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This week the guys discuss: Britney Bitch Slap (5:31), China Whitehouse (10:30), Lotsa Pasta (18:18), Salt Sized Handbag (25:09), Dwarf Bullfighting (33:55).
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Details
This week the guys discuss: Britney Bitch Slap (5:31), China Whitehouse (10:30), Lotsa Pasta (18:18), Salt Sized Handbag (25:09), Dwarf Bullfighting (33:55).
Comment
This week the guys discuss: Britney Bitch Slap (5:31), China Whitehouse (10:30), Lotsa Pasta (18:18), Salt Sized Handbag (25:09), Dwarf Bullfighting (33:55).
Listen to S02E05 Impastable by Not Sure Take My Keys MP3 song. S02E05 Impastable song from Not Sure Take My Keys is available on Audio.com. The duration of song is 42:55. This high-quality MP3 track has 320 kbps bitrate and was uploaded on 15 Oct 2023. Stream and download S02E05 Impastable by Not Sure Take My Keys for free on Audio.com – your ultimate destination for MP3 music.
Vernon Foxtail talks about his recent activities, including going to a theater and watching a pirate-themed play. He also mentions a bizarre incident involving Britney Spears getting slapped by a security detail. The conversation then shifts to discussing a video of a person wearing a $1,100 Dolce & Gabbana shirt with strategic holes cut all over it. They also mention a bag of cocaine found in the White House. Vernon Foxtail, coming to us from the DFW. How are you, Mr. Foxtail? I'm doing great. I'm doing just fine. How are you guys doing this evening? I'm great. I'm good. It's been a nice short week with the holiday and whatnot. Dr. Junk, how are we today? I'm good. Just having a drink. You didn't lose any fingers, huh? I saw you're drinking straight whiskey. Is that bourbon? Is that some of that bourbon scotch whiskey? Yes, bourbon scotch whiskey. It's a collaboration. He's on that DWARF. Quadruple malt or something going on over there? That's right. So yeah, shorter work week this week because Fourth of July fell on a Tuesday, which was perfect. I know what Dr. Junk did because we had the fans down at the beautiful Lake of the Ozarks for a few days. What about the Foxtail crew? What did you guys do? What did we do? Oh, we went to some kind of weird tiny theater downtown Carrollton here. It's called Pocket Sandwich Theater or something. Yeah, we saw some kind of – I don't know, man. I don't know what we saw. It was some pirate-themed whatnot, but it was interesting. They give you stale popcorn. You can throw at them and you can boo them and do all that nonsense. So was that like a play? Yeah, yeah, full out. You got the high school kids in there all the way up to grandpa basically. Yeah, there were three acts. Three acts, yeah. It was kind of long. It didn't last the whole – Oh, like a community theater type thing. Yeah, it was pretty legit. I just needed to be less wasted than I was, but it was still cool. The popcorn thing was interesting. They encourage you? Yeah, I've been throwing it at other patrons. Not only do you want to throw it at the acts, they encourage you to throw it at other people too. You know, I'm never going to – it just never ceases to amaze me that you guys have this, like, knack, this certain panache for finding just some of the most absurd little hidey holes and shit, you know? This was actually a friend of – Call controller. – that she used to work with in – oh, I messed that up. Oh, there'll be an edit in there. But anyway, she used to work at Morgan Stanley as a friend of hers, and yeah, they invited us for it. I'm supposed to be doing a piece of artwork. They're commissioning me to do a glass-paned window thing for their garden area, so it was kind of like a little meet-up for that. That's cool. And then, hey, let's do this too. So yeah, you're right. We do find – Hell yeah. – some interesting situations, that's for sure. No, there's no doubt about it. No doubts about it. So there are, like, a couple of quick little blurbs that came out of the – a couple of stories that came out of the lake trip. We spent an inordinate amount of time watching poker, like, on YouTube. That was kind of, like, every evening. It was, like, starting to wind down. Junk would get the fucking – the little controller, like, poker, live. It would take us to YouTube. We'd find poker. Do you guys remember – and this was a long time ago – we did the story about the jerseys that have, like, holes in them. You know, people were buying jerseys that have, like, pre-made holes cut out of them. You remember that shit? Oh, yeah. All right. So we're watching this poker game. It's, like, a million-dollar buy-in cash game. These are high rollers, right? These are big ballers, shot callers. And there's a dude on there who's wearing – was it Dolce? Was it Dolce? Who was it? Do you remember who the designer was, Junk? Dolce & Gabbana. It was Dolce & Gabbana. He had a Dolce & Gabbana shirt on that had, I shit you not, strategic little holes fucking cut all over it, designer style. And so Junk looked it up to see how much did it cost and everything. It's an $1,100 T-shirt. Oh, just a T-shirt? It's got holes in it. I just thought, it's fucking beautiful. 