Nothing to say, yet
Transcription
Two women from the Empowering Women Project host a podcast called EEWP. They discuss topics related to personal growth and empowerment. In this episode, they give a content warning and provide information on available support services. They then continue their series on getting to know them and discuss their relationships with their children's fathers. One of them had a positive relationship with her child's dad, but it ended when he started partying. The other woman had a tumultuous relationship with her child's father, who was an alcoholic and abusive. She felt isolated and scared during the relationship, but eventually found the courage to leave. Hello beautiful humans, this is Jaylene and Jules from the Empowering Women Project and you're listening to the EEWP podcast. This podcast is for the women who know deep in their soul they are here for more. If you are done with the BS stories and limiting beliefs that are holding you back from your dreams becoming a reality, come jump in the driver's seat and pave the way back home to her. This is a space for you to feel seen, heard, supported and accepted for who you are, who you were and who you're becoming. We're inviting you wherever you are in your journey, sit back, grab a tea or a wine and come empower yourself with us. Jules and Jay, let's grow! This podcast episode comes with a content warning. We'll be discussing sensitive topics, please do a personal body check-in to see if you're up to listening today. We encourage you to reach out to available support. In Australia, there are many options to support life events including but not limited to Lifeline 131114. SMS is available 24-7 where you can now text if you don't feel safe or comfortable calling 0477-131-114. We will include these in our show notes. Please check our pinned highlights on socials if you need direct DV support for your area. Thanks for tuning in! Hello beautiful humans and welcome back to the EWP podcast. We are on episode three of the Get to Know Us little series that we have created. We thought we would split it up into three episodes just so it's a little bit more digestible. As per the content warning, if you are driving with the kids in the car today, please turn this off and listen to it another day. But welcome back and let's dive straight in! So now we're going to talk about our children's fathers and how I know we've touched on it a little bit and how that kind of links to our now and our healing journeys. But let's dive into that for a little bit. You're on the hot seat, my honey. Go for it. Thanks, honey. I just want to start with the premise that we are not man-haters and we're not doing this to diss the fathers or anything. We're just sharing our experience. We definitely love men and I am building a beautiful co-parenting relationship with their dad now and he's actually given me permission to talk about this on the podcast. So yeah, Julie just did like, wow, that's big. So obviously stemming from having a domestic violence dad and an alcoholic father, my oldest son is actually a different dad to my other two. I just want to preface that because my relationship with Oliver's dad was actually really beautiful. We had a really nice relationship. We were very young, but we acted as though we were like an old couple. And we both worked full time and he spoiled me rotten. It was amazing until he turned 18 and then it all went downhill from there. He started just doing things when he was partying and stuff like that and not coming home and I was at home with the baby. So it kind of just got to a point where it was like, my life was about baby and his life was about partying. So obviously we just parted ways and we haven't really mended that relationship, but Oliver still has somewhat of a relationship with him, if you could call it that. And then that stemmed into me being like, oh my God, I'm a single mom, like no one's ever going to love me again sort of thing. And I guess, yeah, I met him through friends and they have actually apologised for introducing him to me because they knew the severity of who he was, I guess, and the violence that he carried just because he hadn't healed his early childhood trauma. So being with him, he was 12, 13 years older than me. And I met him when I was 17, like late 17 age, so nearly 18, and he was going into his 30s. So it was quite an age difference. But anyway, I digress. So yeah, he pretty much was the representation of what my dad was. He was an alcoholic, he was violent, he was very inconsistent and he played on my abandonment issues with my dad. And it was really bad. We actually didn't move in together until I had my first son with him, which was Heath, which was when I was 19. I don't know, I just kind of had this like blockage and there was just stuff going on. And then as soon as he moved into our house in Torquay, I was like, what the fuck have I done? But now I've got this baby and then I felt pregnant again. And it kind of was just like a whirlwind of just chaos, like, yeah, it was literally reliving my childhood over again, living in fear, fight and flight, that chasing mentality of like he'd pull away and then I'd chase and then, you know, it was just like cat and mouse. It was insane. And then I'd be like blowing up his phone when he wasn't coming home or I'd throw his phone and stuff because I was so young and I was at home again, being mom, just with my kids and navigating, trying to work. So I had to have a cleaning business and, you know, all that sort of stuff that I could bring my kids to work because it was so bad. And I always wanted a beautiful life for my kids. So I was never going to not work to provide them with a beautiful life because I didn't want to succumb to, you know, other ways of living. So, yeah, I had to pretty much hold the fort emotionally, mentally and all the rest of it whilst navigating, you know, just I just was like a nutshell of a human. Like I look back at her and I was like, I was a zombie. Like I had no voice. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know who I stood, like what I stood for, but all I knew was I just wanted to be a mom. Like I just wanted to, my goal in life was always to be like a stay at home mom and do something creative. Like I've always wanted to do something on the side, but I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom. And I never got the chance to because he wasn't working and, you know, I had to be the breadwinner whilst navigating CB and his alcoholism. Like I didn't drink when we were together. There would be stages where, you know, I'd have some cruises or whatever, but I wasn't into partying. I wasn't into, you know, drinking alcohol and doing all that sort of thing. But yeah, it was just like a crazy relationship. Like, yeah, it was, I can't even preface it into words, to be honest. It was just, yeah, trying to keep my kids alive, myself alive, because that's what it felt like. I felt like one day we're just going to get killed. Like, and I've actually said this to him in a conversation a couple of weeks ago. I don't even think it was a couple of weeks ago. I think it was very more recent than that. But I actually had a three and a half hour conversation with him where I was actually able to express to him finally, after being separated for six years, and a lot of people don't actually get this opportunity to be able to like openly express how they feel with someone like, I was the victim, obviously, in this. And he's grown so much as a person and done some healing and stuff like that. A lot of people don't get that opportunity, so I'm really grateful. But yeah, I actually got to express to him how I felt. And a lot of the feelings were, I didn't feel safe, I thought we were going to die, like I didn't know who to turn to, because at this point, I, like at the end of my relationship or even at the start, probably within a year, all my friends were gone. I didn't have any contact with my family. I was very isolated. And the people that I had connected to, he would kind of destroy that relationship. And I had one beautiful friend, there was two at the end, but one in particular, we were sitting at school pickup, and she looked at me and she was like, you're not Darlene anymore. Like, you've lost your smile. Like, where are you? Sort of thing. I love you, Wendy. We live in completely, like, completely different, like, she lives down in Sunny Coast now, and we haven't really seen each other now, but we still contact each other through social media. But she was the callous to me breaking up with him, being like, holy fuck, like, other people are seeing it. And I actually still have people to this day be like, oh, the person that you were back then compared to now, I'm like, wow, like, people must have really seen how lost and confused and how I was trying really hard for my kids to have a beautiful life. Like, I really did try through all of it. And then, yeah, it got to a point where I just remember one day, like, I remember practicing in the mirror, going, like, like, when he's come home, when he hasn't, like, he'd left for a week or whatever, doing I don't know what, to be honest, what he was doing in that week that he wouldn't be home, he'd just come back in the door, like, nothing happens. And I remember, like, practicing in the mirror being like, like, pretty much breaking up with him. And I never had the courage to do it. So I actually have a courage little tattoo on my wrist for the day that I actually did break up with him officially and utterly. I remember just walking down the stairs of our home and everything was kind of okay at this point. But I remember hearing him say something to the kids and I was like, you know what, I've had enough. I walked down there and it's like something just took over my body and my mind. I had therapy at this point beforehand to do a safety plan to get away with him, which he actually never knew. He thought I was going to therapy for my parents stuff, but it was actually to create a safety plan to get away from him. That's how bad it was. And yeah, and then I just, I broke up with him and he actually laughed at me and he thought I was joking and I was like, I'm not joking. And then from that day forward, I just held solid in, like, I'm never going back to you. Like, you were so unsafe, like, I don't even know how we made it. Like, he was physically violent, like, there were some nights where he'd make me get in the car and he'd want to go do something to someone because they've done something to him in his early childhood. Like I was, it was crazy, like, it was insane. And then, yeah, then I broke up with him and it took about six months to get him out of my home. And yeah, it was a very big process. And then even after we had split up, he had done really crazy things as well, and which ended up me, like, giving up my home in Torquay and, you know, wanting to move to Queensland. And I had tried a couple of times to move to Queensland. I just wanted to get as far away as possible from him. And I really feel like I was guided to Airlie Beach in order to heal and in order to have space for him, from him, sorry, to really heal and just to, yeah, move forward. And now that that's all happened and lots of things have happened since then, we're pretty much like, yeah, becoming better co-parents with each other. We're realising, like, the shit that we both did to each other and the toxic relationship we're in and how we need to heal from here on out and how it's affected the kids. So, yeah, that's just in a nutshell of that. But yeah, I'm really grateful that we're getting to a point where we're