Episode 3

Yui and Ramala discuss their friendship, which began when they started working together. They were surprised to discover that they went to the same school and have been close ever since. They talk about the challenges of growing up and the pressure they feel to succeed in their education. They share their experiences of feeling inadequate and the struggle to meet the high expectations placed on them. They discuss the transition from high school to university and the changes in their friendships. Yui asks Ramala about her proudest moment in education, and Ramala shares her decision to trust herself and pursue chemistry and biology despite feeling insecure. They both reflect on how the pressure to be perfect can lead to an identity crisis. hello everyone and anyone I'm your host Yui and welcome to the third episode today I am joined by my friend Ramala hello everyone we have been friends for like nearly four years now we like know each other since like 2020 yeah it's been a long time yeah it went really quickly though because I feel like it has been like a few months not a year yeah we actually talked about this before we started the podcast because we were like planning on what to talk about it's like a proper script that we have like right now that we're just not following yeah but like um yeah like it felt like we've like been friends like four months but it's been almost four years it's unbelievable like how we we met as well because I don't think I'll be friend with her it's crazy because I was just looking like a rest a bitch like basically I would say I'm a bitch working and she was like the newbie that's kind of big a bitch is ish as well but like you know I was not a bitch I was you were I think I don't like new people who start to start working because that's dumbass some people don't have like the common sense they need to bring to a job I think so I don't usually like them but I feel like when I talk to you I get like a sense of feelings that you kind of like know what you're doing you're smart enough to like think about it and figure out how to do your job so that's how I think the friendship the friendship started yeah like you approached me first I'm so surprised about like like on my first day I think I saw you there when I was getting trained right and like I was like I wanted to approach you but since you had that like stone-cold face I didn't know how to engage right so I was just like making eye contact with you occasionally hoping that it would be like reciprocated as like you know oh and then it did a track I didn't pull and like as we like actually started talking instead of her judging me we learned that she was in her 11th year of high school and I was in my 10th and shockingly we both went to the same school I know yeah it's not a coincidence because because that area was not like where this were most of our school kid go to work so it's so rare and it's so it's such a coincidence that we actually meet and we actually go to the same school yeah even though I don't think I seen her at school because I don't know her anyway well then after I've known her from work I've been like you know saying hi back and forth back and forth after I see her and all that and we've been close yeah yeah yes but now I've been like you know up to a different point in life where I finished my high school last year and I'm starting my first year at uni and she is just finishing I have like I think five more months now five six yeah which is so shocking because I still feel like I'm 13 years old like I'm not sure if you felt this way but it feels like I've just been stuck at a certain age point in life and now it's like everyone's telling me oh you can drive now oh you can do this now but it's like guys I'm only like 12 13 what are you guys talking about yeah it's the feeling of just like you enjoy I think you enjoyed like the face of like being a 13 years old cuz you know it's fun you don't have that much responsibility and the school is not too hard but now you just reach a point like where everything it matters yeah everything is on your shoulder so it's kind of like oh you to be successful and like and I know it's like it's like oh obviously it's on you to be successful like you're gonna do it and it's like it's so daunting because you always think oh I have so much more time and time done I have so much more time and then next thing you know you're like six months away from graduation and now you're actually thinking about your degree course like I'm not sure how you felt during your like um first round like selection because it's coming up for me I mean my first round of what I had initially think of putting in it though so my first initial plan was like going to medicine but then I don't think well I think my way of thinking is I should be able to make it I was kinda doing my work good as well so that's why I can make it and then my second option was like medical science because I know it's like the um what's it called the selection process it can be like very tough and all so that's why I put like as a second option I also have like a little backup but then it just felt strange because like I when when I see myself right now compared to when I was like in my first round selection process I was I was so shocked what I was doing because right now when I think about it medical school takes so much time off you you need a lot of studying it's going to cost you a lot of money and you can't do anything you basically buried yourself into study and books yeah it's like you there's like no way back and I feel like what you said kind of links back to what I said before where it's like it's so easy to say oh I have