100% cotton? Probably a poly-cotton blend, you know, just to make sure that the holes don't stretch out too much. $1,100. That's fabulous. $1,100. I like it. I thought that was pretty rich, pretty much in comedic flavor. And I think there was another story I was going to tell. I fucking forgot what it was. I guess we've got to get on with it then. Yep. So we've got big-time celebrity scandal news coming out of Las Vegas. So I don't know how much you guys are all paying attention to the NBA off-season and whatnot. But the San Antonio Spurs had the number one overall draft pick, and they took a kid out of, I want to say France, perhaps? Named Victor Wimbenia. Victor Wimbenia. That doesn't even start to sound like French at all. Wimbenia? Wimbenia? Victor Wimbenia. Wimbenia. Yes, Wimby. Wimby, anyway. And he's a giant. Look at this. 7'3", giant, lanky motherfucker. But anyway, he's just come to the States for the first time. He's doing summer league stuff, I guess, in Las Vegas. He was chilling, walking through a hotel lobby area with his security crew. And this little blonde girl fucking ran over with a British accent and started yelling, Excuse me, sir. Excuse me, sir. And tapped him on the shoulder. And his security detail reached back and smacked the shit out of her and knocked her sunglasses off and everything, which is like, that's a big deal ordinarily, but it turns out the little British girl was actually Britney Spears. Was she having a British accent or something at this time? She was affecting some kind of weird fake British accent, yes. Okay. Have you seen the video? TMZ released the video today. I did. I did see the video just a little bit ago, actually. It's shocking. Shocking. It looks like literally nothing happens in the video whatsoever. You heard that story my mom always used to say to me. It's like, don't make mountains out of molehills. Right. This shit is ridiculous. It's stupid. It's not a story. It's a non-story. She was accosted. What are you talking about? She was slapped right in the face. So she didn't get hit? If it was you or me or Mr. Foxtail that was slapped, nothing would have happened. Well, of course not. But it was national icon and American fucking legend, one of our finest, Britney Spears. It wasn't us. I do find it very odd. I do find it very odd for assault and just get a lot of money out of his ass. Be like, hey, what up, froth? Because that's what she needs is a lot of money. But it's just very ironic to me that a person who gets mobbed probably every time she walks outside is running after someone and trying to grab them, when I'm sure on a day-to-day basis she does not like that. The thing that gets me, all right, there's really one thing. Why in the fuck was she speaking with a British accent? That I don't know. I didn't know that part of it. I thought you just made that up to be funny. No, if you listen closely at that same TMZ, you can hear, excuse me, sir, excuse me, sir. She sounds like fucking Oliver, that kid from the, excuse me, sir, may I have some more, please? Like literally, that's what she sounds like. Yeah, and then she's like southern, too, like from the south. Yeah, so she shouldn't even be speaking like that. Maybe she was trying to speak in his foreign tongue. That's what she thought. That's what she thought it was. Oh, my God. French don't sound like British. She was trying to speak his language. Maybe she was trying to speak with a French accent. She just got really, really, really confused about the whole thing. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Leave Britney Spears alone right now! Leave Britney alone! Man, you're casting a lot of aspersions on her right now. I don't know, man. Maybe she just wanted to get hit-me-baby'd one more time. She got hit-me-baby'd one more time, that's for sure. So I do have, okay, a little bit of a theory on the whole British accent thing. I don't know if you guys remember. Madonna went through a phase where she also was using, like, a fake British accent. And other celebrities have to. Like, Johnny Depp was British for a while when he was in court for the whole Amber Heard thing. He was speaking with a British accent and shit. But I kind of wondered if maybe that's like, you know, she's always, I believe, idolized Madonna to a certain extent. They're kind of similar in their career arcs and whatnot. They made out. They made out once. They did make out one time, this is true. Maybe she passed that fake British gene through her, like, mRNA style, and it just not activated inside her body. She also has a history of being fucking crazy. That's what I was going to say. Like, they go through these phases where they're crazy for a while, but Britney's been in her