able to communicate more freely about the kids. And, you know, I am a full time mum during the school term. I do everything myself. And here's his dad that gets to be really fun when the kids go down there. And yeah, but it has been a whirlwind. And like, I can feel it in my body right now as I'm talking. I'm like, I just send so much love to that girl. Like, I just I just wish I could go hug her because the healing and aftermath after that was insane. I ended up going into partying, you know, doing drugs and drinking lots of alcohol and partying, giving my body away to so many men. If you know me from that era, hello. But I send her so much love as well because I was just so lost. And I'm like, now this is the second dad. And now I'm a single mom again. Like, I just all of that stuff just started coming up and got myself into the wrong crowds. And then I got to a point where like a lot of people used to even say to me when I'd be partying and stuff, they're like, you're not meant to be here. Like, what are you doing? And I'm like, I see that now because I wasn't. But I was obviously meant to go through all of that era in order to come back to who I was, because I was a fucking amazing mom through all that DV. I tried so fucking hard and I never gave up. I always had my kids in the forefront of my mind. Like everything I do was for them. And it still is that and it's becoming more like that again now. But yeah, I think we sometimes when we're healing, we do go down journeys like that and it's totally OK. And if you're a mom doing the same, like I'm sending you so much love, too, because I see you and I know what it's like to, you know, get out of a domestic violent relationship and then, you know, try to heal and navigate like working and being a mom and all of that. Like it's it's crazy. Like it's so crazy. My honey, I send you so much love. I just had that like a raw like coming in my head. I'm like, yeah, girl. I never I never thought I would have the confidence to share openly and honestly my story, and I feel like it's just going to keep getting better and better. But like if we're able to reach one woman every single day to help them and give them hope, our mission on Earth is done honestly. Absolutely. You don't have to stay stuck in those same patterns. If you are feeling unsafe, you have the capacity to make a change. There are so many services that are out there to support women or even men going through domestic violence. I mean, we're only women. We can only talk about our journeys and our stories and, you know, all the rest of it. But we also see the men as well. If you're listening, we know we do have quite a few male listeners. So, yeah, if you're a man or a woman, we highly encourage you to seek that support and we can put some information in our show notes and we're actually going to make a highlight spot on our Instagram to be able to share some services if you're experiencing this in our journey, because there is help out there and you can link in with those connections. And I promise you there will be somebody that will listen. And as well, our DMs are always open. If you need to talk to somebody about it, if you just want to be heard and figure out what to do next or which service to link to first, we would be happy to direct you. Yeah, because generally when you're getting out of a really severe toxic relationship, I've noticed a pattern with a lot of women and men is you have no body at the end. I like literally I remember breaking up with baby daddy and my best friend, Wendy, she literally was like, all right, me and my hubby are moving to Cairns now. And I'm like, you're just leaving me? Like, I've just done this thing. It was like I feel like there's angels that come in your life. I think of the different stages throughout the healing journey and through the relationship. There's little angels that are placed on your little journey and just notice the signs. Like if I didn't have that conversation with her that day, I probably wouldn't have been like, holy shit, like I've completely lost myself and who I am in order to make that decision that day. So there is angels and you are so divinely guided and protected. You just got to. Yeah, just make that choice, like you deserve so much love and you deserve to feel safe and you are so worthy of it, even if you don't feel like it, like I've been through all the feels and yeah, it yeah, there's hope on the other side of my knees and it's not going to happen overnight. But I can promise you this freedom, like this freedom just to live again, not in fear. And it's one of the big fears I know comes forward in my conversations with a lot of women who have experienced or going through it at the moment are literally like, oh, well, I don't want to break up the family. And it's like, yeah, but you rather have a healthy, safe home for your children or, you know, would you rather them feel unsafe? Like if you take anything from us, please just know that you hold the power within yourself to navigate everything post. You are strong enough. You will find it as women. We are natural warriors and we have the capacity to really take control of our lives. And so we really hope that you see that within yourself and just believe, have that belief because the other side is beautiful. I think the best thing that ever happened to our relationship was that it ended. I know that sounds so counterintuitive, but it stemmed me into healing more deeply for my children and finding my voice and everything like that. But then in turn, it stemmed him into it. Like I've lost my family because I can't get my shit together. And it's taken him so many years and also myself. And I've went through different stages and stuff, but it was in our experience. And I know it's not everyone's experience, but yeah, it definitely was the