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Talk: 19990324-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-shining_the_light_of_death_on_life_part_7-43039 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: 01:01:47 Display_question: Sometimes I feel glum with death awareness practice because I practice for peace, harmony, and joy and I am afraid of the painful things. Keyword_search: peace, harmony, joy, wisdom, feelings, attachment, avoiding, vulnerable, equanimity, discomfort, mind, oscillations, spiritual life, glumness, awareness, energy, Buddha, reflecting, aging, sickness, death, cod liver oil, CIMC, sangha Question_content: Questioner: I think why I feel a little glum is that I practice for peace, harmony, and joy and I am afraid of the painful things. Larry: Yes. The truth is, that unless you do face some of the painful things in your life, you won't get that peace, harmony, and joy. It'll just be a romantic ideology, and it'll fall apart eventually, because it won't be solid. I agree with you. The practice is about that. But if you're avoiding, I don't mean you, you know what I don’t mean, to single you out, if you're studiously avoiding. This is not just about feeling good. Wisdom is not just another way to get good feelings. Ahhh, feels good. Good feelings come. But if you attach to good feelings, what happens when you don't have them. Do you have good feelings all the time? Do you? Of course not. You're human. So, then, those times when you don't, are as valuable, and in some ways more valuable, as you learn how to practice with them. Break_line: Now, if you're able to practice with whatever is there, we're not against good feelings, when they come. By all means, experience them. But if you're invested in kind of constantly trying to dredge up good feelings, and avoiding anything that might point in a different direction, that's a hard way to go through life. First of all, it's tiring, and you're vulnerable because anything is threatening. Now, the truth is, there is pain in life. There are some obvious facts. I don't have to beat this over the head, beat you over the head, whatever the cliche is. So, the practice would include those good feelings. But even if this is what the equanimity was, the equanimity is being able to be aware of whatever's there. And one of the most important skills is learning how to become comfortable with discomfort, how to not be afraid of fear, how to not be tyrannized by any of the moods that come through the mind. Break_line: Now, that takes you to a deeper place. Otherwise, you're spending your life between plus and minus. Good feelings. Not good feelings. Good feelings. And the oscillations that it goes through. People smile at you, you're happy. They frown at you. You're unhappy. You get a raise. You're happy. You get fired, you're miserable. And just these oscillations. Now, as you start to examine the full range of human experience, that takes you to a place that's beyond plus and minus, and that's the whole point. It's another dimension will open up. And that's what all spiritual life is about. It's beyond thought. It's beyond your conditioning, and so forth. This practice, that's what I've been trying to say, is not designed to bring you down, although it can have that effect. Break_line: But then, see, let's say for the moment, assume you felt a little bit glum, because of it. Is that fair to say? Okay, beautiful. See, now, you don't see it that way. I know you don't understand, but if you keep coming here, we'll beat it into your head. So, the day will come, or when the glumness will come up, and its sort of like, wonderful. Here's glumness. Let me become aware of that. Now, can you see how if you can be comfortable enough to examine the glumness, that means glumness is an actual fact, that a human feels, it's in the body. It's a heaviness, whatever. It's not the idea. It's not the word glumness. It would be that direct attentiveness to how you're feeling. And if you start doing that, something happens to it. Awareness is an energy, and what it touches, it transforms. Break_line: So, as you get free of glumness, because if you don't want to be glum, then you're attached to it. You're attached negatively. I don't want that. The other I do want. So, we spend a lot of our life pushing, and grabbing. So, this practice, great that it came up, but that's what I meant. Now, if you're not going to practice with it, then it's better you don't get involved in this stuff, because then it is kind of leading you in a direction that's not going to be so useful for you. And there are times not to do it. There are times to do it. It's not the only practice to do. It’s one practice, a very useful one. In fact, a commitment to practice doesn't only come from this. Finally, if you don't taste the fruit of practice, that is, not take my word for it, or the Buddha, or whoever, but if you don't actually, from your own meditative life, start experiencing real, juicy, fruit, from the meditation, why would you want to keep doing it? Break_line: Okay, so that finally, reflecting on aging, sickness, and death helps us free ourselves, from an area that's very conflicted, and problematic, for most of us. And it's designed to get you to practice, with more intensity. Once you practice with more intensity, you're more likely to experience the fruit, of practice. And then on your own, you'll want to do it. Not as a discipline. I sit from seven to eight every morning. I go to CIMC, and I'm glad it's there because I have the sangha. And I sit, but it's like cod liver oil. To begin with, maybe it has to be cod liver oil, but it won't last if it just keeps being cod liver oil. Even if you put peppermint flavor, we know it's cod liver oil. But if you start to experience the joy of practice, then you want to do it the way you want good food, or to take a shower when you're hot. Anything else that's valuable. So, it's for you to decide. I'm not trying to say everyone has to become a big death awareness person. It's up to you. End_time: 01:07:42
