New Episode 1 Talk it Out

Barry and Michelle, part of the Hope Network, discuss the importance of sharing and talking about our pain and struggles. They acknowledge that everyone goes through difficult times and that it's not always visible to others. They emphasize the need to find a safe environment and trusted individuals to share with. They also caution against getting stuck in a victim mentality and encourage taking steps forward to grow and prosper. They highlight the value of listening and being a good listener for others, as well as the power of sharing our stories in healing and encouraging others. But isn't that the truth? Because we do fall down. Emotionally, we stumble. Mentally, we stumble. Physically, we stumble. Spiritually, we stumble. So glad that you chose to pick us to listen. My name is Barry. My name is Michelle. And we are part of the Hope Network. And thank you for joining us this morning. We're here because we care about people. We do care about people a lot. We are very invested in people's pain and hurt. And if you're listening to us, you're going through something right now. It's right now or you know somebody that's going through difficult times. And you picked the right podcast with the amount of difficult times Barry and I collectively have had and have gone through, which I do believe makes us more compassionate and empathetic and gives us a passion to help. It does. We know what it's like because like Michelle said, we've both been there. And I expect we will be there again. It's not like you're over this. You know, when you're young, you fall down, you scrape your knee, no big deal. When you're older and you fall down, it becomes a big deal. It becomes harder. Some people break a hip. Some people, my mother-in-law actually fell down in her garage alone, broke her leg. She was in that garage. She's alone for three or four days. They were estimating and finally she passed. But yeah, it's amazing how much, how much youth helps. So interesting when you said, when you fall down, I thought you were speaking figuratively and you were speaking literally. But isn't that the truth? Because we do fall down emotionally. We stumble mentally, we stumble physically, we stumble spiritually, we stumble. We just live in a really hard world. There's lots of obstacles and holes to fall into and yeah. Well, I was just listening to a podcast yesterday and they were, they made a lament and I don't know that I agree with it, but they said that they wished that they had a scar on their head because people assume if they look normal, they are normal and they have pain in their heart and in their mind in dealing with their, in this case, it was a stroke issue and they're dealing with this, this feeling of hurt and, but people can't see it. So they figure there should be okay. And maybe somebody listening here has that same experience where they're walking around with pain, you're functional, you're at the job, you're going to school, whatever your situation is. And the world thinks everything's okay, but it's not. But it's not. And I think a lot of times when people are in that, in that position, which I've been there, I'm sure you have been there as well, where you almost feel like you have to act as if everything's okay. I think about even just what I do for work and for the listeners that don't know, I'm a personal trainer and nutrition coach. And I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I'm very open about that. But with that, even with my job, I think about having to walk in and not be wah, wah. You know, I have to be chipper, if you will, very encouraging, if you will. That is my job, which can be exhausting. So I do think about the people that do have to, for work, almost put on a face. I also feel like everybody's hurting on some level. And I try to wear those goggles where everyone has a story, everyone's going through something. We live in a hard, hard world. We do. We do. It's broken and it's dark. And unfortunately, you watch TV and you see just glitz and glam and, oh, there's some drama because that drives all the narratives that we watch. But everything gets solved in 30 to an hour, and it's over. And it's not over for everybody. Right. I suppose we should get to some answers of what do you do, because you're listening to us and we're talking about how difficult things are. But in reality, we have some answers, some ideas. Both Michelle and I have talked to a lot of our clients and people on the street, literally, and asked them what did they do to get through the situation that they're now in and they're actually able to function and grow and move on. And that's regardless what the situation is, regardless if it is self-inflicted. I always like to throw that out there because I do feel that people, if they feel that they have brought this on themselves, that they feel they don't deserve love or grace. And I beg to differ. So whether or not this is self-inflicted or it's depression or a loss of a job or loss of a loved one or a stroke or a medical diagnosis, PTSD, whatever it may be. Well, that's a great point, because being self-inflicted doesn't make it less. Right. But people might tell you it does. That's true. Very true. But look at all the categories you just enumerated. You're talking about things that are happening to you and things that you do to yourself. The self-talk of what you're saying to yourself can drive so much more pain. And it can make it unbearable. Absolutely. So our first suggestion by people out there was to talk about it. And that is so important that when you're in pain, that you find somebody to talk and to share. Why do you think, Michelle, people have trouble sharing? That is a profound question. My own thoughts as to, I mean, my own experience, why I've had trouble sharing. And now today I do share. I'm able to do that, which really does make all the difference. I think just with some of the trauma I've had in my life caused me to have trust issues and not wanting to share. Trust in the listener? Correct. Where I never really felt heard or rejected. Or judged? Absolutely. Or judged for what you're going to share. I