S02E02 Witch Tits

Two friends are hosting a podcast episode and discussing various topics. They talk about a man who accidentally put cocaine in a customer's food at Sonic, reminisce about their experience working at Sonic, and share their thoughts on the incident. They also mention a nurse in Canada who claims to have captured footage of two witches eating a deer carcass on a trail cam. That's right. It's another night. I'm not sure. Take my key to grab yourself a drink. Today, we are hosting Wendy Foxtail and Chuck. Hey, what's going on, guys? Welcome in. Welcome back. Another episode. Not sure. Take my key. Lefty Bones here with you, as always, coming to us from the DFW. We got Vernon Foxtail. What's going on, Texas Sally? Cheers, man. Second episode of season two. Let's pop it off. I'm ready to go. Is that a Corona? Is that a Corona Especial? Nope. Just a Corona Extra and a Nola Cousy. And a Nola Cousy? Yeah. Very nice. Very classy. I see Comptroller Bubs has joined us this evening as well. Good evening, madame. Good evening, gentlemen. How are y'all doing this evening? Very nice. Very proper. Very polite young lady, she is. And the good Dr. Junk. Dr. Junk, what do you say? What's up? What's up? Man, that voice Comptroller just used, like, man, that got me going right there. It did, didn't it? That little Southern Belle flang on there got the heartbeat up a little bit. Good thing we did those dubs last week with M.C. and Comptroller. M.C. and Comptroller because he called her Comptroller again. I'm going to have to dub myself now. God damn. I'm never going to get it. I'm never going to get it again. That's too much time in the microwave there. Comptroller. All right. Now I got the audio wave for me. All right, so jumping right in, folks, we got a hot one here. We got a big one, and this touches on a personal subject matter for me, and I know for Mr. Foxtail as well once I jog his memory a little bit. So a gentleman in New Mexico, Mr. Jeffrey David Salazar, is facing felony charges for possession of a controlled substance after he accidentally served a nice young lady a chili cheese pony that he apparently had dropped his little teener bag of cocaine into. Uh-oh. Oops. Oh, no. So this is a Sonic story coming right out of the Sonic drive-in extravaganza. Oh, yes. The Sonic drive-in extravaganza. So immediately the first thing I thought of, a little back story here for you listeners, Mr. Foxtail and I spent some time in the Sonic kitchen, a few different Sonic, three different Sonic kitchens if I'm not mistaken. Yep. And there was a time or two where we had a thought that maybe, like, we'll make a little side cash. You could perhaps put some delicious extra treats into those Sonic bags if the customers knew what was coming. Yep. Never had the guts to pull the trigger, but first thing I, boom, immediately was like, oh, man, this guy was trying to slug coke out of his Sonic. Already started what we were thinking about, allegedly. Allegedly, back in the day. Maybe he was just trying to do a foot-long rail. That's always a challenge. You've been doing a foot-long rail. That's always a challenge. Like, one notch or both. Trying to do a foot-long rail is going to get you in a whole lot of trouble. Especially if you're trying to do one hole. You know, you got the two, so you're doing a foot-long with the one? Hey, cocaine cowboy. A little one real hot shot there. You probably want to do, you know, six inches per hole, per nostril there, Doc. Is that the prescription? Is that the prescribed amount, Doctor, six inches per hole? Six inches per hole. You got to ask Comptroller. Wiener rail. I've heard personally that you've cut a script in the past for four inches per hole. That's just what I've heard, though. Yeah, and I still wasn't able to fill that prescription. Oh, man. The other thing that I thought of, so when we worked at the Sonic in the Valley, and I remember this, there was a sign, or maybe like the manager had written it on a whiteboard or something, and it said, speed of Sonic, speed of sound. You know, like a little motivator? I know Coke and speed, not a one-for-one apples-to-apples comparison, but I also thought about the speed of Sonic. They could drop a little speed on there and send it out the door as well. And you also got to remember, though, whenever you get knocked in the head, you need to spill a whole bunch of rings, golden rings out of you. Well, we definitely had all the golden rings made up. I remember that was your specialty, making those commercial-quality onion rings. Yeah, you have to always take pride in what the hell you're doing. I don't even know if anybody does that nowadays, but I'm sure any listeners that might be working at Sonic and you do the morning shift or the lunch shift, you know what I'm talking about. You've got to prep those onion rings for the day. Put a little love in it. When you said golden rings, I thought you were talking about Sonic the Hedgehog. We were, sorry. Oh, absolutely. Sonic rings, onion rings, it all ties together. Try to keep up, doctor. Did the guy accidentally drop this in there, or did he sprinkle it? Yeah, basically. There's a video of it. We didn't get to see it, but apparently it's evident. He took the lady's order. She came into the restaurant or something, which is not normal. Yeah, which is not normal. It happens every once in a while. Every once in a while somebody will scroll in the front door feeling important. Took her order, prepped the coney, and then gave it to her, and then there was video of him frantically searching her out. Uh-oh. Trying