since, like, 20. She grew her hair back out of that. No, this is true. She has been in her phase. She shaved her head off. She shaved her head off? Yeah, I mean, take it from me, Britney. If you can grow the hair, you should keep it. Yeah, she fucking shaved it all off. Completely bald. That's when they had her committed. Cherish that hair, Britney. Cherish it. That's for anyone out there, actually. Not just Britney. But, Britney, if you're listening, I know you are. All right, moving into the world of politics. Hard-hitting Kennedy political action going on right now. Which I'm ignoring all of it. The big story coming out of the White House over the weekend. There was a bag of what I have to assume was probably premium-grade cocaine found in, like, the visitor's lounge area of the White House. Holy shit. Are you telling me Sonic guy, he got a fucking job at White House and now he's dropping his bags in there? Like, do not tell me that he got a job there and they found out it's his ass. Actually, what happened was someone just brought in their lunch and it was in the bag. It was in the Coney? Yeah, they took out their Coney and there was fucking coke on it. Oh, so they were the ones that had Hope Boys fucking drop Tina and ended up in the White House. Yeah, they finally found it all this time later. Dropped it right into some, like, aide or, like, some clerk or something in the White House. They dropped it right in the Coney. This was in the visitor's lounge. Ridiculous. So how did they find this out? Was it, like, security doing a little sweep or something? And they're like, oh, what is this? Pouch on the floor. Yeah, my understanding is that, yeah, it kind of was just, like, sitting there. So they were like, hey, look, there's a bag. Hopefully it's not Anthrax. Nope, it's cocaine. How did he snort the Anthrax? And then be like, oh, guys, it's not. There probably is, like, a tester or, like, a Secret Service guy that's, like, designated white powder snorter. He's like, don't worry, guys, I got this. I got a high tolerance for Anthrax. And cocaine. Like, you just started a month ago, dude. You gotta snort that shit. He's got, like, skin. Fucking hivy skin. He's, like, breaking out. Fucking boils and shit. And they're like, oh, go to Secret Service Dave over there. Secret Service Agent Dave, he'll figure it out for you. He'll find out if that's the right thing or not. It was actually Biden's because he needed a way to stay awake. Fucking Biden snort coke. I don't know, man, I feel like he gets nosebleed every time. He wouldn't be able to hide that very well. Oh, yeah, no, he's dead. You know he's dead. Our good President Joe Biden, Commander-in-Chief, sir, he's got thin blood. He's definitely got thin blood. He's gonna hemorrhage that every time he tries one. He ain't gonna be able to hide that very well. Back in the day when he had the hair. The big hoopla around it was that Hunter, his son Hunter Biden, who we do have some track record on possibly using narcotics, was actually at the White House last weekend. Oh, you know what? I think it's Donald Trump Jr.'s bag he forgot. I'm sure this was planted by the deep state. This is actually a false flag that is happening. There's plenty of actors going on. I don't want to get too deep into it, but. Yep. That's too low ball for it, but it works. Junk, you need to be careful. How does this play out? You need to be careful, Junk, because you're going to have snipers looking through your bathroom window tonight after saying that. Yeah, you'd call it instead of that. That's why I said we can't get into this too much. Just don't pee in that room tonight. I won't. I'll use the other bathroom. Actually, I'll just wet myself. What's going to happen? Go upstairs. No bathroom up there, man. Go upstairs. You go to the downstairs bathroom. There's no windows down there. I have guests down there. I'm sure they'd understand. You're like, hey, I got to pee down here so I don't get sniped. They'll be like, that's fine. Yeah, just tell them straight up. Be like, I feel like I'm going to get snipered in my bathroom. Can I please use y'all's bathroom real quick? You think they'd just be like, okay. They wouldn't ask any follow-up questions? They'd probably be like, can I get a little deduction on my pay? Maybe. That's normally where it goes. It goes to the money. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you ask any follow-up questions or would you wait until your host left and be like, okay, this guy's fucking crazy. We've got to get out of here. I would ask questions. Just keep poking at them. Just like, are you sure you need to use the restroom? Don't worry, guys. They're not after you. Are they real snipers or are you really not safe in that bathroom? Do you really need to use ours? You have nothing to worry about. They're just after me. Oh my God. So it does, in a way, this whole Coke thing does leak a little bit of like a false flag direction. I feel safe saying it. I feel okay saying it here. Because Hunter was at the White House, but they got their timing a little bit screwed up because the Coke was found on Sunday. He left the White House to go to Camp David on Friday. So unless the bag of Coke sat there for two days, which I find unlikely, but I do also. How much Coke do you think gets done in the White House? Not necessarily by the president or his family, but, I mean, just in general. Like there's a lot of 20-something-year-old assistants and aides and whatnot running around, being asked to work long hours and shit. I'd probably be tooting it. Same here, but I'm just wondering, without being in that kind of government position, I wonder how often they just get drug tested. Oh, come on, man. People that are that close to the president, people that are members of his staff, they're not getting drug tested. If they were like a maid or something, they would be, but not. Shit. Don't BFF me there, Biden, man. I'll be throwing kilos on the floor and forgetting about them. Also, Hunter, to me, doesn't seem like a dude that's going to lose his stash. That dude is probably in that thing constantly. If he lost it, it would be like 17 minutes. He'd be like, shit, where's my bag? I don't think it's going to be like seven hours later. How old is this Hunter Biden? Old enough. He's probably in his 50s now. I've never even given a rat's ass to even Google that fool, so I'm just asking you guys right now on the spot. Foxtel has no idea. I'm going to say Hunter Biden. I'm going to say he's 54 years old. 47. It seems like Hunter, you think, is younger. He's 53? Yeah, I can see him slipping up on his Coke bag every now and then. He's not a spry chicken anymore. Yeah, but I mean, the spotlight has been on him hardcore lately. I don't think he would fuck up so quickly, but, I mean, the dude is a fuck up. Just write it off. I was going to say, if fucking up's what you do. Just write it off. It's good. It's part of the game. It's part of the whole thing. It can't be, like, perfect. If it's perfect, then everybody would be really weirded out. That dude's got five kids. Holy shit. Five kids he's got. No cat. I think he's fucking his dead brother's wife, too. And she's still producing eggs and having birth while dead? That I don't know. I just know that, like, one of President Biden's sons died, and I'm pretty sure Hunter started hooking up with that dude's wife. That's just being a patriot. That's just fucking keeping it in the family right there. There's nothing wrong with that. I don't know. I feel that's fairly shitty. Yes, it was Hunter having an affair with his brother's widow. Yeah, Hunter was still married, I think, to his wife while he was fucking his dead brothers. Okay. Like I said, if fucking up's what you do, then stay in your lane, man. Ecological warfare. Bioterrorism coming out of New Jersey. Old Bridge Township, New Jersey has been the site of a heinous crime committed along the Irsik Brook. Which I think is a very pleasant sounding—I don't want to go to the Irsik Brook. The Irsik Brook. Irsik Brook. Anyway, some jack-off, Tom Jackoff, dumped 15 wheelbarrows. It's a very specific amount. 15 wheelbarrow loads of dry pasta along and in the Irsik Brook. And I'm disgusted by it. Just dry pasta. Not cooked? It was not cooked. It has not been shown to be cooked. There's been massive studies done on it. It's been taken to various labs. It was not cooked. It was soggy because it got rained on. But it was dry pasta. When I first heard about this story, I was like, man, that's impossible. Well, impossible it is. I also was reading the story, and these people were so upset. Like, you dumped pasta in our neighborhood of New Jersey. You dumped pasta. It's better than the whores that normally get dumped there. There's a lot of whores. I meant to say dead whores. Yeah, that was implied. We got it. After Dr. Junk visits them. No, they were dead when I got them. Trust me. Whoa. Wow. Necro style. Fucking necromancer over here, Dr. Junk. So the pasta was dumped. So here are the things that make it a little bit mysterious. It was not one type of pasta. It wasn't like a fluff load of spaghetti or like rigatoni. It was penne. It was a variety of different pasta, macaroni, spaghetti, linguine. You name it. You put an Italian word to a piece of dried crust, and it was there. And actually, locals, when they were interviewed, think that it actually may have been done in a form of protest because the township of Old Bridge does not have public trash service. So it literally was almost like an eco-terrorism thing. It was done with malice. I mean, I don't think it was done on accident. You know what I mean? Fucking truck overturn or something, you know? That was probably on accident. I don't think that the pasta was probably moldy or anything like that or something was wrong with it. I feel like maybe somebody just had a moment, you know what I mean, where