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Talk: 19911127-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-anapanasati_full_awareness_of_breath_series_tape_1-33804 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: Display_question: How do you balance, especially in a situation where you don't want to be there, paying attention to the situation and paying attention to your breath? It's really much more appealing to pay attention to your breath and not be in the situation at all. Keyword_search: balance, paying attention, breath, distracted, teenager, parents, mother-in-law, wisdom, metta, lovingkindness, Lotus Sutra, reactions, spiritual life, Narayan, intelligence, relationship Question_content: Questioner: How do you balance, especially in a situation where you don't want to be there, paying attention to the situation of paying attention to your breath. I mean, it's really a lot of situations. It's really much more appealing to pay attention to your breath, and not be in the situation at all. Larry: I'm not sure I understand but try me. Let's say, you see the breath is exactly designed to accomplish what you're saying, what I think your question is about. Let's say you're somewhere, and suddenly you realize, first of all, you can't be in touch with the breath if you're distracted, right? So, to be in touch with the breath means to be in touch with this breath. So already you're in the present moment. Now, let's say. But this breath that you're in touch with is enmeshed in a situation you don't want to be in. So, if you weren't breathing, you'd still be in that situation. Break_line: Now, the practice would be to turn to that situation. Let's say you hate making the bed, just hate it. So, the instructions would be, it would be a distraction, just like following the breath. You turn to the bed, and suddenly, I hate this. And you're wandering off. You're not paying attention to making the bed. So, you come back just as with the breathing. Let's say it's very, very strong. Then you might look into the hate itself. Try to understand what is it that I hate so much? Why don't I want to do the bed? Well, I'm a very important person. I earn a lot of money and I'm of such, and such age, and it's beneath me now. It was okay when I was a teenager and under the control of my parents. Even then it wasn't okay. Now the breath can help you stay centered, to work with it. It's not that it's going to necessarily automatically make the situation from an unhappy situation into a happy one. But even without the breath, you have to deal with where you are. Questioner: I'm thinking more in terms of a conversation with my mother-in-law. Larry: Okay. Act it out. Do you mind? Act it out. No, this is… Questioner: I don't want to be there. It's very difficult to talk with this woman, and yet I have to really pay attention to her. Larry: Right. Questioner: But I'd much rather pay attention to my breath. Larry: Yes. Okay. That distinction is very important because there are two ways in which we work with the breath. One way is to become absorbed in it, as an exclusive object, and you need wisdom, to know when to do that and when to pay attention. I would pay attention to the mama in law. Questioner: Well, I know what I'm supposed to be doing. Larry: Right, okay. So then when we come to that, it would be a misuse of the practice, to hide in the breath, and not listen to her. Probably it would be. Questioner: I understand that. That's why I'm asking you how to balance it succumb to the temptation. Larry: Well, the first thing is you begin to see it. That is, there's where wisdom comes in. In a sense, what we're learning is every situation has got an intelligence built into it. So, what is my correct situation right now? It's being with the mom in law. That's the truth. Now, but then you don't want to be with her. You want to be somewhere else. Finally, this is not a mechanical formula. It's for you to… if you don't want to deal with her, well, then no one's going to be able to. I'm not going to follow you around with a gun, and make you listen to your mother-in-law. But if you, in your own terms, come to the conclusion that even though I don't want to do it, there are many things in life we don't want to do, but we find that we must do that. This sounds like one of them. So, when you can, you begin to get to know the resistance, how much you don't like it, and perhaps you begin to see that that makes it even worse. The struggle, to not be there, the disappointment of having to be there, is quite exhausting. What if you could turn to your mother-in-law? Break_line: Now, there are other practices to help you do that, like metta, lovingkindness, so that if you're having a very hard time with the mom in law, I would say, when the Narayan comes back, get some metta training, so that this is on at another time. You're sending love to her or seeing your mother-in-law through the eyes of compassion from the Lotus Sutra. That's a whole practice. See everyone through the eyes of compassion. That means everyone, even your mother-in-law. It's not easy to do, but that's how you grow. Many of the things in spiritual life are not what we naturally in quotes want to do. We're going against the grain. It's much easier. Break_line: But mostly the practice is not hiding from your mother-in-law, and the breath, because that would not be the correct situation. This situation is you and your mother-in-law. If you're alone on the T, and there's nothing at stake, then you can sink into the breath. Even there, make sure you get off at the right stop. This is not to make us bigger misfits than we already are. So, it's no magic. With or without the breath, it's working with that situation. Your reactions. Break_line: A lot of our practice is becoming mindful of our reactions. Things happen and we react. We don't like it. And after a while, seeing that, we get to know the texture of resistance, we get to really feel what the texture of resistance is, and we learn how to work with it. And by and large, it becomes easier. Look, do you think I want to when I'm I sometimes we give interviews for many hours. Do you think I'm totally dying to hear about your relationship and, you know, what happened, or your last sitting? 100% of the time, I'm not, sorry to disappoint you. Break_line: So, I'm in this room, in this little interview room, so I'm in this interview room and you're going telling me about something, and it's like the mother-in-law. It's not that different. Either I'm tired, because I've been there a lot, or my legs hurt because not only am I sitting every sitting, but then interview time comes. You can all walk, but I have to sit again. So, the breath helps me stay fresh. It helps me see that I'm kind of getting lost. I'm not really listening. And it's for me, it's been a remarkable help. I don't use it all the time, but I use it a fair amount. So that while I'm with you, I'm breathing in, and breathing out. And if there's resistance, I'm not fighting with the resistance. I can hear the resistance, but the breath is helping me stay, mindful. Questioner: That's the balance I'm asking about. Just sounds very tricky. Larry: Just do it. Yeah, I mean, the way to learn how to do it, is you have to feel your way into it. And there are adjunct practices like reflection. Reflection could mean reflecting on what is accomplished, by sitting there, and not wanting to be there, going to the root of your reaction, investigating it, metta and so forth. End_time: 01:21:45