to find his old teener. Which is weird. It's like how do you lose your teener when prepping, you know? Let's roll through the motions here, Chris. How did we get to do that? You've got to get the cardboard boat. You've got to get your bun. Got the cardboard boat. You've got to get your wiener in there. You've got to top it. Like a polo shirt that has like a pocket in the front. We don't have no pockets. Sonic Pockets. Oh, it has a Sonic shirt on. I have another theory. Because I know that some people that I may or may not have known would use those little cardboard boats for prepping up their own little bumperooskis. Maybe he already had it in the boat and put the wiener on top. Oh. So then you're getting like, it's like the, I don't know, like flour on the bottom of the bun to say. Yeah, yeah. Keeping it from sticking to the cardboard. Yeah, you're getting that light flouring there on the bottom. So I guess what, sorry, continue. The thing that upsets me about this is that, okay, the lady gets her coney and she bites into it and she bit into a plastic bag. She's like, oh, this is disgusting. And then she found the plastic bag and she was like, there's a white powder in here. Instead of being like a good human being and rolling inside and being like, hey, I found this, you want to split it? She called the cops instead. She's fucked up. See something, say something type bitch. Oh, God damn. That's never going to do you any good. See something, say something. Uh-uh. I mean, as terrified as I'm sure that this gentleman was for losing his peener, like if she were to come into the restaurant and be like, I found this, do you want to split it or do you want to pay me for it or something? I'm sure he would have been like, yes, whatever you want. Yeah, because he obviously. Now he's facing federal or not federal felony possession charges, which is just. How the, where did he have it? Like, did he have it in his hat? Like how? Like we were just trying to roll through the punches on making an extra long cheese coney. Right. And like doctor, he is like, oh, maybe you got the pocket or whatever. There ain't no pockets on our greasy ass shirts. Like those shirts are, no, there ain't none of that. So. Maybe tucked up underneath the cap. Or maybe like, maybe he's stashed, stashed it on the shelf above like or something like that. And it just said, drop. Like when he's. I guess you would think you would see it. Like. Yeah, but maybe, maybe like he's pumping this. Well, at that point it's inside the thing. So it ain't going to get no cocaine at that point when you're steaming it. So maybe when he pulled the lid and somebody's like, yo, throw me, throw me that supersonic burger. And he looks away and it falls, you know. I, I don't know how the hell you lose your teeter in, in prepping an extra long cheese coney. I don't get it. No, I've known of people misplacing a teeter before, but not into a, not into a county, not into a county dog. No, sir. The other thing. I don't, I don't know if you've read this far in the story. Lefty. I know Foxtail doesn't know, but how old do you think this person was? Okay. I'm sorry. 18, 19 years old. 18, 19. Yeah, definitely like early 20s. Early 20s. Yeah, not, not, not even 20s. Yeah. Working at Sonic, teens, 20s, something like that. 54. Oh, shit. Dude is a 54 year old man. Yeah. And he's a great smoker at Sonic. All right. Well. He's doing cocaine at Sonic, yeah. Well, also, it's just like, that's why he is where he is, because he's a fucking cokehead. Yeah, he's made some terrible life choices, I would say. How the hell? I did see in there that when the cops asked him like where he got it, he was like, oh, I bought it from somebody in the parking lot. Like he bought it right there at work and then immediately dropped it into a county. Yeah. It does say that. Yeah, he bought it. He bought it from somewhere in the parking lot. That's rough. I don't know if you guys saw this, but a nurse. But a nurse and purported nature lover in Canada has supposedly caught footage of what she said to be two witches eating a deer carcass on a trail cam behind her house. It was me. I was there. She was the one. I got hungry. She was one of the two. You were just vacationing up in Canada and were like, oh, look at that. Prime deer carcass. I hadn't bathed. I felt like being naked. Yeah, that's my thing. Why are they naked? Look, we'll get to it, okay? I feel like they were wicked. So a little more, I can totally see that, but a little more backstory here. There was a dead deer in her backyard. She was like, oh, I'm going to talk to my dad about setting up a trail cam so we can see what kind of wild animals come by to investigate this deer carcass, which is an intriguing line of thought when you find a dead deer in your backyard and not at all suspicious. So they set it up, and the next day her dad was like, hey, we got some naked people on our trail cam. She's like, nah, no way. They went and looked, and yeah, there was a couple of naked ladies, and naked's a stretch. They were topless, but they were wearing loincloth-type things. They had bottoms on. They were at least covering their asshole. That's a loose term for a loincloth is bottom. At least their asshole was covered, you know what I mean? Cover that dump hole. They had their assholes covered. Yeah, cover the dump hole. You know what I'm doing next in this situation? I'm going out in the woods, and I'm just laying down, and I'm putting some dead meat on me. Why don't you just completely fabricate a whole deer cosplay suit? Right. I'm just going to go out there and wait for these fucking naked witches to come. They're going to eat you. Let's go party. What are we doing here? Do you think that's what they're going to do? They're going to eat your dead carcass. Do you think that's their party with the deer? No, I'm going to pop up. I'm going to be like, oh, hi. We can go party. You'll be like, hi, this is the third Blood Moon. I'm going to eat her in my stomach pocket here. I got it back. Because you know, like, listen, if those bitches are eating dead animals and shit. Is that who you want to hang out with? That's who you want getting up on Dr. Junk's junk? Yeah. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, Lefty, they're going to do whatever. Okay? Eat you. They're going to eat you. Because of the implication? I just, I don't think there's a lot off the table. That's all I'm saying. Well, they are out there like, they said, okay, in the video, apparently they were like, one of them was like, had raised the deer's hoof up to her mouth. And they couldn't tell if she was trying to eat it or like sucking on it or just like kissing it, you know, kind of like a little like, oh, my deer, my deer goddess, you know, give me blessings or whatever. But I guess if they were putting deer hooves in their mouth next to their mouth, they're probably down for putting whatever in their mouth. Right? I love Doc's reasoning on this. He's just like, hey man, just pop up. Be like, howdy. I feel like they want you to be dead and you to be a deer carcass. Then they get to get their sustenance. But for you to shock them like that, I don't even know. I don't know what would happen. I'm just like, hey, let's go back to, let's go back to the house. I'll order some pizzas. I'll feed you. We'll be good. Like, we'll get some crow on the way back, man. Or, you know, we'll do some deer sausage. I guess. Yeah. They're going to eat on a deer. They're not going to be wanting no pizza party. Maybe, maybe Mr. Fox failed. You never know. So the owner of the household here did have some legitimate concerns. The biggest of which is she was afraid that, first of all, she was afraid that the witches were going to get sick from sucking on dead deer hooves. Yeah. Which I think is a polite thing to be worried about. But number two, she was worried about her horses. She thought that the witches were going to, you know, maybe get up in her horses and mess with them because they're always, apparently the horses would always act spooked in that area. Like, maybe this is the first time those witches have been hanging around there. They always, horses always got a little weird when they walked past that area anyway. So it could be like ley lines there or something else that's drawing the forces of Satan into that area already. So it could be more nefarious activities going on here. Aye, I see. Like a, like another Bermuda Triangle or a, like a, you said ley lines. That makes me think of like electromagnetic hotspots around the planet. Oh yeah, for sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Access, like a portal to the upside down. Something like that. Yeah. We need 11 for that. Dr. Junk, I, I have to remind you again, I'm sorry, but no one can see you nodding. You're going to have to verbalize your agreement with my ingenious and very witty commentary. I agree, Lefty. There you go. So I do wonder, there is one other thing that has not been explained yet. And this kind of gets me thinking a little bit about one of the members of our cast here, not, not Comptroller Bubs actually, but a male member. In one of the pictures, so there's the two gals, Popolis and their loincloths or whatever you want to call them. Assholes are covered, which is very polite. But there is one picture that shows what appears to be a gentleman. You can only see him from the waist down. The jeans and hiking boots or something. So they were accompanied by a male suitor, perhaps a gentleman who had been playing dead and popped up. And, you know, Dr. Junk's style was like, hey, girls, want to party? Get some crow. So I do wonder if some of the insight you have in this idea, this situation, Dr. Junk, was firsthand. I traveled, not with him. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm looking at the story. I don't see any pictures of men in jeans. So I was just about to ask that because one of them looks like they're in jeans, dark hair, long hair, though. Long hair freaky people. Yeah, that's what I thought. They did not apply. Yeah, that's what that was. Oh, I do see. They're, like, behind him. Yeah. There is definitely someone behind her with shoes on. Yeah. Is that you? I did not notice that. I feel like if you look a little bit up at the picture that's a little bit higher up when they're both kneeling down, it actually may have been, maybe that was another lady. Oh, I think she's another lady. She just has jeans on. Yeah. Oh. I apologize. That was very judgmental of me to think boots and jeans equals man. That was freaking rude as hell. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that. Yeah, so that one lady is just, she's a witch in training. She's not a full witch yet. That's why she's wearing those jeans. She has the vision of a full witch. They have to make her a loincloth. Yeah, you got to still wear those. It's like karate. You know, she's working her way up. Except the belt just changes colors. It doesn't change material. No, this one, the belt, the pants just come off. Ah, okay. You start out in jeans and then the next- You're just fully clothed. You're just a fully clothed person. Fully clothed. And as you become more of a witch, you lose clothes. Next level, your fucking hair comes down. Next level, you lose your top. Next level, you lose your bra, maybe. I wish more people, you know, on Halloween, when they dress like witches, would dress like this. Make Halloween a lot more fun. Be like, this is what real witches look like. Right, right. When people ring my doorbell and they're like, I'm a witch, I'd be like, no you're not. That's what this happens. You need to go back to the draw board. No, you're not. I know what one really looks like. I got trail cam footage of it. Those ain't no witch titties. That's what we do on Halloween. We'll fucking put a dead deer carcass out on the front porch. Those ain't no witch titties. I'm dying. I can see you opening your front door and saying that, too. That's so horrible. Those ain't no witch titties. I know what she's going to hear tonight. Yeah. All right, we've got what may or may not be sad news, depending on whether it's true or not. But Slipknot today announced, and then unannounced, I guess, the departure of Craig Jones, long-time percussionist, keyboardist, sampler, on all of their social media channels. He's been with the band for almost 30 years and has been a member during all of their albums. He's an original. But then they deleted the post, and we have no idea what the fuck's going on. Gentlemen, the floor is yours. I mean, I think he's gone. They made a video, and he's like, nothing. Anyway, he wasn't in the video. Actually, extrapolate more on that video. And what do you mean by that video? What in that video makes you say what you say? So they released a new music video, and it had nine mannequins. Yep. And each mannequin had a dude's name from the band written on their chest. Did you see all the names? Yeah, it showed everybody's name except for the one mannequin that had a mask over its face. So there was one mannequin that had a mask over its face, and I don't think it had a name. I got a question, though. I saw that video. I got a question, though. I saw that video. But who's Mike? They got a Mick mannequin. They got a Mick. They got a Mick, but there's legitimately an M-I-K-E on one of those chests of a mannequin. And it says Mike. So what is that? If I may step in, Foxtail is meaning Michael Fass. He replaced Chris Fenn. Maybe Michael Jordan joined Slipknot. This is Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson, yes. Is he, though? This is Michael Jordan. What? What is happening on this podcast tonight? So I just want to make sure of a few things. Was there a mannequin that said Corey? Yes. Yes. Okay, check. Was there a mannequin that said Mick? Mick. M-I-C-K. It's spelled M-I-C-K. Get it together, Foxtail. Was there a mannequin that said Jim? Yes. Jim. Was there a mannequin that said Jim? Yes. And was there a mannequin that said Sean? Yes. Yes. And one that said Sid? It said them all, except I didn't see the Mike one. Mike. There's Mike. Rewatch it right now. Who plays bass for them now? Is the bass player's name Mike these days? Because I don't fucking have any idea. Maybe. It's V-Man. It's V-Man. Bill Naro or something. That's his last name. Mike Bill Naro. So it might be Mike Bill Naro. So that's probably what it is. Mike Bill Naro. Mike Bill Naro. We have no idea. V-Man. So he's Mike. That's the one thing I know. I was out the other night at my oldest boy. He was umpiring a baseball game. Two baseball games. Super boring. But I got to be there for emotional support. But I was actually watching a little and listening to a little Flipknot documentary, a little YouTube documentary. And I guess that my fandom could certainly be called into question on all of this stuff. I didn't realize how few members, like original lineup members of Slipknot, even made it through to like their second album. There was basically like three maybe? What? For Iowa? Yeah. Of the original, the original, original lineup of Slipknot. Yeah. That made it through until Iowa. There was only maybe three members? No. All nine. All nine of them. They're all pretty. No, I'm talking about before they released, before they released their first album. Like guys from like the ground up type guys. Oh, there was a lead singer before Corey. There was a guy. I can't remember his name. He used to wear like fucking electrical tape all over his face. He's like a bigger, heavier set dude. Right, right, right. And maybe one or two other people, but basically it was Paul and Clown and Joey. Paul, Nick, Jim, Sean. So there's four, I'm sorry. There's at least four. So like right now, current day, Slipknot only has five original members if Craig's gone. If Craig is out, out. See, this is why I think we're talking about it. It's because they say, hey, he's leaving Waze, departing Waze, and then they go and then they delete it. But then at the same time, they shoot us a picture on their official Facebook or whatever of a new dude. It's not really a new mask necessarily. It's just a zipper mask. So that's not really making anything new. So it's almost like, I wonder if maybe they brought back Fane. Oh, that dude like sued the band and they sued him. Yeah, but did you actually like hear what really went down with all that? And then like what the whole meat and potatoes was? Fane didn't even know exactly. He just started noticing there was different money pots. And then he was just questioning it. And in that, you know, that doesn't really go very fair. But during all that bullshit, he was always true to Slipknot, even people getting bitchy about it. They're like, yo, don't forget, you know, don't