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This week the guys discuss: Gooch Grease (1:41), Flesh Eating Bacteria (9:43), Surf Gator (15:36), Cruise Ship Jumper (19:46), Asian Flight Door (25:58), Parrot Eggs (30:01), and Hot Pocket Shooter (40:08).
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Details
This week the guys discuss: Gooch Grease (1:41), Flesh Eating Bacteria (9:43), Surf Gator (15:36), Cruise Ship Jumper (19:46), Asian Flight Door (25:58), Parrot Eggs (30:01), and Hot Pocket Shooter (40:08).
Comment
This week the guys discuss: Gooch Grease (1:41), Flesh Eating Bacteria (9:43), Surf Gator (15:36), Cruise Ship Jumper (19:46), Asian Flight Door (25:58), Parrot Eggs (30:01), and Hot Pocket Shooter (40:08).
Listen to S02E01 Taint Tampon Azule by Not Sure Take My Keys MP3 song. S02E01 Taint Tampon Azule song from Not Sure Take My Keys is available on Audio.com. The duration of song is 48:16. This high-quality MP3 track has 320 kbps bitrate and was uploaded on 15 Oct 2023. Stream and download S02E01 Taint Tampon Azule by Not Sure Take My Keys for free on Audio.com – your ultimate destination for MP3 music.
That's right, it's another night, I'm not sure, take my keys, to grab yourself a drink, to bed, there you have it, Lefty, Foxtail, and Jump. Hey, what's going on guys? Welcome in, welcome back, another episode of Not Sure, Take My Keys. After a prolonged hiatus, feels like it's been months. We're back at it, Lefty Bones here as always. Got Vernon Foxtail coming to us from the DFW, what's going on there, Foxtail? Hey man, it was a nice little month break, but here we are, kicking off Season 2, we're gonna get right back in your ear again. So, yeah, I'm ready, I'm excited. Let's do this thing, Dr. Jump, also with us here this evening, how are you, good doctor? I'm good, I'm excited for Season 2 after that cliffhanger at the end of Season 1, let's get this going. What was the cliffhanger? Is that where we're trying to find out if you're pregnant or not? Did you? I don't know, I'm not though, I'm not. You're not pregnant? You're not pregnant. Alright, well we wrapped up that cliffhanger, that's the official end of Season 1, Season 2, getting ready to pop off here, so. Junk is not pregnant. Yeah, let's do this thing. Junk is not pregnant. Junk is not pregnant, also not an obstetrician or an OBGYN or anything like that, so, mystery of podiatrist perhaps, we still don't know. Still don't know. That's the new cliffhanger. Alright, now Season 3. Gotta get that scratching in there real quick. Alright, I don't know if this is something you guys deal with, I'm assuming Junk does not, considering he doesn't go outside or sweat or any of that kind of uncomfortable stuff, but a recent trend that actually just kind of popped up, Gooch Grease. That's Gooch, Gooch Grease, apparently it's becoming such an issue for some men across the country that they've taken to using Maxi Pads to absorb their Gooch Grease, which is a very unpleasant term. Gooch Grease, man, for sure. Yeah, like what exactly, I did read the article, I guess what it is is it's the gathering of what, like lint and shit and sweat and everything between your, pretty much it's the taint zone, I've always called it a taint. Yeah. So I don't know what the Gooch is. Yeah, Gooch is a much less sophisticated word for it in my mind than taint, I prefer taint, I feel like that's a more adult way to go. Yeah, like Gooch Grease, I can dig, like the sweat, I get it, I get it, sweat and the lint shorn up in there. I'm concerned about these guys, like their hygiene practices or their diet, if they've got so much shit that it's like, like leftovers sliding up into their taint region, that's... And ruining your drawers, according to this article, it's ruining your drawers too, like you're fucking staining out your shit, like your underwear is fucked after this problem you got going on, so yeah, I don't really know. I mean, if I was having that problem, I could see this being a reasonable solution, I'm not saying that it's not, like a Maxi Pad's a good call. Why a Maxi Pad though, like what the hell, is there something magical about them? Is there something inside the pad itself? They're very absorbent. Okay, so this is basically a problem of just wetness. Gooch Grease. We should make something for men called a mini pad. This is called baby powder, put some baby powder up in there, dry it out. Target will sell it, no one goes there to buy it, but Target will sell it. Oh jeez, man, shots fired immediatemente from Dr. Junk. Yeah, actually the mini pad idea is not bad, I think you could use, I'm not sold on the name, maybe some slight rebranding to get it off the ground, but we could percolate on that a little bit. I don't understand, man. I do agree. Why a Maxi Pad? I do agree with Foxtail there. Kleenex. Foxtail's not a good call with the baby powder, that's my go-to approach. I'm a baby powder guy. I've used anti-monkey butt powder in the past, but it started kind of burning a little bit, so I've just gone back to the old stand-true Calcum. Yeah, because it just sounds like it's a case of like wet ass, sweat ass. I think they've taken it beyond that level, because they're clearly ascribing part of the issue to excess feces, which they're like living off of Red Bull and Doritos or something? I don't get how they've got that much butt seepage. No joke, like straight up anal seepage, like a bad pipe in a sewer plant, you know? Just a little bit at a time, oozing out. Gross. But at the same... Why wouldn't just straight up Depends be any different? Just wear an adult diaper at this point, you know what I mean? Like why go to a feminine product? Is somebody actually trying to... do