Unavailable Men and Available Women Ep3 P2 (04262023 )

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of bridging our gap. This is your host, Karen Ken. And I want to welcome you to the episode, part two of unavailable men and available women. We're talking about emotionally unavailable people. And I want to bring on a guest for today for part two, as we look at this issue that oftentimes women go through between men, men being unavailable, and women always being available and ready to bond and develop close, loving, high levels of communication relationships with the opposite sex. So I have a special guest on today. And her name is Olivia. She's very special to me because she's my daughter. And we're going to talk today, I'm going to ask her some questions. She is in her 20s, I won't say her age, but she's in her 20s, I'll say late 20s. And I'd like to just, you know, probe her mind for on this matter, as a young female adult. And so first, I want to say welcome to Olivia. Hello, hello, everyone. We're so glad to have you today on this topic that I think is really important to talk about. It's one of those things in our world that we kind of sweep under the rug until something happens. We know it's there. It's sort of like the elephant in the room, if you will, oftentimes between males and females. Sometimes it's also amongst mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. But I think it's important to talk about these things that we might know how to deal with them and have better relationships with one another. So we're going to start the questions out. And I'm going to start with the question, which relationship is the most difficult, do you think? This question is towards Olivia. And there are three options. One, an emotionally unavailable mother with a daughter. Two, an emotionally unavailable father with a son. Or three, an emotionally unavailable husband with a wife. And I'm going to pose that question to Olivia. All right. I think that the last one is the most critical because it's a husband and a wife. Parents and their children, I feel like that's something that you can work out and it be over with. When you're in a relationship with someone, it's a constant battle. It's a constant thing you have to fix. So I would say C. Okay. C or 3. All right. Now, why do you think that this relationship that has emotional unavailability is the most difficult between husband and wife? I would say because one person is open and one person is closed. When you're unavailable, you're not open. You're not willing to hear. You're not willing to listen. And on the opposite side, when you are open, you want to talk it out. You want to face the issue. You want to roll up your sleeves and see how you can figure it out. And that can be frustrating. It's almost like whether it's the male or the female, you seem thirsty, if you will, because you're hungering for connection. And when one person is hungry for it and the other one isn't, that's very stressful. You have to find a way if you don't want to dissolve the relationship. And a lot of times today, people, if something doesn't work, they just cut it off rather than working through things. People don't have patience for working through things. Okay, I'm going to go to the second question. And that is, what was the most difficult thing you discovered about dealing with an emotionally unavailable person? You don't feel heard. You don't feel like the person wants to hear you out. They don't want to see your point of view. They're kind of one way. And if you're the type of person that likes to express yourself, it kind of puts you in a place where you have to shut down because it's not going to be received what you're trying to put out. So then you just stay in a mode of silence with how you feel in a relationship with someone as close as a marriage, where you're afraid to express yourself because it's not going to be heard. That can become depressing. That can become a wedge in the rest of the things that you do where it keeps you at distance, where it keeps you from really having the benefit of being connected to someone when you have to refrain all the time. Like, okay, everything's going okay in a marriage, for example. Everything's going okay. We're planning a budget, things that you do during the week. If you have children, there's a schedule, et cetera, et cetera. But when the word feeling comes into the conversation, I feel like this or I feel like that, now you find a brick wall because there's no response. Or the person says, I don't know what you're talking about because they really don't. They don't want to try to understand. It has to do with feelings and emotions. And a lot of people, as soon as that word comes up or that feeling that we're engaging in something emotional, they freeze. They say nothing. And they leave the other person who's trying to get feedback about their emotions in a straitjacket. There's no connection. You feel like you're in a straitjacket because there's no response to what you say or there's minimal response. Like a handshake, I like to use that example. You reach your hand out to shake the hand of someone and they just look at you. Also, a hug. Now, sometimes people go, oh, don't hug me because I got a cold. But when you want a hug, you reach, hey, how are you? And you go to hug them and they go, oh, wow, that makes you feel some kind of way as a human to human connection. And so what do you do in those instances? You're left. Oftentimes when someone's emotionally unavailable and you address it, they go, I don't know what you're talking about. Now you feel thirsty looking for a sip of water. You're left like in the desert suddenly without water. And so you've got to figure out how to move on. Okay, third question. Do you think that emotionally unavailable people use their unavailability as an excuse so they don't have to cope with emotions of themselves or other people? Do you feel that they do that? No, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don t. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don t. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don t. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don