be hating on the knot. Don't forget the knot, blah, blah, blah. And then like just last year, he disclosed an appeal where he's just like, he just washed it away. Basically, it means they probably gave him a lump sum of something. But I don't know. There's a possibility that he might end up crawling back in. But I figured they'd give him back his mask. So I do. I want to bring up a theory that Foxtail that you espoused quite some time ago about the longevity of Slipknot and the fact that because they are behind the mask, they could continue to add, change, replace members and not necessarily go public with that information. But it certainly seems like they have. I mean, there hasn't been a member that's left that they've kind of they haven't they haven't swept anything under the rug, really. It's all been very public. So the fact that they've like topped this out and then retracted it back, it makes me kind of bleh about the whole thing. Like, it's pretty corporate. I think, yeah, that that's what makes me think what maybe what happened here was there was some discussion and then somebody went a little too outside of the box and made it official. And then Craig was just like, yo, we're still under talks here. Who, who even, why is this even up? And then and then they delete that. Some fucking intern. Yeah, I feel good. Some fucking intern posted that shit. Didn't Bud Light just do that too? Yeah, it sounds like something like Bud Light just did. Yeah, sounds like that. They just blamed it on the underling. But yeah, Craig, he's been he's been an original member from the very get go. Like way back in the early days of the Internet, like he was running Slipknot 1 basically for like the first like several years. He was running it. I mean, I think we could all be honest. If Craig wasn't in the band, I don't think it would sound any different. I'm going to be 100% honest with you. I don't agree with you on that. Full disclosure, until I read the article, I didn't know who he was. Well, that's no idea. There's guys that like, boom, I know who this is. Boom, I know who this is. Boom, I know who this is. And then there's always been like four other dudes where I'm like, oh. He has the spiky mask, right, with the spikes. Yeah, yeah, he's always been the pinhead guy, yeah. And he just sits back there like this. Yeah, just like that. And every time a new album comes out, he pushes the button. He pushes the button and goes, here comes the pinhead. I feel like you could do it, I could do it, like whatever. Like you guys could pay me like 30 bucks a show. I don't care. He bends on kicks, though, and shit, too, right? I don't think so. No. That's Sid. He does this. He fucking stands behind that thing and just, yeah, he doesn't do the whole stuff. That's it. He's been doing this for 20 years. Hey, the way I look at it is he's built his bank account. He's got good investments going on. It's like it's time to retire. It's like, fuck, man. I mean, I'm good. I don't know if he's got a family. He's been the most quietest member of the whole entire thing, which is good for him. So he might have like 18 fucking kids he's raising. Then he would not be good and need to stay in the band. Yeah, or he would need more money. Or he's a grandpa and he just wants more time with the 800 fucking kids that are created out of his family. He's like Mike from Breaking Bad in Better Call Saul. He just wants to go hang out with his granddaughter. Just like go to the park, push her on the swing and stuff. Yeah. I can see that. I mean, traveling thing is a grind. And they play the same fucking 10 songs for the last four years. Like, I'm sure it gets kind of boring. I feel like they've been playing the same 10 songs for longer than four years because they haven't released anything that wasn't derivative for at least 20. Ooh. Give us some good times. You're not cards going bye-bye. Ooh. Okay. The last time they put out anything that wasn't a rehash of something they already did was Volume 3. I'm just going to say it. Okay. I mean, that's the Grey Chapter, too. That's when they legitimately had like a lot. No, no, no. That's Subliminal Verses. Volume 3 is Subliminal Verses. Oh, yeah. Grey Chapter. Grey Chapter was already before. The next one. No, boy, no. Iowa wouldn't use everything. Basically, they're mad at me. The Grey Chapter was not good. I will agree. The Grey Chapter was not good. But the one after that, which I can't remember the name. Oh, the one after that. The one after that was a classic. I always forget about the one after that. We are not your kind. We are not your kind. It blew our minds to the point we couldn't even remember the name of the album. I just remembered it. I just remembered it. It was the Top Shelf. Oh, yes. Yes, that was their peak. And then, yeah, that was their peak, Iowa, for sure. So, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they've been on a little bit of a decline since Iowa. But, I mean, you know, like when Beethoven released his best song, he was on a decline afterwards. You know? You know? Fucking Beethoven here. We're talking about Beethoven. I didn't know. I didn't even know anybody gave a shit about that guy at this time. Wasn't it called Magnus Opus or whatever? Yeah, that was Mr. Holland's name. Mr. Holland's Opus. That was the movie. Anyway, everyone in their life, everything in their life has a peak. You know? Listen, no, that's not true. Because I have not even begun to peak. And when I peak, you're going to know it. The whole world is going to feel it. You peaked in high school. You peaked in