they want to transition here? Is this what's going on? Well, also remember, like every fucking single medication that you take has anal leakage as one of the side effects. None of the medicines I take, not a single one of them have that. You don't have to lie, every single fucking medication has that as a side effect. Like edits, nausea, and anal leakage. Every fucking one. Yeah. And suicidal thoughts. Of course. Suicidal thoughts, yes. Like here, take two Tylenol if you think you want to kill yourself and your family. It's just a side effect. Just ride it out, don't do it. Just ride it out. Yeah, I'm confused by this dude's review. Going back to the issue of the lack of wiping being concerned, so that actually just kind of brought like a deep dark memory back. I was reading a thing on Reddit, of course, always got to be on Reddit. I was talking about like guys who think that wiping too fastidiously is kind of like, means like they're gay, getting up in your butt too much. Oh, okay. Like shaking your penis too many times and then you're like, you're jacking off or whatever. Yeah, kind of the same thing. Like adolescent level. So maybe these guys, like these like alpha males that don't want to seem too gay, they're like, they're not wiping their butt good enough, so they're going to do something real manly. And wear maxi pads instead. Well, they're, they're counter opposing it because they're adolescent and even thinking like that. So they've, they've countered, they just equaled themselves out with that stupidity there. I have a new idea for mini pad. How about the taint tampon? There we go. Alliteration too. I love it. TT, baby. I feel like that might be the winner. It is. So these are called, so, okay. I thought this article was about just dudes just being like, yo, I got a fucking problem with my gooch area, as we call it now. And I'm going to use my wife's maxi pad. So no, there's actually a product. No, I think you're right. Yeah. That's what was happening. Okay. They were just grabbing whatever was bad because they had some, yeah. But us three are going to start selling the taint tampon. Let's just make them. Because the dude can't go into the store and buy maxi pads for himself. He can go in and buy the taint tampons himself. Yeah, that'll be much more comfortable for him. Yeah, but tampon, even saying tampon might be weird. Maybe we call it taint towelette. Taint towelette. Oh, there you go. That way you don't have to get the tampon in there because that's another scary word for the alpha male when he's purchasing shit. You know what I mean? That's right. Sorry, alpha male. I love it. We're going to have to address. We're going to have to address. Taint towel might be it. We're going to have to address design flaw that I see with the maxi pad as it stands now. It's got the wings that kind of like fold around the panties, right? Well, I'm a boxer brief man. I'm going to need something that's, well, not going to do that. I'm going to need a different way to attach it. It's just going to have to stick to you. You don't have to fold it up. You have to have a ball on one end that will insert into your anus. The flaps invert and stick to your inner thigh instead of the panty. They stick to your inner thigh. But if you just put an anal bead on the end, you can just insert it right inside your anus. That will also stop the leakage. They don't have to be built like that. I agree. Go around your penis. So you have like here's the bead. So then you would boop, and you have to have at least a slight turn. So just, yeah, you're just pocketing it right in. Covered. Covered. I feel much more comfortable about it now. I'm totally in. And plus with all the anal seepage you're experiencing, you won't have to worry about lube or anything. It's built in. Right on in there. And you don't even have to utilize any spit or anything like that, which could also bring in weird anomalies because spit is a weird bacteria in the saliva. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha, ha, ha. So, hey, I think we came out of something, boys. But it could be flesh eating. So speaking of weird bacteria and different anomalous things that are happening, I know we talked about a while ago the giant seaweed blob that was heading towards the Gulf Coast and apparently it's arrived. It's showing out and sitting up on beaches. It's hanging out offshore. It's causing all sorts of problems. But a new issue that has arisen in Florida is that this seaweed or some of the bacteria that it releases can actually hold a deadly flesh-eating bacteria, which is substantially worse, I think, than just stinky seaweed. Sure. Absolutely. Yep. I mean, are we talking like an idiot or what? Like how do people... Shit, this was like a month ago that we reported on the arrival? It was when we were down at the beach. March. Then that was March. Damn, April, May. So, woo, a couple months ago. So it has arrived. And, yeah, I'd have to re-listen to what we were talking shit about on that. But it's flesh-eating now. So are we looking at the last of us? Are we starting to see some weird fungi-type shit going on now? And to bring it a little closer to home, if you remember last weekend when you were over at my house with the family and you were so worried about your kids swimming in the lake, didn't your daughter get sick all week or a couple days after? Yeah, she did, actually. She had a little bit of a stomach situation, which I'm convinced was caused by the trichinosis in your disgusting-ass lake behind your house. Yep, yep, yep. Oh, I was about to say, I thought you were talking about the lake at the Ozarks, the lake house. No, this is the situation behind your house? Well, you