Episode 3: The Part About Postpartum

The hosts of Loud Moms Lair discuss their goals and how they are holding themselves accountable. One host successfully completed her goal of reading a page of a book, while the other struggled with hers. They also talk about their children and the challenges of finding a new daycare. One host's child is chatty and the other is going through a phase of waking up early. They mention that they bought a new house and are excited about the next chapter of their lives. They also joke about planning trips together and reflect on how they are now the "grown-ass y'all and gross old" adults that they used to think were old when they were younger. Hey everyone! Hey everyone! Welcome back to Loud Moms Lair. I'm Tara. And I'm Kristen. And yesterday was National Women's Day. So, cheers! Let's cheers to, I mean, all the boss-ass women out there. Yeah, you get it ladies. Cheers. Now, before we get started, let's check in on our goals that we set last week. Do you remember your goal? I do! It was reading at least a page of a book. And, I am here to say that I did it. The book I am starting to read, and I've been wanting to get it. So, I said this is the perfect time. It is called, All Good People Here, by Ashley Flowers. It's kind of like a crime, you know, suspense. I've only gotten like two, three chapters. I'm shocked that you got a crime book. So, I am so excited. And, the first chapter, or I wouldn't really say they're chapters, but the girl's name is Christy in it. And it's spelled the exact same. So, why not? It's like a Cinderella glass slipper, right? Yes. So, check for me, point for me, I did it, and I'm on a roll. I'm so proud of you. Do I dare ask if you did well? To everyone listening in or watching, I am the worst with holding myself accountable. And, I'm the worst with goals. In the moment, I just, I'm so excited to set these goals, and I'm like, yes, I got this. And then, 12 minutes pass, and I'm like, what was my goal? I will say, I have to write this down. I will say, I went to the gym once. So, my goal was three times, for anyone who didn't hear last week's podcast. But, I went to the gym once, but I did work out at home once. So, I count that as two times, technically, right? We have a treadmill at home. I agree. Booty bands and dumbbells. Yes. I will confess that the third time did not happen. But, you know, two out of three, I still think that's a win. That is better than zero. So, I'll take it. Absolutely. Well, that's great. So, with that being said, we're going to continue to do goals. But, I think making a weekly one, not just for you, for me also. I'm horrible with goals. I don't always do them. It might be easier to do, like, every other week. Gives us a little bit more time. A little more grace. Life gets in the way. So, that is where we stand with goals. Hey, you did it. I did it. And now we're going to check in every other week with goals. We'll make a new one today. But we have a little bit to get it done. We have two weeks to get it done. I have no idea what my new goal is going to be. But I'll think of it during this podcast. Yes, exactly. Write it down so you remember. Gosh. Well, okay. Kristen, how was your week this week? Like, please tell me it was better than mine. You know, I'm going to step it up. Last week I said it was a shit week. Other than this week going by terribly slow, which is kind of okay. I know that's really weird to say. But next week is the last week that Braxton goes to his daycare he's at. Unfortunately, I know she's closing. So, I'm so upset by it. Yeah, it's devastating. Changes a lot, too, especially on our levels. I know. I know. So, I'm kind of okay. It's been a steady pace. But, you know, it's been going good. Nothing super exciting is happening. Did you settle on a new daycare? I'll take it. I know you were interviewing some daycares. We have two that we are looking at. And they're both great. So, I mean, it's kind of a win-win. And, you know, we'll find out. And B will benefit in either, I'm assuming. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's very chatty. I'm sure he'll do great. He's pretty chatty. I love it. He just has so much to say. Two-year-olds who don't shut up. Yeah. So much. I feel like he's not shy. He's not. No. And that's a good and bad thing, you know. Like, you don't want him, you know, to obviously go up to every single person and be like, sure, you know, I'll have a piece of candy. Take me with you. No, like, we're not doing that. You know, but obviously, me being who I am and a freak with true crime, no, that could never get out of my sight. So. Oh, my gosh. I'm already planting in his brain, you do not go upstairs. I've been teaching Liv, no means no. And no is a full sentence. Yeah, exactly. Just say no and walk away. And I don't care what they tell you. You tell Mom and Dad whatever they say to you. You tell us everything. Us and the teachers. Yes, exactly. About you. I'm excited to hear. You guys, we haven't, I don't think, I feel like we haven't spoke at all this week. No, we haven't. And, like, for everyone listening, Chrissy and I, Kristen, Chrissy, you guys are going to hear me call her, like, five different names because we had so many different nicknames growing up. So if you hear it, just, like, accept it. And if you hear different names for me, just go with it, okay, because we will. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Kristen, her and I, we try not to tell each other, like, all of the details of our weeks because we want our reactions to be authentic during this podcast so we'll only give each other, like, a quick, like, a quick outline of what occurred or what we want to discuss and topics. But we try to avoid going into super big detail, which is I feel, like, quite different than what we're used to in this parent journey. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Normally it's, like, texting, like, back and forth, like, every minute. Did we do this? Because Liv did this. Yeah. Yeah. And normally, like, it's really funny because it's been like this their entire life. So normally Braxton is, like, four months ahead of Liv in, like, different, I'll call them life adventures, right? I'm not saying they're, like, behind in any sense. They just, I mean, everything is different. So it's been a trend lately, though, like, certain attitude changes or gestures that they do or whatever it may be. But, like, I've been noticing, like, B goes through it a few months ahead of Liv and they'll be like, oh, this is what you guys were talking about. Yeah. Get ready for it because here it comes. Right. But, yeah, all that to say, I haven't told Chrissy, like, all of the details of this week and vice versa. But this, I'll start with today. Today has been a rough day. Like, and that does not explain or describe the rest of my week because the week itself was great. But today, Liv woke up at a whopping 2.50 a.m. and she was ready to start her day, which has become a trend and it only happens on podcast days. Because last podcast, so we record on Thursdays and we release the podcast on Mondays. And I don't know what is up with Thursdays, but she is up and ready to go. And, like, what Matt and I do, we alternate, like, who gets up with her. So, like, we share who gets to sleep in an extra half hour and who gets up the early time. I swear this girl knows what days are my days because she's like, yep, it's