Fatherless Sons & Daddy Issues Episode 8 (05312023)

The podcast episode discusses the importance of fathers in a child's development and the impact of fatherlessness on sons. It highlights six signs of a man with daddy issues and five ways fathers impact children's development. It also addresses the concept of daddy issues and the effects of a strained father-son relationship. The article mentioned in the podcast lists six warning signs of men with daddy issues and suggests ways to overcome them, such as forgiveness and self-improvement. The episode concludes with a quote about personal change. Hello and welcome to another episode of Bridging Our Gaps, the podcast where we talk about the relationship dynamics between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, and husbands and wives. I am your host Karen Penn and I want to thank you for listening in on today. Today's podcast topic is about fatherless sons and daddy issues. Fatherless sons and daddy issues. I will be sharing six signs of a man with daddy issues and five important ways that a father impacts a child's development. But before we take a look or take a listen to those two lists I want to ask a ridiculous question. That is, why is it important for a boy to have a father? You might be thinking, duh, well I like the reason that the Pediatric Association of Franklin Tennessee says the importance of a boy having a father is. Fathers like mothers are pillars in the development of a child's emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. Children want to make their fathers proud and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive it greatly affects a child's cognitive or reasoning skills and their social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self-confidence. The issue I have however is when a father's father never passed down these important qualities or only some were passed down, the ball drops. The ball drops for men, the ball drops for the family unit, and as a result we have gangs developed because kids need and desire structure. And there's an increase in gun violence amongst our youth that you know brings us out of, you know, that particular structure of the gang brings us out of balance because the qualities that are needed are absent. So let's take a look at what does daddy issues mean. What does daddy issues mean? Daddy issues the term is usually used unfavorably referring to women who have complex confusing or dysfunctional relationships with men. However, daddy issues are described as people who project subconscious or hidden impulses, instincts, desires, urges, or compulsions towards the males in their life. How many people do that? There are men as well as women who just can't get it together when they're around father images. They are confused. They are, they have hidden impulses, something going on in the inside. Men have this much power, strength, impression on others, especially on others who have not had the impact and the power of their father in their life. So before we actually look at how to know if a guy has daddy issues, I want to look at five ways that fathers impact the development of children. And this is from the Child Crisis Arizona in Mesa, Arizona. Number one, they increase intellect. An active father can help increase a child's emotional and problem-solving capabilities. Studies show that children with fathers who are actively involved throughout the first year of the child's life perform better on cognitive development assessments and demonstrate an increased capacity for curiosity and exploration. Children raised with active dads tend to score higher on verbal and math tests and are less likely to drop out of school or commit juvenile crimes. Wow! An increase on intellect is number one. That would eliminate a lot of, I believe, some of the mental issues that are found in our world today. There hasn't been a foundation of a father figure that's active through the first year of a child's life. The very first year is so imperative to the intellect. Number two, fathers boost confidence. The emotional support provided by a father to his child is a priceless gift. By helping kids to understand how much they are valued and loved, children with supportive fathers are more likely to have high self-esteem. They're generally happier and more confident. They also demonstrate a greater tolerance for stress or frustration, less hesitation or fear in new situations, and an increased ability to resist peer pressure and stand up for themselves. Amazing! A boost of confidence from your dad is nothing like that. That's emotional support. To help you to feel important, to feel the love, to strengthen your inner person, to be confident, even how to cope with things that may disappoint you or frustrate you. Reducing fear from peer, the pressure of peers, that is truly an amazing effect that father has, fathers have on their children. Number three, someone to look up to. Fathers provide a positive male role model for their children and help to promote or reinforce good behavior. As a result, children with more involved fathers tend to have fewer behavioral and impulsive control problems or impulse control problems. Longer attention spans and a higher level of social ability. These children also tend to be more compassionate and generous with an increased awareness of the needs of and rights of others. Whoa! Looking up to someone is just not admiring them only. Looking up to gives you guidance, positive guidance. They reinforce good behavior without being angry. You can still reinforce good behavior. You will be less impulsive. You will get the jitters out. I know teaching children, even I had a Sunday school class, the first thing we would do was get the jitters out. Kids are loaded with jitteriness, just impulsive, uncontrollable impulses. It could be so many reasons why, but it's important to take notice to that and not discipline them, but rather help them to get some of that out so that then they might become a little more peaceful. Compassion and generosity, that's something that just is totally left out of our culture today, perhaps because of the absence of father's impact on child development. Number four, provided a different perspective. It's great to have an objective or different point of view that will help you in life as a child to come to realize it's not all about