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this episode deals with how to handle a break up and how to get a partner.
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relationships
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Details
this episode deals with how to handle a break up and how to get a partner.
Comment
this episode deals with how to handle a break up and how to get a partner.
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In this podcast episode, the host talks about how to handle a breakup. They emphasize the importance of physical movement as a way to release negative emotions and suggest various workouts that can help, such as yoga or playing basketball. The host also recommends talking out or writing out your feelings to process and express them. They share their own experiences with breakups and how they handle the good, bad, and ugly feelings that come with it. Additionally, they suggest spending time with loved ones and finding a purpose to focus on as a way to move forward. Overall, the main takeaway is to find a workout, express your emotions, and surround yourself with support to get over a breakup. Hey everybody, welcome to the Life and Relationship podcast. I'm going to give you a little bit of energy today because the last one I was just super nervous but now that I'm in the studio again and doing this again and now I've got your feedback I know exactly what to talk to you about. So when I asked on Instagram what are some of the things that you guys want to learn about one of the ones that I got very common was how to handle a breakup and I have to say I fully understand that because I had a, at least to me, I had a big breakup this year and I've also had a few friends break up with me which is something that we'll talk about in a minute because like I said I'll be open and honest with you so we can make sure everyone is on the same level, there's no hidden information and for you to know that everyone's like the same. So how to deal with a breakup. There are a lot, there's lots of advice on how to deal with a breakup but just like researching anything you'll figure out pretty quickly what the common things are. So I'm going to tell you those common things and then I'll also tell you something that helps me get over breakups pretty quickly. The first one is working out. I know, if you rolled your eyes I'm sorry, that's how we work. Physical movement allows us to get anything that's inside of us outside of us. So let's say when you are, you know, sitting on your couch and you're feeling bad and you're thinking about her or him or them and all you do is you just feel it and you do something to numb those feelings. It's usually watching television, listening to music that validates your feelings or you eat. Those are the most common ones but I promise you if you pick a workout it will go way better for you because you're literally working out your frustrations. Now let me tell you something that I think is really important that's not being told to you. You don't have to choose the gym to work out. Like a lot of people use the word gym and a lot of people are averse to it for one reason or another. There are other ways to work out your frustrations, your grief because that's what it is. The relationship is dead, it's grief. Yoga is a workout. Going to play basketball with friends is a workout. Going jogging is a workout. Doing just 10 pushups in your home is a workout and honestly the 10 pushup thing helps me a lot. Like whenever I'm feeling frustrated or overwhelmed because I have ADHD and that happens all the time I'm learning how to really break down big tasks into small ones and big feelings into small ones. Like 10 pushups in a moment where I'm getting overwhelmed in my emotions or in my brain it helps me release so much. So if you want to get over a breakup pick a workout. It doesn't have to be the gym because that costs money for some of you who are trying to be thrifty. Just go for a walk. Do something strenuous and you will start to work out all of the negative emotions that are hanging out inside your body. That's very important. Pick a workout. Secondarily, another thing that helps with getting over a breakup is to talk out or write out your feelings because no matter how much you think you're over something there's always a tiny percentage of you that is still thinking about that last relationship and you need to talk it out because you're going to have emotions that either are yours or aren't yours and I'll talk about that later and you're going to have feelings that you're comfortable with and that you're not comfortable with that you need to get out or they're going to come out somewhere else. So I'll give you a good hint for this is how I do it. And one of them is really unhealthy. So one of them is I'll call up a friend and I'll just blab at them for hours. And here's the thing. I need to do that. Everyone needs to do that. To be able to talk to someone about how they feel. The good feelings, the bad feelings, and the ugly feelings. Every time you have a breakup you have all three feelings. If you deny any of them they will come back to haunt you later and also write them out in the journal because it just helps to have it on paper, to have it expressed, and then at the end of the week to look back at it later. So the second step to getting over a breakup is to speak about it and journal about it. I'm a little unhealthy about the speaking about it thing because I try to like deny one of the three things. The good feeling is always, I'm very lucky that when I do get into a relationship it's always with really good people. So the good feeling is like this person was cool, they were good for me, I enjoyed their time and the relationship was beneficial, lovely, sexy, wonderful. The bad is I'm sad and it affects my self-esteem like