high school. Yeah, when we were Homecoming King or whatever. Oh, shit. Burn. This is a not sure. Take my key, sports minute. All right, well, speaking of breaking up the band, I know this is going to pull on some heartstrings of any of our KC listeners. There have been rumors lately, of course, the Royals sucked. Yes. But there have been rumors lately that perhaps as we approach the All-Star break and subsequent trade deadline of this MLB season, that the last existing member of the 2015 Royals World Series Championship team may be on the trading block. Mr. Salvador Perez could be ready to leap down. Man, I was hoping he was going to be like the Royals Mahomes. But there's a chance he might not be, yeah? He's not going anywhere. I mean, unless he publicly comes out and requests a trade, I don't think the leverage trades him. Just because he's the face of the franchise. They got the C on his chest now. He's captain. Like, that's not a guy that you trade. You know, they just gave him that captaincy earlier this year. Like, I just don't see it. I think I read that article. I think it was Ken Rosenthal that put it out. And it sure seemed to me like it was, you know, it said the Royals were trying to package a couple players together to get a better prospect return and also dump some salary at the same time. So who else do you – hold on. Hold on. I'm going to stop you right there. Who else do you package that would get you a better, a big return and dump salary? There's no other option besides him. You got to package Jordan Lyles on there, dump salary? That's great, but you're not going to get a better return. That's the only option we have. Scott Barlow. Scott Barlow and Chapman. Barlow's got a $5 million salary, and he's got another year of arbitration left. So next year he'll probably make eight, nine. I don't know. But it's not going to be Perez and Chapman. There's no way. You don't think Salve at some point would be like, hey, this is my city, this is my town, this is my team. I want to be here for the rest of my career. But I could give a little bit back to the team by going somewhere else and helping their future. I don't think he'd be the kind of guy that would, you guys, I don't want to go anywhere, but if it's what's best for the organization, you guys move me if you need to. I think he would have to request it. I would think he would have to say, I want to be traded, I want to win. Not publicly. He wouldn't have any of that publicly. He'd probably say, you know, I was listening to the Not Sure Take My Keys season one podcast where Lefty was talking all this junk about how, I'm sorry, Lefty was talking all this stuff about how we were going to be good. We should sign all these players and trade for these players. And Joke was like, being the realist, saying, no, no, we're not ready. We're a year or two away. And, yeah, we have the second worst record in all of MLB. So. Yeah, in that sense, if we would have signed those players and traded for these players I think I'm right. At the end of the day, we should have made the move. So we wouldn't be looking terrible. Unless you were trading for Ohtani or Mike Trout, I don't think any of the players that we could have signed or traded for would have made any difference. So don't confuse that with Mike Ehrmantraut though. Or the guy in the Slipknot video. Yeah, that's Mike Ehrmantraut, right? That's Mike D-man. We already figured that out. It's not. It's Mike Jones. Mike Jones. Oh, Mike Jones from Houston, man. Hit Mike Jones up on the low because Mike Jones is about to blow. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That was a fucking jam. So, just, okay. I know understanding that maybe it's not the most realistic thing in the world. Salve had to request a trade. Yada, yada, yada. If it does make the team better, how do we emotionally, how do we all feel about this? Bye-bye, Salve. That's the kind of cold-blooded, heartless, executioner, beheading type of attitude I completely, totally expected from a businesswoman like those. I love you, Salve, but you've got to go. But I love you. Joe, emotionally, how would you handle it if the Royals did trade Salve? I mean, the Royals have already broken my soul the past couple years and just beat me over the head. So, honestly, like it would suck, but, I mean, I don't care. I mean, no matter what happens. He retires a Royal. He goes into the Royals Hall of Fame. If he makes the MLB Hall of Fame, he goes in as a Royal. Of course you'd like to see him play his whole career here, but if you can package him and Chapman or him and Barlow or whoever, get a return, free up $20 million for next year so we can go out and maybe try to get our hands on something, something in the pitching rotation, I think you've got to do what you've got to do. No, I mean, ask yourself this, is Salvador Perez still going to be here when this team is playoff contention ready? Well, I mean, right now it's going to be 20 fucking years, so no. Correct. So, you know, if we can trade him for something, that'll help us. It'll suck. Foxdale is probably the most emotionally invested, like a guy who, I feel like you more than anybody else will form a bond, a connection. I know your connection with Locaine was very deep. How would you feel about it if they moved on, if they moved on from Sal? What are your thoughts? Sometimes, man, we've got to let the shit crumble before we see a new empire rise, you know? The night is always darkest before the dawn. Yeah, I don't really want to see it happen, but it's been a really long drag. 2015, how long ago was