know, the big pond or the little lake, whatever you like to call it. Oh, what are we thinking here? What are we thinking here? We float around on, like, kayaks out there. We don't get in that shit, man. It wasn't my idea. We were playing Guitar Hero. I look outside. No. Kids are in the fucking lake. I don't know. Man, if my dad was there, he would not have liked that at all. At all. Back to our seaweed situation here. First of all, I just recently found out what the seaweed is called. It's actually called sargassum seaweed. Sarcasm seaweed? Sargassum seaweed, which got my little brain spinning a little bit. Just the phrase sargassum, it brought to me a mental image, and I think Junk has probably experienced this at least once or twice in his married life, where someone he knows enjoys being sarcastic so much that they actually experience a sargasm. I got you. Is this medically possible, Dr. Junk? I mean, I feel like I have one of those all the time. Yeah, I'd say so. Sargassum. That's nice. I like that. I like that a lot. I'm going to, like, use that in my daily vernacular. You're welcome. You're very welcome to it. I don't think it fits my life so much, but you might enjoy that one. Now, from a medical perspective on the actual effects of the sargassum bacteria entering in the water, I do want to get your thoughts on whether this would make you less likely or less inclined to get into the ocean, because I know you love beach life. I know you love being in the water. The sand, making sandcastles. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't getting in the ocean before the sargassum seaweed came, so I'm probably not getting in now either. Maybe it would have opposite effects to the junk. Maybe you would, like, react different to Dr. Junk. The sargassum is what happens after you get in. Sargassum is the bacteria. Sargassum is what happens when it breaks out, the flesh-eating bacteria breaks out, you know, pustules all over your body. So, you got a wide open wound and it's just pulling skin off? So, I was concerned about, like, any open wound. They said when we were down at the beach and I was, like, riding the waves in my belly and I got my stomach all scratched up from the rocks and everything, man, if this would have been going on then, it could have gotten me right then. It's not going to stop me from getting in the water, but we've got some symptoms of the flesh-eating bacteria, aside from the skin lesions and the obviously things, dangerously low blood pressure, discoloration, and a puffy discharge from the sores, of course, the obvious. Anal leakage? I'm sorry? Anal leakage? Is that one? Absolutely, actually. Absolutely, actually. The next concern, the next symptom that they list here is watery diarrhea. Nice. Tank towelettes could be in use. Tank towelettes could be in use. Anybody? We may need to strike while the iron's hot here, fellas. Cuban? Mark? This may be an exploding opportunity for us. Are you listening? An exploding opportunity. Wow. Look at you. We're doing it. That's funny. That's funny. Thank you. Thank you very much. We need to run to the patent office and fucking get this done, I guess. I don't know. We're probably going to make piles of cash off of this. Right, yeah. We should. Sticking with the beach theme here, and this is actually something that may keep me out of the ocean. Recently, an alligator was found on an Alabama beach just chilling out, bobbing in the water. It's a little surf gator. It didn't seem like it was aggressive or anything, but it was hanging out near families, near children, and it's not like it was on just a random beach in Alabama. It was located at Dauphin Island, the literal beach that we were on two and a half months ago, gentlemen. No, no, no, no. That is absolutely correct. I was about to say, I was like, it must have been on the backside, because at a certain point where we are, fresh water will meet the salt water. Oh, absolutely. You get that brackish water out there. Mixing, and so the backside, when Paulie and I went to the other side when we were there and was checking that out, yeah, that water was like brown and different and everything, because I think that was like a mixture of like the spill. So, did this croc or alligator show up on? Nope. It was on the open water side. You can see it in the video. It's riding the waves as they're coming in. There ain't no crashing waves on that side back behind the island. No, that was like a ... It looks like it's literally like right where we were shown. That looks, the beach looks very white sandy. Man, that's crazy. I didn't know that they can actually get in that kind of water. That's scary. I don't know. I mean, I'm assuming it's not like a salt water alligator, because I don't believe that they really hang out in this neck of the woods. Yeah, we could have very well, well, not you guys. I could have very well been swimming, not only with sharks, but apparently with an alligator, which for some reason is much more terrifying to me. I don't know why. Well, I ... I think they're equally terrifying. You don't want to get chomped and then rolled until it drowns you. There's also a lot of other fucking things in the ocean that will kill you, besides the sharks. Well, basically the main point here, and Lefty should know this, is like everybody, even our listeners, we all know, swim at your own risk in the ocean. It's not meant for us to be in there like a swimming pool or whatever. This is a ... If you're going to do it, you got to understand that you're testing the limits of life here, and you got to respect it. Yeah, that's their domain, not ours. Yeah, so at your own risk. At your own risk in that situation, I'm a visitor. I