so much time I'll do this I'll do this but then it's like you don't really think about the fact that you got you actually have to do it like you're gonna be living that reality it's not just random words that you're saying anymore you know yeah it's actually everything yeah like it's like you when you're young you're like okay I'm gonna be an astronaut but then when you say when you're older it's like if you if you want to be an astronaut you gotta do physics you gotta do math it's like it's actually something that you actually have to like put a lot of effort time and discipline into it's not something that you can just say anymore yeah I think that's so scary about growing up I mean we're all growing well I growing up I'm 18 she's turning 18 soon but I feel like schooling basically like the idea of education at the moment for us it's kind of like tough in a way because we are trying our best she is trying her best for her last year because it's kind of important in a way to get in like to a course that she wanted to and me personally I'm just like starting my first year and it's kind of stressful because like it's such a big transition from my high school to uni it's like you don't know anyone and anything that you do and it's such a different atmosphere from like who you usually see and like you don't have like the same class as your friend anymore like there's so much like different timetables so you can choose whatever you want and you won't see your friends and it's like the time and the connection we spend for like whatever years we have it's kind of not as close like as we used to be and we have like our own life on the track like I think friendships as we grow up they just have a trend of becoming very superficial like it's very categorized like for example in high school like you'd be friends with someone maybe in and out of school you guys wouldn't be close but like it'd be two types you know you'd be close in school and close out of school like it'd be those two types right but like in college and like what's it called work and stuff it's like you're just classmates or you're just working in the same field or it's just you guys know each other through like connections it's nothing that's like oh you guys are friends because you guys share similar experiences or anything like that. Yeah I mean life is just a roller coaster and I really want to have like I want to really really wanted to ask you like you know what has been like the proudest moment proudest moment of like I say like education time in general like what's your proudest moment? I feel like the proudest moment in my education was when I finally decided to trust myself and take the leap into doing chemistry and biology because growing up I was always considered the dumb student and I know no one really thought that way just because of the predetermined like stereotypes that Asian kids are smart right but like deep down I've never felt competent enough to be taking such courses you know or such topics. I think it's the same with me because like when I was in like Cambodia like that's where I was growing up till I moved to Australia I feel like I didn't do such a good job especially my last year I was failing every class since I went to because I think like the educational system is so bad that like we've got to do so many subjects like chemistry, biology, physics, geology and stuff that we can't choose we can't pick and choose basically we have to do every single one of them and like you know everyone expecting you like to get a good grades and all and it's kind of like wow it's such a big shift like from the educational system over there and to like the Australian educational system it's such a big shift and like as you said like the Asian background people expect so much from you and it just you know the pressure is kind of way high. And when you can't meet their expectations it feels like you're not just letting them down you're letting yourself down and like it kind of leads into like an identity crisis because like when you get into a pattern of like because like eventually I kind of felt like I got a little bit smarter or like I like I kind of started applying myself more and like I got better results right but it felt like none of that was really enough if that makes sense. Yeah I feel like we're both perfectionists right here like we tried our best to meet like the expectation of Asian parents obviously and I feel like when we put so much pressure on ourselves we keep affecting our like our beliefs in a way that we can do much better than this like why are we not perfect? Nothing ever becomes enough and it's just it's horrible when you start like linking your self-worth to what you achieve because it's just it's like a down like turn slip like it's like you're like okay um why am I not good enough to get this grade like it's like we let the grades define us and like it really does become a crisis when you get older and topics become harder and you can't keep up with all of it because it's like you're so used to it defining the type of person you are and how you're treated and what you deserve that we don't get it anymore it just feels like you as a person are not enough and not just that the topic yeah I think when we say about like the Asian upbringing I think that's also hard and like the expectation after you have like your education when you finish it the the career that I want you to go into is just like a doctor engineering or like I don't know something that gives status or like high above it is such a big pressure for everyone I think because when you can't meet that expectation you feel like just a failure and I feel like most of your