You Are Absolutely Approved... Ish..

The speaker discusses two different topics in this transcription. First, he talks about the multiple First Baptist Churches he encountered while traveling, expressing confusion about their numbering system. Then, he shares his frustration with his bank's lack of effective communication, particularly regarding credit card offers and loan approvals. The speaker ends by promoting his blog and podcast, encouraging listeners to subscribe and contact him. Hi, and welcome to Mr. O's Sideway View, a blog and podcast dedicated to all those folks who aren't me. And I've noticed a surprisingly large number of people who aren't. Hmm. Anyway, I'm Mr. O, and it's time to take another Sideway View in our crazy world. I do a bit of traveling for work, and while driving through Montana a while back, I noticed something odd. In a small town, I passed the First Baptist Church. My immediate thought was, this is highly unlikely. I don't know a lot about the Baptists, but I'm reasonably sure they didn't put their first church in Sioux Creek, Montana. As driving is boring, I puzzled over this for several minutes. I only really stopped puzzling when I passed another First Baptist Church. How could this be? Surely, this had to be the Second Baptist Church, or maybe even the third. I'm not normally very lucky. Do you realize how unlikely it is that I should see the First and Second Churches in one day? Heck, in less than ten minutes. Virtually impossible. Looking for my destination, I turned a corner and was blown away. Another building clearly denoted itself as the First Baptist Church. Was I driving in circles? Did I just keep running by a single church? No, I considered. The buildings looked different. I shook my head and drove on, trying to make sense of all this. Sadly, this was not the end of my dilemma. When I came home, I noticed there are five First Baptist Churches in my hometown. Now I was really confused. I guess that whole being on top thing is really important to the Baptists. Everyone wants to be first. I bet it makes for some odd conversations. You say you're going to the first church, and then your friend has to ask you which one. You know, the first one. Huh? Look, even Mr. O, who isn't very scientific, knows there can only be one first. After that, it moves to second, third, and so on. I mean, what would you all think if I clearly stated at the top of every one of my posts that it was the first? You'd say I was crazy. And you'd be right. But at least I know how to count. Attention Baptists everywhere. I understand science and religion don't always agree, and I further don't know all your beliefs. But maybe you should take a class in counting and naming things. I'm just saying, I really don't want to offend people. But what you read and say is important. Recall this communication. The people you're talking to have to understand what's being said. If they don't, you may as well be speaking Chinese. Well, unless you're in China, where they all speak Chinese. If that's the case, I'd say, you may as well be speaking Yiddish. Although, there could be a Yiddish speaker visiting China. In that case, this wouldn't be a problem. Hmm. Maybe I'm wrong about the Baptists and their numbering system. Nah. The absolute worst communicators are bankers. By the way, I don't have a problem offending them. Frankly, they deserve it. Here's the thing. Every other day I get calls, snail mail, email, texts, and smoke signals from my bank telling me I'm approved for a credit card. Every time, without fail, I tell them I don't want their card. I don't even say no thank you. I just rudely hang up or hit the delete. Wouldn't you think that after 257 times of my impolite behavior, they'd get the hint? But no! I just keep getting the stuff and keep deleting. Hey folks, take a communications class! The worst one is the equity loan. Every time, without fail, when I talk to my bank, they tell me I'm approved for an equity loan. I keep telling them I don't want or need a loan. But they keep telling me that I'm approved for one. Then, tragedy struck. Last month, my furnace, air conditioner, heat pump, weird machine that keeps the house comfortable thingy broke down. It was going to cost me 10 grand to fix. I was going to need their loan. But that's okay. I was already approved. I went to the bank and talked to the banker lady to ask for money. She was very nice and told me the terms. I was informed that what I wanted was bad. To get a decent interest rate, I had to borrow 100 grand. But I don't want that much, I said. She told me not to worry. I didn't have to borrow that much. It was just available credit in case something happens. Now I'm not big on available credit. In fact, I'm not big on credit at all. However, I agreed to the big amount to get a good rate. Her next question was even worse. She asked what the initial draw would be. I said 10 grand. As a matter of fact, I'd said that several times already. She said, no, the initial payout had to be 50 grand or more. I didn't need 50 grand. I didn't want to borrow the freaking 10. She smiled and informed me that these were the terms. I could just use the 10 and put the 40 back into the loan. If I'm going to do that, why in the heck am I taking it out in the first place? I'll tell you why. Because the bank says I have to. Move along, folks. No sensible reason can be seen here. The thing is, these posts are all about how silly everything is. I understand mindless things, which is really kind of scary. So I agreed to her stupidity and made the application. I did this for two reasons. First, I needed the cash. And second, I wanted to get the hell out of there. Either way, what was the problem? I knew I was approved. Maybe. The next day, I received an email. They needed a few documents. Some made sense, like the ones that verify my income. Most didn't. I needed to prove I had house insurance. Now, you can't buy a house without insurance, so of course I have it. I sent her the proof. But then they realized I live in a complex, so they needed the complex's insurance, too. Do they honestly believe the complex is going to pay back my loans? I wish. Next, they needed to know how many homes were bought and sold in the past two years. What the Sam Hill does that have to do with my ability to pay them back? It got worse. They needed to know if my complex had a pool. I understand that one. They're afraid that when the guy comes out to appraise my property, I might drown him in it, because I'm angry at the bank. I called the bank lady. I asked what all this was. I was approved already. She said, oops, not really. I was only pre-approved, which is to say, maybe I'll be approved. They could say that to anyone. My nephew's daughter is four months old. They would tell her that she's pre-approved. Maybe she'll be approved, but probably not. This is more of a con game than the Baptist Church. Maybe that one in Montana is the first one, but frankly, it's really unlikely. Thanks for listening, and I hope you laughed a lot. Stop by anytime. Open 24-7 for your smiling convenience. If you liked it, push like, or share it with a friend. If you missed an episode, you can hear Mr. O on Apple Podcasts, Google Play Music, and Spotify. Remember to subscribe so you won't miss it again. If you'd like, you can send me an email at osidewaysviewatgmail.com. That's O-H-H-S sidewaysviewatgmail.com. And remember what I always say, laugh now. You can be crabby anytime.