top 10 mini episode

Testes, testes, one, two, three, aha, cool. Welcome to Valaverga, y'all. This is Valerie Caro. Very nice to join you all today for another talk, yes? All right, it's nice and overcast today. It is beautiful. I love this weather. This is amazing weather for, you know, bounce, tickle, wow, wow, you know, things like that. And, you know, going to the movies, taking a nap. Which is really hard when you're working from home and you can't do any of that shit. But whatever, we're gonna roll with the punches, right? All right, all right, all right. So, I wanted to air a couple of grievances that I have today. This is gonna be a little bit of a complaining session, again, which, you know, they're all kind of turning out like that, you know? Tomorrow, maybe I'll have a little bit, a little bit more cool conversation, I guess, with my friend Gina, who is white, by the way, but don't hold it against her, people. She's a cool white girl. Speaking of white girls, bro, what is up with Benito with this bitch? Okay, I mean, fine, if you want unseasoned chicken for the rest of your life, then have at it, Benito. Have at it, okay? No, I'm just kidding. Go on with yourself, Benito, if that's what you want. If you want the white meat, you know, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool. I'm not gonna hold it against you, okay? But I will never listen to your songs the same again. I'm still just talking shit, because I am like the whitest Mexican ever. I do not speak Spanish, but don't come after me, my people. I understand it, but I cannot speak fluently. It's ass, so, and I am pale as fuck. I have some vampire skin, and, you know, I might as well be right up there with that bitch, but I seasoned my food, so, you know, I'm all right. You know what I mean? I can say a couple of words, fucking tamarindo, jalapeno. Si, si, si, I'm good. So, yeah, but I hope you all are doing great today. I had a bit of a fucking morning, and I am in one hell of a mood, let me tell you. I have been pissed for about, I wanna say three hours, a good three and a half hours. Yeah, I have been fucking raging. You know what I mean? Like, ugh, like when you air punch, you're so fucking mad, you're just like, you know, you get this fucking text that says, this is a great podcast. Ugh, fucking air punch, ugh, ugh, ugh. Oh, yeah, we should really keep the bumble here. Fucking air punch, ugh, ugh, ugh. Oh, yeah, when's the next episode coming out? Punch, punch, punch, punch. Like, you know, so it has been that fucking morning, and I hate having to be ugly to people, but I kinda had to put up some fucking boundaries, and put some boundaries in place, and be like, mm, you know, don't do this or that, because you're fucking making my blood pressure spike the fuck up, you know? But that's all right. I let my shit out, and then I brought my toxic stuff back in, and, you know, had to apologize for some shit that I said, but, bro, that's just me. That is just me. I am the worst at that. Like, when I am really unhappy about something, I let that shit be known. Like, it is all over my fucking face. All over my fucking face, all in my tone. And I may be smiling a little bit, but you better be afraid when that fucking smile comes out, let me tell you, I am the worst. I will make your life fucking miserable when I am very unhappy. And mostly that stems from being hurt, you know what I mean? That's what that's all about. Like, being upset is because you're hurt. You're hurt, and I am woman enough to admit that shit. Some shit just hurts. Hearing from some people just fucking hurts. You're just like, bitch, move on. Don't, no, no, look forward. You look at that sunset. Don't you look back over here at me. God damn it, don't you look back. You just fucking keep moving forward. That's what you gotta do, you know what I mean? Push them along. You know, and I think it's because I'm just so at peace. Like, these last, what, like four or five months, I have been at fucking peace. At peace ever since I said goodbye. Like, you know, I have, I feel like for once in a very long time, I have a very full life, you know? Me and my daughters have a wonderful relationship. It's the best that it's ever been. I'm so thankful for that. My kids are fucking hilarious and awesome, and I love them so much. And so that's been great. Work is great, too. I mean, they're sending me home, which is, I mean, kind of sucks because I'm very much a social person. I love being around people, and I love everybody that I work with, but it gives me a little bit more freedom with my kids and an open schedule, so that is more important to me than anything, you know? So that, I mean, but that's still good, you know? And this podcast is something that I've been wanting to do forever. I have been talking about it for years. And, I mean, I wasn't planning on