Conflict Motivator

The main idea of this information is that understanding someone's goals and desired state can motivate them to have successful conflict conversations. The speaker shares a story about a woman who wanted to get an office job but didn't initially qualify. She became angry and spread rumors instead of diplomatically discussing the situation. The speaker helps her realize that her personal reputation is at stake and encourages her to rectify the situation by talking to the person who interviewed her. The lesson is that understanding motivation can lead to self-awareness and willingness to change. The motivator, again, is that emotional attachment. If you know where somebody wants to go, what their desired state is, what their goal is, where they ultimately want to end up in their career, what they're trying to achieve, maybe inside the job and outside the job, you tie it together with the ability to have conversations of conflict successfully. Let me share with you a story, and I've shared it in some other perspectives within our audio lessons. I have a young lady who we've coached who wants to get an office job. She works on a manufacturing shop floor. Tough. Three kids, single mom, tough. I mean, she's tough. I mean, she's worked through a lot of stuff. I love her to death, and I remember her motivator was, I want to get an office job. After about two or three years in this company's internal leadership academy, we started to realize something, that she really wanted to grow. She was growing, so she would never have considered that. She kind of felt like, nah, this is it for me. She started to really grow and expand her goals and her horizons, and she should be proud of herself. Her motivator was getting an office job in customer service. So she went for the job, and she didn't get it. Quite frankly, she was not qualified. Now, on the surface, she would not have admitted that, and she got very angry. I remember walking behind her, and she was telling three or four other people, the guy who didn't hire her, it was really unfair. She was really creating a lot of conflict. So I stood behind her, and she turned around, and she saw me. She goes, oh, I didn't know you were there. And I smiled, and I said, hey, let's go sit down and chat. She goes, uh-oh, I'm in trouble, aren't I? And I stayed very calm, and I said, what's your motivation? I know it. You know it. You just pursued it. And she said, well, to get a job in customer service and get off my feet and expand my career. And I said, okay. I said, so I want to ask you something. Were you diplomatically sharing to your three coworkers what happened? Or were you emotionally interpreting what happened and spreading the rumor that, oh, by the way, might get back to the guy that just interviewed you? And she went red. Now, I know this young lady. I knew I had some latitude to be aggressive. And I said, so what is that going to do to your motivator? She said, what do you mean? You have a personal brand. You have a personal reputation in this company. And for the most part, it's pretty good, right? She said, yeah. I said, so if you go for a customer service job at another company, would that reputation follow you into that other company? She said, no, probably not. I said, so what's the opportunity here to rectify the situation? She said, I need to go talk to that guy. I said, yep, because by the time this rumor gets to him, it'll be taken out of context. It'll undermine your motivation. And you may have cut yourself off from the very thing you're seeking. See, when you have conversations around what people want as it relates to the present thing you're coaching to, in this case, conflict, you create the emotional attachment and willingness to change and to develop self-awareness and truly look in the mirror.