party time, 3 a.m., wake up. Isn't that always how it goes, too? I feel that. It always is. Whenever it's the mom's day, it's bright and early, we're ready to go. They know. And she looked at me and I'm, like, you know, half dead asleep still. And I'm like, still no bra, I'm in my pajamas. I just want to lay on the couch and fall asleep while she watches a movie, right? And she pulls away this semi-toy that she has, which has four tiny other semi-trucks inside of the big semi. And she pulls it out onto the couch where I'm, like, trying to, like, sleep, but not tell her that I'm sleeping. And I swear she starts, like, hitting me with it. I'm like, okay, obviously I'm not going back to bed. But anyway, long story short, this week was actually a really good week to publicly announce Matt and I bought a house and our offer was accepted yesterday. Yes. Yes. So we just started searching not that long ago. And we put an offer in and it was accepted. And things are happening a lot faster than we initially expected. So now we're trying to get this house on the market ASAP so we don't have to be, you know, with two mortgages the rest of our lives. Yeah. So it's a battle against the clock right now. And we are busy to say the least. But it's all good things. And we're, I guess, progressing to the next chapter of our lives. So we're very excited. That's so exciting. Yeah. Well, you did, I mean, it did happen fast. Because I didn't even know where you were looking. And then, you know, you sent me the pictures and stuff. And beautiful. Thank you. I want to live there. Do you want to adopt me? Come on in. Thank you, though. Yeah, no, we're really excited. And, you know, we're in our starter home right now. And, like, we just kind of outgrew it. And we needed more space. We have the two huge dogs. We have a growing girl. Like, I work from home. We needed more space. And it was time. So we weren't expecting to do it until, like, later in the year, honestly. But we found something that we loved. And we're like, I guess we're doing this. Yeah. I'm excited for you guys. I can't wait to see when you are all in there. And now this really gives us a chance. We've got to get our butts out there to visit you. I know. We're horrible with planning trips together. We're so bad. I know. I know. Oh, gosh. I guess we should probably. Let's be young again when our parents used to plan Florida trips for us. Speaking of being young again, quick little tangent. I realize how old we actually are. Because, you know, like, when you're a younger kid and you see, you know, your relative who's in their 30s or whatnot, and you're like, oh, God, they're so old, right? Because you're nine years old. And you're like, they are grown-ass y'all and gross old. So I was at the park with Liv the other day. And we'll get more into later. And Liv and I were walking next to each other. And there was this, like, teenage group of boys and girls that were, like, trying to take a picture with the cityscape behind them. And we were in the background of the photo. So I thought it would be funny to, like, go like this in the background. And for anyone listening, like, I just threw up a few signs. And I was just trying to photobomb them. But, like, jokingly, I didn't actually stay in the background. I quickly got out of the way because I know how it feels to try to take pictures and want a beautiful background. And I thought they would, like, find it funny. And they did not. They did not find it funny. And they didn't even say anything. And I was just, like, joking back. I was like, just kidding, you know. And I kind of, like, run to the side to get Liv. And all I hear in the background is, that lady just tried to photobomb me. That lady. My heart just fell out of my butt. And I thought I was, like, 60 years old. No offense to anyone who's 60 or older. But, like, when you're in your early 30s, like, I was just like, oh, we are finally at that stage that we always thought was so old as a kid. I know. Yeah. I know. I'm ready to pick up on that 100%. I agree. And, honestly, half the time I don't even know how old I am. I have to ask Austin. I still feel like I'm 29. And he looks at me and he's like, you're not 29. That's called denial. Do you know how old you are? Denial of life. I know. It just won't calculate in my brain that, lady, you're really, lady, there you go, you're really, like, old now. You're not 29. It is. It's frightening, too. I don't like it. But life must go on, right? I'm just kidding. Yes, life must go on. 30s are supposed to be the best years of your life, apparently, too. But, y'all, it's not coming to me yet. Oh, see, I actually think differently. I genuinely have been loving the 30s so far, minus being called lady and being kind of stiffed by the teenagers. You don't want my pee pee right in your photo. Millennials. You don't know what a good photo is anymore. Don't people joke around anymore these days? Goodness gracious. But, yeah, the selfies are on point. I got to use filters. Got to buff off those wrinkles. Yeah, if there's not a good filter, no, you better not be tagging me in that photo. Oh, yeah, 30s are thriving, I think, at least. You know, you're more stable in life. You kind of have an understanding of what you want out of life and where you're heading in life, and you probably have more money than you did in your 20s, and you can do things that you actually enjoy, to some extent at least. At least that's my thought. All right, I'll give it to you. Maybe next year I'll give it to you. Getting woken up at 2 a.m. is a whole other story. Man, I wish I was 18 again so I could sleep in and no kid to bother me. Hangovers at, I'm going to say 21, were way better than 30s. You could get up with a hangover and just do your day. Yes. I literally have to stay in bed for like four days now. Yes. It's terrible. Do you have a plan on when to have a hangover, if you even choose to have a hangover, especially with a toddler at home? Yes. Because on the dad's day, they get up, and you can have a hangover. Yes, on the day you get to sleep in that extra 45 minutes. Yeah, right, right. Tomorrow. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No. No, no, no, no. I guess I'll be one and done tonight. Well, I guess we should probably kick off this episode. We wanted to kind of dive in to, kind of changing gears, by the way. We wanted to dive into something that a lot of women don't really like to talk about, and I'm assuming men don't know much about, honestly. That's not insulting to men, but it's just they don't live physically and emotionally and hormonally and mentally live this moment of their lives. We wanted to talk about the topic of postpartum and what that entails and our personal experiences and what we were expecting versus what we experienced. And it can be a variety of pressures and anxieties and even the chance of depressions to various extents. Postpartum is honestly a real thing. Honestly, I've read it and I've heard it be called the fourth trimester of pregnancy because it is a phase of pregnancy, but people don't really think of it like that because the baby's already here, right? So, yeah, postpartum is a real thing, and it can honestly drain the birth-giving parent, if you will, and we just wanted to let everyone who's listening or watching know, like, you aren't alone. We both have experienced this. Every other birth parent has experienced this to some extent, and