doing it alone originally, but it worked out for the better. You know what I mean? Like, this is mine. This is all of my hard work that I've put in from the beginning, from when I started talking about it. You know, I did all the research. I put everything together, and now it's my vision, my dream come to life, and I did all this fucking hard work. Granted, I only have fucking 40 downloads right now on speaker, but I'll fuck, I made like 20 cents off of advertisements. But that is my 20 cents hard earned, okay? And can't nobody take that away from me, so. But, yeah, so that's what's going on today, guys. All right, guys, we're gonna make this really, really quick today, because I don't have like that much time. My top 10 list of who to stay the fuck away from. Like, if any of these guys, like, come out with this shit, it's a no for me, and it's just because of my personal experience with these people that I'm like, nope, nope, not gonna fucking happen. Okay, we're gonna start from 10, all right, all the way up. So 10, sneakerheads, bruh. Stay the fuck away from sneakerheads. They will forego paying their rent, getting groceries to get those fucking sneakers. Then you think they have you fucking opening up shit, those lotteries on your fucking apps. You got like four phones, like fucking crackheads for some shoes. I mean, I love shoes, but not like that much. Nah, fuck them sneakerheads. Okay, men who have never been married and no kids 40 or over. What the fuck is that about? No, I'm sorry, no, nuh-uh. Once went on a date with this guy who's 50. That was like a couple months ago, too, like maybe like three or four. 50 hot as balls. I mean, kept great care of himself. Would not shut the fuck up about like his medical plan and shit like that. Like, oh my God, I could not, no, mm-mm. Number eight, men who their mom is their best friend. Girl, this is just relationship suicide right there. Because you know what? They're always gonna compare everything to their fucking mom. So of course their mom makes spaghetti better and I gotta go hang out with my mom this weekend. I mean, it's cool to be closer, but like fucking besties, mm, I don't know. Nope, nope, nope. Number seven. Again, this is just my opinion. It's not scientific or anything. I have no research on it. Where's too many gold chains? Have you seen these motherfuckers where they're like draped in gold chains and then for some reason, they went down to have their shirt open, I guess to see their fucking gold chains and they're just bootles and it's just not good. You know, like one is good enough. Gamers, oh, good luck getting these motherfuckers out the house. You're not going anywhere. You are eating takeout for the rest of your life, okay? They will groan and complain anytime they have to leave and enter into any public facility. Nope, nope, they won't do it and fuck all that. Number five, hikers. Oh my God. Now, I like a hike every couple of years. I'll be like, all right, but like hiking every weekend. Bitch, I don't wanna sleep in a tent. No, no, get ready to sleep in a tent and have bugs all over you and just, you know, admiring goats and I'm sorry, but I'd rather watch like a new movie or something and or stay in a nice cabin. That's cool, that's cool. But hiking, ugh, I'll just go on the Stairmaster later. Yeah, yeah, can we do that? Okay, so that was, what, number five? Number four, chefs. Not because they're bad people, but you will be fat as fuck, girl. Be prepared to be their taste tester, okay? They will try new recipes. They're always fucking cooking like at midnight too. Motherfuckers have sleep apnea and be prepared to also have sleep apnea as well, okay? Because of all that fucking weight you gained. Don't say I didn't warn you. Three, anyone with a hip problem in their 40s? What is this, why is this an epidemic now? What happened to your fucking hips, huh? How come they're all fucked up at 40? Because, you know, your hip's fucked up, then I gotta do all the work and that's just ass. It has to be 50-50, I'm sorry, no. Number two, tattoo artists. I feel like this does not need any further explanation. It's pretty self-explanatory. Now, I'm not saying all of them, but the ones I've hit up, kind of ass, bro. I warned you, I warned you, okay? And number one, any kind of artist, okay? Like singers, you know, any artistic talent, especially fucking dance instructors or anything that stay the fuck away from, you know what? Because they're putos. They will always be putos. I mean, they can't help it. Look at everybody just throwing, pooing at them like 24-7, you know? Because you can't come across that talent every day. So, I don't know, that's just my top 10 list of motherfuckers to stay away from. So, I hope this helps you guys out. Sorry, it was a nice, short, little mini-episode, but have a good one, y'all, vale verga!