best, worst thing that ever happened in our life. So, yeah. Absolutely. Do it for you. Do it for your kids. You know, if you don't have kids, do it for yourself because we all deserve to feel happy and safe and secure. And honestly, you can find all of that within yourself and just give yourself grace and send yourself so much love because it is a lot to navigate. Yeah, it's just it's crazy, isn't it? The world that we live in. Honestly. I think my advice would be one day at a time, like don't think of like, oh, my God, five years from now, like even like finances and stuff like that. Like I remember like going through the stick of the TV, like bills were getting put on like the back burner and stuff like that. So like redo your credit score was like huge. Like it takes years to kind of like mend from that. But if you just do one day at a time and work on some things, if you have a social worker or a therapist or whatever, just doing one like one day at a time, just don't think of the future. Just think of what you need to do right now. And then in turn, all of those little baby steps will grow into, you know, maybe recording a podcast one day. But, you know, yeah, one day at a time, honey, it's one day. Yeah. And I think a misconception is that there isn't that nobody's going to help me. There's not going to be help. And there is. And the reality is they even have things in place now where, you know, they have specific departments that like Telstra or, you know, at Simply Energy or whatever your providers may be. And if you can call them and you speak to them and you say, this is my situation, generally, they're willing to put your bills on hold and not let it hurt your credit. I mean, so, you know, there's a huge movement in terms of women and men being supported when they're leaving these types of relationships. And yeah, we will post a whole bunch of links to support you guys through this if you are somebody who is experiencing this. And yeah, we just send you so much love as you navigate whatever you're navigating in your life at the moment. Amen. We love you. We do. And so as for me, for my child's father, I actually met him at the very beginning of COVID in 2020. And at that point in time, like I was in Melbourne and it was completely locked down. Like we were we were not allowed to leave our homes. You know, it was just absolute mayhem. I think we were allowed outside for like an hour each day just to go for a walk or get fresh air. And at that point in time, we had just connected and you were allowed to have you were allowed to travel to see like a romantic partner. And so he would often come to mine or I would often go to his. And so we spent a great deal of time together because when you don't you're not able to connect with any other humans like you connect with who's in front of you. And so for us, we were together like all day, every day. We were working from home. Like I would work in my bedroom and he would work in the lounge room and vice versa. And then we would spend like a great deal of time together. And at one stage, yeah, we ended up conceiving my son Hudson and I was prepping for a powerlifting competition. So I was still working out, still training hard, still trying to do everything I could to keep myself in shape for hope that one day we would go to lockdown and I would be able to compete in this competition. So it's putting a lot of time and energy and work into my health and my physical fitness. And yeah, it just kind of took a turn. I guess when I found out I was pregnant, I missed my period. And at this point, I think we had been able to travel a little bit further. We were still kind of locked down. But I remember going for a walk with one of my friends and I said to her, oh, my period's late. And she was like, oh, maybe you should do a test. I was like, oh, it was only two days. I'm like, but yeah, maybe I'll grab one just for peace of mind on the way home. Not in any, you know, there are several times where I could have been pregnant over my life. But yeah, I was just not expecting it. And it was instant. When I did that test and I got home, it was instant. And I was like, oh, my goodness, I am pregnant. And I've always had the belief that any time I go into any relationship and, you know, no judgment, everyone's allowed to make their own decisions. I'm a firm believer of my body, my choice. So my choice for myself was that if I had ever felt pregnant, you know, without meaning to, then I would ensure that I kept baby and I, you know, would do everything possible to become the best version of myself, whatever stage of my life it was at. I believe that, yeah, if it were to happen, it was going to happen and it was meant to be for me. So, yeah, I remember calling him up and saying, hey, like, I've got to tell you something. And, you know, he'd go through these moods and little did I know behind the scenes, like he was navigating some mental health issues that he wasn't being upfront and honest with me about. And I remember telling him because he didn't want to come see me. He was like, no, just tell me on the phone. And I was like, well, I've got to tell him. So I ended up just telling him on the phone. And then he didn't believe me. And he went through, you know, oh, you need to have an abortion. Like, I don't want to be a father. And I said, I was very upfront with you as we were going to be adults and, you know, do these things. And there can be consequences with those things. And so I said, I'm sorry, but I've decided for myself I'm keeping this baby. And he was like, well, I don't want to be a part of the baby's life. And I was like, oh, OK, well, like, are you sure with your decision? He's like, yeah, absolutely not. And I was like, OK. And then that's really when I dug into finding a psychologist to support me through all of what