New Episode 3 Enlist a Team

The main ideas from this information are about the importance of enlisting a supportive team when facing struggles in life. It emphasizes the need for people who will encourage and educate, rather than those who are negative or feed into discouragement. It highlights the value of being heard and understood by others, and the importance of intentional and selective choices when forming a support network. The information also mentions the changing nature of a support team over time, and the need for different types of support depending on the specific trial being faced. Overall, the main idea is that having the right people around can provide hope and help in difficult times. pick the right people and they may not be who you initially write down. That's so true. Thank you for joining the Hope Network here and I'm Barry. And I'm Michelle. And we're here to share with you some words of hope because this world is a dark, dark place. It sure is. And we need hope. We all need hope. We really do. We really do. And you know that hope doesn't cure anything but it brings us into life. It brings us forward. It doesn't get us stuck in things that... It helps. Hope helps. Hope helps. I like that. We ought to have a bumper sticker that says that. Get a new tattoo that says hope helps. Hope helps. It really does. And so we want to encourage you today. We really do. And we hope you find some words of encouragement. We've been going through a series of conversations with others regarding chronic issues in their life and how they struggled and how they got through it. So this is not our opinion. This is the opinion of people who have known pain and are living with pain. Your peers have known pain. And I don't know anybody who does not know pain. And if you haven't, you will. Yes. It is part of life. Part of life. So our episode today is to talk about one of the things that we want to encourage people. And that is enlisting a team. Enlisting a team. All right. What does that mean? Yeah. What does that mean? Who do you surround yourself with when you're struggling? Sure. Yeah. You need people that will encourage you and people that will educate you. Isn't that true? What you don't need is people who are negative and feed into a lot of the discouragement that you may already be feeling. I think that a lot of times friends feel like, oh, yes. And they just kind of not play along. I don't want to use that term. But I'm going to walk alongside of you. But instead of giving you hope and encouragement, they sit with you for way too long in the sadness, the negativity, the discouragement. And that is, I believe, doing you a disservice. Well, it becomes sometimes for some folks that you thought you could lean on as a friend. During a time of difficulty, you find that they use it as a platform for their own misery. Isn't that true? They begin to share, oh, I had this experience as though it's your experience. And they're no longer listening. And there's something to be said about that, about misery loving company. There's truth in that. And you're right, Barry. They're not listening. They don't have a listening heart. They just want to join in and share my misery now. Yeah. Yeah. We know, just like this broadcast, you can have a tendency of not listening to each other and just think about what you want to say next. But that's difficult. You need people that will truly listen to you, or as we used to say in our classes on psychology, having a meaningful conversation. And I think a lot of times, and for those of you who may be on the other end going, oh, that might be me, that's OK. You can change that listening heart. I think a lot of people have to live with intention with that. Not everybody naturally are good listeners, and that's OK. But we can all be listeners. You just have to think about it. I think you just pointed out a key component is that we have to be intentional. Not only intentional in conversation, but intentional in who we have on our team. We have to be very intentional, very selective. Pick the right people, and they may not be who you initially write down. That's so true. That's so true, and I agree with that so much. And for example, when I'm struggling, which I do, because we all do, we're human, but I'm very careful with who I share my issue with, whatever the issue may be. They have to be safe. Someone I trust, not just someone to talk to. You have to have someone you trust that you would consider a safe environment. Yeah, a safe environment. It opens you up if you feel safe. And heard, if you feel heard. Feel heard, yeah. What does that mean? If you feel heard, how do you know if you feel like you've been heard? That's a good question. When I'm talking with somebody, and I can tell they understand, maybe not understand exactly what I'm going through, but somebody who gives good feedback, even a simple, like right now, Barry, you're nodding your head, and you're making eye contact with me. You're not saying a word. But I feel heard. Like he's listening to what I'm saying. That's beautiful, yeah. And if we repeat what we've just heard, if we retell what we've heard to somebody, then we know, or if they ask a follow-up question. I was just going to say that, yes, always. But that is true, and when I'm listening to somebody, I will ask them, is it okay if I ask you a question? And I'll wait for them. Some people don't want to be asked questions, and I think also listening and being heard, it is according to that individual, for lack of a better term. Everyone feels heard differently. So I will often be like, can I ask you a question? Sometimes they say no. Sometimes they say yes. But I know personally, I feel heard when someone does ask a follow-up question. Yeah, that's right. I mean, that's the tip-off, because they really are paying attention. Yes. They're not just waiting for their chance to enter into the conversation. Yes. And I know people like that, too. We all do. Yes, where they almost finish, they want you to finish a sentence so they can say something about it. Yeah, right, right. Like, did you hear me? Something of great wisdom, I'm sure. Profound. Yeah, right. It's not quite that nice, but yeah, it's challenging. But so let's start, let's talk in a practical way. So we're talking about enlisting a team. What would you say are some of the steps? We know we've got to be selective, and you can try out different people and not put them on your team. Yeah, absolutely. And I don't think you have to necessarily tell them, hey, I'm auditioning you. Right? I think we know as we walk through life who will either naturally become our support in our cheerleader. But one