What Makes A Great Coach

A great coach is not perfect and cannot control every aspect of the coaching process. However, they are always present, giving their full attention to the person they are coaching. They ask great questions and listen intently, avoiding distractions. They use framing techniques to create a different emotional attachment to situations. These forgotten arts of conversation are crucial in driving workplace cultures. Coaching conversations involve learning about the person and their motivations. Great coaches are focused on motivating the person beyond their present job. These are the four keys to being a great coach. So what makes a great coach? And you know what, a great coach is not a perfect coach. Remember when we're coaching, we do not control every aspect of the coaching process. We can drive the coaching process, but we don't control every aspect. Let me explain. If you're coaching someone who just happens to be in a bad mood, they've had a bad day, they're acting a little bit out of sorts or even out of character, there's not so much we can do about that. Yet a great coach does, number one, they are always present. They don't peek at their phone. They're 100% of their attention is dedicated to the person or persons in front of them. And they are on, meaning they are on. I often think about one of our coaches, Kristen Miller, who is a great coach, yet she comes from an acting theater background. And it's such a great parallel because we don't go home and our spouse is sitting down at dinner with us and we're on. I've got to demonstrate active listening. I've got to ask her three great questions. We don't typically do that, right? Yet when we're coaching, much like someone in the theater, we have to be on. We have to know our lines. Now, I'm not a verbatim coach. I'm a framework coach, meaning here are some frameworks. Here are some questioning models. The key to success is to be ready, to be present. Number two, to ask questions. And yes, you're going to take yourself into a theatrical, if you will, level of intensity. Now, that doesn't mean to act intense, but it means to intently be present, asking questions, really listening. Come on, let's be candid. We all know that when we're talking to people socially, we are often thinking about what we want to say while they're talking. That is not good listening. It tends to be really good social conversations. I don't know how much context or value we get out of it all the time, but a good coach, a great coach, is present and they're ready to listen. Number three, they ask great questions, which really drives number one and two. When we ask questions and we typically suggest start with three what questions. What are you going to do to successfully embrace that teammate? What are you going to do to really bring self-awareness about yourself where you have an opportunity to be a great teammate? What are you going to do to collaborate with that person? What is a very safe word versus the word why can put people in a defensive posture? Like, why aren't you getting along with that person? Now, those brief examples I just gave you seem very trite. Yet, if you ask someone, why are you not getting along with that person, that person is not going to say, quite frankly, I've been a jerk and I've been kind of undermining that teammate. No, they're going to put it all on that other person, which behaviorally and emotionally fuels their disdain for that person. Versus saying, what are you going to do to overcome your differences to collaborate successfully? That uses a technique called framing and it frames out their response, which creates a different emotional attachment to the situation. So again, great coaches, they're present, they ask questions, they listen. Sadly, those are forgotten arts. We have forgotten to have good conversations. Now, with everything going on in the world with technology, chat GPT, people working virtually, people working in person, people in hybrid environments, it will never, ever, ever admonish or rid organizations of one important thing that I believe drives workplace cultures, our ability to have professional and thoughtful conversations. That's exactly what coaching is. When we have a coaching conversation with our people and we have a coaching conversation and our objective is to learn two unique things about that person, every time we meet with them, we're going to be forced to do one magical thing, ask questions and really listen. That will separate us. When we are present, when we are asking questions, when we are listening, and then number four, when we are intrigued or we are inquisitive about where they want to go, their motivator, what's in it for them, what's their desired state, what would they love to be doing right now that they're not doing enough of, you as a leader just became very, very tough to quit on. So great leaders are present, they ask questions, they listen, and they're focused on motivating the person, not just motivating the person to do their present job. Those are the four keys to what makes a great coach.