How to Start a Coaching Conversation

The key to a great coaching conversation is planning questions. Coaching is about helping people self-discover, so it's better to ask questions rather than telling them what to do. Starting a conversation with three "what" questions ignites a different conversation compared to just giving instructions. Asking questions helps people think and find their own solutions. It's important to frame questions in a positive and supportive way to encourage participation. The key to starting off a great coaching conversation is to initially have your questions planned. I think the greatest challenge we all go through in coaching is sometimes we see where someone is struggling. We know what the issue is and we know the fundamental premise of coaching is to help people self-discover. Yet if we could just point to the thing they needed to fix it would be so much easier. Yet behaviorally if we point out what somebody needs to do we tend to share in the ownership of the solution which means their participation in solving is fractional. So if we can get people to self-discover their own solutions their own challenges that can come as a result of only asking questions. See if we tell people what to do they can almost become complacent or even robotic in their thinking because someone's doing the thinking or the solving for them. Yet if we ask questions so one of the great things that we encourage is that have your first three questions typically starting with the word what ready to go. And when you start a conversation with three what questions it will ignite a much different conversation if you just start telling someone what to do. Let me give you an example. If you're coaching someone to be more influential and positive as a teammate you could certainly ask questions such as what are you doing really well right now as a teammate. That gets the conversation going. What are some areas where you have an opportunity to raise your game as a teammate? That's question number two. Question number three might be so what are two things you would like to do more of or maybe your teammates would like you to do more of to really be that positive influence that that expert somebody that people can really count on. So when people start answering those questions it frames out in their mind what they need to do. Now if you come in on the flip side of the coin and say look you're not being a very good teammate you're not being influential you're really pulled back we need you to assert yourself honestly ask yourself yes the feedback might be directive it might be accurate how would you feel hearing that would you be a willing participant or would you be a participant begrudgingly meaning okay I guess I'll do that. Questions are the key start off your conversations with three what questions