thing I look for is someone who's been through some stuff. That's a good point. They have some experience. Absolutely. They're a veteran of the issues. Right. In fact, that's why I always say I want to marry someone who has been through some stuff. Right. Someone you can go to war with. Oh, I love that. Go to war. In fact, in the Bible, there's only, and I don't know where it is. So if listeners, you know, please feel free to call in. Or Barry, maybe you do. But God says one thing about who to marry is someone you can go to war with. Wow. I've never seen that, but that sounds powerful. And that makes sense, doesn't it? It does. It does. It's a linking of arms. Yes. Shoulder to shoulder. It's in the trenches. Yes. Together. And knowing you can count on them to be there. And they will stand up and maybe be a voice when you don't necessarily have one. You know, we go through times where things are so hard, you can't even form words. Or you don't feel you have the mental capacity. That's when your person, your advocate steps up and says, I got you. And whatever that looks like. Yes. Well, and you know a good place to start would be just start writing a list. Write a list of people and maybe next to their name put a dash and put down what kind of area you're looking for. Like medical. Yes. And your team is going to change over time. Who you need in the first days of your trial may differ on the 10th day. One year I just heard a lady talk in a grief support group. She was talking about going through a death in her family. And she complimented her husband as doing exactly what she needed from him. Just being there. Just being there. I don't want you to talk to me. Don't want you to solve my issues. Don't tell me how I can overcome this grief like we're doing right now. But if you've lost a job. If you've got a negative medical diagnosis. If you are in a medical treatment of some type or residual issues. Depression, anxiety. It could be anything. Whatever that struggle is. And who I might even pick for your team might be different than who you would pick for your team. But that's very customized. What is one thing you look for when enlisting a team, Barry? Well, again, I go right back to this whole idea that it depends on where I'm at in the trial. So I had my stroke two and a half years ago. So today, well, it does have seasons, though, within that time frame that I needed medical care in the beginning. I needed assistance with activities of daily living, as they call them ADLs. I needed some help there. But once I learned a few things, I could manage them myself. I didn't need that same medical intervention. Right. But I still need to exercise. I need people around me that will challenge me and talk to me and encourage me. But I do think you pointed it out, the depression angle is something that's very fluid. We're all going to have days that we're going to feel like the pits and other days like we're on the peaks. Yeah. And that's normal. Ups and downs. Yeah. We always want to live out there on the top, don't we? We do. That's not the world we live in, though. No. And I will say, too, I was just thinking, sometimes, and I'm speaking of my own experience, sometimes your team helps enlist themselves. And I'll elaborate on that because I am a person, let me rephrase that, I was a person that didn't trust too many people. So for me to even be vulnerable in front of somebody was so challenging that I have been blessed literally, thank you, Jesus, putting people in my life that would pursue me, where they understood, okay, she's struggling right now, she probably won't reach out, so we're going to her. Ooh, wow. Now that's like an advanced level of support, isn't it? Yes, and I really do. That's a Jesus thing until I got to the point where I was able to be more vulnerable and that was a practice. But I did, I had people pursue me. Yeah, well, and that might be in a positive way or it might be calling us out. Absolutely. And we need to be called out. Yes, yes. That, you know, we're, you know, what's the word? It's like we're just fluffing it along, but then they say to us, now, I don't buy that. Yep. You can do that. Yeah. Those people are great as well. Yes, those are the people you need. And that's something I always say, you don't want a yes man. Right. You don't want a yes man. You want someone that does gently call you out because otherwise you're doing a disservice. I would rather be alone than with the wrong person because the wrong person, I don't mean a relationship, well, any relationship, friendship, but the wrong person, get almost like our last episode where they can, they can enable you to get stuck rather than help you get out of that situation. And just some people like that negativity and you can get stuck there. And that's all you talk about, back and forth, back and forth is the issue rather than what can we do to help the issue. Yeah, that's moving it forward then. You're not getting stuck like you said. Right. Because you can be in a pity party and you can even find people that will just support your pitiness. That's right. That's exactly what I mean. And you don't find, you don't find value with that lifestyle. You can't get stuck there. No. And I don't know the situation with the people that are listening to us. They could have been stuck there to this day, but you can today. Yep. As of today, I'm taking charge of my life. Yep. I'm rearranging some people. Get a piece of paper, get a pen, like you said, write it down. Write it down. Who do you know in your life that can help? Yeah, no holds barred. Just write everybody down that comes to your mind. You can always go and scratch them off later. You could formally ask them to be a part of your team or you can informally ask them to be or informally enlist them into your team. And I would recommend someone older. You want more than one person, but I would always recommend someone older. That would be a member of your team. Yep. Yeah, because of the wisdom and the mileage that they have acquired themselves. They've lived more life. Yeah, yeah. Because they know what it's like. Boy, our time is almost gone already, Michelle. Already. And I hope you found this valuable. If you want more information about our podcast, you're welcome to go to our website, which is TalksAboutHope.com. It's all one big word, www.TalksAboutHope.com. You can see our ugly pictures on there. I'm really not that ugly. Just kidding. Just kidding. Way to go. All right. Listen to that positivity. That's great. So, yeah, we hope we've helped today. Our statement is simple. Enlist a team and get that support system built up around you. Have a great day. Have a great day.