heavily because when I get into a relationship I think that I should be providing as much as I can and for a lot of reasons one or another like I let my life circumstances get in the way and that's not good leader behavior. Luckily over the past couple of months I've been doing everything in my power to make sure whenever something bad happens I handle it as quickly as possible and be the person I know I can be and just create dope solutions which is why I finally have a studio to shoot in. Woo! Because I've been at this for years but yeah handling like the bad is like I'm letting situations that shouldn't like affect the relationship affect the relationship or even worse is the things that are affecting me which will affect the relationship I'm not talking about. I'm not letting my partner in and help me find solutions because of like my previous you know bad mindset of like I'm supposed to fix everything myself due to the way that I was just kind of brought up and this is not a fault of like anyone's it's just kind of how my childhood was I was alone I fixed a lot of things by myself and it worked out so now I have to learn how to really let a person in and it's difficult for me because when I have some people will just let me down that's life you know and I have to get over it if you want you know a good relationship and for it to grow and to even find a good partner you're going to have to let them in that's how that works. So yeah that's another that was the ugly I know that was the bad now the ugly is are the emotions that you either wish you didn't have or you know aren't great for you in the situation which is usually anger lots of lots of anger lots of entitlement maybe a little bit of jealousy sometimes depending on what's happening after the relationship. So for me I have a lot of anger towards myself when a relationship ends it's like I should have been better I should have known better I should have did this that and the other and I'll just start beating myself up and I am angry about it and then the second type of anger is being angry at my partner for one reason or another the good thing about getting it out is you realize that no matter what a relationship is a two-way street and even if one side messes up like usually communication and negotiation fixes that and once you remember like hey we had that opportunity or I needed to create that opportunity it becomes better but the point is usually the ugly is anger and jealousy if you make the mistake of like watching a partner after a relationship is over and they're doing well jealousy is the first feeling you're going to get and it sucks and it's a lot and it can make you do really stupid stuff so you've got to figure out which route you're going to take in terms of getting over a relationship I recommend doing all of them now the next way to get over a relationship is to spend time with the people near you and find a purpose to focus on so for me when I hang out with friends and stuff it's always to build something a friend is going to help me consult on this podcast I'm going to ask them friends to help consult on another podcast I like building things I like making media it's hard for me to stay consistent but I love doing it and I also genuinely genuinely have the purpose of I want to help people and make people feel good in their own skin that's why even though last podcast was awkward now I have the energy because I feel my purpose in this podcast so even if I felt pain today tomorrow whether it's life pain relationship pain coming back into the studio and shooting something that will help you guys will supersede my pain and yes I'll take care of myself but I'm gonna put you guys first and do something so let's say it was a breakup yeah I'm still hurt but having this thing that I'm doing every day or every week that fulfills me means that I'm gonna get over that breakup faster and it's going to help me through everything while I use the first two methods so to recap if you're getting over a breakup find a workout it doesn't have to be the gym it could be you playing basketball in the park it could be you doing push-ups on your own it could be you doing yoga like anything that's physical and a little strenuous you can go to a jump park where it's just all trampolines that's hard that's the hard work and it's fun just so you can consistently get out the negativity and do it over and over again do it as often as you need to and don't feel bad about how often that that negative feeling comes up because even when you're over a person sometimes they pop into your mind sometimes you're going to wonder how they are if you have the mindset that I do sometimes you're going to hope that they're doing really well you're not going to check because you have other things to do and you respect your own emotional and mental health but you just hope they're doing well and sometimes it'll be a negative feeling like you miss them and it'll you'll just feel like a little heart pain or for me it feels like my heart's literally moving south in my body so just don't beat yourself up over thinking about another person once again the second tip is to figure out how you want to express yourself journaling talking about it art is also an acceptable way of doing it but you got to do it and then don't deny all facets of it the good the bad the ugly right draw talk all of it out because you don't want anything festering inside of your body negativity grows a bigger tree than positive no negativity grows faster negativity grows faster than positivity so you want to nip that in the bud you want to pull that negativity weed out very quickly and like I said before don't beat yourself up if these feelings come they're going to come over and over again they're going to come in waves but the good news is if you take care of them as they come they're going to come