Passed Over for Promotion

When coaching someone who has been passed over for a promotion, it is important to observe and not overreact. People will have either a positive or negative reaction. It is crucial to approach them with neutral questions to understand their thoughts and reactions. Two things may happen: they may give up on pursuing promotions or they may need help in building resilience. Spotlight coaching can be effective in these situations, where you highlight the importance of their behavior and how it can impact future opportunities. A story is shared about a person named Matt who was upset about being passed over and had to work with the person who got the promotion. By being supportive and approaching the situation strategically, they were able to maintain a good working relationship and both now hold major positions in the company. It is important not to dismiss someone's frustration but to guide them towards a positive outcome. Coaching somebody who's been passed over initially engage with someone who did not get the promotion it is really wise to observe not to overreact normally there's disappointment and I often share with people people don't have neutral days they either have bad days or good days very similar to this people are going to have a reaction one that is positive or one that is negative one that is positive is somebody who says you know what I went for it I'm happy I went for it I'm disappointed I'm happy that so-and-so got the job that's a very positive response now somebody who exhibits negativity such as yeah I'm disappointed I kind of felt like the interview was a little bit unfair that goes to something called a lack of self-awareness and it's tough because in that moment sometimes we have to decide do we want to engage do we want to let them just get it off their chest and then you know reconvene at a later date in time so during these lessons we're going to talk about coaching somebody passed over for a promotion we're going to teach you a variety of techniques and this person is upset we're going to focus on the person that's upset it's a little bit jaded felt like the process wasn't fair or what have you now when doing that you have to decide when you approach this person and let's assume you know they're upset watch your language when you ask somebody sorry you upset you're fueling their expansion on being upset I'm not saying to ignore it I'm suggesting watch the way you approach people neutral questions are advisable such as understanding and get the promotion what's going through your mind what's your reaction and then it really gives you a good insight to they react positively or not so positively when you are coaching someone like this there's two things that will happen people will typically stall in their mind well I'm not going to go for that promotion again I'm not going to go for another promotion let's be candid rejection is hard the second thing is how do you now coach that person to get up take action continue to invest in themselves going forward in the inevitable hope that they want the same type of promotion somewhere down the road it's called resilience so when we're coaching people who have been passed over if you have a piece of paper write down the word spotlight coaching and I'm going to give you a story here and I'll never forget it and it was over 20 years ago two guys I still keep in contact with today here was something that was really interesting that happened one of the guys by the name of Matt got passed over for a promotion and he was literally told you're probably going to get the job probably going to get the job the person who was doing that did not have ill intent they were supportive and then somebody got the job I remember talking to him he was mad he was angry he was really frustrated he was let he had been led to believe he was going to get the job and so his his angst his angers frustration was somewhat warranted now again the person who did that kind of set him up for failure but that wasn't the intent he was a great candidate as was the person who got the job Eric so I sat down with Matt and I let him kind of vent and I said okay I understand you're angry I said it's gonna be tough huh he's well let me tell you what makes it even tougher I said what's that he said I'm reporting to Eric now the good news was they had a great relationship and I said well it kind of leads me to this this question or this thought for you and I just stopped see when you start telling people people sometimes turn us off yet when you lead with a statement such as yeah well actually leads to something I wanted to share with you and you stop and they say well what is it they're pulling you in and I said well Matt that spotlight is gonna be bright and this is something called the spotlight he said what do you mean the spotlight I said well now that you're sharing with me that you're working with and for Eric it really puts you in a weird spot and he goes yeah you know it really gets me mad you know and I said no no that's not what I'm alluding to he said what are you alluding to I said well people are gonna watch the two of you and it's kind of unfair huh now notice I'm being very vague and ambiguous he goes what are you talking about I said people are gonna watch how you two interact with each other very few people are going to assume that you guys are gonna work effectively together he said well I don't have a problem with Eric I said yet you don't have a problem with Eric you so much as indicated you still kind of have a problem with the whole thing yet the spotlight is still gonna be on you to watch how you react so I'm wondering if you were highly supportive of Eric and you two look like a united front how would that serve you going forward to get the next promotional opportunity when I said that and to be candid Matt's a pretty approachable person it's a pretty coachable person and I said you know how will that serve you going forward for the next promotional opportunity his facial expression instantly changed he said wow I said look I get your angst I get your frustration you've been put into a unique position let's not overreact to it let's be supportive and let's think about the inevitable discord this is put Eric in he said geez I didn't even think of that I said he's in kind of a tough spot he said what what should I do I said you know what if you guys went out for lunch and talked about we're kind of in a weird spot together huh and they inevitably became very supportive both those guys to this day still run two major divisions of this company that fork in the road I didn't know if Matt was gonna stay at the company he was upset now if I had told him get over it it would have been a disaster so when we get to the other parts of this lesson you get to the questions I'm going to give you another question that you can use as it relates to the spotlight with a young lady in the agricultural space got a promotion at the age of 28 the guy went for the job now reports to her he's 55 that is a tough transition