family members rejected you from like being seen as like the good golden child and it's just I feel it feels so sad that we can't be ourselves like be enough when we we just be our normal selves like we can't be that we have to be like like top we have to be on our tiptoe every single time like every single day because it makes even like a relationship that's supposed to be so personal like family it feels so superficial as well because it just feels like instead of like what's called them liking you for you you're just trying desperately for them to like you in general and then when you bring up to like the hard time I feel like even now that we settle in like Australia for however like long you have been here you still have that like feelings of being like an outcast yeah you don't know where you belong it becomes even worse when you come to a Western world because it's like at least back in like the home country you can assimilate more into it and you can grow into it you know what I mean but when you come to the Western world where you will never be the quote unquote normal it just feels like you're trying to fit in with two different worlds and like if you please one you dissatisfy the other so it's just like you're just stuck in the middle never feeling like you're enough for either side yeah when especially like when you go back to you like a visit for like a visit to your home country they senior like if you live here for long and I'm like they would consider you what because sometimes you can't even speak like the language that you were from like normally and it sucks because it's like they expect you to keep up with it but in your day-to-day life in the Western world you're not going to be speaking your mother tongue all the time it's just not possible because in most cases you come home and you speak with your family for like an hour or two and then the rest of the 22 hours of the day you see people like going to your work school talking on the phone with a friend and it's just it's just not like what's it called um it's not like what's plausible to always be like practicing your home language you know good times tired for everything it's like the time management we we have in school is so tight we have like school from like 830 to 3 and after that it's our time but then our time is like mostly spent on like doing work from like school and all that and then we have like chores to do afterwards as well so I think the time management is not like manageable mm-hmm and it kind of sucks in a way because we can't enjoy it I think like where when it's your time in school you should be able to enjoy it enjoy it as much as you could when you're like your friends and your family's but these things that like takes up all your time it just make it unbearable and unenjoyable so it just sucks I feel like what's it called um family it sucks when like what's called your family and you just have like a very superficial relationship because it makes you feel so like um alone because like for example you feel isolated from your community right so you try to fit in with like the white groups in like school you know but then you also feel isolated there so it's just like there's literally nowhere to turn really and you just have like your schoolwork and you have a goal in mind to get a good A card to get a good job at the end make your parents proud but then it's like you're still like not making them feel proud because you don't really like get the language you know yeah and it's like when you don't get the language it makes the relationship between like the three of you is just like very difficult to maintain yeah because it's like they don't understand what you're trying to say and you don't understand what they're trying to like get across fully you know so it's just like I feel like it's it feels like when a parent like discipline their child like they don't get the message across sometimes the child don't understand what they the parent want them to know to do or like want them to know about we just and there's different beliefs because when you grow up in the Western world you think certain things are okay that you're like parents would absolutely despise you know yeah so it's just like it's you guys aren't on the same page so it's just very like difficult any like moments that you step out your comfort zone that you feel like you've done enough for them like I feel like if I'm being truthfully honest like I don't feel like I've ever felt like I've been doing enough like I feel like maybe it's being the what's called a daughter in an Asian household but it just feels like no matter what I do it's just not enough and there's always something else I have to achieve and it's the it's also the fact that like in my family I'm the youngest and it's not like the small age gap either it's like seven and ten years right so it just feels like everything that I'm achieving it's already being done so it feels like I need to either do it quicker or I need to do something at a higher caliber like it's like either better or quicker and it feels like I'm like rushing against myself like I'm having a race against myself because my siblings they don't think like this they've you know they've lived their lives but it's true yeah but it's like I'm having these like mental gymnastic Olympic like style of race with them but like it's like it's an empty field there's no one there I'm racing against myself and your thoughts and your beliefs I think and like I think it's the same for me because when I was just finishing my last year of high school I was just racing for my sibling especially my brother because he did quite well in school and it just