everyone's different. Everyone's experiences are different, but we wanted to touch on that subject today. Yeah, no, you hit the nail on the head with that one. I think one big pressure that not even new moms have, all moms have, is the pressure of breastfeeding. You know, you hear from the start, you need to breastfeed because it will, you know— Breast is best. Yes, and, I mean, I can share my story here, and I know it's different than yours, and I'm excited—I am excited for this episode. It's a tough one to go through because, yes, postpartum, it drains you, but this is where our story differs too, and I'm excited to dive into this with you. My experience with—I'll kick it off. Yeah, before you dive into experience, what was your expectation? Let's start with expectations. So what was your thought process going into the potential chance of breastfeeding, in the event that was your choice? Yeah, so I always wanted to. That was, you know, a plan, and it wasn't really—you know, I guess I'm going to be honest and say, as a new mom, I was listening to all of this stuff. You really need to breastfeed because, you know, it's lower the chances of this, this, and this, you know? So I was on the bandwagon with that. I was like, okay, I'm going to do that because I want to obviously make sure my kid is healthy. And I went in thinking, you know, this is going to be easy. All you do is plop them right here. Like, how hard is this, you know? I mean, yeah, how hard is it going to be? And you don't realize that it's very difficult. Not only do you have to—that's the way the kid is feeding, you know? You have to make sure you're up, what, every two hours or whatever they want to do, and in the middle of the night. I was going to say, that's without them cluster feeding, right? Like, cluster feeding is a whole other animal. And then even on top of that, when they're not feeding, you should be pumping. I mean, you really do—and I'm not trying to be funny here, but you really do feel like a cow. Like, you're a milk— You are a production facility. Yeah. And, you know, again, I went into it thinking, piece of cake, easy. How hard is it going to be to produce milk, you know? In my—it was hard. I was only able to, I would say, really strongly breastfeed for two months. And then the two-and-a-half, three months was really only like a snack, you know, to hold him over until, let's say, we got a bottle or something. And that killed me, you know? It hurt me so badly to know that my kid is starving and I can't do anything about it, you know? Again, you go back and you hear all of these stories of whatever you hear and reading, you need to do this, you know? The societal pressure exists. I mean, yeah. And I'm so grateful. I have an extremely supportive group, you know? I had my parents. I was lucky enough to have my parents stay with us for, I think, a month. Yeah, they were there for a minute. And then, yeah, and then I have Austin's parents here, you know? So I have a great support system, and obviously I had Austin with me. You know, but again, like you said in the beginning, really the men, they don't know, you know? So they can only do so much. It's not that they don't want to know. Like they want to be there for you. They want to be able to relate. They just physically cannot relate. And it just is what it is at that point. Yeah, yeah. That was my thinking of it, you know? I was going to go in strong. It was going to be great, piece of cake. It's not. No. It's really not. And it is. It's extremely draining, you know? You're so tired just from, one, it's literally like somebody sucking the life out of you sometimes. But literally, you feel it draining from you. Yes, yes. Gosh. And so you were working after. Let's back it up. How much maternity leave did you have, if you had any? Did you have like six? Don't quote me on it, but I want to say six weeks maybe. Which is wild to me. Like six weeks of maternity leave? Yeah. I mean, blessed to have more than zero weeks, right? So don't want to sound ungrateful, but just in society, right? Six weeks is insane to me. That's when you heal. You heal. That's when, like, it takes your body, yeah. You know? Yeah, your body-wise. Right. Like, you know, stitches and whatnot. But, yeah. So I was lucky enough to have also amazing people that I worked with. And my boss let me, this was before I worked from home. She let me do half and half, you know? So I could work from home and then also go in the office. At that point, I really wasn't producing a lot, so I was still pumping. But, you know, it really wasn't anything. Again, it was like a shot. Here you go. Take a shot glass. Aww. Did you try any, you know, lactation cookies or, you know, vitamins? Did you try any of those? I did. And me, I feel like it made a win. Which is really weird. I did cookies, and it, like, plummeted my supply. Yeah. Yeah. I think I did the tea and maybe I did cookies, too. And, yeah, just from there, I was, okay, this isn't working. Like, I'm just going to, you know, figure it out. And, I mean, eventually, obviously, he had to be switched to formula within, you know, that two months just because it was a snack for him. It wasn't feeding him the way it needed to. When you switched to formula, was it such a huge relief, like, seeing that he was full and, like, content? It was, yeah, because I'm going to go back to the night that he's screaming. And, you know, he's two months old. You know, he's screaming. Hungry. Yeah, you're a new mom. I don't know what is going on. You know, you're trying to feed him, and it's not working. And, finally, my parents, they said to me, maybe we should try formula. And I'm in the mindset, no, no, that's not what it is. You know, like, everything is fine. I should be able to do this. Well, yes, yes. And, luckily, we have formula at home, you know, just in case this happens. I wasn't ready for it yet. But, finally, I think I went to our bedroom, and I'm just bawling. One, because, you know, your hormones are already everywhere. They're insane. And, yeah, and I'm crying. And my poor dad. Shout-out to him. My God, he was, like, the sweetest man. Because Uncle Dave is the most amazing person. Like, our entire Laresida family is wonderful. But, like, he's MVP. Like, he's legit. Yeah, he's going to be embarrassed, but it's okay. We love your dad. We know you're going to listen to this. Shout-out to both of you listening now. He came into our bedroom, and he's like, what is wrong? You know, like, what's going on? Again, you know, he wants to know. He wants to understand. He wants to be there. He wants to help. And I'm just, like, crying. Like, I should be able to do this. You know, stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep like a little kid would. Probably, like, upside down or something because I was so tired. And finally the next morning I woke up, and they, you know, Austin made the decision to, hey, we're going to do formula while Chrissy's sleeping because we've got to figure something out, you know. That's amazing. Can we give Austin some credit? Yeah. Because for, like, yeah, for the other parent to just know when it is needed, and, like, this will solve some of the things, right? And, like, mom will be able to get a little more rest. Baby will be fed and content. Like, this is a solution, and maybe mom's not in the best place to be able to make this decision because there's so many different