in less intense waves you're going to feel less intense as these emotions come to you and you take care of them so yeah work out journal and find a purpose that you want to do whether it's short term or long term and focus on that entirely in a few months everything will feel less intense I'm not going to say I'll be gone but it'll be less intense just to like give you how how ridiculous this can be my first real relationship my first real relationship when it ended I was my first real relationship when it ended I was down for about a year and then I was recovering for a year afterwards that's that's really intense but I enjoyed that relationship with that person a lot and I didn't know how to handle it and I was having a lot of behavioral issues at the time too because I didn't at the time I didn't know how to ADHD so I didn't know why when I was analyzing the relationship I didn't understand why I was doing certain things and then after the relationship ended I wasn't understanding why I was feeling certain ways and why I didn't feel like I was improving in a particular way and that really bugged me because now I'm attacking myself for reasons that were valid but I couldn't understand and then you know I had relationships since then but they weren't as you know intense to me or wasn't as beholden but then last year and then earlier this year I had one that was that intense and I coveted very well and that relationship ended which sucked but thanks to these three tips I got over it much faster and then afterwards I learned that I have ADHD and how it affects my brain and how I need to incorporate certain things into the relationships that I have going forward which created a whole lot of bad and ugly because I was beating myself up over repeated actions that I learned not to do in previous relationships but I kept doing them anyway and I understand why now it still sucks because it honestly for me felt like I was failing upwards you know my partners would keep getting better in terms of like what I wanted in a partner they would have more things that were you know compatible with me and personality and with you know now that I know I have it my ADHD and it was great but still failed so there's a lot that I needed to work on ADHD or no ADHD and now I have the skills to get over breakups better analyze relationships better so when I get into a new one it's better that's all you can hope for the next one is better let's say I'm failing upwards it sucks because I love all of the people I was with I don't hate any of my exes that's one thing that's great about you know my relationships I don't hate any of them and I and I will never hate any of them as much as my emotions want me to sometimes hate is poison to your future partners your future friends your future acquaintances that's one other reasons why I really want to hit on the topic of workout journal express yourself find a purpose and do it and here's another thing that's really important and it is to look at the relationship once it's over and analyze it what did you do wrong from your perspective what what have you done wrong what could you have done better and focus on that then this is a difficult process focus on what you perceive they did wrong what they could have done better and then write that down to write it down with no malice because the whole point of this is to figure out what your wants and needs are for your next relationship so now you know these are some things that I have that I need to work on and I want to warn my future partner of like hey something like this happens every once in a while please help me out or I need this and or and then write down things that your partner have done wrong once again with as little malice as possible so you can analyze things that you don't like because you may figure out what you don't like may seem unreasonable but it's also who you are like for me I one of my love languages is quality time but I also can't spend all of my time with my partners I just can't for multiple reasons they distract me first off like the people that I date I'm very lucky I get super attracted to which is fun which is awesome but I also have like crazy ambitions and me being near them makes me not want to work it makes me want to relax it makes me want to sit down and be comfortable with them which is a bad thing on multiple levels for me and so I have to find a balance so yeah analyze your relationships what you did wrong what they did wrong what you both can improve on so as you go forward in relationships you're the next person you're more prepared for you can be a better partner to them now for those of you who are still in relationships I highly suggest you you do something which is called like a gratitude journal that way because one of the most common things in relationships is we take them for granted over time and that's something I'll talk about later that I find really interesting we write a gratitude journal so you can keep your interest and your partner alive and it works really well it works super well and it'll also help you course-correct for yourself writing a gratitude journal like hey I appreciate this that and the other and every like month or so you may want to share a page with them another thing that is it's mandatory in my relationships because the way my brain works is once a week I usually pick Sunday we I have a check-in day with my partner for multiple reasons just because as I said communication tends to dip and and you know how you see your partner tends to change over the course of the relationship so I want to have conversations early to nip things in the bud to show appreciation to make solid plans to see where we are in plans so we can keep the relationship alive growing changing adapting to each other that's really beautiful that helps with keeping the relationship alive so