out in public with white friends and family. Um, let's see. The next question, what was it like in your family growing up, like with extended family? Ah, it was different. Like I said, I always was apprehensive. Very scared whenever I would be with my grandmother and aunts, and we would go to a family reunion. You're the only person of color there, or you and your siblings are the only people of color there. Like I said, most of the family was racist, and some of them hid it well, some of them did not. Most of the family wasn't racist, but I've had family members literally shove me off of them when I tried to hug them. Um, and what I'm about to say, I'm going to repeat verbatim what they say. So if you don't like the words, I'm sorry, but this is what it was said to me by my family in my blood. But he pushed me off of him, and he said that he didn't want niggers touching him, and he doesn't like niggers, and that I need to leave him alone. Um, and eventually, after my great-grandmother passed away, whom I was living with at the time, she sold her house and all of my belongings that was in it, and I had to start over fresh, and I was in fifth grade. So, there's that. A lot of pain, a lot of, uh, I didn't ask to be born, I didn't ask to be black, I didn't ask to be white, I didn't ask to be here, but I'm here, and I shouldn't be punished for being created. But some families feel like that's what it is, so, that's it. Uh, next question. Did your parents ever have to discuss things with you that you may face in life due to being biracial? Did they try to prepare you for the ugly people in the world who refuse to accept others? Yes, I commend my mother 150,000%. Um, no one's perfect in this world. My mother being one of the perfect humans that happened to be on this earth. There's a lot of things that, um, I probably didn't agree with, but I can say this. My mother was a boss when it came to, um, teaching us about our black heritage and our white heritage and embracing both sides. She, um, surrounded us with enough black people to help us understand. She prepared us for racism. She prepared us because she experienced it and she went through it. So, she prepared us really well. Um, she did her due diligence. She, she did awesome. Um, my mother was the, she was a boss at that. She did her job and she did it well and she was an open book and she still is an open book, um, to talk to and discuss anything the way that we need to without judgment of how we invented and how we got it out. Um, she was a great help at that. So, yes, my mother did. My father didn't. I didn't have a relationship with my father and I barely do now. Um, it's love there, but we just weren't close. But my mother did amazing. Um, how do you feel when you find someone who accepts you for who you are and doesn't look at the biracial aspects of who you are as a fault? Um, my husband is the most amazing man I've ever met in my life. Um, the strongest man I've ever met in my life. And, and he's a wonderful father, you know. In many ways, um, a wonderful husband like him also kind of fathers you. So, he kind of helped me in that aspect. He was everything that I've ever needed every time I needed him. And he's kind of helped me more embrace my identity as well. Even though he jokes and calls me white every now and then, um, it's harmless fun. But he really helps me embrace myself, um, and loves me for every aspect of me and all that comes with it. So, that and my friends. My friends also really help me embrace myself. I have white friends that help me with the white side. Black friends that help me with the black side. And vice versa. So, anytime I feel a conflict or a struggle, I have a great support system. Have you ever received negativity that deeply cut you emotionally that was solely based on your skin color? Or the fact that your mom or dad are of different racial backgrounds? Yes. Um, I was in high school. And I really, really had a crush on this awesome, awesome guy. And he was a white guy. And he thought I was hot. He liked my personality. He liked him, too. But his parents told him that he couldn't jump the fence. And I told him, you know, well, I am the fence, you know. I'm black and white. There's no more fence than there is me. And he's like, well, I can't drive up the fence. And that kind of, it sounds like, simple. It sounds stupid. But it actually broke my heart because growing up, I used to dream of, like, being married to a white guy. A biracial baby, more white than black, with blue eyes, you know. That was one of my dreams. I wanted a blue-eyed baby. And I was like, man, white guys will never see me like this. This guy really told me that. And that's how his parents think. And this must be how every white parent thinks. And no white guy is going to want me. And it hurt my heart that I could never date a white guy. That's how I felt. I never did. But I actually did date, like, two white guys after that. And that kind of changed my feelings. But it was still kind of hard because it felt like, even though we held hands in public or showed some PDA in public, it still felt like I had to be hidden. It still felt like it wasn't right. And I didn't want to walk around like I had to hide who I was with. And I didn't want to be hidden. I didn't want secrecy. I love PDA. You're a list I want to show you all. Who are you to show me all? So that hurt me to the core to see that people will never see me the same. You know? That hurts really, really bad. The last question that Jacqueline has for me is, have you ever overcome the struggles and obstacles you have faced as being a beautiful biracial woman? Uh. Oof. I'm working on it. The fact that you call me beautiful and biracial is really bringing me to tears right now. Because it's one of the things that I have struggled with my whole entire life, was being able to call myself beautiful. And I told myself growing up that I would never call myself beautiful because I don't want to be the sister of people that, they've already fetishized me for being a light skinned or short or whatever. I don't want to be fetishized. But, um, I also don't want people to think that I'm fooling myself if I say I'm beautiful or I'm pretty. So I never really sat in the mirror and said, Amber, you're beautiful or you're pretty. I really felt it was a bad thing. And I felt like, um, that I just couldn't do it. I couldn't allow it. But now I affirm over myself every day. And I don't care what anybody says. I think, you know, I have to say to myself, regardless of all my flaws, Amber, you are beautiful. You are beautifully created. You have a beautiful soul. You're working through it and you are beautiful. So, um, yes and no. Really, I have it. I'm working on it. But I've gotten better. And thank you. Thank you for that. I'm going to conclude this episode and say I do have a follow-up episode when we actually formally get to introduce Jacqueline. So today, we embarked on a journey of understanding the complexities of being mixed race. I hope this episode has brought facts, empathy, compassion, and education to our listeners, fostering a more inclusive and understanding community. Remember, embracing diversity and nurturing empathy enriches us all. Thank you for joining us on the Therapeutic Journey podcast. And until next time, let's continue to learn and grow together. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
