4 Things to Tell Your Spouse

The EstateCast episode discusses four important things that spouses should know before one of them dies. These include discussing dying wishes, keeping each other informed about important documents and financial accounts, sharing important contact information, and discussing preferences for burial or cremation. The episode also touches on the topic of remarriage after death and the importance of estate planning to ensure that the surviving spouse's wishes are honored. The overall message is that estate planning is an expression of love and care for one's family and should not be neglected. Welcome to EstateCast, I'm Robert Newman. Our goal at EstateCast is to educate and inform you about estate planning and how it can give you and your loved ones peace of mind. Today's topic, Four Things Your Spouse Should Know Before You Die. It's normal for married couples to share almost every aspect of their lives with each other. But when it comes to death, even the closest couples might become tight-lipped about certain topics. According to one study, half of all couples fail to discuss their dying wishes. Obviously death is final for the departed. But for the surviving spouse, death can leave many unanswered questions. As uncomfortable as it might be to discuss subjects like burial arrangements and remarriage, they should be broached as part of creating a comprehensive estate plan. Seemingly mundane details such as the location of important documents and contact information should also be addressed. So let your spouses know the location of your important documents. Older couples tend to commingle their finances. Among baby boomers, having only joint accounts is the norm. But millennials and Gen Z couples are more likely to keep their money separate. When couples do have a joint account and joint property, it's not uncommon for one spouse to handle all the financial affairs. Fewer than one in four couples report that both spouses have an equal role in managing household finances. So when one spouse is the money person in the relationship, it can create issues in both life and death. To avoid unnecessary stress, couples need to ensure that they are on the same page. For day-to-day finances, this can mean regular check-ins about charges, expenditures, as well as budgeting. With regard to estate planning, couples should also keep each other informed about the location of important documents such as estate planning documents, the life insurance paperwork, loan documents, financial account information for savings accounts, retirements, and investment accounts, for digital assets, for digital information, usernames, passwords, and other information for accessing those digital accounts and assets. Now this might be more difficult in community property states where spouses are considered joint owners of most accounts, property, and debts that are acquired during marriage, barring a marriage or a property agreement stating to the contrary. In states that follow common law, spouses are allowed to own property individually and are not considered jointly responsible for accounts and property except for those listed under the spouse's name. But even in community property states, accounts and property that predate the marriage and those that are inherited are usually considered separate property. Keeping finances secret and separate, although it may be legal under state law, can still raise estate planning issues between couples that deserve some discussion. A spouse with separate accounts and property might have separate accompanying estate planning documents as well. If so, the other spouse should at least know about them so that they can facilitate their state administration. Also, let your spouse know about important contact information. Again, obviously a spouse is typically the first person to find out about their partner's passing. But after that, there can be an established priority of whom to contact next on a need-to-know basis. For example, the surviving spouse is likely to have a good idea of who should be contacted and generally in what order. It may not be particularly important, however, as to whether or not an older sibling is informed before or after a younger sibling or vice versa. Yet, it should not be assumed that a husband and a wife have access to these individual phone numbers. Nowadays, most contact information is stored in a personal device, not a Rolodex. To ensure that this information is accessible, it can be listed in a separate document, but alternatively each spouse can give their other spouse the phone login credentials. By the way, if you know what a Rolodex is, you just gave away your age. I'll keep it a secret though. Outside of immediate family and friends, a spouse can be unsure about whom to get in contact with. Extended family, religious leaders, club members, professional contacts, and if the deceased is still working, their employer may need to be contacted as well. Some people might be named at a will and require inheritance notifications. Keeping a spouse apprised of relationship statuses, to whom to get in touch with, and how to get in touch with them about end-of-life wishes are a small but very important estate planning point. Now, it's important that you talk about the disposition of your body. Arguably, the most morbid thought about death is what to do with someone's remains. At the same time, following a person's disposition preferences is a way to ensure that they receive an appropriate send-off. More Americans are choosing to be cremated instead of traditional burial. Whatever they choose, the options for personal touches abound. If cremated, a person may wish to have their ashes scattered in a favorite place. In the case of a burial, they may opt to have an open casket. There are other options, such as a natural burial, which means being buried without a casket or having a funeral service without a body present. And interestingly, about 20,000 people per year donate their body to science. In some states, the surviving spouse has the primary authority to make these decisions, absent, of course, any specific instructions by the deceased. As unpleasant as it can be to discuss burial, cremation, or donation, doing so can offer the departed and the surviving spouse peace of mind that this most important decision has been honored. And last, let's talk about remarriage. Wedding vows famously contain the phrase, till death do us part. But what about after death? Are couples still obligated to obey their promise of fidelity? Whether approaching this question from a religious or secular perspective, it is generally accepted that a wedded spouse is not doing anything wrong by remarrying. Nevertheless, depending on their age, history, and beliefs, some people may have strong feelings about remarriage. Nowadays, when more than half of marriages end in divorce, the idea that a bereaved spouse should not remarry is somewhat antiquated. That said, remarriage rates have declined in recent decades. The remarriage rates decline with age for both men and women, and are significantly lower after bereavement than after divorce. A spouse who predeceases their partner may be okay with remarriage, but not want the new spouse to have access to their money. State planning can help prevent this outcome. The use of a qualified Terminable Interest Property Trust, also known as a Q-Tip Trust, for example, can provide for a surviving spouse and protect the children's inheritance from the surviving spouse's new spouse. This is a very important consideration for blended families where one or both spouses had children before the marriage. If there are no children involved, or if one spouse simply trusts that the other spouse will do what they want, even if it benefits a new spouse, special state planning provisions like the Q-Tip Trust may not be necessary. Regardless, remarriage is a topic worth discussing. Couples may not be on the same page about remarrying, nor do they have to be. One spouse could be okay with remarriage and do nothing, while the other spouse is against remarriage but sets up their trust to protect their accounts and their property. Couples that have separate finances are free to do with their share what they want. The optimist would argue that there are no worries after death. This is probably true. Once we depart this plane of existence, our worldly cares die with us, but what about your peace of mind before you die? Putting aside the metaphysics of death from a practical perspective, our passing can create complications for those we leave behind. For example, you remove control of your accounts and property from your family's hands and give it to the government if you die without an estate plan. An incomplete plan can also leave problems behind. Even the smallest estate planning gaps can raise big questions that leave your legacy in doubt. It's never too late to revisit and update an estate plan while you're alive and competent. I urge you to do so because unresolved estate issues taken to the grave could haunt your loved ones for a very long time. You know, estate planning for me is arguably the most significant expression of love, consideration and compassion toward your loved ones, and it's one of the best ways to take care of them when you are no longer around. So get your estate plan done and show them some love. Hope you learned something new today. If so, please like, share and subscribe. As always, if you want additional information or to discuss your own estate plan, call us at 301-892-2713. That's 301-892-2713. Or you can reach us at our website, www.estatecast.com, that's www.estatecast.com. We know that life is precarious. Our goal is to give you peace of mind and help you live with your bags packed. You never know what tomorrow may bring, so let's get prepared.