they're just kind of they own a pasta place or something, you know, and they just had a moment, you know. They didn't know what they were doing. They're over their head, and they just, I got to get rid of it. I got to get rid of it. And they were mad because there's no local trash service. Yeah, I got to get rid of it quick. So they went and dumped it. In the shire. And maybe they ran out of water to cook it. I don't know. No, I feel like it's a shame because it got moldy. Maybe they were going to like set up like a, you know, a little distillery type situation, you know, like you see on the Discovery Channel. They found a nice little creek to get the water out of that and start boiling it. It's like black market pasta. Oh, there's just too many pastabilities. Maybe they were going to mix it with the dead horse. Are they trying to feed something there in the shire area, that shire brook creek thing? Is there something else there that we don't know about that loves dry pasta? There's Legoloths that loves dry pasta. Legoloths loves dry, okay, good. I didn't know. So they're out there feeding Legoloths? Better than Sauron. Sauron? Sauron. Hey, that's in Vegas already. Did you guys see that thing open up? The eye. Oh, yeah. That shit was fun. Wow. That thing fucking looks awesome. Like I want to go see a show. I want to see what it looks like from the inside. I want to see what it looks like from the outside. I will never spend ticket prices to go to that shit. You know Tool's going to be there. And Tool's going to, it's going to be like $10,000 a ticket for that motherfucker. YouTube's going to open it up. How much running bet, how much you think a YouTube, not YouTube, YouTube ticket's going to cost to that? They're going to open it up. It seats 20,000. My boss is going to that YouTube show. He is a huge YouTube fan and he manages four tickets. But he would not disclose to me how much the tickets cost. So my guess is that it was an unseemly amount of money. You'll be out of a job when he gets back home. That's what I'm saying. I think he was afraid he was going to be like, well it's your annual salary is what I spent, so. And bonus. And yeah, yeah, no bonuses for anybody this year. Johnny two times got to go see U2 with the fucking eye. That's what we think about that pasta left on the side of the shire. We're sitting here talking about, talking about the fucking spear. There's a spear in Las Vegas. So, too shade of that. Sorry for the guys that had the moldy pasta. You shouldn't have dumped it where you dumped it. Did he get in trouble, by the way? Everybody's all worried. Nobody knows who it was. I think that people do know who it was, but nobody's talking. You know what I mean? This is like a, this is a thing. The people are pissed about no trash service. So somebody took it upon themselves to make a stand, but nobody's really keeping it down. At least it was starch. You know what I mean? Instead of like, you know, a bunch of fucking batteries and dead babies and dirty diapers. It could have been worse. You're absolutely right. Just some 15 wheelbarrow loads later and it's all cleaned up. It does make you wonder who had to clean it up if there's no public trash service. Like what kind of, like a volunteer fire brigade or something came to clean it up? I feel like they got community service around there. Juvies. Somebody, you know, getting caught selling a little dope on the corner. Getting caught leaving a bag of coke in the fucking White House. Gotta go scoop up macaroons. Get it adjudicated. It was, uh, they made Pippin and... Mary? Mary and Pippin? Yeah. I was staying in the world of the absurd. A Louis Vuitton replica handbag recently sold at auction for $63,750. The issue is that this replica Louis Vuitton handbag is not the size of a grain of salt. That's right. Not the size of a grain of salt. Ugh. So somebody bought it. It wasn't even official? It was a replica? Yeah. Yeah, no, it was made by a New York art collective group called Mischief. M-S-C-H-F is how they spell it. Mischief. And they made it. It just has, you gotta like look at it through a microscope and shit. But it's got the, you know, Louis Vuitton little emblem on there and everything. Yeah, somebody bought it for $63,750. Because you gotta have something like that, right? And guess what, guess how much money the actual person that sculpted that bag got from that? $500? That's about it, yeah. Yeah, because you can't be doing that when it's a copyrighted product. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yep. So you kind of fucked up there. It's small and tiny, but it's an exact replica. Yeah, they should have done Louis Vuitton. It would have been totally fine. Louis Vuitton. Exactly. Don't call it by what it's supposed to be. Don't put any copyright scribe on it, and you're good to go. They should make these people that pay for this shit public information. Because whoever bought this, they should disclose their name. Because why would they spend $67,000 on something that's no bigger than a grain of salt? Because they'd be worried about you right now. That's like, no, no. What are they going to worry about me for? I'm just going to point and laugh at them. Like, what are you doing? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Did you have to steal that handbag to add to your collection? Is that what it is? Yeah, like, no one could steal it because they can't find it. Like, I don't know. That's what I was worried about. People misplace bags of cocaine. How easy would it be to misplace the $63,000 grain of salt? What the fuck was it? It was right here. What are you doing with this? When someone walks into your home, do you have, like, a huge magnifying glass? And this little thing is right under it? That's exactly what I was my brain was thinking exactly that. Like, I got a big foyer you walk into. Like, you walk into my house. It's a fucking two big-ass wooden doors you got to open up. They're heavy as fuck, like a castle. And right in the foyer is a gigantic magnifying glass. It looks like the big thing they have in front of Cowboy Stadium, that big reflective thing. Okay. Yeah, and it's basically you're looking right at that fucking $63,000 tiny. What was it made out of? Like quartz? That's actually a great question. I will do some quick research and be right back with you. I mean, I don't care what the fuck it's made out of. It's not worth $5. I mean, I don't care if it's made. What are even that size? I'll look at it as, like, the perfect house for a new American horror story fucking series. It just starts off where you walk in. What's the shit that killed Superman? Kryptonite? Okay. Kryptonite, yeah. Maybe the Kryptonite would be worth that. What are they looking for in the Avengers movies? So Dr. Junk thinks that fucking Superman's real. I'm just trying to make a comparison on what this could be made out of that would make it worth this much. It was bought in real life money with this amount of money. By a fake person. That's fake. This was used by a drug dealer to launder money. It's made of a photopolymer resin created with a two-photon polymerization, which is a form of 3-D printing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You could have stopped once you said two-photo polymerization. How was that? Oh, that. Yeah, that was that. All right. I didn't find any information about that. Duh. Thank you, comptroller, for finding that. I did find some information, though, some things I think you guys are going to like. So the auction house that it was sold at is a place called Jupiter. J-O-O-P-E-T-E-R. Jupiter. Which is actually a place that was founded by Pharrell Williams. Old fucking Pharrell. Pharrell. Goddamn, huh? Because I'm happy. That's right. So the designer said that Pharrell loves big hats. So we made him an incredibly small bag. What the fuck? He also likes to be happy, so we're going to make him sad. Like, I don't fucking understand people. It doesn't make any sense. It's stupid. Well, it's art, Jim. It's art. That's not fucking art. Look, here. I just made this. Do you see it? That looks good. There's nothing there. There's nothing there. How much do you want for that? I thought it was a shit-covered finger. I was like, that looks pretty good. That's like kind of social commentary. So this art was social commentary, actually. It was basically acting on the commentary of the impracticality of the ever-shrinking luxury handbags. You know, a purse used to be a functional thing, but they didn't. Picture, like, them little bitty handbags, like a Paris Hilton would have carried in, like, 1999 or something. See ya. Let's fucking go buy a 3D printer and print a grain-of-salt thing, but it's a phone. Because phones just keep getting smaller. And we'll make a bunch of money, guys. I've actually noticed phones getting bigger recently, not smaller. So I think you missed the opportunity on that one. The bag actually comes with a microscope. Oh, perfect. Well, there you go. With a digital display. Oh, okay. Oh, digital display, so you don't even need the whole big, ornate... No, they're going to put the fucking thing under a slide, and you're going to open up your doors to your foyer, and go up and put your head on the microscope, I guess. He said it had a digital display, so if you're including the microscope and the digital display, and the price is $63,000, it's starting to get a little bit more reasonable. I guess it's kind of a practical buy now. Now you'd be like, yo, bro, you flexin'. So what happens when the air conditioner comes on, and the fucking thing, like, blows away? Well, you hope that you had spent another $60K on, you know, security. So you're looking at $120K worth of... Yeah, we're going to, like, put it in a Tesseract, basically. I think Tesseract is going for, like, $120 right now, $125. So all in, you're in for $200K, and you've got a Tesseract. We're going to put a Fiverr and get ourselves a Toymaker. All we've got to do is drop another $5 in there for a little dude, just to, like, mechanically make it kind of like the box in Hellraiser. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, God. Hellraiser. Damn. Now you have to worry about Thanos, too, if this is in a Tesseract. All we've got to do, though, I guarantee it's probably about $1,500, we can get a Necromancer-type weird dude that will do some blunt magic on that shit. And we'll call him the Toymaker, you know what I mean? As long as he has the title Toymaker, it's super scary. Because it's going to be bad after that. It's going to be terrifying. Yeah. I'm down. Let's design a fucking tiny cell phone, Tesseract, and then we're going to hire a little fucking Necromancer dude to put a little spell on it like Hellraiser. I'm in. Now you've got to worry about Thanos showing up, and you've got to worry about fucking Needlehead, Needleface. What the fuck was his name? Needle... I think it was Ten-something. Pinhead. Pinhead. Thank you. Yeah, Pinhead. Pinhead easily will fucking snap Thanos out of existence. Now I want to go watch the original Hellraiser again sometime. I wonder if that holds up. All of them do, actually. Do they? They all do. They all do. Okay. Bloodlines is the best one, though. I love that one, where he finally traps him in that space place. Oh, spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! What the fuck? It doesn't end there. No, it doesn't end there. Isn't that movie like 23 years old? Spoiler, please. It's probably way older than that. It's like 1980 or something. No, not for Hellraiser. Bloodlines. Bloodlines, nah. Bloodlines is like 2001, maybe. 2000. It's a fairly, I mean, it's not fairly new. Yeah, it's like 20 years old. All right, we've got Spaniards trying to kill their economy, taking jobs away from the little man. Look at the whole government trying to pick on the little man. It just makes me sick, guys. Bane has recently voted to make dwarf bullfighting illegal, and I went through ten different permutations of what dwarf bullfighting could possibly mean. It ended up being the least exciting one. Actually, little people putting on funny little costumes and going out and bullfighting. Not killing the bulls or anything, just dancing around and having little fights. Not dwarf bulls either, right? It wasn't dwarf bulls. I was hoping it was dwarf bulls. Yeah, I was like, maybe they've got like a smaller version of that. Is this like what they did in Game of Thrones at King Joffrey's little thing? Yeah, where the dwarfs jousted and stuff? Same idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same idea. You get them out there, you get the little people out there, ha, ha, ha, they're funny, blah, blah, blah. But it's a job. And they're making this illegal? It's illegal now. It's their job. Are the dwarfs happy about this, or sad? Well, I'm glad that you asked, because— Or grumpy? Funny? Well, they're not happy anymore. Sleepy. Oh, that just came to me right off the top of my head, too. I actually was just asking if they were happy or sad, and then I was like, oh, jeez. Yeah, there's seven of them. One of the dwarfs that they interviewed, he did sound a little grumpy. His name is Daniel Calderon, and he is upset exactly about that. He's like, hey, look, it's my choice to go out there and do what I want. It's my hot body, and I'll do what I want with it. He's pissed off. They took our jobs. They literally took our jobs. I mean, I agree with that. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's probably not a lot of places that are, like, down the door to hire them. So, you know, if this is what they're good at, they should be allowed to do it. What's the problem? They're good at what? I'm trying to follow what you just said there. They're good at being small. Is that basically it? They're good at being small. Whatever they're doing that they enjoy doing, they should be allowed to do it as long as it's not hurting them. So I guess it's a discriminatory. Are they being woke over there? Basically, that is exactly what's happening. The Spanish government has decided that this is a discriminatory thing where, you know, we're teaching the younger generation to go out and mock and make fun of and laugh at little people fighting bulls. Apparently, something's been going on in Spain for a long time, and it's not always been quite so happy-go-lucky, maybe a little bit more barbed in the past. And they're basically trying to divorce themselves from that kind of dopey history. I can see that. They're just trying to kind of clown away from it. Oh, doop-doop, I'm going to go and sneak away real fast. I mean, go woke, go broke. Just ask Bud Light, I mean, or whatever. I don't know. Hey, you did see the Kelsey commercial with Kelsey and the boys. I didn't see it, but I did read about it. Wait, what now? Travis Kelsey is