Delaying gratification

The speaker discusses their lack of preference when it comes to choices. They used to be fussy about food, but as they got older, they became more content with what they have and don't have specific preferences. They believe it's simpler to find pleasure in things that exist rather than obsessing over preferences. They also mention the concept of delayed gratification and how they enjoy indulging in certain foods occasionally. They criticize people who are overly picky and believe that ego and privilege are often intertwined with preference. The speaker also mentions their dislike of expensive restaurants and their preference for cooking at home and sharing a meal with loved ones. They conclude by stating that their preferences have lessened over time, and they now focus on what works and what is simple. I don't really have a preference. I mean, I do, in the sense that if someone says to me, do you want this one or that one? I might actually be okay with either, but I'll probably be able to choose one quite simply. And certainly if I really like one over the other, it's obvious in that moment, that one. But until that choice comes, I don't know that that's my preference. So that in many ways, I don't have a preference. I've only got this one. I thought I would have that one, but I've only got this one. Well, that's fine. I'll have that one then. Or I can get the other one. It doesn't matter. I'm okay with what it is. In other words, it's like, I've come across, and I've certainly been when I was much younger, fussy. Oh, I don't eat this. I don't eat that. I have to have it like this. It's got to be like that. I don't like that. Take that out. I won't eat this. I won't do that. I've come across people who are full of that. They've got incredible fussiness about how things have to be before they can accept it, before they'll like it. If there's something slightly off from what they actually prefer, they won't have it. I find that strange. Yes, I remember when I was a kid, being a bit fussy. I didn't like fat on my food, on my meat, on my... and I didn't even want to see it there. I had to cut it off immediately. Now, I'm quite happy to eat the whole thing regardless. If the bacon is cooked well, I don't care about the fat. When I was a kid, I would be carefully cutting the bits of fat out. I don't know why. It's tasty. But that's what I did. Slowly, as I've got older, I haven't... I've lost preference. I'm happy to find contentment and pleasure in things that exist, that I have, that are there, rather than decide that I can't unless they are like this or look like that. I think that's the simpler way of being. And it sort of goes further in the sense that I actually don't have to have those things that I might have had preference for before. I don't have to have them at all. And it isn't that I wouldn't like them if I had them. I don't have to have them. I do still deal with thoughts that remind me of something that I think I would find pleasurable. But in most cases, I'm talking about food, for example, in most cases, when I... if I allow myself to experience them because of those thoughts, they are in no way... do they match up with the idea I have of them. They might remind me of it, but they are in no way... do they meet it? And in some way, it's almost like I have to do it just to get this thought out of my head, just to let go. And if I have an experience where it's really not nice, where it's changed, where I'm disappointed, I never go back. I just don't even have to have that thought again. So it does me a favour. Of course, if I discover that it is delicious, then I might actually be tempted to have it again at some point in the future, but I won't be worrying about it because I've understood that if I allow myself to get caught up in that kind of thinking, it becomes obsessive. But I need that in my life, and if I don't have it, then I'm lacking something. I'm okay with getting something I really like and having some things that are just okay, and I have the things that are just okay first, leaving the thing I know I like for later. I might completely delay gratification for ages without constantly thinking about it, but I know that there will be gratification in the future. I don't have to have it now. I don't have to have it first. So in some senses, those sort of things, those foods that I might like, which I don't have very often, is a kind of delayed gratification. Once a month, once every couple of months, once every six months, whatever it happens to be, when I have it, I can really appreciate it. I might not savour it. I'll really consume it, like it's the thing I've been missing, and I've got to get it in as quickly as possible in case I lose it, in case it's taken away. I quite like the experience of doing that, because not many things make me do that. And obviously if I have loads, that is satisfying. I feel satiated, full up, happy, having had that experience, but also realising that it isn't really very important. It would make more sense actually to only eat nutritionally, rather than pleasurably. But yet at the same time it doesn't have to be this or that. I just limit myself to not indulging in what could be considered preference. I haven't mastered it to the point where I don't care about any of it at all. There are people who just don't care about any of this stuff. They eat when they're hungry, and food for them is not a thing. Sure, it's nice to eat something that's tasty, then eat something that isn't palatable, of course, we all like that, but they don't care. And generally those people are quite slim, I find. While I'm not fat, I could still afford to lose a few pounds. And I've always been susceptible to being a bit overweight, sometimes more, sometimes less, because in the past it's easy for me to only eat things that I really like, especially if I am financially able to do so. I prefer not to indulge, because then it sort of becomes normal, and after a while, and I've seen this in people, they're so bored with what is essentially lovely. And where do you go then? So by only having something like that now and again, then I can really appreciate when I enjoy it. And there are very few things that I would want to eat that way, and eating for me is a pleasure. But yet it's interesting that there are things that I can eat that I've known people who wouldn't go anywhere near, because they just wouldn't want that, and they can't accept that it is food. They've never been in a position where they can be grateful for just having something to eat, because they've always been kind of privileged in a sense to be able to only have what they want. It indulges their preference, which in a sense enhances ego, because they seem to be intertwined. I've known people who would refuse to eat, simply because it doesn't meet their requirements. Yet clearly they're not hungry, because if you're hungry, really hungry, even the blandest of food becomes tasty. Eating food that's completely unseasoned, completely bland in that sense, if you're really hungry, becomes some of the most tastiest things you've ever had. But most people are never that hungry in our society, so they take the pleasure of food in a sense for granted. They might have to enhance it by alcohol. Cannabis can definitely create the munchies in some, where things just are incredibly tasty, heightened, as a result of the altered state. But alcohol can also make one incredibly hungry for something, as it lowers your blood sugar, and after a night out you want nothing more than a curry or a kebab. Then, whatever kebab shop or curry house happens to be open, you'll be very happy to take whatever they get, whatever you can get from them, because the desire to eat sort of overwhelms the preference function. Whereas if it's a normal day and you're not that hungry, now you can indulge your preference, and especially if it is a restaurant in situation. I've known people who become almost superior suddenly about how things have to be in order for them to be able to enjoy it. Ego suddenly reveals itself to be quite big, quite well formed. I don't like it. I don't much like being around people like that. I don't like it in myself. I don't much like actually going into restaurants. I haven't eaten a meal in a restaurant for a long time, only if somebody actually takes me out, which hasn't happened for a long time. I don't much like it, but I can still enjoy it, of course. The food can be wonderful, but I feel like I would much prefer to take the money that that costs and buy some lovely ingredients and cook something myself and share that. I don't need to be waited on. I don't need to have very things overcharged to me just because they're there in the moment. A bottle of wine, a bottle of water, a pint of beer, a glass of coke, all extremely expensive in that situation, and I find that wasteful. But that's just me. Many people like eating out, and it's not that I don't like eating out. Company is everything, but I just don't like paying for that kind of thing, although were I to be on a date with somebody I really enjoy being around, then it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact, it would be really lovely because nothing matters when it's like that. As long as I'm in a position to pay for it, I'd be very happy to do so. But preference seems to dissipate, seems to lessen for me as time has gone on. I know what I like, but my likes are simplified, so it's very easy to find it, and many versions or variations of the thing are also okay. So there's no specific preference anymore. It's just a recognition of what works, what's easy, what's simple, and that becomes far easier to do things with than to have this very specific preference about every particular thing that has to be taken into account in every situation. That's quite challenging to be around.