Before You Say I Do_1

In this podcast, Dr. Mike and Dr. Natalia discuss the importance of discussing finances before getting married. They emphasize the need for couples to be on the same page regarding money and to address any red flags that may indicate financial issues. They stress the importance of being honest and open about debts, checking and savings accounts, and investments. They also mention the possibility of legally documenting separate assets if desired. The overall message is that open communication about finances is crucial for a successful marriage. Hello and welcome to the Marriage at the Next Level podcast. My name is Dr. Mike. And my name is Dr. Natalia Jackson. Hey, Natalia, how are you doing today? I am doing wonderful. How about yourself? I'm doing wonderful. We're going to talk about marriage and finance today. This is our third podcast on marriage and finances. And if you hadn't listened to the previous podcast, you need to go to our website, DrMikeJackson.com, and you can find the podcast there. Or you can go to our YouTube page. We have a YouTube page. You can go there and you can find the Marriage at the Next Level podcast. But this is our third podcast on marriage and finances. And we're taking our time with this because this is an important topic. In our previous podcast, we talked about the two becoming one in every area, including money and finances. We talked about how there must be a oneness in the area of finance if your marriage is to be successful. You must be in agreement on matters pertaining to money. And then we looked at Amos 3.3. How can two walk together without agreeing on the direction? And if there's ever an area that couples have to walk together in and agree in, it's in the area of finances. So on today's podcast, this is what I want to do. Let's address some questions that couples should ask one another about money and finances. And they need to ask these questions before they say, I do. This is important because both couples have managed their individual finances on their own in their singleness and may have different or even opposing views in the area of money and finances. Coming into agreement and communication before they say I do is the key to marriage success. So let's give our audience some tools today to help them become one in their finances. Let's talk first about red flags because there's a lot of red flags that they need to be aware of before they say I do. What are some red flags that couples need to be aware of as they become one before they say I do? As they enter into that relationship of oneness. Yes. Red flags. Say that again. As they enter into that relationship of oneness. I like that. Because that's exactly what's happening. Before they enter into it. Yes. As you're progressing, you're even thinking about it because that's exactly what's going to happen. Before they say I do. Before they say I do. What are some red flags they should be looking for? I like how you say red flags, but let's be honest. Sometimes we see flags and we want to color them white or pink or rosy. It's a red flag. They see it as a red flag after the fact. Yes. So that's the reason why. But it was still red when they saw it. It was red, but like I said, all the plans and the lenses that you utilize at the time that you're entering in. They need to open their eyes to be aware of these red flags. Yes. So what are some red flags? Are they consistently broke? Consistently broke. Ain't got a penny with a hole in it. Are they always borrowing money from others, never paying it back, or even from you? Red flag, red flag, red flag. These are signs, indicators that this person might not be financially ready to enter marriage. Or that their habits, they're not good sound financial habits. Well, we're going to talk about that. Do they have bad credit? Uh-oh. And you may not find out that until later. Uh-oh. But this is something that you thoroughly need to discuss before you make that commitment. Because bad credit will definitely impact your future purchases. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. Are they bad money managers? Bad money managers. What habits do they have? They're bad money managers. They always running out of, they got more money than money. That's an indicator that this person's not ready to enter into a oneness in the area of finances. Are they using credit cards like it's going out of style? My God. It's charging everything. Are credit cards the way they're sustaining their lifestyle? Wow. See, that's the red flag. That's the red flag. Because they're always pulling out a credit card to buy things. And don't fall for the okie doke about the points. Well, again, people use credit cards for different things. But the issue is they're using a credit card that has to be paid back. And not the minimum payment. No. No, this is terrible. Do they have a cavalier attitude when it comes to spending money? Just spending money willy-nilly with no regards of where the next dollar's coming from. Are they an impulsive buyer? Are they an emotional buyer? Yeah, because they've got a cavalier attitude about spending. Can they pay their bills? Bills, bills, bills. Just piling up creditors, call-ins. Not only that. Second and third notices. Are they asking you for their rent money and they're telling you, I'll pay you back? Red flag, red flag, red flag. If they're asking you for their rent money, there is an issue. This person may be looking for someone to keep them financially, going financially, either a sugar daddy or a sugar mama. So, hold on. So, a person might give the illusion that they're into you, but they're really into what you can do for them. What you can bring to the table financially. Financially. Exactly. And they're looking for a sugar daddy or a sugar mama. Red flag. They may even pressure you to get married so you can help them financially. See, that's a red flag. No, that's a burning flag. Okay. See, baby, let's get together. See, the sooner we can get together, we can do this, that, and the third. One more time. That's a red flag. That's a burning flag. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And you should never get pressured, number one, to get married. And you shouldn't be pressured to get married for financial purposes. Mm-hmm. A combination of any of these red flags mentioned will require a pause and a possible re-evaluation of any marriage plans until the issues are resolved, an issue. And the reason why we're bringing this up in the podcast is because people don't even wear these red flags until after they say, I do, but the red flags were present before they said, I do. So, these observations are critical. Now, it's not saying that, you know, you're not going to ever get married. But like you said earlier, you just can't pretend like they don't exist. Or you can't pretend like they're just going to go away after you say, I do. That's unrealistic. That's not going to happen. I often refer to this as whatever they are, whether they're single, will be further magnified when you get married. Exactly. So, before you enter into this journey of oneness, you need to make sure that you're on the same sheet of music when it comes to money. And one of the ways you do that is by identifying these red flags. What else do they need to be aware of? They need to be honest and open about their debts. Debts, debts, debts. Now, we're talking