Singleness

The speaker discusses the topic of singleness in your 30s and the differences between being single and in a partnership. They mention the advantages of being single, such as freedom, privacy, and the ability to focus on personal goals. They also mention the disadvantages, including feeling lonely and societal pressure to be in a relationship. The speaker advises accepting and being content with the current season of singleness while waiting for the right person to come along. Hi everyone and welcome to my channel. My name is Skola and you are listening to Things I Wish I Knew. Today's subject is going to be on singleness. Singleness in the relationship kind of thing, where you are not in a relationship, not married and in your 30s. I'll be exploring what it's like from my perspective, because I am single and I am in my 30s, and why is the subject of singleness not really as celebrated in your 30s as much as it is at any other point in your age, especially when you're much younger, as well as the differences between a partnership and singleness. Okay, let's get right into it. I guess the big question is, what is it like to be single and in your 30s? Well, relationships are interesting. From my perspective, I've been in and out of relationships throughout my 20s and 30s, mainly around 30s, and the situation is always fascinating because I always still see myself as being single until I'm married. So, I can only really speak of relationships from a very singular perspective, because in as much as I may be involved in a partnership of some sort, where you're boyfriend and girlfriend, and I'm doing this with an air quote, but being single, roughing out life on your own, breathing it out on your own, paying your own bills, looking after your responsibilities, and managing life alone is, I guess, all I've ever really known. I don't know what it's like to be in a partnership where somebody else is helping me to look after my bills. I mean, don't get me wrong, previous relationships I'll have men help me with my shopping, for instance, once in a while, but for the most part, it never really got financial, never really got to the point that we are sharing anything in particular. Okay? In the same setting. I guess the advantages of being single is the freedom to do whatever you want, when you want, within reason, obviously. You can decide to go shopping, or decide to buy something for yourself, or go cinema, or take yourself out, go out with your friends, meet up with family, hang out with people, as and when you want, without really having to take anybody else's perspective, or opinions, or feelings into consideration. You also get your privacy, obviously, being single, it's just you, who's really sharing in your privacy, nobody, just you, but all good. Privacy is a big deal. I think the longer you, I mean, well, the older you get in life, you realise the importance of keeping things to yourself, and managing your own business, and having people see the results of that, at the end. But, I guess, in a partnership, when you're in a relationship, you kind of are sharing the things that you're doing, and the plans that you're making, with one another, and with hopes that, you know, you can see it to fruition, with the support of the other. But if you're on your own, there's an element of privacy in it, it can keep a secret to you, if you get like a bill that you don't really want to pay, you don't know how you're going to pay it, you don't have to announce it to anybody, or nobody's going to happen upon it, by coming to your house, and seeing it. So, I guess, the element of, oh, sorry about the sniffle, but the element of privacy, is always going to be a plus. You can plan, you can plan things your way, do things the way you want to do it, manage your own life goals, and put efforts into achieving them, without really having anybody like to undermine you, or put you down, or make you feel like you can't do it, because partly that's why a lot of us are single in our thirties, because you might get the wrong sort of support in a new partnership, or a new like dating experience, and it's not quite what you wanted, you want someone that wants to support your dreams, and be there for you through your dreams, not do it for you, but at least, you know, show a level of help. You don't need to care for other people, anybody else other than yourself, so I guess that's a benefit as well, because I know it can be quite challenging, I do have a lot of married friends and family members, and I can hear some of their issues that they go through in their relationships, so this in itself I can see to be something that could, depending on your personality, or your goals in marriage, could present itself as a problem. For me personally, I don't know, I've never been married, so I don't know if it will be an issue or not, I hope it will never be an issue, but taking care of yourself, it becomes primal, you learn how to manage your normal day-to-day by yourself, look after yourself, take yourself for treatment, get yourself a wax, whatever you need to do to maintain your personal, well, you know, hygiene effectively, and peace of mind is another thing that you get, you don't really have to argue with anybody unless you're looking for an argument and then you're just going to argue with a bus driver or something, but for the most part there's no one to really argue with you, so you kind of stay at a constant happy space of no drama, and that's always inviting, darling. Okay, and you save money, money, money, money, honey, money, honey, everybody likes to save some money, okay? I love to save money, personally, so I try and put every penny away where I can and use the pennies that I can to do the best that I can for myself and, you know, my environment. The disadvantages, let's talk about the disadvantages because this is the topic that, gosh, honey, strap in because it's going to be hard, okay? It's not always easy coming home to no one but yourself, you know? I'm lucky enough to have a child, so I've got a young eight-year-old boy, so I often have him, which means, because obviously he has a dad, so he goes to his dad's every other weekend or whatever, but for the most part, having somebody to look after, having someone to have a little chin-wag with, how was your day, conversations are always nice, but it's even, like, more thrilling when you have it with someone around about your age and can have a conversation with that is understanding of what it means to be at work and having a stressful day or having a really good day or, you know, when things go your