BiteMyBiscuit500

Good afternoon, this is Mike Passnow, and this is a test for the Trucker Dooley podcast show. This is only a test Hello race fans, welcome to buy my biscuit 500 and beautiful cowpoke County nowhere America Way, do we have a dandy of a race for you all night? I'm your host rusty asphalt calling the action and adding some on-site into this event is my good friend Luke the wall The only racer in history to put her in the wall 57 times and live to tell about it. How you doing, brother? Well, like you said, that's great Luke. Let's introduce the drivers for today's race Sitting in the pole position is damn done it in my pants again Donaldson from none of none of none of Natchez, Mississippi Driving that all-american Ford monster machine This is Dan's first pole position of the season and we can only hope he doesn't have to change his pants in the pit this time Sitting next to him in the second position is Bo the Python Masterson for our lady fans out there old Bo is quite the achiever Although the only post position he's ever earned from what I've heard is the head post position if you catch my drift just saying Then there's old nutter Johnson sitting in the third position nutter so old He's earned the nickname around these circles as Dragon Balls Johnson because he's always having to reposition himself During the race and finally our only lady in the race tonight is the lovely Vivian latex It said that everything runs faster than live that Everything runs faster than Vivian until the lights go down and the batteries come out. So watch out boys. Then there's a field Thank goodness some of these boys put down their hand bones long enough to show up tonight It's gonna be a real doozy folks So squeeze those buds and hold on to the little lady's muffin top cuz we got a good one here And we're getting ready to go Luke anything to add. Oh It looks Thanks Luke the starter flags out the engines are revving and we're ready to go in the ninth Semi-annual cowpoke County bite my biscuit 500. I'm so upset. I think I'll swallow next wax and a couple of pumpkin seeds Oh wait, baby starter flags up now. It's down and they're off Then Johnson hits the line first as I head into the first turn and is hanging on the lead Hope his bowels are maintained and good too. This is the first time he's been first longer than a Beatles dick. Wait. Oh hell No, I spoke too soon Dragon Ball Johnson just shot ahead of the Ford monster take the lead It looks like Donaldson is already pittin just guessing here folks, but I bet it's not for a tire change As they hit the first turn left left Excuse me folks. I got something stuck in my crawl. Always go left Oh Dragon Ball Johnson is in first Vivian latex has moved up to third as the sun is starting to go down and bow The pipe on Masterson is riding high on her backside with hometown boy, Johnny I wish it could be a country singer cracker voice holding on to second. It's gonna be a great one folks So hold on to your soda cans Luke Luke Yeah, wait, it's Luke always concise as usual Going into the third lap old Dragon Ball Johnson seems a little out of sorts He's weaving a bit but still maintaining the lead as he holds off miss latex now that the lights have come out Oh still right behind her like a teenager who just discovered country girls with guns online and Dem Donaldson has reentered the race In what looks like new pants and moving up the field Luke. Can I say can I say? Can I say? You can Luke but Kenya Later in the race Folks I got to tell you this has been one of the best bite my eyes I've called in a long time Bo Masterson has taken the lead with Vivian latex crawling right up beside him Watching her in past races. That's the position. She likes to be in as she heads towards the finish line I also heard that these two were a commodity back in the day till old Bo tapped the rear bumper of her best friend and it's been on like Donkey Kong ever since And Donaldson has moved into a solid third place and we hope he stays that way Solid that is and old Bulls Johnson is weaving like he's making a banana scarf banana hammock or Whatever those Metro Prissy folks call it We're getting to the finish with only a lap to go and Vivian latex is making a move to get on top of master They bury him rail deep into the walls take the lead a little assertive But that's what we call it now that the female racers due to the policy set forth by the bike by track Commission But that's racing and that's a disclaimer Holy unexpected shirts old balls. Johnson just took out six racers as he's coming out of the turn Continuing to adjust his car too bad for them boys. It's gonna be an early night Damn, Donaldson's showing a little life as we got about a half a lap to go He's pulled right up on to Vivian's tailpipe, but oh shit She just dropped the hammer and pulled away from him like a doctor diagnosing herpes Bo's hanging tough though Edging Vivian as they hit the straightaway Dems coming hard watching these two go at it and old Dragonball Johnson is all over the place The checker flags out folks. It's going to be nose-to-nose at the finish line It's Vivian now's Bo now Vivian both slams are hard into the side And I think I just saw Vivian latex smile folks. I think it might be over or maybe she's just having a mini-stroke or something Oh, no, praise the pantyhose Vivian latex taking her first bite out of the biscuit bite my biscuit 500 here folks in cowpoke County nowhere America What a race Bo Masterson takes second old Dragon Balls Johnson finishes a surprise in third after his last and final adjustment sent Dan Donaldson into the infield Now that's what I call swirling the pants What's this Vivian latex must be completely satisfied as she is lighten up during her victory lap her sponsor P Nice corporation the makers of the new vapable maximum strength you squat a urinary tract Medical device for women have to be pleased with her performance tonight She sends a puff into the stands for her fans what a class act you squatter everything a woman made Well folks, that's all for us tonight been exciting who we bite my biscuit 500 See you folks next time at the bite my biscuit 500 about two years from now or three or four hell I don't know when they're gonna hold this again, but it may be sooner than we think God forbid Luke Luke any final thoughts Luke Where the hell that boy go? Yeah, I hope he didn't get in another car. He'll wreck that goddamn thing as soon as he gets in it Well folks as I always say When you're driving home keep those tires on the asphalt and your hands out of her pants Be safe y'all good night from the bite my biscuit 500 The bite my biscuit 500 is a copyrighted presentation of M and K Studios in affiliation with Blue Moon Productions copyright May 29th 2023