about before we say, I do, not after. So, what are some things they need to be aware of? They need to make sure that they are completely honest. You need to be completely honest and they do as well. A hundred percent. With each other about their past financial debt. A hundred percent. What are they coming into the marriage with as far as debt is concerned? Again, this is significant because your debt is going to become her debt. Her debt is going to become your debt. And it's going to impact your financial household going forth. You can't even make plans for the future because you're dealing with past debt. And see, that's why you've got to be a hundred percent honest about the debt before you say, I do. Because it's going to be our debt. Right. It's our debt. Because now we're supposed to be, the two becoming one meaning we are supposed to tackle it together. The next thing that they need to look out for is you cannot be on a path to financial security until you both clearly understand how deep the amount of debt is and that you're bringing it into the marriage. This issue is critical to discuss in the beginning. Financial security is the key. That's what you want going forth in a marriage. You have to understand how deep the amount of debt is. So that goes back to the honesty, a hundred percent being honest. If you ask the question, hey, dear, you got any debt? Yeah, I got a couple. I got a few things. That's not good enough. No, no. And that's not being honest. That's not detailed enough for me to move forth with that decision. Because you don't know how deep that debt is. It could be $50 or it could be $50,000. So it's critical, yeah. It's critical to discuss this in the beginning. The things you do not discuss honestly relating to debt or any other area of your life at the onset of your marriage can and will come back to haunt you later in your relationship. So it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when. Absolutely. And use the word haunt. Yes. I'll repeat it. Can and it will come back to haunt you later in the relationship. It doesn't matter how much you want to brush it underneath the carpet, it's going to come back up. So you go to get a loan to buy some furniture. And you're all excited about the furniture you just picked out. And you're happy. You're visualizing it, seeing it in the bedroom and everything. You notified that your credit was declined because they saw something on the credit report. And then you're looking at each other. You know, baby, I was going to tell you about this, but I thought I had dealt with it. Let me see what happened. So that's where you're saying it's going to come back and bite you. That statement of this is what happened is not going to work here. Because you weren't honest in the beginning. But, again, the older the both of you are, the more in-depth your discussion about debt needs to be. Because you lived life. You had some life experiences. And you've done some things. And you have to keep this in consideration when you're moving forward with another person. So that's why these things are so important to be discussed and talked about. Both of you will bring into the marriage experience either the correct way of handling money or the mishandling of money. And, again, we're going to talk about that later in the podcast. That's so critical. Because those spending habits, the way you view money, the way he views money, they have to be compatible. And if they're not compatible, you're setting yourself up for financial disaster from the beginning. You're setting up yourself for financial struggles that can be avoided if you put some systems and some things in place. What else should they be honest and open about? You need to discuss all your checking and savings accounts. Don't hide anything. Your assets. You need to discuss your investments, if you have any. Again, this is my money and my checking account. This is my money and my savings. These are my investments. What do they got to do with you? They're yours while you're single. They're ours when we become married. See, that's the mindset. That's the mindset right there that people have to have. Michael Jackson made a song about being. Come to find out he was talking about a rat. There's some lyrics in there. He said this. He said, I used to say I and me. Now it's us. Now it's we. He's talking about a rat, but it's appropriate when it comes to marriage. When you were single, it was I and me. But now you're getting ready to become one. Now it's us and we. So, yeah, I mean, yeah. But here's the point. Be honest with it. Yeah, I got a checking account. I got a savings account, which is expected for an adult. It's adulting 101. So I ain't going to leave them denying you don't have it. But the two becoming one in our finance, so we're going to discuss how much is in the checking account, how much is in the savings account, how many investments you have, and what are they invested in. That's honest conversation. Thoroughly honest conversation. Now, there's a little piece here when we come into the estates and the property. Unless you're determining from the very beginning that there's some things that you will choose to keep separately and that you're going to legally document that. That's a whole different story. Say the word again? Legally. Legally. You want to keep them separately, and that's a conversation that needs to be had as well. Well, again, see, this goes into the whole prenup issue. Because a lot of times people want to sign prenups. See, first of all, people think you've got to be a millionaire or something to have a prenup. No, a prenup, all you're doing is protecting your assets that you had prior to coming into the marriage relationship. Absolutely. And so there's a time and a place to do that, but you just don't want to do that because you don't want somebody to know how much money you've got in your accounts or investments or real estate or property. There's some kind of legal thing that's needed, that's required. Legal documentation. Right. Let's give a practical example here. If you have, you've been married before, you have adult children, you've remarried for a second time. There you go. You want to separate that property for your children. See, people don't have that awareness, don't have that insight. They're in love, they're tiptoeing through the tulips, love is going to work it all out. These things have to be discussed. The point we're making on the podcast today is that you have to put them on the table and you have to discuss them. Be open and honest about it. Before you say I do. Now what you decide to do in this honest, open discussion, that's a whole different story. You have to put it on the table. You have to be honest and open. Yes, you have to be honest and open in your discussions. Do not be fearful or hesitant about disclosing your assets. Right. That's another red flag. If you are fearful or hesitant about disclosing your asset, that might be a sign of a lack of trust. And if you don't trust the individual, why are we even going on this journey of oneness? Or discussing your intent about those properties and assets. Right, right. You know, so communication is the key. Communication is the key. This is Dr. Mike. And this is Dr. Natalia. We pray that something you said on this podcast today has been a blessing to you. So until our next podcast, be blessed. In Jesus' name.