made me feel like oh okay I think I should be able to beat up like the grades or the steps that he took I think I should be able to beat that but then when I received my ATAR like my final grading I was devastated because I only got 80 I was just feeling like I did so much more and why did I only get that much I feel like I should deserve more but then at the end of the day the course requirement wasn't that high because I chose nursing it wasn't that high and I was beat I was able to accept what I got I was in denial for a little bit I was in that stage of just you know I've done so much and I stayed up for many nights just you know do schoolwork and all and why didn't I get the ATAR I wanted like no I 100% get it because it's very disheartening and not just disheartening it's crushing because it's like you've put in so much hours into it and you've like really like you put your hopes into it because like I know everyone just says it's just a grade it doesn't define you but like for most people who don't come from the highest of socioeconomics it's like doing another degree just to transfer to the one that you want it's not plausible financially like it puts a big strain on yourself your family and just the timeline that you have for yourself and when you want to complete everything so it's like and like what's it called um knowing that you did your best and your best didn't even get you what you want it's horrible it really is you know now let's like shift the topic to like a little different from like our schools and like our experience with like education I say like I want to like have like a deep reflective conversation with you you know um my question is would be like if you have like a chance to go to the past or the future which one would you choose like it gives me such a chill when someone asks those questions because it's different every time okay I think I think I would love to go to the past but like before I do that I want to really like get my knowledge in on certain things like certain inventions like for example a pen like I want to learn how a pen is made how it is like you know sourced and just everything go back to before pens are created and then just like create it monopolize on it and just set myself up financially like in 2000 something like when the house price is still low set yourself up bought it and then just you know have a coffee I would buy like a thousand like bitcoins yeah yeah like I don't know the exact conversions that don't come at me guys but like all I know is I won't be balling I wouldn't be wrecking I wouldn't be working to be a slave. Oh my god I realized being a slave is so weird because like okay so my mom has like her own business right and like Cambodia and I chose not to be a slave over there and I chose to be a slave over here so I'm like one day like one morning that I was working I was just you know why did I make this decision to come over here and be a slave for others while not being a slave for my mom like it's such a fucking weird feelings that I'll kind of not regret it but like you know if I have to choose it again I would stay with my mom. It's so strange because it's so hard working as a slave for others. It's because there's so many restrictions to yourself because at the end of the day you have to get confirmation from one person to another it's never really like your independent choice it's like the approval of seven other people. Yeah you're looking for like the external confirmation yeah external confirmation and you like constantly seeking for approval because you don't know when you do good enough or when you do like a shit job or whatever like that and this constant looking for like approval is just very exhausting for like us. You need to do so much burnout. Can we talk about that? Oh my god especially like for fucking retail workers and like fast food workers the way that like management. We're treated internally and externally it's actually horrific and considering most people start their retail or just like their part-time job or casual job at the age of like 15 14 and the way that like they're treated from the get-go it's so disheartening. Disheartening. I feel like they ruined our like beliefs and the work culture I think like it just set us up to feel like we're not good enough for the system we're so shit we don't cut for this we don't we don't. We should just like accept what's a given that's a bare minimum and like if you get yelled at or you get screamed at or sometimes even like verbally physically like abused, you're just meant to take it. You're just meant to take it because it's like you know you're just a worker and you're getting money from the customer and so it's like your struggles are not that important. Yeah but then if we I feel like everyone needs to know this if you don't have these like retail workers, fast food workers like all the essential, you won't have all like the services available to you anymore. When you take anything for granted it's not gonna last long and I know you're going to suffer like. Yeah like it's the everyday luxuries that we have that like what's the call we take for granted like for example the person who goes around and cleans up the trash in like the local neighborhood you don't you don't really think much of that person but it's like if that person was not there imagine how many bins would be overflowing, the trash that would be on the ground and that clean neighborhood that you see would not be there like and I feel like it's just because we chase something that will like give us status like something like a doctor or lawyer but it's like the simpler people who do the jobs that people don't want to do