I was navigating, because it was just very heavy. My family was in Canada and we were still a little bit in lockdown. So I didn't have the support that I thought I could to get through. Like, I'm in a different country. Like, you know, can I do this? And I just had a chat with myself and I was like, you absolutely can do this. Like, this is, you know, this is meant to be. And, you know, I want to be this child's mother and I can be this child's mother. And I, yeah, that's what followed me on the healing journey. But anyways, then I just didn't hear from him. And he ended up breaking up with me and didn't hear from him. And, yeah, went about my pregnancy and did all the things, all the appointments, all the psychology appointments, all the medical appointments and continued working and, you know, just really maintaining my health. And I remember he came back in about 36 weeks and just messaged me out of the blue and was like, hey, how's it going? And I was like, so nonchalant, like, OK, like just being not being here at all through any of this. And anyways, he ended up disclosing to me that he was having some mental health issues and blamed it on the fact that it was due to the pregnancy and had ended up getting addicted to his benzodiazepines and was planning on booking himself into a mental health ward to have electroconvulsive shock therapy on his brain. And I was like, well, like, you know, I had gotten to a little groove and I was just I was like, whoa, OK, well, you know, are you doing this so that you can be a father? Like, are you going to get the support? And he's like, well, no, I still don't want to be a father. And I was like, oh, OK. And then he asked me, oh, can I drop the dog off? And I was like, he had a puppy, Staffy. And I was like, yeah, for sure. Like, I loved the dog. So the dog came and stayed with me. And then he checked himself into hospital. Anyways, at one stage, I remember he wanted to come with me to one of the apartments. He's like, and I thought, oh, well, maybe this will be a good thing. You know, he's showing an interest. And I'm a firm believer in not keeping, you know, unless there's safety issues involved, not keeping the child away from their father. So I was like, OK, maybe this is a step. So anyways, I that was the first time I really saw the anger come out in him. And we've gone to the appointment and we went to a cafe across or sorry, we had gone to the hospital for the appointment and had to wait. So we went to the cafe across and I'm vegan. So I asked if there was anything vegan. And the man was like, vegan? No, we don't do vegan here. And I was like, oh, OK, like, fair enough. And I know at that point in time, there was still a lot of places that did not do. And that was so fine. But his father got really, really angry and he started yelling at the guy. And I remember just being so embarrassed and I actually felt so unsafe because I was heavily pregnant. And I just remember like walking outside and he came outside and he was swearing and there was a kettlebell holding the door. And he said, oh, he's lucky I didn't take that kettlebell and bash it. And I was like, oh, my God, like this is so intense. What is happening here? Like, I don't even know who this person is. Totally different person to the person that I thought I knew during that five months that we were dating one another. And then he ended up pushing their tables outside and he ended up pushing them over the tables and chairs onto the road in the middle of Melbourne. And I was so scared and so embarrassed. And I said, like, just was kind of quiet when we got back to the hospital. And then I said, look, I would just, you know, I just think I don't feel safe with you coming with me into this medical appointment. And I remember going to the social worker at the hospital and just bawling my eyes out. And it had already been linked with her already being a single mom. But she was like, this is not safe. Like, this is not OK. And she's like, when we see signs like this, it generally means it's going to escalate. Like, this is the start of the things you'll start to notice as you go towards domestic violence. Anyways, then I, you know, didn't speak to him very much when about my life had Hudson 24 hours active labor. It was crazy by myself. I had a beautiful doula supporting me and the nurses and staff at the Royal Women's were actually, like, incredible. I would have never birthed anywhere else. Like, it was just, you know, surreal. But I say that, but obviously I would have birthed anywhere if I had to. But anyway, anyway. And then he, yeah, messaged me and he was like, oh, I've got the baby yet. And it was three days later after I had the baby. And I was like, yes, you know, I've had I've had the baby. And he's like, oh, he's like, well, can I come and see it? And I was like, it? I'm like, it's a boy. His name is Hudson. And then he came to the hospital, checked himself out of the psych ward, came to the hospital, and it was like the weirdest encounter. Like, he held him and it was like he was just not even there. Like, he was just, yeah, it was so awkward and I felt so uncomfortable. And yeah, it just was, that's all, that's how I can describe it. Like, it was just, like, really interesting. No checking on me, asking if I'm OK. And then he started making these demands. He started being like, well, I want to be on the birth certificate. I want this. I want that. Me, me, me, me, me. And I was like, whoa, I've literally just had a baby. I've navigated this all by myself. And now here you're coming in making these demands. I'm like, are you considering wanting to be in his life? And he's like, well, no. I was like, OK, so I'm confused. Why are you making all these demands? And he's like, and you're going to change his name. It's going to be Ushuaia, but spelled Isaiah. And