yeah that's that's how I feel about breakups they're they're awful they're gonna happen but luckily everyone has figured out how to not everyone a lot of people who want to help people have figured out how to get over high traumatizing situations which a breakup can be if you love that person breaking up with them is traumatic it sucks so keep keep these steps in mind it's actually using they're not suggestions they're like legit steps work out express yourself through speaking or journaling find a purpose do it every day analyze the relationship what's funny is these things help inside of a relationship too but this is specifically for getting over the heartache the pain the worry the self-doubt the beating up beating yourself up over things like this you have to I you don't have to do anything but I would say you have to do it because they actually work be consistent with them and you will grow over time nothing worth doing is quick or easy so give yourself time when doing these things okay so I do a panel at conventions helping people in the in the community that I'm in and they've asked me some really interesting questions so I'm going to answer one now and I'm going to also find other questions to answer on the podcast once again wherever you're seeing this I'm going to try to include a way for you guys to ask me questions or future guests questions so we can get them answered and we can really create a strong community one of the one of the more interesting questions which is definitely really poignant especially in this day and age that I want to answer now because it's it's not the process once again it's not difficult doing it consistently is the question is how do I get a girlfriend so that's what was asked the last time I did a large show talk slash panel but I'm gonna I'm gonna incorporate boyfriend and or partner okay so there's systematic ways that you can do this and then there's intuitive ways where the kind of universe just gives you an opportunity and you have to take it so the most common way to get a partner a boyfriend a girlfriend is to use the method that you used in school which is to go to the same place consistently for a very long time find whoever you are looking for and so the tip that is the most systematic is to find a place that you like to go often and go there for a long enough time you'll build you will build a group of friends companions acquaintances and keeping up with those relationships you'll either link up with somebody that you like and likes you at that location or you'll find them through a friend that is extremely common finding a boyfriend or girlfriend in person or a partner in person is one of the most powerful and effective ways to meet a partner because it just is and even though a lot of people are saying I met my so-and-so on a dating app and it's extremely common it's also still extremely common to meet people in person that's why bars are still popular I don't go to them but they're still popular so find a place that you like that's a very good start if you don't go anywhere consistently then your only option is dating apps and you're crippling your ability to make connections on a romantic sexual and even like platonic level so I highly suggest you find a spot that you want to go to consistently well where you will actively interact with people so I like to work out I am also a nerd so when I go to the gym once I'm done working out I will look at everybody in the weight room and I'll go have a nice lift it may not lead to a full conversation but it keeps my my brain and my actions active for me not to be afraid to walk up to somebody and say hi and start a conversation and I've met a few power lifting friends there you know our relationships aren't that deep because I haven't put any effort for them but I still have acquaintances that if I went into the gym today I can say hi to whoever I also dance at the gym a lot for my workouts and people will stop and hang out with me which is great I'm also a nerd so if there's a card shop or a gaming event I'm walking straight in walking straight in I'm gonna say hi to everyone which is difficult because you know a lot of nerds are usually kind of either really clicky or socially awkward you have to crack them open like a walnut which is interesting because D&D nerds aren't that way they're just they're just flowers you know D&D nerds are ready to talk but yeah once again I would go to those events consistently and talk to everyone speaking of which if you go to SoCal D&D events let me know I want to say hi to you because you guys are my people and I love you guys but yes find a place what do you like to do like to go biking go for bike runs do you like to watch television or watch movies go to outside free theater events where you watch the movie and take advantage of the fact that everyone's either sitting down or packing up before after the movie and say hi to as many people as you possibly can and then continue to go to those places over and over again now here's something that's really interesting if you live in a big city or hell if you live anywhere and your community doesn't exist here's a great opportunity for you build it SoCal D&D is a community that's like someone built because they wanted a bunch of people to get into D&D and it works I go to SoCal D&D a good number of times and the people there are one amazing and two they are ready to talk that community was built and it works because they put an effort so if you are a person that says hey man I like to fish and you can't find a place to fish and talk to people you can start the Los Angeles fishing community where you meet up at Santa Monica Pier at whatever time of day every week or every month and like a bunch of people come out and fish and you make sure people know it's a community event and they will come you like hey we probably