factors. So, like, let's just give them some props. Like, that is an amazing thing. And it might sound so minute in the moment, right? But that is huge to be able to recognize that this is what is needed for my spouse who is trying to recover from giving birth to our baby son, right? Yeah. So, I mean, it worked out. That was it. I mean, he was hungry. I just couldn't give him that anymore. So we had to move on. And it's not a bad thing. It really isn't. You know, whether or not you go straight to formula, you know, right when they're born, it's not a bad thing. And I learned it does not make you a bad mom or parent for not having them. It does not malnourish them. Yes, there are benefits for breast milk, right? And you can research and read online and do all of the things that you want to do. But in the event that you choose not to go that route or you can't go that route for whatever reason, if you wanted to try it, like, that is best. Like, it's not – that is it, you know? As long as your baby is, you know, getting the nutrients it can with what you can supply, right? And that doesn't mean by your body. It means however you can supply that. Right, yeah. What were your thoughts? What was it like you going into it? What did you think? So I knew I wanted to try it. I kind of had my guard up on, like, I didn't know really what to expect. I definitely was overestimating how successful I would be at it. But, you know, milk came in, which that was a shock in itself. And for anyone listening who's ever, like, had that experience, I mean, it is, like, a complete shock once the milk comes in. You're leaking everywhere. It is painful. Like, things are rock solid. Like, and I don't mean in a good way. Like, it is very painful. And so you're just, like, looking for any sort of relief. And that relief is like, baby, I need you to latch, you know? But, and, like, those mom instincts do kick in at that point if you do choose to go that route at least. But, yeah, my expectations were like, oh, this is going to be easy. And I didn't, I don't mean that in a mean way to anyone, like, who had a really difficult time. Like, at first I did have a difficult time. But, yeah, so I tried. And last week's podcast I kind of mentioned how the whole, like, I was asking permission to feed, you know, live to the nurse. And I was like, what am I doing? You know, I slapped myself out of that. But, yeah, so I tried the nursing. And it went okay in the first couple weeks. But, like, I mean, sorry for TMI, but, like, I, like, things were scabbing. Things were, like, not okay. Things were not comfortable. Like, there was a lot of pain. Like, the latch was not good, if you will. So I had to reach out to a lactation consultant, doing, like, online consultations and figuring out, like, what am I doing wrong? And in that moment, because hormones are crazy, like, I felt like a failure, which sounds so minute and so small and so dumb when I think of it hindsight. But it's not dumb, right, because we're fed this, you are mine. You are supposed to provide. You are supposed to know what to do. And I don't know if anyone's told y'all, there is zero handbook to, like, motherhood or parenthood at that. Like, no, no one knows what they're doing. We're just figuring it out as we go. Exactly. Yeah. So, yeah, I talked to the lactation consultant, and she taught me some tips and tricks. And it was a journey, to say the least. Fortunately, like, I was able to provide for Liv. I did exclusively nursing for the first two weeks just to make sure we had a latch. And then we started implementing, like, a bottle so Matt could feed at night just so they could have a bonding moment as well. But I nursed all of the other times. Right. I had 12 weeks maternity leave, which I was grateful for. So three months at home with her and just being able to solidify that bond and not rush back to work, which I know not everyone has that benefit, which is just a shame, unfortunately. It is. But I was grateful for that. So, yeah, the nursing journey continued. But then around, kind of funny, around four months, she got her first tooth. And Liv got her set of teeth, like, very quickly. Very fast. Yes, yes. I remember you telling me that. Yeah, and anyone who has had a child or experience around children, like, when they are teething, they chew on everything. And when you're exclusively nursing, like, that is not a good concoction. First tooth comes in, she's off. We're back. Yeah, bye. You're done, girl. You're done. So, yeah, I transitioned into pumping. And I was honestly trying to we were trying to implement bottles because we knew I would have to go back to work. And I wish I could have, like, worked from home more, but, like, I knew I would have to go back in full time at that moment, right? And so we did bottles every, like, every so often. I nursed, like, maybe once a day at that point, just like if I needed immediate relief, like, I would nurse. But, yeah, I would pump at that point. And I will say I underestimated pumping. And I didn't realize how much of a full-time job that would be. And I, yeah, I was drained. I was so drained. And I think pumping honestly led me to a very dark place. And it kind of kicked off a lot of anxiety or depression, if you will. You know, I was never diagnosed with, like, PPD. But I guarantee if I was honest in my checkup, I probably would have been. And, yeah, it was just so stressful. And I was constantly trying to, you know, overanalyze the ounces that I pumped. And, like, oh, my gosh, you can have enough for the day. Am I producing enough? And it's just a constant calculation in your head. And, like, oh, my God, I forgot I have to be a mom as well outside of just the pumping job. Right. I have to care for this thing that is now alive that you have to nurture. Yeah, yeah. And I also have to provide this milk on the side, you know. And, yeah, it was just exhausting. And I was constantly battling, do I have enough supply? I definitely ran into a lot of times where, like I said, my supply plummeted, right? And so I was digging into my stash that I had in the freezer, which I know a lot of moms don't even have a stash. So, like, I am very grateful that I had some backup milk. Yeah. But it, honestly, it was more stressful than I think was beneficial, unfortunately. And when I went back to work, that kick-started a whole other animal. And when I say that, like, I was in such a dark space just trying to pump enough. And just anytime I didn't get, like, over three ounces of each breath, like, I thought I was a failure. Yes. And I was so defeated in that moment. Then add work on top of it. And, like, the work that I was in, and I think I mentioned it in the other episodes, but I was in the military. So, like, the job that I worked was very time-consuming. And so I had to figure out what was the best time to pump. Do I have 45 minutes to allocate to pumping? Yeah. Right? And I ended up not having that time to set aside three to four times a day. I ended up, I had wireless pumps that I would have to wear at my desk under a coat just to multitask. And now it's, like, I feel uncomfortable because I have these bionic boobs that, like, these poor airmen that I'm talking to. Like, fortunately, I had a jacket to, like, disguise a lot. But, like, it was just, it was uncomfortable for probably both parties, if I had to assume. But here I am trying to do two full-time jobs, right, that breastfeeding