SWI Episode 16 Changing the story you tell about yourself

The main ideas from this information are: - The story you tell yourself is powerful, so make sure it's the right story. - The stylish wellness institute was created as a space for women to focus on self-care and well-being. - Changing the story you tell about yourself is a brain game that can be fun and transformative. - Self-care is purpose, not vanity. - Self-care practices are important during both calm and busy times. - Simple tasks and habits can help in difficult times. - Gratitude practices are beneficial during times of pressure. The story you tell yourself is the most powerful story you will ever hear, so make sure you are telling the right story. Welcome to the stylish wellness podcast with me Sarah Banks. This week on the stylish wellness podcast we are looking at how to change the story you tell about yourself. When I first had the idea for the private club, the stylish wellness institute, it came from a desire to create a space, at the time a physical space, uniquely for women. It would be a space where women would come and spend time on themselves to be well. You didn't need to come because you were ill, you would come because you wanted to restore a sense of order and balance into your life. Maybe you had had a hectic schedule over a prolonged period of time and felt exhausted and depleted. Maybe you had lost hope in one way or another. Maybe nothing was wrong, you just wanted to improve your life, your feelings about yourself. Whatever it may have been, there would be this idea of wanting to show up in the world in a bigger, better, more authentic way. We would come to this physical location, I had in mind a big airy building with lots of glass and open plan areas, and we would hold classes, talks and seminars on all the topics that I talk about in Working For Ox, like how to be the best version of yourself, how to curate your clothes like an art gallery owner, how to look amazing every day, how to put systems in place to look great while having a very busy life, how to journal around your clothes so that you can work out what you are thinking and make any necessary changes in your life. In my mind I call this place the Wellness Institute or Wellbeing Institute, I didn't really have a name for it at the time. Not only would it offer courses and lectures and workshops for all things personal styling and personal grooming, but it would also offer courses for the mind, courses like how to manage your mind, how to become the real you, how to become the best version of you. These are all topics which require a brain refocus or change, they are topics which contribute greatly to your sense of wellness. Changing the story you tell about yourself is a brain game. I began to understand that as I underwent my own study and practice of managing my mind. I had no idea that I could change my thoughts, direct my thoughts. In fact I had no idea I could control my brain and decide how I wanted life to be, rather than let my brain dictate to me how life would work out. Changing the story you tell about yourself is a brain game and it is the greatest fun to create your own story and decide for yourself how you are going to live your life. At the same time as understanding that what I wanted to offer women was of real benefit and has the potential to be truly transformatory in their lives, I was also filled with doubt. I doubted myself. I thought that maybe my plans were self-indulgent, maybe they were froth and not substance. And then one day this phrase popped into my head, self-care is purpose not vanity. It was a moment of real clarity and understanding and in that moment the penny dropped and I understood my own purpose so much better. I had been doubting my own purpose. I could understand when other women are given the gift to be doctors or nurses and heal people, when women are given the gift of teaching and teach our children, or given the gift of learning and become lawyers. But I felt that my own gifts of encouragement and intense curiosity around what people wear and why they wear it were perhaps secondary gifts to all other gifts and talents that women are given. You may feel the same. You may think that everyone else has better talents than you, more natural gifts than you. But this is really not true. You are created as a unique human being and your life's purpose is to discover who you are. Valuing yourself and your talents is self-care. So self-care is purpose not vanity. When I finally understood that my gifting is an equal gifting to all others and truly accepted it, I also understood the importance of self-care. When you look after yourself well, you can achieve anything, be anyone, do anything. You need that mindset of self-care and looking after yourself to show up in the world every day and be the woman you have been created to be. So what is it that you want? A promotion? An improved personal life? To go on a journey of self-discovery? To develop a unique and wonderful personal style? To clear up your mess and lead a beautiful organised life? To earn a million dollars or move to the country and grow lavender? Whatever it is, start with yourself. Who you are. Who you are showing up in the world as. The woman you want to be in the future, let's create her now. Self-care is purpose not vanity. Come and discover that for yourself in the Stylish Wellness Institute which is a private club that I mentioned that I've created out of all my dreams of a wellness institute. Check it out in the show notes link. I find myself in this place again two years on from having originally written what was a blog post. I find myself needing to take a step up, to become the next version of me, a different version of me but also a me who I have been all along. And I'm finding it quite scary. I wonder if you feel like that too. That you understand that looking after yourself, self-care, is a great idea but how will self-care help you combat adrenaline, anxiety, difficulties and challenges? Well, the brain likes order, pattern, repetition and routine. So with your self-care practice, you can give your brain the order it craves and use your self-care practice to calm your nervous system at the same time. In times of difficulty and stress, you might find it hard to change the story you tell about yourself. You might be facing challenges at work. You might be facing challenges at home. You might just be facing a challenging time generally. It might be that a series of small events are just piling up relentlessly. Life is a series of challenges and if you want to move on with your life or create your life intentionally or achieve a goal or create something new, then there will be resistance, blocks and challenges. And sometimes as humans, as women, we take on all these challenges and just try and work out how to manage them all. And sometimes it's just too much and all our brain operating system and available memory is just taken up with dealing with challenges, fighting fires, sorting out the mess and there is very little room for self-growth, self-development or even just breathing and just being. I understand that entirely. Having either bitten off far more than I could chew over the past few years or being faced with a large challenge that I did either not see coming or seemed okay but developed into definitely not okay, I too have faced challenges. And at times like this, when you're under