won't catch any fish but let's talk about fishing while we fish if someone catches a fish we'll all celebrate creating a community is one of the most powerful things ever if you don't have it and that will also lead you and put you in a position to meet a lot of people which will put you in a position to find your future boyfriend girlfriend or partner that's one of the most that's that's the most powerful way to find a boyfriend a girlfriend or a partner do the thing that you want to do put a lot of effort and love into it and you start attracting people to you also it's counterintuitive but a lot of things that are really difficult to do are counterintuitive stop looking stop looking and start doing everything that you want in life if you are trying if you don't have any ambitions if you don't have any goals you just want to go home and hang out that's cool not knocking you some people are just tired and they're okay with the life that they live but people who are a little bit more ambitious I'm not saying you have to start like a whole company and a podcast like me but if you if you're like even small ambitious we're just like I don't want to fish and I want to make a ton of friends focus on that because if you focus on that the girlfriend the boyfriend the partner they'll come and they'll be attracted to what who you are and what you're doing and you're also shine much better because you're not peacocking to whoever you're interested in whatever you're peacocking it's kind of like the worst thing ever and if I'm being brutally honest we live I live in Los Angeles and if you're not just like abundantly sexy in terms of looks or actual charisma being able to speak to people and self-confidence you're just gonna get beat up by like rejections and it'll it'll hurt your effectiveness even dudes that are in females and partners that are like nines and tens if they peacock in the wrong place they will get rejected and it will hurt their self-esteem and it will eventually if they don't take care of themselves make them worse person that is kind of how this works you're either spiraling upward by doing what you want to do working on yourself and attracting people to you or you're potentially spiraling downward if you're going out there just solely looking for your partner and getting rejected a lot and not taking care of yourself you'll spiral downward I'm not saying you shouldn't go out there and look I suggest you don't work on your life so that the perfect person not the perfect person but a really great person will come to you versus you looking now if you want to see who is determined to look like I want you know I've got every all of my Maslow's hierarchies now I'm looking for my partner that is very valid and it's okay and if you want to do that take the same bit of information that I gave you and do that let's say you know everything is fine for you now you're looking for your partner and your self-actualization which are the top two levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs figure out something you want to do in life and chase that while looking look casually the less effort you put into looking the better it is for your self-esteem so you're out there you're looking for your partner right everything's fine but you know I would say even if you have no ambitions try something that you've been interested in for a while take a cooking class take an art class go to your local events from Facebook marketplace meetup.com event bright anything that interests you so when you go into those spaces they won't actually be difficult to talk to people because you have common ground already so I go to SoCal D&D not to date because I'm not interested but to meet people and I've met so many cool people at SoCal D&D and if I wanted to find a partner there I'm pretty sure I could over the course of a year because I'm not expecting to just sit down and be like ah mine this is not how that works at all it could be it works for some people but um you going out doing the things that you want to do while also looking for your partner passively will work for you because everything in your life is fine you're doing something that you want to do when you go to these events you see that everyone has common ground and opening up to people becomes easier and then opening up to you becomes easier and then if you feel there's a little bit something there you can make that decision so let's say you're at SoCal D&D and you meet someone you think is cool and you know you've talked with them for a bit there's laughter going back and forth and you're interested in seeing them more you know ask them to play a D&D game with you go get drinks or whatever sometimes we do that after SoCal D&D people will go get drinks it's a great opportunity to expand your friendships and your codex of people and that may work for you so I highly suggest that you do that if your main goal is to get a partner it's do it passively it's still in your wheelhouse but you're still focusing on yourself that way you're not wasting a ton of energy just swiping going to bars going to events really putting yourself out there because it does hurt for multiple reasons one humans have choice fatigue if you swipe on more than nine people it you can't process who you're looking at if your brain becomes really numb and it's like I don't know who these people are sure this one's pretty versus you taking your time to figure out okay does this person work for me can I find some common ground with this person not only through the dating apps but actually in person when you go to like singles events or you know an alt event you can only process so many people and if you want to process more people it's actually far easier to do it in person if you're having good conversations with people nine people on a dating app then that's one dating app if you