Episode 2

Sam shares his childhood experiences growing up in a broken home in a small town. He describes his strong, hardworking mother who provided for them but ruled with an iron hand. Sam recalls engaging in mischief with his older brother, such as stealing milk money. However, when he realized his brother was receiving more rewards, he threatened to expose their activities, leading to punishment for both of them. Sam also remembers the violence and alcoholism within his family, witnessing fights and enduring physical abuse. Despite the challenges, he finds solace in certain memories and reflects on the absence of his father figure. Sam concludes by expressing his hope that someone can relate to his story. Hi guys, you've got Sam again, welcome to episode 2, thanks to all you guys taking the time to click on this episode and have a bit of a listen to Sam's story, Hi it's Sam, I was the youngest child of three, I had an older brother and an older sister, we grew up in a small country town in New South Wales, we like many kids come from a broken home, the earliest memories of us was a family of three kids and a mum, I never really knew me dad, I was too young to know what a dad was really, of course he just really wasn't around, but in saying that I knew I had a mum, my mum was a very strong person, a person who worked hard, a person who took no rot from anyone, not us kids or anyone else, she ruled the house with an iron hand, she was never shy to put us in our place or anybody else, she was never a very affectionate person but cared for us, she provided the things we needed, she cooked for us, cleaned and put clothes on our backs, she was all alone and did what she could, I got to totally respect that, we lived in a greenhouse on the corner of the street, it was an old cold house but it was very hot in the summer, in saying that though it was home, it was this stage even before school years, my brother took me under his wing and included me into his first urn, this was knocking off milk money from people in and around the street, in those days you left your glass milk bottles outside and left the money for your next bottles, well to cut a long story short I was the lookout, my brother would run in, he'd pinch the money and we'd be off, well we thought it was great because my mother never earned enough money to buy us all the extras like fancy clothes and fancy shoes or sweets, so we filled the gap ourselves, not so much for the shoes and the clothes but we definitely bought the sweets, well this went on for quite some time and I must say it was me who brought us undone because as I got a little bit older I started to realise when my brother was dishing out the rewards he was getting more than me, so I cracked it and told him I was dobbing him if he didn't give me the same as him, well I must tell you it was a big mistake because he gave me a good hiding and he told me I wasn't doing it with him anymore, well I thought well bugger this, so I went home and told mum what we'd been doing, not knowing about the flogging I was about to get, oh yes we both got a flogging, I remember being in the room after it licking me wounds and then me bro giving me another one, yeah funny that, I remember many things about the house in this time, I remember as a kid I tied a pillow around our dog's collar and threw it off the shed roof thinking it would parachute to the ground, I didn't know him any better I was just a kid, of course it didn't end up well the dog ended up with a broken leg, I ended up getting a flogging, I just didn't understand I was young I was innocent, I remember this time so well because it was my first real feeling of loss, I remember walking through the front door of the house with my brother to find my mum unconscious on the floor in a pool of blood, I was so scared I didn't know what to do, finding myself running on the spot not knowing to run away scream cry I just didn't know, my brother was the same because my mum she just wouldn't move she wouldn't talk there was blood all over her face we thought she was gone, I remember clearly as we were walking in one of our uncles were walking out the door, to this day I still don't remember which one it was, it was one of two of my uncles on my father's side, I just don't remember which one probably because of what we'd just seen but I know it was one of the two, it was the next house we lived in I classed as my family home because I remember it the most and we lived there for the longer time, it was a cool house it backed on to a couple of acres of rock and bush for playing in, we had so much fun back at this house just playing, climbing the rocks, having a good time playing games, cowboys, Indians whatever it was just good fun, our family had a big drinking culture my mum's brothers my dad's brothers and all the other family members had problems with alcohol, the parties were great at the start until everyone had a gut full of piss then the animosities would start and they'd come out, what started as fun ended up in violence and bloodshed, I remember as a kid sitting under the table with my brother while they were brawling in the kitchen we were so scared we were crying not understanding what was going on, it was just crazy, one Christmas me and my brother got boxing gloves from one of our uncles we thought it was great, we played together for the longest time just boxing and play fighting just mucking around having a good time but little did we know at some stage when they all got pissed we would be their entertainment and would have to beat the shit out of each other, after they all had a gut full of piss they decided me and my brother would be their entertainment for the day and we'd box for them, they made us fight for real, I remember getting up after being knocked down by my brother and them saying get up don't be a pofter you got to fight each time I got up I remember my brother crying telling them he didn't want to hit me anymore but they made him continue, I was younger and smaller and copped a good hiding, I tried my best but I didn't do any good, anyways it was really cool living here we used to run the streets bare feet hanging out with the neighbors hanging out rock and rose getting into all sorts of trouble, at least once a year in the summer we used to set the back area on fire we used to sit on the roof and watch the fire brigade come to put the fire out, they used to look up at us and they knew it was us but what could they say, we used to wait till the milkman would come we would hide in the long grass when he was running from house to house we would raid the back of the truck knocking off flavored milk, it wasn't till many years later we found out he knew that we did it and he left the milk for us, rest in peace Silky, at this time I remember meeting my father he was a person who come from Sydney to see us we went on a couple of holidays with him but this was always overshadowed by us waiting for him when he came to town so many broken promises and letdowns he would end up in the pub while we were waiting for him when he did turn up it would be a fight between him and mum at times he'd turn up when the family were having drinks then the brawl would start I remember waiting for weeks for a birthday card and a few bucks to turn up he never did and when speaking to him it was always in the mail it didn't take long for me to realize that I was better off without him if I didn't have expectations I wouldn't get hurt the times I did see him I was always pulling away from him it shows in the photos with my brother and sister they would be under his arm I would always be to the side to me he was now dead I didn't want him in my life the added relationship was just more confusion it's funny how young minds keep these memories these memories are before I had my first year at school I remember as a kid at times I used to sleep under my bed with the doona cover pulled down to cover any light that was in the room I felt safe I felt if nobody could see me I would be safe I loved the darkness it was a shelter from harm it was the place I feel at peace a safe place from harm this was also the first time I knew what it was like to have a father figure in my life my mum shacked up with my father's younger brother he was a shearer but he was also a raging alcoholic he was good at times and a person I was very fond of when he was kind but when he got drunk he was violent and didn't have any problems dealing out a good flogging to me and my brother you know funny things you remember he loved plain salt and potato chips and he used to eat raw potatoes with salt I remember a time he was chasing me around the yard to give me a flogging I was so frightened luckily he was too pissed to catch me I remember sitting in the shed with the door closed in the darkness hiding from him it was hot it was dark I could feel my heart beating through my chest this was only the beginning of what was going to come I have certain questions over this time of my life and the generation before me I asked how did this generation think this was normal and okay how could adults treat children this way I didn't know any better I was innocent and thought life was just this way okay guys thanks for listening that's my second podcast there'll be another one very soon I hope someone can relate to this podcast in some way and I'll catch you next time