it's like they keep us running as well like everyone does their part like to keep the world going and it's like it's sure they may not be doing something you deem as big but you're benefiting off of it like regardless you know so it's like to put down someone who's just working a job which at the end of the day is just to make money so you can pay your bills it's very like it's it's like you lose hope for humanity you know because yeah when you define someone based on what they do to just pay their bills it's horrible yeah like I don't know how would you say um success to be defined would it be based on like status or like money or how would you say I feel like for me like if I'm successful in life I feel like I'll have a salary like a stable job that like provides many benefits and like those the salary and those benefits would like help me retire my parents because like I feel like that's how I know I'm successful and I can just help them pay off the house do this do that take them out whenever they want like you know I feel like my success is rooted in the happiness of my family okay very good because I feel like we're so different in this aspect because my happiness well not super different but I do have like a little bit more added to it I do want to retire my parents and all that but I feel like I don't want to base my life like my financial stableness on like just a salary because sometimes I don't know what's going to happen it's such an unsure world like where everything could go upside down and just like flip a switch so I want to like you know a little more income like sources so it could like you know help me a little bit more with the worry when you know that you in control of your financial stuff so it's kind of very it has like a relaxed sense to it I don't have to worry as much I don't need to like be working my ass off just you know to earn money I don't want that I feel like that's just a little different aspect between us yeah yeah that's fair like I feel like there's benefits and downfalls to being your own boss like for example like if you have like these multiple income sources like there are some other ways that it may go wrong but I don't know like it does provide another layer of like security if the first job doesn't go as planned you know or like you can't work for a period of time I feel like everyone just has a different approach in life and like that's fine you know I feel like I was raised very traditionally like to just chase after stability yeah like the traditional idea of stability you know like finish university get a job and then maybe eventually marry and settle down like very traditional I mean it's almost the same that I raised like that because my parents want me to like finish like the uni degree that I'm doing right now and like you know get a stable job obviously and same with going getting married and like having kids and settle down but I don't see that like I see the having kids like settle down stuff but I don't see myself getting like you know a stable job because I don't like the nine of the idea of like having a shift works or like nine or five I just don't like that idea because like I could do so much for my time when I finish high school I feel like I am more like a person when I'm not like trapped in a space or like in a time restriction when you have more autonomy over your life yeah yeah it's such a joy to me I can do whatever at whatever time I want to it's just my own freedom that I can spend and nothing is restricting that so it is very good that's why I think multiple streams income is kind of good in a way but then your salary like your expectation or like of you of like a salary job is stable job it's kind of good yeah and like I guess maybe it's the way that I was raised it's like I'm not used to taking big risks like for example this podcast even like I'm not good at like stepping out of my comfort zone like what's already been laid out for me so it's like I'm trying to be more open to these new possibilities and ways to live life that I previously would not have like thought would be for me and I feel like that's just the steps that we must take along the way to like get out of our comfort zone because I know what pathos I can like take to lead to a certain pathway right one that like every like woman that I know has taken like you know but it's like I think I don't want to live that life like like for you you can see like this with such opposites because you can see the kids and you can see the marriage right but you can't see like settling down into the job I cannot thousand percent see myself working working but I cannot see the kids and like husband type stuff I mean like okay if we're talking about like working and husband I think um when you settle down and you have kids I still see that you still have to sacrifice one of us like when you have kids and no one's looking after the kids I think you've gotta sacrifice your work or someone's work someone has to which one would you sacrifice it would you get your husband to quit or would you quit because for me I'm like I wouldn't be having kids I don't see that for me kids or husband like I'm the type that loves my work honestly like when I truly get into it I can just love every aspect of it. The thing is, I've never met a dollar that doesn't make me happy. A dollar never broke my heart but like at the same time it it sounds you know very complicated but then in a way I think that um the kids should have like enough time spent with each of their parents so like I don't know maybe um when I started like taking care of the kids maybe I quit sometime for some time and then you know when the kids a little grown