try to go switch dating apps and do more your brains gonna shut down just as quickly but in person if you meet like 30 people and you have good conversations with all 30 people you can potentially make 30 real connections you'll be absolutely bushed afterwards but you can do that so know those are your options self-actualize while looking for your partner if you're choosing to look but if you really want a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner self-actualize first without looking they'll come along and you'll kind of just feel it and if you're brave you'll open that door when opportunity knocks that's how to get a girlfriend a boyfriend or partner a lot of people if you disagree with me tell me in the comments what are your suggestions you know I'm not perfect I'm just a person who does a lot of research and also has a pretty good track record you know in terms of like dating and sex or whatever so I don't mind sharing what would I do now a lot of people ask me this especially because I do pickup play a lot if you know what that is cool if you don't I'll explain it in another episode the the only people that I do that with and the only people that I even ask out to hang out are people that I can make laugh consistently and that like show interest so I used to throw up my hook a lot and didn't have a system or a method to see like who's super interested and who isn't because I noticed that I used to do that a lot where I just be like oh yeah I'm really interested because I thought that would be great because you know social media people on social media like to say yeah girls want honesty and you know to an extent yeah but there's like a time and place for everything and there's also prerequisites for almost everything so instead of me following the whims of the zeitgeist which is society's brain I decided to figure out what works for me and what works for me works better than any piece of advice I've been told still take it into account so you can understand how people are thinking and feeling in any given moment because it'll make you a much better communicator a much better person that you know can charm another person and a much better potential partner in the future but honestly having your boundaries and your prerequisites makes you more confident makes you more powerful and it works so for me I don't ask out anyone or play with anyone that I can't make laugh if I can't make you laugh that tells me instinctively you're not comfortable with me and you're not interested I could be wrong but nine times out of ten the laughter is my door that's my opportunity and when it knocks I open the door if they laugh I'm like hey do you want to play later or hey would you like to go get you know drinks or go on a date and nine times out of ten they'll say yeah it may not lead to a long-lasting relationship but I have at least got a new acquaintance that I can hang out with from time to time an acquaintance that can become a friend a friend that can become a best friend and having those methods for yourself if you're being systematic about finding dates partners sex it will be super helpful for you because you're walking within your boundaries nine times out of ten if you're a person with boundaries you're you're you're on the up-and-up at least generally not always but it's having that makes you empathize with others so you're less likely to do insane things which leads to better relationships so try to have good intentions as well because that also makes you shine brighter and even if you don't get what you're looking for you could find something even better you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need nine times out of ten I just get really good friends and that one special time I'll get a partner or that relationship lasts or doesn't at least I've had a good time created a connection whether it ended well or didn't and yeah so find your boundaries use them and it will also make you more confident because now I don't have to like feel weird about asking people out because I used to feel weird all the time like this I have so much energy do the you know ADHD so when I used to meet people I used to give them all of my energy and like yo I really care blah blah blah cuz I that's what I would want I would want someone to actively show they care about me or they're interested in me that doesn't work not with my personality that was my face that does not work for me so what works for me is to give them just a little bit make them laugh make them comfortable get them to say yes to something that is totally fine for the both of us and that shows a little bit of interest I don't need them to be like ah but just that little opportunity I'll take advantage of it I'll ask them to do something more and then that's my opportunity to see if the seed will grow or the seed will die or to see what stage the seed will become will become a giant tree or the just a shrub that's totally fine wherever it ends up because that's one thing that's also super important when you're looking for a partner have zero expectations if you have any of them you're likely to disappoint yourself because when you have expectations of anyone your eyes your brain and your emotions are looking for these green flags to pop up and if they don't you've missed an opportunity to either date the person of your dreams that you didn't know they were have a fantastic friendship acquaintanceship or potential even business partner that's why even a lot of people say date twice or three times before you like pass on a person just because that's what used to happen people would date and if it was okay they give it one or two more days risk risk-free dates so they can see because sometimes sometimes we're wrong our first impressions are wrong actually often our first impressions of anything are wrong our first reactions to