you. Children are naturally full of questions and mothers and fathers approach these questions in different ways. Active parents with different approaches to parenting can be a great way to expose children to a broad range of thinking and problem-solving. Active fathers have a unique opportunity to share their perspective on life and teach the kids valuable life skills. That's truly a great valuable life skill to be able to hear a different perspective and not be offended. I should say that again. It's very important to understand that when you hear a different perspective to not be offended and that comes from home training. Home training beginning with I'd say both parents but we're focusing on the father. So fathers have a great impact by providing a different perspective. Number five and the last one, feel the love. It's the most obvious thing to say but that doesn't make it any less important. Having an active father makes a child feel loved. Having a dad as a steady source of love and encouragement help children grow up happy and healthy with high self-esteem. Now some dads they are present they're there but you don't get all the you don't feel you know they love you but you don't get as much encouragement or you feel the love and you don't get encouragement. You need both. Both is important for children to grow up happy and healthy. So how do you know if a guy has daddy issues? Well according to this article I read by a man named John Beattie on the site called the Good Men Project there are six warning signs to know if a guy has daddy issues. Now as a backdrop this person John Beattie he didn't have a good relationship with his father and the effects of that came tumbling down when he and his 12 year old son went to the movie theater to watch Star Wars. Watching the movie was a reminder to Beattie of him going to the movie theater with his dad to watch the same movie. When Beattie went to the movie he began to remember the anger and resentment he had towards his dad. In the article Beattie shared that many men need to face the dark side of their feelings towards their fathers. He said many men deny any resemblance to their father and underneath that denial is a deep-rooted hurt and anger that men carry on their shoulders and they carry it on their shoulders because they entered adulthood with unsatisfied needs in their father-son relationship. Beattie said that he was one of those men. He said that he went to great lengths to avoid any contact with his father because of his hurt and resentment being so strong. He figured that if he avoided being around his father he could avoid feeling the hurt and the anger. So rather than deal with his feelings about his father he kept them stuffed inside but the feelings would show up in other relationships especially in his marriage. Beattie went on to say in the article that resentment of fathers set up men to have father issues that men do battle with these issues as long as they remain angry. Beattie calls them daddy issues because they start in childhood and prevent men from developing a healthy identity as a man. In the article Beattie lists six warning signs or six dysfunctional coping habits to know if you are a man with daddy issues. Number one you are aloof meaning you focus your mind on things other than what's going on in your relationships. You miss cues from those around you that your relationships need your attention. Number two you're unconcerned. It's difficult for you to walk a mile in someone else's shoes because you're not comfortable in your own. You find it impossible to relate to others experiences emotionally. What concerns you most is how something impacts you. Number three you're disrespectful. It's not on purpose. You just don't have a clue how to show respect. Number four you're commitment phobic. You learned early in life not to rely on people. They were unreliable. They always disappointed you and that hurt. To avoid being hurt again you avoid making commitments. Number five you're irresponsible. You were never able to figure out how to do things right. It seemed like the rules always changed. Rather than be blamed for things going wrong when you do everything to try to get them right it's easier just to say it wasn't my fault. Lastly number six you're unaffectionate. If you were touched at all as a child it was to have the crap beat out of you. Showing affection by touching someone doesn't come naturally for you and feels awkward. Lastly John Beattie mentions three points on the flip side of men with daddy issues and he says number one overcoming these issues starts with a willingness to forgive your dad who did not meet your expectations. Number two stop looking for him to make things right in your past. When you do you'll be able to form your own identity and no longer be afraid of repeating the patterns your father did. Number three learn how to see the good in your father alongside with the bad. He also suggests counseling being helpful and learning from men who are mentors or like mentors. And lastly he says focus on developing the good that's in you. Learn how to strengthen your good habits to counteract your dysfunctional coping habits. I thought that was a great article. I especially appreciated how Beattie said when you choose to face the dark side of your daddy issues with a willingness to forgive your father you'll be taking an important step towards a happier life and healing in your relationships. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got something from it. I want to thank you for joining another episode of Bridging Our Gaps today. I'm your host Karen Penn and I want to encourage you to visit our website at bridgingourgaps.com if you need advice or you know someone who may benefit from getting some advice on a particular issue relationship wise. Forward your issue to the email address info at bridgingourgaps.com so you can get started on your journey to bridging the relationship gaps in your life. Finally I want to leave you with this quote from Laurie Desheen. It says no one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them, not if you shame them, not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There's only one thing that makes someone change their own realization that they need to do it and there's only one time it will happen when they decide they are ready. Have a great day. you