and then also working my job. And I ended up not being able to provide enough. So, long story short, it led me to, I called it quits at around seven months. And I was just so fatigued on the process and mentally drained. And I was not able to be there for Liv enough. And we had to start supplementing formula, too, because she wasn't gaining a ton of weight. And she's just a petite thing anyway. Yeah. But there was, there wasn't. She is so tiny. So tiny. But she wasn't gaining enough fat. And there was, like, the doctors called my milk skim milk. And normally I would take that as a compliment. But, like, not in this moment. Right, right. So, yeah, we had to supplement with formula. And so I was like, you know, let's just transition more to the formula. I think that will ease a lot of the stress off my life. And it did. And it was such a weight off the shoulders. So that was my journey. What was, I guess, aside from, you know, breastfeeding, what was kind of your, like, physical changes in your body and kind of how you dealt with that? Yeah. And it can even be, you know, with, like, pregnancy journey and, you know, after. Yeah. So something last week I did not include in the story that kind of leads into the postpartum, I suffered with gallbladder stones or gallstones throughout the pregnancy. And I was in and out of the ER probably every other week throughout my second and third trimesters. I got evaluated for if they could do surgery to see if they could remove the stones. Because I would go for anywhere from six to ten hours of just stabbing pain. It would start, like, in my chest and it would feel like a heart attack. I've never had a heart attack. But, like, everything I've read, it basically were those symptoms. And so it would start with my chest. It would push through, like, my sternum to my back, and it would wrap around my rib cage. And nothing would help it at all. And so I would be in, like, screaming pain. And long story short, they couldn't do the surgery because I was too far along in the pregnancy. So their answer was, you just have to deal with it. So I had probably four to six more attacks throughout the rest of the pregnancy, and they are agonizing. I would not wish that upon my biggest enemy. And so postpartum, I ended up having my gallbladder out in my fourth month. So right after she went back to daycare, I had the surgery. And that was trying to nurse and take care of a newborn while you're recovering for surgery. And, of course, like, Matt was there, too. But still, like, you are a 70% parent because you are providing for them, right? That was absolutely a challenge. But, like, immediately after, I was not educated enough on the postpartum experience. And I, if you listen to last week, I was obsessive with YouTube videos. And I watched all of the videos, and I thought I knew everything going into it. But I was not prepared for that at all. Like, did you think you were prepared? No, no. I mean, you know, you can watch, you know, all the videos. You can talk to all, you know, the people. I was lucky enough to have, you know, my sister-in-law. She, you know, had a baby before me. So she went through, you know, a lot of the stuff. So I was able to, you know, kind of confide in her with it. But, no, I don't think, you know, anything prepares you for what, you know, could happen. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So if people don't have the experience and or have never, like, listened or read to anything on, like, what the postpartum experience is like, women get a six-week checkup to make sure that everything is healing appropriately. And that's for a vaginal birth. So I don't know how it is for C-sections. I can't speak on that. I don't have that experience. So I'm not going to even try. Right. But at least for a normal, like, vaginal birth, it's a six-week checkup to make sure that any tears that occurred are healing correctly, bleeding is normal, everything is happening, quote, unquote, normally. And I remember going to my six-week checkup, and I remember reading and or hearing from the medical staff that the postpartum bleeding should stop after, like, I think it was, like, three weeks, four weeks. And I was heavily bleeding until, like, post-eight weeks. And I remember being concerned about it. Yeah. And I reached out to my friend who's a nurse practitioner and, like, explaining to her what was going on. And she recommended going into the ER. So I did. And they're like, yeah, this is a lot, you know. And I was feeling faint and lightheaded because I was, like, losing a lot of blood over a long period of time. Losing a lot of blood, right. But they were like, yeah, this is you're good to go. Go back home. I'm like, but am I? Because this is against everything I read, you know. Yeah. You're thinking something completely different. Yeah. I mean, I'll jump in kind of on, I guess, my changes. Well, one, when I found out I was pregnant, I was losing a lot of weight, which is kind of the opposite of what you think, you know, would happen. I gained a lot of weight. And I was like, oh, my God, if I didn't know I was going to lose this much weight, shit, I would have gotten pregnant a long time ago, you know. So I guess, I mean, I was happy in that sense. But then also it made me think, okay, what's wrong? I shouldn't be losing weight. Shouldn't you be, you know, gaining weight because you're growing this person? You know, and then I, again, I was happy after, you know, I had him. I got comments where, you know, not to, you know, be all cocky and stuff, but I got comments saying, you know, it looks like you have a kid, you know, or had one. Great, cool, you know, that's good. Kind of to back up on, you know, the six-week checkup is before that, you know, you have these stitches and it was extremely, extremely difficult for me to even go to the bathroom. I would have to, no joke, every time I had to pee, I had to jump in the shower. Yes, because it stung so bad. Yeah, because the hot water. And I know they give you, you know, the squirt bottles and stuff, but it just, it didn't do the trick. And, you know, that obviously is something you don't expect either. You don't, oh my gosh, I, every single time I have to pee, which me. Every five minutes? Not being pregnant or. Yeah. It is. I've had a peeing problem my entire life. I have to go every five minutes. There's nothing for that. I just call it karma because I used to make fun of my mom. We all do. We love you, mom. So, I mean, that was a really big change. You know, it hurts so bad to even go pee that I have to jump in the shower. But, you know, on the good note is, hey, you know, I lost a bunch of weight. That's great. I mean, the weight loss journey postpartum is honestly bizarre. And everyone has a different experience. Once again, I can only speak on mine. I rapidly lost weight. So, let me back it up. During pregnancy, I am going to hashtag COVID because COVID was a thing during our pregnancies. So, we were isolated in our houses if we ever had to quarantine. And just, you weren't allowed in gyms. You, like, everything was just so secluded, right? I gained weight quite quickly. And once again, while I was zombie mode on YouTube and not exercising, I was just indulging in whatever snacks were nearby. And, yeah, I gained a lot of weight. And I think total pregnancy, I gained probably about 70 pounds. And I remember my fifth month checkup, something around