everything it's usually quite wrong or what we don't want because you know our brain is operating from something our parents taught us or that society we learn from society or tick-tock it's often like really wrong so get people a second chance and or have your boundaries and stuff ready with no expectation and that gives that other person the opportunity to surprise you or you surprise yourself because you'll learn something new so that's those are some more things to learn about trying to get and keep a partner another thing that's like really important is there are three types of breakups there's amicable where both parties are like all right this isn't working and we'd like to move on and handle things in an okay manner there's hostile and then there's ghosting how the way to handle all three are basically the same but there are a few steps that I would highly encourage for each one so if it's an amicable break couple breakup just do these three the steps I gave you before work out express express yourself find purpose analyze the relationship so you're ready for the next one whenever that comes that one is the easiest to get over sometimes sometimes it's not even if it's amicable sometimes it sucks that's a 12-year relationship and you're going to be down for a while trust the process for that one I would say do this for a really long time have no expectations just live life and don't beat yourself up over anything luckily it ended in a state that was neutral if not somewhat positive hostile breakups oh my god these are complicated and I've seen a million of them they go wrong and it's rough if you're in a hostile breakup situation whatever you do if you don't have to talk to the other person don't time is probably going to be your best friend in a hostile breakup that ends if you don't have kids and if someone is mad at the other one or you're both just enraged at each other stop talking in every sense possible just stop talking breakup block each other on all forms of social media and whatever you do do not allow them back in at all because everyone's working on heightened emotions and that never goes well so I highly highly recommend just ending things as quickly as possible if you have their stuff give it back and then make sure it's delivered by somebody else not you make sure they don't have access to you on social media the internet block them everywhere block their number block their email block all of the social media stop going to places where you mutually meet even if it's the same store don't go to any places you went on a date together just just in case you don't want to have to interact with them at all in any way shape or form for a long time even in if it's in if things start to go through their friends stop talking to those people for a long time it sucks but if you want things to just kind of really blow over you need to end communication quickly unless communication will solve your problems which nine times out of ten who knows actually it's usually a toss-up because hostile relationships are messy but not letting everyone just kind of simmer down and gas out on their emotional turmoil will be incredibly smart just just let them gas out and if necessary then talk to them in like six months to a year because in a year you're you're in a whole different place and even though they're still mad at you they're not gonna get as mad at you as they were in the moment unless you like cut off their arm which I hope you didn't and yeah now ghosting you just gotta deal with it someone goes with you that's it I mean they didn't respect you in the first place let it go they're not worth it don't come back to them move on does it hurt absolutely but you did dodge a bullet they couldn't even tell you goodbye in any way shape or form so who knows who they would have done if you were in a long-term relationship how they would have neglected you emotionally or mentally or physically physically is important in a relationship whether you want to accept it or not physicality is important in a relationship so you did dodge a bullet and it sucks to have to dodge a bullet no mistake about it but as I said getting over these three types of breakups is basically the same but with a few extra steps amicable will probably this process will take way longer and you're going to need a lot more support hostile separations means you need to get out of that situation quickly and have no ties to that other person in any way shape or form to protect yourself your emotions and your future and ghosting is something that it's like it's such a quick band-aid rip and it sucks that yeah you need to start on these quickly and also try not to jump into something right after being ghosted it doesn't go well because you're just going to bring the fact that you've been ghosted into your next relationship and it'll increase the likelihood of you being ghosted when we bring negative emotions to another person we increase the likelihood of a negative outcome just because like it's weird I don't know if you guys have ever been on a dating app and then someone decided to post like all of the things that have happened to them that are negative it's not attractive they're like yeah I don't want to play games you know people I don't like I don't deal with ghosting and don't do this and don't do that I'm like wow you're pretty but I'm not interested because you are clearly not ready for a relationship even on the most minute level that's what happens when you don't you know take the time to grow and heal from your past relationship anyway this has been the life and relationship podcast I've had a blast talking to you guys I'm gonna keep improving this podcast please tell me in the comment section or any of the community sections what questions you want answered on the next podcast I appreciate you you guys have a great day peace
