Emotional Intelligence Motivator

When coaching someone's motivation, emotional intelligence is important. The speaker gives an example of a young woman who got a manager job over an older man. Instead of confronting him, she used emotional intelligence to appeal to his motivation to become a manager. This approach led to their collaboration and improved relationship. Emotional intelligence can be used as a catalyst to coach and motivate others. Now, when it comes to the motivator, there can certainly be a number of different perspectives. When you're coaching someone's motivation in terms of their goal or where they want to end up, emotional intelligence will be front and center. Let me give you an example. I'm not a generation person. I don't believe in labeling people by generations and saying, well, all Gen Z and all millennials. I don't agree with that. And one of the things that happens is, especially with different types of work demographics, people will sometimes start a job last Friday and it's Thursday. I should be promoted by now. What is that demonstrating? Very low awareness, very low self-awareness. You get the idea. So when you get to someone's motivation or their motivator, emotional intelligence will be front and center. Anybody who does not get a job, they get passed over, typically get very, very angry. So when you're coaching to someone's motivator, let me give you a quick story. When I was working with a company, it was an agricultural company, and a young lady called me. She's about 27, 28 years old, went for a job as a manager, first-time manager job, and went up against a guy about 58 years old, could have been her dad, right, age-wise. She called me and she said, this guy's very upset, he didn't get the job, he's vocalizing it to the rest of the team, that I'm not qualified, how do I win this guy over? I said, you don't win him over, it's never going to happen. I said, you have to get him to look back at himself and his motivator. She said, what do you mean? So I gave her all these activities, and here's how the conversation went according to her. She sat down with the guy, and what I'm about to teach you is something called the spotlight. She sat down with this guy and said, look, this is a very uncomfortable situation for both of us. You went for the job, I went for the job, whether fair or unfair, I got the job. People are going to have a spotlight on us. How do you think we should react? Now, the gentleman looked at her like, what are you talking about? Now what I think he was really expecting was the reprimand. You know, you're undermining me, you're talking behind my back, and he was expecting that, and she kind of threw him a curveball, which was the design of the activity. And she said, well, you know, people are going to be watching us, you know, in the spotlight. He goes, I'm not following you. She said, well, my boss is going to come to me, knowing you went for the job, and ask, how's it like working with him? And before he could say anything, she said, wouldn't it be cool if I became your biggest advocate? Because nobody would expect that. And she said, his facial expression instantly changed. And after that statement, she said, now, is it still your goal to become a manager? He said, well, yeah. She said, what if I was your biggest advocate, wouldn't that shock people? And he said, yeah, yeah, it would. So what we coached to was his motivator. And she said, I think you being upset, I totally get it. Was the decision fair to you? Maybe, maybe not. Not my decision to make that call. Yet, what if we were a united front? Wouldn't that position you to get what you want? So instead of reprimanding or talking about his behaviors, she went back to what his initial motivation was, which was, he wanted to eventually go into management. Six months later, she calls me, she said, it's unbelievable. He's my most supportive person on the team. I said, is he getting up for a promotion? She said, some promotions are being listed. We're moving in that direction. And he has been incredibly appreciative. And I said, have you drawn upon his knowledge? She goes, I do all the time. And it's almost like we're co-managing. She said, I have to almost remind myself I'm the manager because he's been that thoughtful. Now, when you find out what motivates someone, you can bring in all these attributes of emotional intelligence as a catalyst to coach them.