get that. I'm visiting their domain. I try to be respectful. I figure it's kind of like a pay it forward thing. I'm not going to litter on the beach. I'm not going to throw stuff in the ocean. I'm not going to take a big old Cleveland steamer out there or anything. I might, you know, a little tinkle here or there, but I try to keep it respectful. I figure I respect them, they'll respect me. That's with sharks and stuff. Gators, I don't think that they ... I don't know if they really get the concept of like mutual respect. They're like death machines, so it does change my view on it a little bit. Yeah, I mean, alligators are basically just dinosaurs. I don't want to fuck with that. That's a valid point. Sharks will bite you, and they'll be like, oh, that's not what I want to eat. That doesn't taste good. But alligators, yeah, that is what they want to eat. They want that lake. They're there for it. Yeah, fuck that. I'm never going back. That's super creepy to be on the fucking salty side. I don't even know if they're evolving to that level. That is scary business right there. Because they're not going to hang out. They're not going to go way out in the deeps. They're going to be chilling right in that laboratory of like, here we are. Look at those calves. Look at those ankles. And then you get the roll. Then you get just toss, toss, toss, toss until you're lifeless. And then they finish you off. All right, so you guys see the video that Comptroller sent over? I don't know if you saw the video. It's like a jackass. It's a jackass jumping off of the cruise ship. And like that moment, as soon as he, like Wile E. Coyote, as soon as he hits and feels those G's start to pull on him down, he's like, oh, fuck, that's like 100 feet down to that water. Yeah, it's not. I don't know if he made it out or not. I don't know if he made it out right now. Now that vault. Oh, yeah. Oh, homeboy actually. There you go. Oh. Oh, yeah. There's only two of them, dude? No. It was a better angle of the dude. Oh, okay. It was a better angle. The first one, you see him go over there. As soon as his legs start kicking? Yeah, it was as soon as those legs start kicking, he's like, oh, fuck. Yeah, like that dude's dead as fuck, right? He's swimming when he hits the water, so. I'm assuming he came out of it okay, but. I don't know if he died. What prompts, okay, I'm sure he got arrested. You may or may not get in the ocean. You may get in the ocean. You may not get the ocean. I get that. What would, I don't get this. I don't get, like, you're on a nice, beautiful cruise ship in the Bahamas. You're 100 feet up or so. It looks like it's extremely fucking high. Why not just, why? We're going to guess it looked like he was there with some of his buddies. There was probably some drinking involved. And probably a slap bet happened or something. It's like, you know, you gotta jump off set. Yeah, I'm basically just gonna go right down to, like, how old are they? Like, are they mid-20s? Yeah, like, his honor. If that's what it is. His honor had been questioned. It's just like me, what, fuck, I was like 30-something, mid-30s whenever we're over at and I'm up on the shed and I jump off of it into the pool. And I go for round two all wet and fucking fuck up my ankle. So I think it might be a little bit of that. I think it might be this guy like, oh, shit, I can do it. Basically, you know, one of the, it's like, my toxic trait is I feel like I can jump off a cruise ship. And then once you do, you're like, well, fuck, I probably should have thought that out a little bit more. Same with going back on top of a shed with wet feet that's got a steel metal roof on it. You know? How do you think you're going to get a, the second time is going to be the same as the first time, so. I just think they're young and it was just a flat-beddy kind of dare, like Junk said. It sucks he had to die like that, getting sucked under a cruise ship and chomped up by the cruisers. He didn't die, though. He didn't die. I guarantee you. I mean, you didn't see that part of the video, sir. So I'm doing a little bit of research on the fly, as I want to do. This video is four years old. Didn't know that. Oh, it's four years old. Didn't know it. The reason why it is, he lives, he's good. The reason why it's relevant is because it just happened to get. Oh, nobody's got a video of this time? So, other jackass, 18-year-old, jumps off a cruise ship and they call off the search. They're done looking for him. So, I'm guessing a gator got him. Oh, so he didn't, like, they couldn't even find that one, huh? No. So, okay. This guy came out of it, I mean, relatively speaking, he basically did it the best way he can. He jumped. He didn't die. I think that's about your best case scenario, right? Because now we know 50% of the time, you do die. But you have no control over it at that point. It's just kind of like a dice roll. And the way that dude was fucking doing that little jig on his way down. Oh, man, he's lucky he got out of that alive. Your best bet is just to go in like a torpedo, just straighten up and just cut that water sharp. Well, from, like, reducing the impact, absolutely. Yeah. I don't know if I want to go, like, you're going to go deep. That's a long way back up if you do that. Yeah, but you're better, man. But the thing is, though, is once you penetrate the water, go vertical or horizontal at that point. Once you get in, once you hit that, once you straighten that water out, then you can flow back out at a horizontal. Yeah, man, like, I don't know. You go in. I've jumped off some high dives before hitting the wrong, the way his arms and legs are, like, you get a good thigh slap. Or at that distance, you're