I was like, wow. I was like, I've actually already done his name stuff and all the rest of it. And so he was just, yeah, making all these demands and telling me what I was going to do and how I was going to do it. And so obviously the social worker was visiting me. Anyway, he only stayed for 20 minutes. The social worker was visiting me and I let her know all of that. And she's like, no, she's like, I think you need to get an ABO. She's like, you're going off into the world by yourself. You know, these are very controlling behaviors. There's a lot more, obviously, that I'm not touching on. But those are just a few examples. Anyways. And then I, yeah, I got that put into place and I had it said so that he could still contact Hudson if he needed to. But he never has. So I've not heard from him. And now my little boy is going to be three. So I've done it all 100 percent on my own. And it's just crazy to look back and think about navigating a newborn life with very little support from friends, like next to none, no support from family. But yeah, I did it and I'm so proud of myself for it. And now, you know, my son is just he's bloody flourishing. He is doing so well. He has some medical issues, but we navigate them. And yeah, that's that's all about my son's father. Oh, I love you. I see you. And I love Huddy too. And Hustle, like it would be a little fam without little Hustle. So glad that he just, you know, dropped the dog on you as well. Yeah, I know, because they're besties. Like, they are. They're even got the same skin condition. Like, I know. And they love each other so much. And the fact they've grown up together. And yeah, Hustle just brings a sense of like safety as well to our family, which I've always loved. He's a little man. He's like a little stocky little puppy. It's just like, yeah, guys, I got this. Yeah. And now Hustle's at the age where he'll say, Hustle, my best friend, mummy. He's my friend. I'm like, he is your friend. And they are inseparable, honestly. So, yeah, it's crazy to think how everything worked out. But gosh, I'm strong as hell now. Literally, literally, it builds character, doesn't it? Like, I don't know. I think back to the person that I was as well during all of that stuff. And it's like, I wouldn't, we wouldn't be who we are if we didn't go through that. And unfortunately, we went through that. But also, like, I feel like we're here to learn some lessons. Well, not lessons in the aspect of, you know, being physically, you know, abused or emotionally abused or whatever. But like, I definitely feel like mine was to gain my voice. And like, you've definitely grown to a strong boss babe yourself. And you do everything for Huddy and Hustle. And you navigate all of the appointments and work and everything so beautifully. So I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Yeah, I strongly believe that there is mission, like, as well and finding my voice. And I've done so much work on that throat chakra and being able to express it. And, you know, if we can help one woman from sharing every day, one woman every day from sharing our journeys, then, yeah, we're going to be real. We're going to be raw. We're going to be vulnerable. And, yeah, crazy. Yeah. Like, if you guys could laugh and cry with us, that's all that matters. Laugh at our quirky weirdness. But yeah, I just yeah, we just want everyone to be seen and loved. Yeah. Know that there's so much hope. And we don't want to be like, this is very different to our regular episodes where we're quite heavy within this one. And it's a lot to take in and a lot of information. So if you've made it this far, thank you for listening. And yeah, go do a meditation or something. Hopefully you didn't hold on to any of that energy. But yeah, I think through it all, like us connecting with each other when we did was just such a beautiful thing. Like we've just been able to support one another throughout this stage of our healing journey. And really, yeah, understand the value that a friendship can have. And like, Daylene to me is literally like my family. Like, I love her and her voice so much. And yeah, just being able to navigate the parenting stuff, like, you know, calling each other and messaging each other and letting each other know when we're going through something. And a lot of the time, you know, people will go through those things silently and you don't have to. Find yourself a best friend and a therapist and, you know, you will feel much lighter, I promise. I definitely feel like it takes longer doing it yourself. You've got to have the support. What's it saying? It's like, if you want to go further, go with people. I can't remember it, but I need to research that. It's a really cool saying. But yeah, pretty much having like people behind you, like it. It does take a village. And definitely if you've been through things like, you need to support humans, positive ones that are not doing toxic things, you know, like drugs and alcohol and partying all the time because you'll fall into that loop if you have low self-worth and stuff. You're just going to like want that need for connection. And even if it's through toxic people, I think that's why we stay in toxic relationships longer as well, because, you know, we're familiar with that. And we have someone to go home to, even if they're like a crazy hell. Yeah, we just hold on to it for longer than what we should. But yeah. And we're so grateful these days, like you have social media. So, you know, you can make friends if you've gone through a journey and you've lost some friends. You can make so many friends through social media, like just by sliding into if you see someone and they're being vulnerable or you resonate with something on their story, sliding into their DMs. I've developed so many beautiful friendships just by doing that. And