way, you just want to share it with someone, but instead, you don't have anyone in particular to share that with that could understand you to a degree. So that in itself can be a little bit challenging. You're not having your own person. You know, a lot of people speak about their husbands or their partners or whatever as saying, oh, he's my person or she's my person. That statement, it's like you don't quite know what it means, but at the same time, it's like you might want it. It's like something that you're missing out on, but I guess that comes down to your perspective and how you're thinking about your situation. Okay. Society has a huge effect on why you're single. Why are you single? You're in your 30s. Why are you single? What's going on? What's causing it? Is it you? Are you sure there's something that you're doing? Or what happened with that last relationship? These things always become so loud the older you're getting because you're wondering like, oh, the pressure, the pressure. You want children. You want, you know, you want that white ticket sense or, you know, if my savings and your savings combined can create something and you can build an empire and, you know, they say two heads are better than one. And I believe that to be true, to be honest with you. But yeah, that's one of the disadvantages, knowing that you are not in the space or you're not opportuned to build in the degree that you want to build because you are still alone. But you can still do what you want to do. You can still push for what you want. But if you get somebody that is your person or just as like-minded as you are and you guys can combine together what you can do alone that will take you a longer space of time to achieve with another person, you guys can achieve it a lot sooner. So I would say that that is one of the disadvantages. Another thing is going out alone. Oh, sometimes when you're always like the third person, like the third crowd or couples are going out now in their 30s, couples like to do things together. You're not invited because you're not a couple. You can't come with anyone. You're by yourself. That in itself is hard. It's not always easy. Or going to like events, like marriages or people's weddings and you're going alone or with another female friend or another male friend depending on your gender. It's not, you know, the best experience. I won't lie to you. I mean, you try and make the best out of the situation and have as much fun as you can. But in all fairness, it's not something that I personally am so excited to do all by myself. Even when I'm coupled up, like the idea of going somewhere alone again can be annoying because it's almost like you have to explain where your partner is or why you don't have a partner and that thing comes up again with that societal pressure of it all. It's not, you know, ideal. Anyway, moving on. How do you deal with the goods, the bads and the uglies and the benefits and the disadvantages and the advantages of being single and not that single? I guess it's just about accepting, accepting that you are in a season of singleness at the moment and you just have to endure. You have to make the most or be appreciative and content with the situation that you currently have. I know it's easy to say, you know, everyone's situation is different. But in all fairness, like you could be in a worse place. You could have a relationship with somebody that doesn't value you, doesn't appreciate you, doesn't think you highly, doesn't or is abusive, you know, or puts you down or physically abusive, financially abusive. You could be in such a situation also. So sometimes it's better to be alone and be safe and be content in your space whilst you are in that process of waiting or hoping or trusting that someone good for you comes along. Because what you don't want is someone that isn't good for you. You get an opportunity to also learn yourself. You know your likes, you know your dislikes, you know the things that encourages you and pushes you and makes you want to be more. It also means that in you finding yourself, when you getting to know yourself, you also learn about how you want to be or how you want to present yourself in a relationship and what you want to be for that partner when you do get them. There's an element of appreciation that comes with knowing where you are currently, being content with where you are, understanding that you're single, finding happiness within it. And then when you do meet somebody that is good and great for you, the level of appreciation is amped. Just on the premise that where you was before single and happy, you're still bringing everything that you come with, with that happiness and that singleness and that individuality that you have, into a whole relationship where hopefully your partner also comes with everything that he needs and together you can make this coupling that builds together, prays together, depending on how you want to do things, but shows love to one another, shows a level of appreciation because you remember what it was like to be alone. Anyway, I think I'm done with the talking today, I did say I only wanted 15 minutes. Essentially, thank you guys for listening, I hope this message has blessed you or helped you in any way, shape or form, but just know that being single is good. Being single at any stage, there's nothing wrong with it, there's nothing wrong with you, your value is not what you are, your value is not less than or more than or whatever, it just is. You're single right now, but in time, depending on your destiny, your time will come and you never know, there are some people that really just want to be alone, but enjoy it. There are people that are married and very much alone, at least you get to date, they can't, they're married, okay, keep that in mind. Alright guys, it was really, really good speaking, I was a bit anxious about coming on the mic today to discuss singleness because, I don't know, I guess it's the societal pressures of it all that makes it feel like it's not something that should be celebrated, but in the same esteem, I'm quite proud of myself, I think I'm pushing myself and doing things that I wouldn't possibly do on my own that I'm learning to do now because I'm single and I have to do it, otherwise I'm just gonna be hoping and waiting for someone to, you know, help get me to where I want to go and that's just not life for me anymore, I don't choose that. Anyway, thank you again, have a great evening or morning or day or whatever, I don't know what time you guys are listening to this message, but appreciate you listening. Thank you.