breaking something. Like, if he survived, you're still going to break something. Or dislocate. You want to straighten up and just go right on in. And then Little Mermaid it back out, you know? So I'm wondering, I have heard about this before, that hitting water from that height, if you don't, this is like from foot divers and stuff, if you don't clench the butt cheeks together, you're actually prone to get penetrated. You're going to get an enema. Like a deep, aggressive enema. A porn enema. That's another concern I have there. Not if you're wearing the tank tampon. That might actually get you. Just saying, it has multiple uses, guys. That's all. Unless that ankle gets shoved up inside and just takes the whole tank tampon with it. That's when we use the stickers. That's when we use the inner thigh sticker. That's when we use the inner thigh sticker. So when you're doing any water sports like that and you have a problem that would come into that, then it would tear away off that and you won't have that problem. So don't use the anal bead part of it when you're going to do any kind of jumping off of the water. So if you're going to do cliff diving, I see. Use the tape with the wings. Inverted wings. Take it to your inner thigh. Bam. We'll have different versions. You know, that's the bronze. You need the gold or platinum. Now this one would be called Azul. This one would be called the Azul brand because it's blue like water. The Azul. It's the Azul. Tank tampon Azul. Azul. If you're going to be doing cliff diving, you want the tank tampon Azul. Well, jumping right back, piggybacking off of that into more things that would possibly cause me to need a tank tampon. Did you, this was a couple weeks ago, but did you guys see the video of the South Korean flight? When they fucking some jackass pulled the door open? Yeah. Junk sent that to us. And he thought that that was like not all that scary. Well, the video says it's like a heart pounding, pulse pounding video. Oh, yeah. You're going off the litter. It's just like wind blowing and like people are sitting in their seats. I fucking thought someone was going to get sucked out the fucking window. The way that that clickbait article was reading, I was waiting to see, you know, some little kid get sucked out the fucking side of the plane. I was just very disappointed. So you're okay. So I was about to say, I was like, you're waiting for this. You're waiting to at least see somebody get sucked out and hang onto the edge like, oh, shit. Like their feet are just like flopping out there and like, get me back in the plane. There's like seven people, like a human chain. Yeah, holding him. Yeah, keeping the fucking guy alive. Like, yeah. I don't even know how high they were. It was like off of a takeoff. They weren't really that high up, which is. No, they were landing. They were like. Oh, they were on their way down to land. That's what they had to. Yeah, they were on the way down to land and the dude like wanted off the plane or something. No, he was fucking around with the door. They're tinkering around with it. They were only at 700 feet. They were not high enough up to cause like the cabin to depressurize or anything like that. They did see the people. The people that were sitting close to the door, I guess, just from the wind just hitting them. They really, they did pass out because they couldn't breathe. So maybe that's the reason why it wasn't that exciting is because everybody that you could see in the camera was passed out. They're not flailing around like in a panic because they're not. Yeah, they were just literally. I can imagine if you were on the plane. I'm sure it was pulse pounding like I would have probably freaked out or passed out. But I'd have been watching the video. Well, so is the baby. That's what I'd have been like. Got to get off the plane because of the baby. I'm sorry. Could you imagine if you were sitting next to that guy on the plane? You're just like sitting there listening to music, minding your business. This fucking wacko like fucking opens the door. Like, oh my God. First of all, I would start noticing it. I would notice if like the way it sounds is like the dude was tinkering with it or whatever. Yeah, I would be observing that. And then at a certain point, I'd probably be like, poke, poke, like. Hey, quit that. Hey. I also read that the door is actually not supposed to open in flight. No, that's why I'm saying that dude got arrested. I guarantee he got arrested. I believe it's federal charge. He did. But it's very scary to me that the door is not supposed to open in flight and yet it did. Yeah, it's 700 feet though. See, like we were talking about the pressurization. If it was up 30 thou or up higher, there ain't no way you're able to. It won't even open because you can't. You're trying to push against that resistance. You know, it wouldn't happen. So it makes sense because of how low to the ground they were. But still, it's like, fuck, man. Fortunately, none of us have to get on a plane anytime soon. So that's good. I do. I do. Fuck. Yeah, he does here. Where are you going? He's going down here. He's coming down here. Yeah, I'm coming. I'm going down. Yeah, but literally, you're going to go. Sorry. I'm going down to Vernon, Foxtails. Basically, you're going to leave KCI and then land. It's like an hour. It's so fast to the flight. You're going down there for a medical conference? I'm going down there for work, yes. Oh, okay. What's the conference about? I can't tell you. It's like elementary CPR. I already know the inside of the elementary CPR. He's going to visit a few of the schools around here. I was going to ask Chet GPT what to do. It knows. It may. All