there, I went to the doc and I stopped looking at the scale, right? Like, I'm a tall female. Like, I'm just a tall build. Like, my numbers are never going to be low on the scale. But when you're pregnant, you just avoid looking. Or at least I do. Because, you know, growing up with body image issues is just never a healthy thing, right? So, I would always tell the nurse, like, I don't want to know the number. Just tell me if I'm unhealthy or not. Just write it down and go. Do not tell me those numbers because I will think about it for the next six months. Yes. Don't even make a face about it. You better make the face that I'm a boss-ass biatch. Yeah. So, yeah, I think it was like my fifth month checkup. And I got in there. And the doc was like, you know, you're doing okay. I was like, okay? She's like, so I was looking at your weight and you gained a little bit of weight. I was like, am I unhealthy? She's like, you're not unhealthy, but you're borderlining the healthy-unhealthy stage. I was like, that's fair. I left that appointment and went home and I bought a treadmill. Like, I shit you not. I went home and bought a treadmill that night. And I started walking on it every day. And I was like, I cannot be this unhealthy person just because that's not who I am. And I got so stuck in that sedentary stage. Sedentary? Sedentary. Whatever. Just stagnant stage. And I was quite miserable. And I was so just disgusted with myself, which sucks, right? Yeah. Right. Right. I did lose a lot of weight very quickly, but I think I got too excited with that because then it plateaued, right? And then it started creeping up a little bit. And then, like, I reached a new plateau. And it was just like it was a new normal, right? And I needed to figure out what my new normal was and what I was okay with and what I was comfortable with. And then this was a new lifestyle and a new body. And I was not prepared for that new body. And I don't think I still am, right? I know people listening are like, you're two and a half years out. You should have a routine. Guys, did you listen to my goal? I was supposed to go three times last week, and I did not. So life happens. And I am not where I want to be. And I don't know when I will get to where I want to be. I don't know when I will get to a point where I'm happy with my own skin. But, like, I did change during pregnancy, and I'm still not okay with that. And I'm learning how to heal from that still, you know? And I think it's a day-by-day journey. And, I mean, you would think being, I guess, the age we are, you would, you know, know where you want to be, or you would be where you want to be, you know, with your body. And, honestly, I think we could do a whole topic on that. Yeah, and I think we could. I definitely want to get in, you know, to body imaging. Because, I mean, we've all struggled with at least something, you know? Whether you think you're too skinny, you think you're too fat, I mean, it's there. And it sucks that we have to go through that, you know? How did you deal with, like, the hormonal shift? Like, did you notice a hormonal shift or an emotion shift postpartum? Yeah, so this is going to kind of sound a little crazy to some people. If you know who I am and you know my relationship with my dog, I so, okay, so kind of to, you know, back up a little bit, I'll give you a little short story on Penny. She, when we first got her, I wasn't really in a place where I wanted to be, you know, whether the mindset. We got her before we had Braxton, okay? And she really became my best friend. She became a dog that was really there for me supportively, you know? I mean, she's an English Bulldog, so, yeah, she sleeps all the time. But, you know, she was there for me. She, you know, cuddling, whatever it was. So, you know, we get Braxton. We get Braxton. I birthed the boy. I had a child. I didn't buy him. Don't be calling me. I didn't buy my child. I had him. She did, everyone. She did. I saw pictures. So, you know, fast forward to we bring him home and I, you know, you get that feeling again of, one, your hormones are insane. Right. And, you know, I just kept looking at Penny like, oh, my God, I ruined her life because I brought a baby into this world and she's not the baby. And now she's going to think I don't love her anymore because I have to take care of, you know, this baby more. And I know it sounds insane. No, no. I don't laugh at you. I'm just laughing with you. And, you know, long story short, it didn't ruin her life. She loves Braxton. She does. Yes. She, you know, gets so annoyed with him because, again, this kid is insane. He is. You know, I'll post a cute little pic with Braxton's firstborn and Penny's, you know, right there. They're adorable. But, so, I mean, mine and I'm not going to sit here and say I had a terrible, you know, postpartum because I didn't. I had little things here and there, you know, with the breastfeeding. You know, your hormones are going crazy and, you know, I thought I was ruining my dog's life. And so I didn't. But, I mean, everything counts, you know. You could have one little thing and it could turn into this big, gigantic problem. Right, right, right. Yeah. I remember a story. So, my mom came to visit at, I think, Liv was two weeks old. And this is when I recognized how crazy I was with my hormones. And I'm going to blame it all on hormones because I feel like that's the right thing to do. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. My mom's going to be listening to this and be like, I remember this moment. She was visiting. And it was, we were trying to give Liv a bath. And I was so excited to give her a bath. And I went in to give her one and, like, she was hysterical and, like, screaming bloody murder the entire bath. And as I'm trying to bathe her and, like, already stressed because of the screaming, right, and I can't calm her down. And I'm her mom, so I'm supposed to be able to calm her down. And my mom's in the background kind of, like, giggling. And there was no, like, foul play on that. Like, it was a genuine, like, probably, I was there before, you know, like, I probably did the same thing with you, yada, yada. In that moment, I felt so defeated. And I was just, like, my own mother is laughing at me because I can't save my child. And for everyone listening, my mom is the sweetest angel. And she is one of my best friends. And she would never have any malice behind anything that she did or said. And so that's how I knew my hormones were haywire because I took it as she's attacking me. And so I had to take it. She's being so mean to me. I remember getting Liv out of the bathtub and, like, you know, getting her dried off and handing her off to Matt. And I went into the room and just sobbed. I felt like a horrible mom. I felt like my mom was attacking me, like, even though she wasn't. And she was just like, yep, I was there before, you know, I know exactly what's happening. And, yeah, I realized, shit, hormones are a thing. Yeah, postpartum is a journey for sure. It is. And, again, I mean, it can be something so little, you know. I mean, I remember we're bringing the moms in here, and I'm excited about this. My parents were out, like I said, you know, before the birth, and then they stayed after. And I, you know, the first time you're going to use a breast pump, I was so freaking scared. And it's so funny. I think it was after I already had Braxton. So, you know, the hard part of pushing a child out, you know, is over with. So a breast pump, seriously? Like, I was so scared. My mom was in the bathroom with me, and we were dying laughing because I was like, I want to try it. But I'm so scared. I don't even want to put these up. Like, oh, my God, is it going to hurt again? It can hurt. I don't like pain. It can hurt. And, like, for anyone who's never had this journey before, like whether female or female, but, like, you have to perfectly place, like, the nip to the breast pump for it to appropriately pump. And it's like math and geometry. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, we were dying laughing because it was just so funny. But, again, your mindset is just, oh, my God, I can't do this. I'm so freaking scared. Like. Yes. I completely understand where you're coming from. I can only imagine you two laughing. And your dad probably sitting out like, yep, that's them. Yeah, or, oh, my God, what are they doing? Or not faced at all. No. And props to my dad. People are going to think this is so weird, you know, that he was around when I was breastfeeding and stuff. No. Absolutely not. And whatever. I don't care what you all think. You got to do what you have to do. And it's not like I was like, here, Dad, look at my boobs. No. It's not like that at all. Yeah. So don't be judging me and my family. No. No. Family aside, like, I'm sorry, anyone who's trying to figure out nursing or pumping or whatever your journey may be like, yeah, your boobs are out 24 7 because you are trying to figure out once again, the geometry of figuring out the angle of where to place everything. Yeah. And then the math. Like, my God, I have to move this way. And sorry. Are you holding them appropriately? Nobody was looking or anything. But, you know, my poor dad was probably like, oh, my God, could you go in the other room? Because I don't want to be in here. You're a pretty open person, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, God. Well, I mean, with all that being said, I feel like we should probably lighten things up a little bit and maybe kind of transition into our parent fails and maybe some tantrums that we experienced over the past week. Yeah. Do you want to go first? Okay. I'm going to say mine really isn't like a big tantrum or a parent fail. Did it faze you or break you? Again, mine was just kind of light, but Braxton will think it's a parent fail. Oh, I love it. So the other night, I don't even know what we were doing. We were probably getting ready to settle down. But again, it's extremely difficult to get him to settle down. He does everything in the book or tries to do everything to not settle down, right? So this one was he wanted a donut. And I said, okay, we can look, but I knew we had donuts, but they were in there for a little bit. I'm not going to lie. So I said, listen, we can look, but I'm pretty sure they're going to be, like, hard and they're not going to be okay to eat. So I looked and I opened it up and I picked it up and I was like, oh, yeah, Braxton, you're not eating this. This is hard as a rock. You're not eating this. Well, obviously, you know, he's a two-year-old who wanted a donut. That's not going to go over very well. Yeah. So he, you know, decided, no, no, it's not hard. It's fine. It's fine. All right, whatever. Eat it then. I don't care. I give him a paper towel and I put it on there. Wait, was it like a powdered donut or a glaze or what type? Oh, yeah. No, he loves powdered donuts. Powdered donuts all the way with him. Dust everywhere. Yes, and it's hard as a rock. Good, good, good. So he actually ate some of it. And then I kind of look over at him and I see him, like, wrapping it up in the paper towel. And I say, do you not want that anymore? He looks at me and he goes, no, it's hard as a rock. And I said, okay, but, you know, shame on me, parent fail, for not running right out to the grocery store to get a new batch of powdered donut for him. Yep, you should have known better. Like, why wouldn't you go to the nearest gas station and get some? Get a powdered donut for the kid. The tantrum could have been a little bit more than it was. So I'm going easy. Never wish for more of a tantrum. I did. Half tantrum, half parent fail. Oh, no, I think that's just a life lesson for him, honestly. And it's funny because Braxton is a very big sleep person, and I don't know where he got it because me and Austin, neither of us are. Although when I was pregnant, I craved donuts all the time. You don't like sweets at all. Maybe that's a little thing. He's in there, but no. It's not just like I could sit down and have a bowl of whatever. I have to actually crave it. My Botox aren't showing you, but I'm very surprised. Oh, God. Botox for the win. I know. God, yeah, I am like. Oh, that's another good episode we can do. Yes. Okay. Anyway, you tell your off subject. I had probably the worst tantrum to date the other day, and I don't even know if I handled it correctly. Who knows what quote-unquote correctly means, right? Right, you don't. You don't, but it was in public. So it was just you have an audience when it's happening, and it was my first public display of tantrum that was to this extent. So we were at the park down in the city, and we were having a good day. It was the day that she fought the nap and ended up not taking a nap. So I already was gambling with the situation, right? And I wanted to get her out of the house because weather has been quite crappy the previous days, and it was really nice out. So I was like, yes, we're going to the park. We're getting energy out. She obviously has energy because she didn't want to sleep. We're playing, and there's like a two-tier slide at this park, and the first one she's totally fine with and comfortable with. The second one, you have to climb like three levels of rock climbing walls to get to the big kid slide, and we don't let her go up that yet. We will eventually, but not right now because sometimes she misses steps and she falls sometimes, and we're not there yet. So she was trying to climb up to the second story, and I'm on ground level, right, and she's already a platform up, and I'm eyeballing her, and I'm like, no, go down this slide. And she gives me that side eye, and she was like, watch me, and she goes up to the rock climbing wall. I'm like, this little thing, and I run up, and I'm like scaling walls at this point. I'm trying to get to the second story, right, and she's halfway up this rock climbing wall, and the other kids, there's a line of kids behind her, by the way, and I'm like, Olivia, get down. And all the kids, and I'm running around. I'm like, you know, pushing kids out of the way. Excuse me, excuse me. And she's like halfway up this wall, and she's like, no. She's like trying to climb up. So I grab her off the wall. She loses her shit, and she throws the biggest tantrum, and when I say the biggest, I mean it's not really the biggest because the biggest is yet to come, and she runs away from me. We're in a public park, so, like, I'm always on guard in public, right, and, like, I don't know who's at the park. I don't know what creeps are out there. I don't know who's trying to steal children out there, right, and so I'm by myself and just with her. So, like, I want to make sure I have eyes on her all the time, and she's sprinting away from me, and I don't know how brash she is right now, but, like, they're