yeah, just put yourself outside of your comfort zone. And I know it's hard for some people. I'm an extrovert, though. Yeah. But but yeah, there are people that are going to want to be your friend. Amen. And on the back end of all of that, we're going to touch on our lifestyles and how, you know, what our lifestyles look like now, because it's completely different to what we've just dived into. So do you want to go first, my honey? Yeah, sure. All right, so we are going to lighten things up a little bit and jump into a little bit of our lifestyle and our now, our present day. Yeah, 100 percent. Like you've heard all of that and we'll go into, yeah, how our life looks now because it's completely different. And so my life is pretty much, yeah, I'm running a business, obviously recording the podcast and yeah, I'm trying to live a healthy lifestyle. Obviously, I went through the era of drinking alcohol and partying and eating shit food and all of the rest of it. Still am healing that thing, like the healing, the part of me with the crap processed food. That's the journey. I don't know. You know, I kind of grew up on McDonald's. I feel like. Thanks, mom. So that's kind of been embedded in me for quite some time. So I think my diet is something that is really going to be like the icing on the cake for everything, because I feel like everything I've done my NLP, so I understand the gut and brain connection. So, yeah, I feel like the nutrition is definitely going to be the icing on the cake for everything. But yeah, I try to live a really active lifestyle, get outside as much as I can and, you know, go to the gym. And I do a hike every Sunday that's really mentally challenging. But yeah, I just want to expand on that this year. Just, you know, get more outdoors, adventure more, have more weekends away and all of that sort of stuff. We actually were doing that pre-COVID. We used to go camping and all that sort of stuff all the time. Even as a single mom, people used to be like, oh, you're doing all this on your own. I'm like, hell, yeah, we are. Like, I love being outside with my kids and just being present and not having to be anywhere at a certain time. So calling all of that back in this year. But yeah, my nutrition, I think, is at the forefront of my mind, like forefront of my wanting to do this year. And obviously my skincare as well, because I didn't have one before. I think I'm a couple of weeks in. So, yeah, just really looking after the external and the internal this year. But yeah, that's pretty much my lifestyle in a nutshell. Yeah, love it. And then as for me, pre, have been either that, like my optimal health, my mind wasn't there, but like my body was very much there. Like I still hadn't started my healing journey of healing my mind and my post-trauma, past-trauma, post-trauma, past-trauma. But my, yeah, I was training hard. You know, my body was the fittest it has ever been. Like I was deadlifting, bench pressing, squatting. Like I was, yeah, a fitness, in my fitness era. But as I started diving into the deepness of the healing of my mind and my trauma, you know, and post-baby, I realized, you know, the pelvic pain was coming forward a lot more. And so I actually haven't been able to dive back into my physical health journey. I do, I am vegan, plant-based for the majority of the part. But I, yeah, that is one of my goals as well. As you guys know, I've just had my surgery two weeks ago now, two weeks ago on Wednesday it'll be. And, you know, once I'm well and truly over the recovery, which has been absolutely horrendous, if I might say. So anybody who has had surgery to diagnose endometriosis, I see you. And I understand you and send you so much love and healing because it was a nightmare. But we are past that now. And, you know, I'm still feeling quite tired, but I'm just looking at what the future looks like as a pain-free human. And I'll continue working on those habits of connecting my body and letting my body know it's safe and catching it up to my mind now. So I will hope to be back on my physical journey very soon. I mean, I walk quite often with the boys. But, yeah, I really do want to get back into, I love lifting. And so I am going to get back into that space, stay tuned. So, yeah, but amongst all of that, I do have my days and my moments where I lack that sort of self-love and I'm like, oh, you know, looking in the mirror and I'm like, my arms, my this, my that. But then I'm like, wait a second, you've birthed a literal baby. Like, look at what your body's been through throughout your life and, you know, give yourself some grace. And I know once I start putting in those routines and those strategies and the things that I know about the body, that I will be able to get myself back to where I was pre-pregnancy body-wise and physique-wise, which is so fine. So I give myself grace and then, yeah, for the most part, I've actually really learned to just love my own body and appreciate it for all that it has done. So, yeah, that's it. And then, yeah, just focusing so much on myself at the moment. Like, I think this year is all about one thing that's been coming forward. Huge is boundaries. Boundaries and really instilling those values and making sure that they all align, because I am, for once in my life, incredibly happy with where I'm at, you know, my work, the podcast, my side healing business, you know, my healing journey and being a mama. Like, I feel like I am finally able to look in the mirror and be like, wow, you got there, you did it. So I'm just sort of like harnessing that in a little bit and congratulating myself. I congratulate myself a lot. And it's so different these days because something can happen. And I literally use my toolkit that I've developed over the last three and a half years, and that really supports me to move forward through