right, we'll stick on the subject of, like, airline crimes and different wacky shit happening in the intercontinental airlines and whatnot. A gentleman flying out of Nicaragua on his way back to his home in Taiwan had a layover in Miami. And the customs agents there had a little bit of an issue with his cargo. Apparently, his bag was chirping at them. Uh-oh. So, of course, they asked him to open it up. And he was like, oh, I just got these eggs. Just these eggs. Don't worry about my eggs. It's fine. But they went ahead and looked deeper into it, being custom agents as they are, and they found that actually one of the eggs had hatched, and it had a baby parrot. Nice. It was showing his bag. Apparently, shipping animals across international lines via the air is frowned upon. Yeah, it's not a good idea. Especially, like, yeah, cross-country style. Yeah, you can't really do that. Especially if they're visiting here and touch his face here. Did they get caught here or they got caught in Nicaragua? Yeah, you know, he got caught in Miami. He was in a layover coming out of Nicaragua into Miami and then was going to go to Taiwan. I assume not directly. But, yeah, they caught him. U.S. customs agents caught him here. He's facing 20 years in prison, actually, for the 29 parrot eggs. Well, 28 parrot eggs and one baby parrot. Wow. That's because he got caught here with that. Yeah. And that's not saying that those are actually parrot eggs from here. Those are probably Nicaraguan parrot eggs. No, they are Nicaraguan parrot eggs. Yes, you flew to Nicaragua to get those eggs. Yeah, so he fucked up by doing a little stop point here to get to where the fuck he was going. I just don't understand. What if they were just his breakfast? Like, can I take chicken eggs on the plane? Are you a Filipino now? Are you eating Balut or whatever that's called? I'm just saying if I took chicken eggs with me in my bag and one happened to hatch, would I be facing 20 years in jail? Probably. Yeah, you're trying to leave Kansas City, Missouri, and you're headed to, like, what? Saudi Arabia or something, probably? Sure. That's normally where you would go. There's a hot market in Saudi Arabia for specifically Missouri organic eggs. So, yeah. Chicken eggs. Tyson chicken eggs. But the thing is, though, what's weird to me is that guy had the perfect environment in his traveling bag to incubate the egg to birth. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm curious what the eggs were in. For it to start chirping and being like, I'm a hatched egg. I don't know about you guys, but the way I treat my backpack, there's no eggs that are surviving in my backpack. Right. So, he was moving the eggs in a special little egg container, apparently like a little pull box type thing. Yeah. But one of them did manage to fight through the chill and poke its own way out. The customs agents. It's got the fucking vials in the shell. From Jurassic Park. It's got the thermos. Yeah. But it sounds like this specific egg was wrapped in a Tauntaun skin inside of that frozen environment. So, somehow it hatched. It hatched. I thought they smelled bad. On the outside. Well, you guys will be glad to know, 26 of the 29 eggs that were apprehended were hatched, and 24 of the 26 chicks that hatched are still living right now. Okay. What about the other two? They didn't live right now. Are they living in some kind of holding tank in Miami? Dade? They got them down to the animal welfare, you know, Department of Exotic Birds in Miami. I'm sure they got something like that down there. And, yeah, they were able to basically being hand-fed, and they are there for the kids to go check out and whatnot. They're like a little showcase. So there's a silver lining to all this. I don't think the guy should get 20 years. He did a good thing. He didn't burn away, but it's a good thing. Oh, man, 20 years for, like, oh, God, can you imagine, like, the shit he's going through inside the system? You know, dudes are going to come up to him and be like, yo, bro, what are you in for? Hey, fuck you. Yeah, right. You're getting sized up. You're getting figured out. He'll be like, ah, man, I had a bird. I had a pair of eggs in my bag. Oh, you got to make some shit up, dude. You're going to be sucking dick for a while now. You know, I fucking ate a baby or something. You just got to make some shit up. There you go, doctor. Yeah, exactly. If you go in there straight up and be like, yo, I got busted by supplying illegal eggs, yeah, you'll be sucking dick forever in there. Right, right. You're going to be like, I killed three cops, and I had no weapon. You know, like, make some shit up. I killed three cops without a goddamn weapon, man. You know what my weapon was? My thumbnail. Fuck yeah, it was. Yeah, that is a lot more respectable. A lot more respectable way of getting by. So, you guys, you know you like to hear about my irrational fears? Oh, absolutely. Please. So, do you want Paris or prison? Airplanes. Airplanes. Oh, okay. So, we had these last two stories about this airplane. So, you know, I hate to fly. I hate it. I'm terrified. And one of my earliest memories that I always think about whenever I'm flying, and this door story made me think of it. So, in 1990, there was a made-for-TV movie released called Miracle Landing, and it was based on the true story. I don't know if either of you remember this movie, but I remember there was a little kid sitting, and they pointed up at this, and they were like, what's that? And, like, the top of the plane tore off. What the fuck? So, they were flying, and the top of the plane tore off, and they had to, like, fly for a little while and land with half of the ceiling missing from the