fast, and they're agile, and they do, like, hardcore parkour, and, like, they're flipping around. I'm trying to keep up. You know, my old lady body is trying to, like, hinge this together. It's a struggle. So I'm following her, and I see one of my best friends, Dee, come in, and she's, like, approaching the park and lives running away towards her, and I was like, I don't know what you want me to do, you know. Can you get her, please? She's like, hey, you know, and Liz sees her and, like, runs the opposite direction because she's just avoiding everyone at this point, and then she, like, goes to some jungle gym thing. Fast forward a little bit. She's in the sand pit with some of her, quote, unquote, friends that she just met and that she's not even talking to because she's shy, but she, like, shoes off everything, and we've been in the sand pit for probably 20-plus minutes at this point. It's time to go. Like, we've been at the park for over an hour. Like, it's time to go home. We didn't have a nap. It's time to eat dinner, yada, yada. How do we get a two-and-a-half-year-old out of a sand pit who's playing with her, quote, unquote, friends, right, without causing a scene? You don't. You don't get them out of the sand pit without causing a scene. So I had to cause a scene, and we got her out of the sand pit. We finally negotiated to get her shoes back on, and she's like, no, no, no, I want to climb on these, you know, stair-stacking things. I was like, okay, fine. And so she did, and then she was just trying to avoid leaving the park. And I was like, everything and anything, she could convince us to stay, right? I was like, no, we got to go. And we're on the opposite side of the park. And when I say park, this is like an inner city park with a bunch of hills and everything where it's not just like a little rink-a-dink park. We have to walk quite a distance to get back to our vehicle, like around ponds, across bridges. I would like to get back there eventually in time for supper. And because it's dark, I mean, come on. It's dark at 5 o'clock now. And so she's climbing on these little tier-level blocks, and I was like, all right, it's time to go. So I made the executive decision as the parent. I was like, I am going to carry you off of this. And if you are a parent and have ever exited your child involuntarily off of a playset, you know what's to come. And what is to come is a full-blown tantrum. And when I say tantrum, I mean the evil spawn of Satan arrives, and they are hysterical and causing a scene. So we got her socks on, we got her shoes on, and we're like, all right, we're going to go potty, we're going to do all of these things. She refuses to leave, so I choose to carry her. And, you know, she's on, like, my hip, and if you hold her, like, her leg, like, she's kind of, like, pinned in that position, you know. And, like, you're not holding tightly, but, like, you're holding – you have control of her hips, so it, like, controls her body. And she didn't like that. And that just added to the already exhaustion, the already upset attitude, whatever it may be. She decides to hit me. And there are several parents around and kids around and everything, and I was just so taken aback because she first hit me on the chest and just out of anger, like, what? Yeah. And I was just like – like, what doesn't really hit, you know? That's not really how she thinks out of anger. Right, right. And she just throws herself to the ground. She hit me, and I was just like, who the fuck? But then I went in there. Yeah. Who do you think you are? But, you know, we're on public display, so it's like, how do I react to this? Right? So I just hold her hand, like, firmly, not hard, but firmly enough to, like, have control of it. And I was like, we do not hit, you know. And I continue walking, and my friend Dee is walking next to me. And so I wanted to go to the family bathroom to, like, try to get her to potty, also to calm her down, right, and have a conversation with her. Like, hey, let's take a couple breaths. Breath work did not work this day. Who was I kidding? And so I tell my friend Dee to, like, hey, like, just give me a second, you know. And I walk in, and Liv got so angry. She slapped me across the face. I thought, but I didn't. And I, like, you know, grabbed her hand. I was like, we do not hit. Like, that hurts. And she was so angry and trying to express her feelings in such a manner that she slapped me across my face again. So now I have been hit three times in the matter of five minutes. Oh, no. And I was so appalled. And I was just like, we're going home. Like, we're not potty. I don't care what it takes. We are getting to this car. Like, I don't care. And so here she is on my hip again. I have control of her hip. And by the way, that last slap, I did the same thing. I controlled her hand, you know, and I was just like, we don't hit. And I sternly said it. So she knew that, like, it was not okay, but I wasn't yelling. I wasn't raising my voice. I was quite proud of myself, honestly, because I kept an even deal. And so we had to walk around the freaking pond and cross the bridges. And she's losing her shit the entire time. And I was so stressed. But once again, I was, like, very proud of myself because I kept it cool. And I was holding her. I was containing her. She was doing her shit. And I looked at my friend Dee, and I was like, so anyway, like, what's going on? You know, how are you? And I feel like I can understand from her perspective. And I don't know if this is her perspective, but I'm perceiving it this way. Like, from a non-parent, it's like, wait, how are we talking about anything else? Like, are you okay? Like, is it okay? You know, but I'm like, no, we're going to ignore this going on, and we're going to just have a normal conversation. But anyway, we passed another set of parents while she was losing her shit, and I was holding her. And they looked at me, and they were like, we know what you're going through. Like, we've been there. And I just felt so validated in that moment. I was like, you know, this is okay. This is normal. This is part of life and part of progression for a child. And we're going to get through this. And she passed out in the car on the ride home. Long story short, you get hit three times in five minutes, and you might lose your shit. But don't. Keep your cool. Yeah. And, I mean, that tops it off kind of of, like, this whole episode is, it brings it back to those parents that, you know, said, we've been there. You're not alone. You're not alone. Yeah, you're not alone. Exactly. We are your tribe. I love this episode. And because I think it's things that we don't really talk about. And I'm just happy that you guys joined in, and happy you're here to listen and share your thoughts, share your feelings, share whatever you want about this. And if you have any things you want us to talk about in the near future, please let us know. And, Chrissy, do you want to tell them how they can reach us? Yes. You can find us on Instagram at Loud Moms Lair Podcast, almost messed that up, or YouTube or Spotify, however you're listening. All you do is you search Loud Moms Lair. And there we will be. So we can't wait to talk to you guys in a week. And we will let you guys know next week what the topic is. So we don't want to give it out too soon. Thank you all so much. Thank you. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. ♪♪♪