in, like, a Broadway commercial. I mean, I will totally. Is it, like, what, grunting or something the whole time? No, no. Did anybody hear the song that they played with it? Well, no, there's a song, but it's basically, like, it has got a lot to do where Kelsey sits down. He's like, ah. The whole song is, like, a gay song. It's a gay song? Oh, is it a? Yeah, it's, like, a country song for, like, Brokeback Mountain. Or I think that's probably a dub over of what they're doing to it. Oh, I know that they did the one where he has all the kids gather in a circle. And it's, like, we got all country fried. We got all a bunch of blues. And they, like, crack their beers and they all do it together. And they, like, walk into the concert. And that was the country fried. But, no, there's a Travis Kelsey one where he, like, he sits down. He's, like, ah. And then the guy next to him is, like, ah. Cracks a Bud Light. And then, like, another one cracks a Bud Light. And then Travis goes, oh. And it's all they're doing. They're just grunting and cracking Bud Lights. I have not. I'm going to have to check this out. I may need to cancel Travis Kelsey, though, if he's getting involved with Bud Light. I'm not down with that. And you said the other commercial, they were a circle of kids. They were trying to groom. Is that what was going on? Basically, at a country concert, in a dirty little pass, they all join up, crack them, pound them, hug. Yeah, huh. Fucking hug? This is terrible. What is happening? They're getting minors drunk, and then they're grooming them to, like, country music and Bud Lights. And hugging. And now they want them to love. And hugging. I know you hate hugging. Don't want any of that. And grunting. Like, home improvement. Uh-huh. Arf, arf, arf, arf. Yeah, everybody forgot about that. That's your grunting. That's the grunting that you want to fucking ban. Arf, arf, arf, arf. That's the one you want to ban. Careful. One last thing real quick. One last thing real quick. A little bit of a serious note on this whole midget bullfighting thing. They have now made it illegal for the little people to go to work and play fight the bulls. But what is still quite legal, quite legal, is real bullfighting where, I don't know, they kill the bull to death. Yeah. I'm sure regular-sized people are allowed to do that. Yeah, yeah. Regular-sized people are allowed to murder bulls for sport after they've been weakened by somebody, like, jabbing spears and shit into them, you know, getting them softened up, which have always sounded to be kind of pussy. Pretty pussy. The size of me, too. These guys are the size of me. Yeah, no. Matadors, you've got to present a small target. It would be no good if I went out there or Junk went out there. We're way too easy target. Yeah, I'd get a horn right in the fucking gullet or whatever you want to call it. I don't know. I wouldn't last very long. The bull would get me. Hey, it's over here. Oh, my God. Hey, make sure you listen to that thing that I sent you. Like, turn up your speakers when you listen to it and the song that plays. Are we watching this? No, you don't have to do it right now. I think lefties. I'm sorry, lefties. Okay. All right, folks. I think that's going to do it for us this week. Thank you for coming in. Thanks for stopping by before we go. Any words of wisdom for the listeners out there, gentlemen, lady, anyone? Wear a condom. Just wear a condom, man. That's all I ask. Wrapping up. Doctor? I'm super sorry to hear about Britney Spears getting bitch slapped. It really sucks that, man, if you slap Dwayne Johnson's ass, you've hit rock bottom. Yeah. Truer words have never been spoken. I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I've been doing that. Why are you looking at me like that? Anyway, I've been trying to reach out and do different things. Anyway, I started writing my own scripts. It's evolved from a rom-com into a porno movie. I'm having a problem. There's just too many holes in the plot. Sorry, I couldn't get through that. I couldn't do it. Oh, my God. You did good, Doc. I think you did good. 10% the joke and 90% the delivery. It gets through every fucking time, man. Every fucking time it gets through. All right, well, yeah. I think we'll leave it with that. Lefty, you got anything? You got anything to leave with? Yeah, you don't want to tell us some story about railroad tracks and wheels and shit? Like, come on. I mean, if you're looking to just make a stand, I can certainly come up with something, I'm sure. No. I listened to it the other day, and I was riveted. I learned so much. Thank you. You were riveted? Were you tied to the story? Railroad ties. I got it. I don't know. We all need to know what we do best, okay? What I do best is final. So with that, we're going to call it a week. Everybody, thank you for coming in, and we will catch you next time. See you. Later. Peace. That's a wrap. Join me again next time on Not Sure If I Can.