up I go back to work or like you know I felt like a part-time job or anything like that like something that has flexibility and then I feel that it should be the same with my husband if I want to get married and have kids something that we should be like it's a shared responsibility it's just not on me alone so that's what I think. I feel like a nightmare of mine is to be a single parent with a husband and by that like let me elaborate I mean like when you're doing everything a single parent would do cooking cleaning taking care of the baby coming back home from work doing all that over again working those long hours all while you have a husband who's just like sitting there oh like that's so like like being a single parent while having a husband is actually so scary to me. Same. Same. I don't think I would be able to deal with it though. Yeah like um like for me and everyone's just like oh like just pick better right but the thing is in this generation these guys they're so good at pretending like they will like what's it called be like oh I can do this I can fulfill this lifestyle and then eventually when you are at a point where it's like a divorce would do more bad than good financially or like you know stability for the kids and whatnot it's like then they just start like lacking because it's like I guess because in my culture divorce is very frowned upon so it's like I'd rather make it work than divorce you know what I mean yeah and so it's like I'm just so worried to be trapped in that situation. I feel like in most Asian culture divorce is so frowned upon. Definitely they'd rather you be like in an abusive very like toxic font than like divorce. Yeah but then it's open up like to a different perspective in like the Western culture. Yeah like there's this thing that like um what's it called Western weddings Western vows they don't mean much like for example most like most Nepali couples that I know who are like quote-unquote married they don't get married legally like they get married in the eyes of the community right and just that alone where you're like putting forward your pride your dignity your family name that is enough of a promise where it's like you don't really go to the courthouse to finalize it and you just become like a de facto relationship legally. That's kind of scary to me like God I need like a fucking piece of paper to like say okay we're married. Yeah like that's what I'm saying though because it's like with that like with what I said right with Nepali weddings it's like people be like oh that's horrid that's so scary there's not a lot of promises but I feel like that's where it kind of like strays because I feel like most people like they don't like in the Western world they don't really value the concept of marriage and family name because in like like South Asian, Middle Eastern and like those types of communities when you like marry someone even if it's not legally just putting forward your family name and your pride on it it's just that is enough to hold it together where it's like legally you just become a de facto relationship where the government recognizes that you just live together and like you're a couple but you're not like legally married so your finances aren't intertwined most of the time like the younger couples they don't join their bank accounts the older couples do like from like back home that when they come here they join it but like here the younger generation they don't join bank accounts but that's a whole other topic what I'm just trying to say is that like Western vowels they don't just mean much so you have to have a legal thing binding you but in like what when you come from countries that value so much about like pride and your status and everything it's like you wouldn't do something to sully your family name you wouldn't do something that would be like frowned upon you know or would put shame to you and I feel like that's so different that's why it's like in most Asian relationships people your parents would tell you oh don't date outside of the culture because they don't have the same mindset as us like there's like the idea that with oh you don't like the color blue okay we're divorcing like they think like they're very flimsy like Western marriages because in Nepali marriages like South Asian or whatever marriages they try really hard to make it work in my perspective of like marriage it's kind of like very scary it's something that I don't know if I can do cuz I feel like the commitment and like they just want to make everything work it's just kind of scary to me because I don't believe that I can do it well right now you can't give fleas like you can't change everything about you maybe because like I feel like some we gotta compromise in a way how but then if you can't compromise whatever they want you to compromise it's just not possible it's not feasible what would you say that you wouldn't be able to compromise in a relationship change myself like in what ways a career personality looks um maybe like personality wise I think cuz I grew up in a time that I usually find myself more than someone tell me about me I think cuz if you trying to change me it's gonna be very difficult because I need to find my piece first before I can change it and I feel like if my belief and my value doesn't align with what they're saying I don't think I'll be able to change it that's what I think I wouldn't be able to compromise well I think this journey has been a long ride and yeah god I've been having talking about like about 30 minutes it's not well thank you guys and thank you Ramona for being with me today of course after so long we finally committed to something thank you