think a lot of times the way you're brought up, if your parents don't communicate and you don't see your parents sharing openly and honestly, odds are you probably won't either. And I was brought up that way. No one really taught. That's a good point. That's a good point. If you weren't taught how to share, and really if you're listening to us, you might think you're not sure is there a way to share and there's not a way to share. We'll talk about that too. I think finding a safe environment too, like you were saying. Someone you trust. You can't trust everybody. We're not supposed to trust everybody. Not everybody is on your team. So we find those people, you surround yourself with those people you trust and hopefully you can bring yourself to share. Because bringing things into the light, literally getting it off your chest and into the light helps immensely. Right. Opening the mouth, sharing your heart. Now I know that some people would be saying I don't want to become a negative Nelly. And it's true when you start to share. If you do share from your heart, your pain, you may find out who your friends are and who they are not. That is such truth. Sometimes a sad truth, but that is truth. It does. It has a refining power by sharing. However, people don't want to always hear negative comments. So you need to maybe, just from a practical side, need to parcel out the amount of negative sharing that you do so you don't burn out somebody. Because when they are a true friend and they're listening to you, this takes some of their energy by listening to you. And that's a really good point because there are people who can be quite draining. However, we don't want to discourage you from sharing. Just don't get stuck with that mindset of I am here, whatever your struggles are. You're not a victim. So don't get stuck in that victim mentality. Share and then put tools in place to prosper and to step forward, opposed to sitting because you're not stuck where you are. And I think that's when people get negative. They get stuck. That's all they can see is their problem. And there's so much more going on. Yeah, there's a lot. And sharing, we used to, in a counseling thing I was attending, they said that sharing needs to be a meaningful conversation. So if you are the recipient of somebody sharing, you should ask them to share more. Prove a little bit. Be engaged in the conversation. Ask questions. Ask questions. Right. Just be involved. Don't just sit there waiting for your chance to share what you just read on the church sign that you drove by the other day. Share more. And listening. I love that you brought up the listening aspect because that's a practice. I think both are a practice, sharing and listening. It is hard to find a good listener, someone who is very just open-hearted, open-armed. I'm listening. Yeah, exactly. That's a great point. A good listener. And you're going to start to identify them. You're going to have some people that are not reachable by you. I mean, in this day and age of caller ID, they will literally screen your call if they don't want to hear. Well, that's good because now you know this is not a person I want to call. There was one person that I kept calling just to share, but I worked hard at having a list in my mind. I didn't go so far as to write it down, but I had a list in my mind of subjects I wanted to bring up about his life so that it wasn't all about me. What I was looking for was him to share things that sounded normal because I really wanted to have touch with normalcy. My life at that time was anything but normal, things that happened, and I needed to hear from somebody that was still having a normal life out there, so I needed to hear his story. Yeah. I love what you just said, to hear your story, because sharing our stories, I mean, this was newer to me, and I'll say that a lot because Jesus has done great work in my heart, but sharing your story, and there's a reason why we go through things. I truly believe that. God has a plan, and there is a reason we go through everything, so sharing my story, let's say sharing my story or sharing anyone's story with somebody else can be quite healing and encouraging so much more than I think the sharer even realizes because it makes us, when we go through things, it makes us more, I think I said this earlier, more compassionate, more empathetic to other people, and that's really what people need. That's what the world needs is someone with compassion and empathy and just hear me. People want to be heard. People want to be heard. I know when the movie Avatar came out, there was a phrase that really hit me, and they say we'd use it frequently in the movie, and that was, I see you. I thought, what a beautiful description of hearing me. I hear you. I see you. I understand you, and in this day and age of everything being so privacy-oriented, we find ourselves just having less and less opportunity to really be heard and seen, and so we're just not an individual anymore. I love that you brought that up because it's funny, and this is not planned, listeners, but the movie Avatar, one thing that I say to this day to many people, and as you know, I mentor young ladies, I say, I hear you, and I see you. Often, I say that, and a lot of times, I might follow it up if someone calls me and they need something. I say, I hear you. I see you, and I'm coming, like I'm there. Boy, and aren't you connected when you do that? Absolutely, and I think just like you said, those words alone, and I think people know if it comes from your heart, can be quite life-changing. Sure, and I know that we have an opportunity, and we've given you step one. This is in no particular order. You're going to find some of these coping skills to be more helpful to you than others, but the key here, what we've been talking about is talk, definitely talk it out. Talk it out. Get people out. Share. Yeah. Well, thanks for listening. Our time is about done. We promised that each podcast would only be about 15 minutes in length. That way, you can listen to multiple podcasts on your way to work or on the treadmill, whatever you're doing. Thank you for joining us.