pressure, when I'm under pressure, the last thing that's on my mind is changing the story I tell about myself. But this can be exactly the time that I need to remember what the story is that I am telling about myself. After all, the story that we tell about ourselves isn't necessarily and shouldn't necessarily be just about who we think we are when we have time and have the leisure to create. It's also the story that we can tell ourselves when we are under fire, when our back is against the wall, when our days are so busy or seemingly chaotic that we are totally exhausted. All great stories are stories of overcoming, the hero's journey. But in our own lives, when we are faced with stories of overcoming, how do we cope? Well because I too have been in the trenches with this quite recently, I have some thoughts on how to change the story you tell about yourself when you are in a challenging life place. Firstly, let's go back to our statement, self-care is purpose, not vanity. What are your current self-care practices? Let's approach this question from two angles, the first being creating your self-care practices when life is calm and the second being using and or developing your self-care practices when life is crazy busy and chaotic. The first is relatively straightforward. If your life is jogging along quite nicely, what self-care practices do you have or would you like to develop? What systems do you have in place that you can rely on each day to nurture your body and your mind? If you're in this place in your life where life is straightforward, predictable and well planned out, or at least planned out, then you should or could have a system in place that works for you on a daily basis. This system stems from one of the original questions at the start of this podcast which is who do you want to be? Who do you want to show up as each day and every day? What exercises will you do? What will you eat? What will you do to relax? What hobbies do you have? Friends do you see? What kind of work do you do? Do you want to work every day or do you want to work part time? All those kinds of questions. And then the second question would be what are your self-care practices when you are under fire and super busy sort of comes out of the first question. What practices have you developed that will help and support you in difficult times? What can you rely on to keep you grounded, calm, nurtured when the mud is flying everywhere? When times are really busy I rely on the simplest of tasks and self-care practices. A dog walk enables me to breathe in nature, walk, calm my nervous system. Having a practice of just two cups of coffee a day means I've developed a habit around that so I'm not just downing cup after cup as I used to do. Knowing that a large salad is going to make me feel much better than a pile of toast with a side of chips or fries is another habit I'm grateful to have. Speaking of grateful there are other practices that I am finding very useful in a time of pressure that I will definitely be incorporating in my day-to-day self-care practices going forward. One of these is a practice of gratitude. I have thought of practice gratitude before along the lines of naming or writing down three things each day for which I'm grateful but it wasn't a consistent practice. But right now I'm finding it very useful for keeping my nervous system in as positive a state as possible. I'm also finding journaling really helpful. I love journaling anyway but at times of stress or challenge I am very grateful for this practice and exercise it regularly. I'm also finding mantras and affirmations very helpful. I never really knew what I thought about mantras or affirmations. They seemed a bit too woo for me but now I realise they are just words, phrases and sentences that we use to encourage ourselves and I realise how useful they really are. In fact mantras, affirmations and journaling are all great self-care practices but they also link in with you changing the story you tell about yourself. If you are going through a challenging time your brain may want to hunker down until the danger has passed. You may want to hunker down until the danger has passed but the danger or perceived danger also has the power to transform you and to help you changing the story that you tell about yourself. Not many people actively seek out adversity and massive challenge. Some do. Adversity and challenge have the power to change us for the better or change us for the worst. You get to choose. You may feel that you are a victim of fate and you might not have dealt the hand you are currently playing but you can choose your response to it. So when you are going through a hard time, battle, you can intentionally choose the story that you tell about yourself. And you can use journaling, mantras, affirmations, prayers, bible reading, exercise, healthy eating and choosing your clothes with intention as ways to help you choose the story you tell about yourself. After all, life is an adventure where you get to learn to be you. So on the wellness side, you can develop these practices and learn to manage your mind. And on the other side, at least it's the other side for the Stylish Wellness Institute, the other side is the clothing side, what you're going to wear. When you are playing the game of how to change the story you tell about yourself, what you wear is an integral part of that. It's like being a character in a film. You'll have your character and then you have the character's wardrobe, what she wears in the film to show that she is that character. And it's the same for you and I too, what are we going to wear to demonstrate to the outer world who we are. In times of adversity, choosing your clothes with intention can play a vital role in helping you navigate change and uncertainty to emerge changed, victorious and able to change the story you tell about yourself. So what will you wear? When life is chucking everything, including the kitchen sink at you, how are you going to show up? I recommend that you give yourself a routine if you have not already done so. Spend some time on yourself in the evening, for example, and choose your clothes for the next day. Make life as easy as possible for yourself, but don't fail to turn up as yourself each day either. Changing the story that you tell about yourself might be highlighted for you at a time when you are ready for a change or at a crossroads in your life. And at these times, it's useful to ask yourself who you want to be. Who is the next version of you? How does she show up each day? What does she wear? Sometimes it is in those times of adversity that we think, I'm just not that person anymore. And times like that are golden, because then you can really ask yourself, well, if that's not me anymore, then who am I? Who do I want to be? So changing the story you tell about yourself in adversity and in times of peace and calm, either way, it's an exciting adventure to get to know yourself, the best adventure. If you'd like to do this process in community with others, then the doors to the Stylish Wellness Institute open shortly, and we'd love to see you there. Go to the SWI, the Stylish Wellness Institute page that you can see in the notes below in the podcast, and sign up to be notified when we go live. As always, thanks so much for being here, and I look forward to seeing you next week for another episode of the Stylish Wellness Podcast. Bye for now.