things. So, yeah, just feeling the pride and really celebrating who I am today and all of the obstacles that got me to where I am. And, yeah, just believing in myself. So that's kind of in a nutshell where I'm at with my lifestyle. Yeah. Another thing I want to add to mine as well was, like, family and business, like, balance. I know some some areas in your life, you've got to, you know, hustle a little more than others and all the rest of it. But I've actually just reduced the amount of properties I have in order to somehow, somewhat, I mean, gain back my weekends with my kids because it started getting to a point where work was my life. But then children were sort of on the not on the back burner. But, you know, you're just navigating single mum life with the price of living and all of the rest of it. So and it's so funny to be like, I've been wanting to do that for quite some months. And it's like it's kind of for me in life for me to change something. It has to get really uncomfortable. And I want to really change that. Like, as soon as I get a thought, I need to sit with it and then just voice it quicker instead of sitting in that energy for so many months. So that's another thing I'm wanting to bring in this this year. But I love all that for you, my honey. And I'm here supporting you through all your goals. And I can't wait to see you back in the gym because I know what it feels like after a workout. Like, you don't want to go sometimes. Then you go and you're like, hell yeah, like endorphins run wild. So I feel like that's really healing within itself. Just removing that stagnant energy through physical movement. So, yeah, you always go back to exercise, hey, when you know how good it feels. Absolutely. And I mean, I still do like yin yoga and stuff like that, but I need I need to lift and I'm having ways and I just can't wait to have that feeling again of that accomplishment of, yeah, pushing yourself to your absolute max and what that feels like afterwards. Yes, the body's going to hurt. And I am going to listen and give grace, but I can't wait as well. It's going to be magical. So, yeah, really excited about that. Same. And then like, how do you see his mama? Like just transform as well in a completely different way. It's really cool. It's going to be a lift and weight for sure. Exactly. And I also think I want to try running. I've tried in the past and it just was not for me. So I really want to try running. And then just also being able to like the huge thing for me these days is like I can actually go and have like a mimosa is usually my drink of choice. But I can have one mimosa and, you know, go about my my evening like I don't have to like I'm not using alcohol at this stage of my life as a means to like hide what I'm feeling. So I think that's been very pivotal for me getting to that part of my life where I can enjoy one or two drinks. And it's literally just to have one or two drinks and I don't even have to. And the majority of the time I don't. So, yeah, it's just it's nice to be in this space. It's freeing, like I say, it's like the antidote, like healing is the antidote to freedom. I think we're going to have to put that in a quote somewhere. I don't think I've ever read that, but it's just come into my brain. But it really is. It's so freeing. Like, yeah, it's amazing. I love us and I love the journey that we've been on and everybody else that's on this healing journey back to self. It's a wild ride, but it's a good one. Exactly. And as I always say, it's never linear. So, you know, we have good days, we have bad days. We have moments where we're like, you know, what are you know, how do I get through this? But I think really just giving yourself that grace and loving yourself and holding yourself accountable at the same time for something can be really influential. So we hope that we've inspired you guys to sort of if you haven't started your healing journey or to dabble in it a little bit or, you know, you've gotten something that you resonate with out of getting to know us. Yeah, for sure. And I hope that it inspires you also to chase your dreams no matter what, no matter the circumstances, like think of the future you and work backwards. Like you want a healthy relationship, then, you know, create a healthier relationship with yourself and in turn your external when your internal changes, your external changes. So, yeah, we see you and we love you so much. And yeah, we can't wait to keep sharing episodes with you guys. Our learnings and all the rest of it. So absolutely. We've got some beautiful, amazing guests coming up in the next couple of weeks. So we hope that you love getting to know them as much as we are going to love having a chat with them. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Big bold things happening in February. Absolutely. If we haven't said already, the name of the game for February is Bold. So we challenge you to go out there and do something bold and let us know how you did it and what you did. Literally. Thanks for tuning in to the EWP, and we hope you have a beautiful rest of your day. Take care, guys. Bye, beautiful humans. We hope you feel inspired to take back your power. Thank you for listening into the EWP party with Jules and Bey. We want to challenge you to share this party with someone you love. Let's get all women involved. Follow us on Insta at Empowering Women underscore project. Facebook and TikTok at Empowering Women Project. We invite you to join us on our social media pages. We invite you to interact with us on our socials, our threads, and in our DMs. We are open to collaborating and invite you to reach out if you feel inspired to be a guest on our EWP podcast. Remember, you are the creator of your reality. We encourage you to start believing in yourself and the magic of the universe.