plane, like people getting hit in the face with shit. Anyway, it's based on a true story, and I think, you know, I was eight years old when that movie came out. I don't know why my parents let me watch that movie. Right before you guys flew to Disney World. Right. I don't know what risk we're taking here, son. I don't know if you can see this picture. No. Anyway. The fucking half the top of the plane is missing. Yeah. Fuck that, man. I thought you were going to say you had an irrational fear of some smuggler, or, like, flipping a bunch of parrot eggs into your suitcase, and you're going through customs or something. While you're being here. Like, here's a fucking 36-inch mule for us. Anyway, that's irrational junk fear number 472. Yeah. 472. Checking it off the list, and shit. Damn, you've been keeping a list of 472 different discrepancies that junk gets scared of? Yeah, right here in my planner. I mean, that's not the last number. That's just the number in the list. Yeah. Right. I got a lot more pages to work. We're good to go. Sniper bathroom. Which one did that fall in? Is that, like, number 400 or something like that? No, that was later in life. You know, that's recent. Okay, so that's a year higher. That was, like, number 17,000. Okay, that's a higher rating. Sniper bathroom. That's right around the fear of the Earth's gravitational pull giving out and him just floating away. Oh, yeah, that's right. Then we just, yeah, it's like a reverse gravity. You're not really floating. You're falling. Yeah, it's reverse gravity. Inverted. Flipping it again. Yeah, that would suck, honestly. Most people that were raised Catholic look forward to the rapture. Doug's the one who's like, oh, God, no, no. I was just at a funeral last weekend. I mean, we were talking about this for a second. I was at a funeral last weekend, and I felt like I was being prudent. But at one point, the priest guy, or whatever he was, he was just like, you know, she's died, she's moved on, but if she had the choice to come back and be with you guys, she wouldn't take it because she's experiencing something that's better than here. I was just like, what? Like, what? Then the old boy's like, I don't know, excuse me. If I die, and he was like, would you like to go back? I'd be like, yeah, send me back. That's where my friends are and my family are. Like, this is cool up here. This is awesome. Yeah, send me back. I'm not ready. Send me back. That's some crazy shit, man. That's where I think paranormal activity starts coming into play. If Junk went too early and he wasn't ready, Junk would be haunting our ass. I guarantee it. He'd be haunting the fuck out of our ass. He's already the right tense for it. Especially with that fucking blue light. Whatever it is, the blue light that's shining in your face right now, you look ethereal and otherworldly as it is. He's got no blood in there at all. There's no hot blood in it. There's blood in there, but not hot. I had to change my background. Here we go. If we keep talking about it long enough, he'll start to get flustered and his cheeks will turn pink, which will be a good sign for the health of his well-being. His circulatory system is still functioning properly. I see a little bit of red coming in there. It's actually creeping up right now. That could be the reflection off his mustache. There we go. We don't know for sure. Yeah, the black-light-blue color was kind of weird. That was freaking me out. I thought you were actually getting ready to tell us this whole story is based on a true story. You gave, you died, all the way back to the funeral, and you came back. Now you look like a Twitch streamer. Haunting us already. Now Jeff looks like a game streamer. What game are you playing now, bro? Are you playing Diablo 4 or something like that? No, I don't really have time for games anymore. All right, and finally, staying in the world of crime and just cutting-edge action movie shit here, a man in Kentucky was actually recently arrested for shooting his roommate in the buttocks. He called that a million-dollar wound. I don't know about that. I haven't seen a penny of that much. Anyway, he got into an argument with his roommate, because his roommate committed what I consider to be a pretty cardinal sin. He ate the last Hot Pocket, fellas. That's something you just don't do. All right, so I'm wondering, like, when I read this story, I was trying to think, like, you know, all three of us are very close friends, obviously. What would I have to do to, like, Cliff to get him to shoot me in the ass? What would I have to do to, like, Foxtail to get him to shoot me in the ass? And, you know, vice versa. What do you have to do to me for me to shoot you? You know, like, what's all of our breaking? I'll start. Okay. If you say my actual name one more time in the clock, and we have to bleep it out, I'm going to shoot you in the ass for that. I apologize again. I'm not. Just forget it. No, no, no. But I think if I'm not, like, a big Hot Pocket guy, but if you ain't, like, my last toaster strudel or something like that, I got a pretty tricky. That's mine. That's mine. That's not ours. That's my toaster strudel. So I come out right there. It doesn't have to be food either. Like, I feel like, I don't know. If you took a whole friend or three of us. Right there, basically, you answered mine. Mine would be basically just not. Like, we got roommate. Oh, I said his name again, didn't I? I'm sorry. We don't. Huh? Yeah. I said your name again. Fuck. God. I don't think I called it. Anyway, I'm sorry I jumped off topic. You were getting ready to say what you would have to do to Vernon to get him to shoot you. Yeah, basically, mine would be, like, just not knowing the rules. Because when you're roommating, right, you set rules. You'd be like, hey, don't. When I put stuff in there and it's, like, leftovers, don't eat it. Or blah, blah, blah, this or that. Or, yo, I got a 12-pack of beers. You can have them. Just leave me one. You know what I mean? I would probably get mad when you just can't follow the line of dots. That's when I'd get mad. Just the simple basics. That's when I'd get really fucking mad. We established rules. You broke the rules. Know what's going to happen now. Shot in the ass. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, you put that in the contract. You'd be like, here's the list of rules and here's the repercussions. Right. It seems like nowadays if somebody's going to be roommates, you're going to have to do it like a VRBO or Airbnb. You're going to have to have stipulations. See, to me, like, a Hot Pocket, though, is such, like, a trashy, like, really, you're not mad about a Hot Pocket? Sure, sure. Hey, it was a Philly cheesesteak Hot Pocket. It wasn't like your regular California pizza, all right? Hot Pockets aren't even good, man. I'm with you on that. Yeah, I'm with you on that because a Hot Pocket is hot. It would be another thing if it was, like, I don't know, you were at, like, some fancy-ass restaurant and you brought home, like, the cheesecake dessert and you couldn't eat it because you were, like, way too full or whatever, blah, blah, blah, and you get up the next day and fucking next thing you know it's gone because Lefty ate it all. He's like, yo. Leftover Go-Jos from when the yellow sauce was still proper. Ooh, ah. That'd get a motherfucker shot. Probably not even the ass. That would be an almost crucifixion. Like, you go home, you get into some beers or something, you know, you're having a good time. It's about time to crash. You know, 132 o'clock in the morning, you go in, you go in for that leftover Go-Jos with the yellow sauce that's proper, and it's just gone. You walk up to your roommate's room and he's got a fucking smear of yellow sauce across his cheek. Oh, my God. And it stinks of it in there. You see the styrofoam container just, like, on the counter? I don't know. He only ate, like, half of it, but now it's no good? Oh, my God. His body's emitting the fucking just terribleness of it. He's sweating yellow sauce. Yeah, exactly. That yellow sauce was not good for you, but it was so tasty. And he's just, it's like, you know, you walk in a room with a bunch of people drinking a bunch of champagne, and you can just smell them, you know? Yellow sauce. You're right, though. I fucking made a bocce the other night, and I bought one of those bottles of yellow sauce and used it. It is not safe. Fresh. No, no. Hot shit. No, no. You get, like, one or two bites out of it, and you're like, oh. Then you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, something's wrong here. I got tricked. Yeah. Yeah, man, that's a sad day. And then you notice how Go-Jos went to shit after that? Yellow sauce goes to hell, and then the whole place went to hell. I mean, I went there in a crib. Mom and Dad brought me there, and I was like a baby. So that place has been around for a minute. So that just, yellow sauce, boo. That's a bummer. So, yeah, he ate my yellow sauce. That would be it. All right, well, I think that's going to wrap it up for this week, folks. Thank you for swinging by. Great to be back, gentlemen. It's great to be back at it. Some of us didn't miss a beat. Others of us need to work on their dub skills, apparently. But as we're heading out for this evening, any parting words of wisdom? Dr. Junk mixed it up. Anything to leave for the viewers? I mean, my therapist told me this week I have a hard time expressing my emotions. I can't say I'm surprised. Okay. We'll work on that, bud. We'll be helping you out through. We'll peel back the layers like an onion. Like an onion. We're there for you, bud. Mr. FoxPail, what do you got for the listeners this week? Hey, it's good to be back. It is good to be back. Well, not too much other than that. It is the first episode of Season 2. So, yeah, I'm super excited. A little change up around where I got going on. A little change up on the atmosphere and everything else. Maybe trying to rework a few things here with the episode. Intro music. Maybe do a little, you know, stick with it. You know, we can't change it because everybody's getting used to it. So we're going to have to kind of meld it with the same prophecies that it has going on. Did you guys realize that my thing was a joke? It's a dad joke. I have a problem expressing my emotions. Can't say I'm surprised because I don't have any emotions. You can't say you're surprised. You literally can't say it because of your, yeah, I got it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Still a little flat as all. We'll still work on it. We'll still work on it through the season. We'll make sure Dr. Junk's okay 100% for all the listeners out there. I know he's got a fan base. But, yeah, good to go. Ready to hit this off. A little brain teaser for you as we're leaving this week. Just something to think about for the next seven days. Another marketing idea that I came up with. Like an app for sex workers. Something like 4Dash or Uber Beats. See if you guys can come up with anything else. See if you guys can come up with anything else over the next seven days. Send us an email if there's anything that jumps out at you, listeners. All right. Well, yeah, everybody, thanks for stopping in this week. Appreciate you having here. And we'll catch you next time. Peace. Later. Later. That's a wrap. Join the gang next time on Not Sure K5 Teen. We'll see you next week.