that? What, almost 10 years? Almost 10 years ago? So, if you think about how time moves so goddamn fast, like, really, I don't really want him to leave, but if it takes that to make the new skin, because think about, like, the Chiefs. Think of what we went through with them forever, and now, currently, we're in, like, the best Chiefs ever, ever, ever, so I feel like, I mean, we should always give him a good solitude. I don't want him to leave, but if he's going to be the last one of 2015 that's going to stand around and try to build up a new team, I don't know. I don't want to see it happen, but, you know, things have got to shed skins, you know what I mean? You just took me on such an emotional rollercoaster right there. When we started talking, I was kind of sad, and then you brought up the Chiefs. Of course, I got mad again, but very, very happy. You brought it back down for a very somber closure on that. I appreciate the orchestral movements that you brought to the table there. That was beautiful in a lot of ways. You're welcome. This ABC singer's not the only rollercoaster in town, huh? And I'm out of steak too, baby. Extra charge. All right, well, staying in the sports world and a story that is going to elicit emotion, but I think of a very, very, very different nature, earlier this week it was announced that the PGA Tour and the LIV Tour, the L-I-V Tour, the Saudi Back Tour, are going to merge or the PGA Tour has absorbed the LIV Tour. They're going to get along. Money is coming from the LIV Tour. There's a lot of different layers to this, seven- or eight-layer depth. I think it's our responsibility as journalists to dissect this, to break it down to its core, and really explain it to the listeners out there what the implications of this are. So, money. Dr. J.S., this fucking dude. I mean, let's embellish a little bit more. But, yeah, we know that's going to be the current. But let's go deep. This PGA guy came out and said, like, you know, these guys, 9-11, I can't do it, blah, blah, blah. And then, like, six months later, Saudi's offering him some more money. So, this PGA dude, he is the commissioner of the PGA. His name is Jay Monaghan. And yet, he did, just months ago, very recently, as I'm sure he would like us to forget, did make some fairly disparaging comments about the LIV Tour and their Saudi-backed money, and then has decided to just let bygones be bygones, bury the hatchet, very much take the money and run type approach. It has brought some interesting comments to the forefront from members of the PGA Tour who stuck around, most notably Rory McIlroy. That's my guy right there, Rory. That's my boy right there. But who is the actual ex-pat guy that used to play PGA for us? Who is the guy that's our spokesperson for LIV right now? That old golf dude, what's his name? Phil Mickelson. Phil Mickelson is a player. He's like the guy. It's the guy prior. They're actually in the same era. It's just, what's his, I don't know. Anyway, LIV has a representative ex-pat, ex-PGA winner, and I need the name. Comptroller, you're watching something else, aren't you? Justin Johnson? No. Man, he always wore the, with the fish and the hook on his hat. He always had that brand. Oh, the shark. The shark. Well, that's Greg Norman. That's Greg Norman. Greg Norman. Yeah, he is the spokesperson for LIV. He's the one that's piping everybody up, trying to buy out top players. And we're talking 300, starting at 300 million, going as high as 800 million, pulling players. Tiger Woods, 800 million. Yeah, 800 for Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods says, eh. Anybody who can say, eh, to 800 million, it's pretty much only Tiger Woods. I would think Bezos or Musk or somebody else besides, you know, Tiger Woods ain't got that kind of clout. Bezos, you're right, Bezos could. Musk probably could use it. But still, it's a golf world. But that right there in itself shows what, like, your, yeah, go ahead, Doctor. Well, I was just going to say, I was going to let you finish, but I was just going to say, you know, Tiger Woods, he doesn't even want the 800 million. He's going to have to give 750 of it away for all the pitches that he rates. True that. I don't know if I have to edit that or not, but I think that's actually good to go. But absolutely, 100%. I thought you were going to say something about taxes, but no, that is taxation on, yeah. A quick list of PGA Tour members who jumped to the Lid Tour, and some of these are big names, some of them not so much. Phil Mickelson, we all know. Sergio Garcia, Dustin Johnson, Ian Poulter. Copac. Eddie Westwood would be, like, the big ones who went. Dustin Johnson, I think, and Phil Mickelson, but mostly Dustin Johnson of, like, today's modern players. And that Kopka, Kopka, Kopka or whatever. Right, Kopka? Yeah. A lot of motherfuckers have been like that. Yeah, Kopka, when he moved. And then there was that, I think you already mentioned him. There's another one, some other names, names that I recognize, not as an avid golf guy, but names that I recognize, Graham McDowell, Louie Oosthuizen, just because his name's amazing. Jason Sleet. Justin Thomas. What about Happy, did he move? Happy? Happy's up in the sky. Happy got right on Rory's, like, climbed up on the backpack and rode with Rory Hart. But I do want to touch on a little bit, did you guys hear some of the Rory McIlroy press conference? Because he's a guy that went to bat pretty fucking hard for PGA. He was all for it. He went to bat really hard for PGA, and now I think he's having some issues dealing with the fact that all these, in his mind, traitors, get to just come right back to the door. Oh, yeah, yeah, they do. After paying $500 million with no penalty. Yep. It's hard to do a press conference with a knife in your back. I'm sure it's not easy. Well, yeah, and there's a lot of sand in the room, too. I hate sand. It's coarse and irritating. It gets everywhere. They found themselves in a bunker, and guess what? They met in the middle and became a team. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. You eat shit for breakfast? No. I don't know if you guys knew this, but in most states of the union of these United States of America, you do need witnesses and an officiant in order to be able to get married. You need people to sign your little marriage certificate or whatever, marriage license, to prove that you took those vows. Yeah, they need to be like, I was present. These people did this. Yeah. Yeah, they did it, and there was like an official minister. However loosely affiliated with any kind of membership that person might be, there needs to be somebody there that's like, I'm running this show. These people got married. Yeah. But apparently in Colorado, none of that is the case, so you don't need an officiant, number one, don't need anyone running the show, and number two, you don't need a witness, which technically means anyone could be your witness, including your cat, of which we all have at least one. I got rid of my two just the other day. Oh, you did? Yeah. What was that behind you earlier? Was it a giant fucking owl? No, I'm joking. I always say that. God damn, too cute. Every day they're so cute that I just want to give them away. But not really. Mine's hanging out in red. Is that a chinchilla behind you on the cat tree there? Yeah, that was a rare sighting. If we did video episodes, any listeners watching this episode would have saw a rare sighting. Well, I need to get divorced now so I can have a marriage certificate. Why don't we just renew our vows? No, we've got to get rid of the paper. Oh, you can't? So renewing your vows you can't do the paperwork again? No. Oh. It's already filed. That's boo. That sucks. We're getting divorced. Heads up. Lefty did say or. Or. We get divorced. You could just get divorced. I mean, can we just do it like that? Just divorce real quick and then just do it again? Yeah. I mean, of course it costs that money. Yeah. If you're going to go buy back into the table, you've got to fucking pay up. You've got to buy into the table again. How often do you all go to Colorado as is? Four times a year. Four times a year. Yeah. So you could get divorced and remarried four times a year and you could get all sorts of different little cats with their paw print. You guys, yeah. You're missing out. Don't influence Consular's mind. Please. I'm trying to like regulate her with just the two that we have. You know? I can get. Like every three months, we get a new cat. No. We get remarried. I can get. The new cat signs. Yeah. I know. That would be adorable. I can get my baby goat. I know every female listener would love that shit. I can get my baby goat. I can get my otter. They can all sign. See what I mean? It's endless, endless pot. Red pandas, bats, cockroaches. Eventually they'll love cockroaches. They'll get cute enough. Dr. Karatcha. I didn't know that. Dr. Junk, I know you're a man, Dr. Junk, that respects the sanctity of marriage and the holy vows that are taken during the ceremony. How do you feel about this? The fact that you don't need any, an efficient, less, like a Catholic priest doesn't even need to be present. Nobody. Just no one. You can just fucking go up, roll up in that bitch. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. So like Vegas, you still need to have somebody. Like you eloped to Vegas, right? Right. You still got somebody. Yeah, there you go. So this is like way out. This is even better to elope. Go to Colorado. Yeah, it's actually weird that Colorado as a state is less strict about things than Las Vegas. It's all that back money from the weed. Oh, sure. Because if the feds don't want it, then they just have a whole bunch. They just have a whole bunch of fucking cash. Taxed too, but it's fed. Taxed, fed, fucking whatever. It's like, what do we do with this? So maybe it's a jumble of that. Maybe they're just like, hey, you know what? Like, we'll pay you to just not be present. But like, since we were paying you in the essence of it, and you're not in house, we can have our cat stamp it, but it's still official. Like in paperwork. Right? You know, Chris got it. Yeah, I mean, they don't care. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do until you're two chicks or two dudes. Naked. Eating a deer. Eating a deer. I didn't know, Dr. Junk, because I seem to remember at your wedding, there was like at least five or six Hail Marys and ten or twelve hour closets. Like, it was a long ceremony. My knees got tired from standing up, sitting down, standing up, bowing down. A lot of smoking. You'll stand. You'll stand. A lot of smoke. I ate so many crackers. You're very incorrect. We did not have a Catholic wedding. That smoky lantern? I seem to remember at least ten or twelve Hail Marys. Did you get smoked out by the lantern? No. We didn't have a Catholic wedding. We hired just a regular minister. Then what the fuck was I wearing the rosary beads for? Trixie? I remember Lamb of God being played. Or being read. I do. I remember. No. Lamb of God was there. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, I think that's going to do it for us this week, folks. Thanks for stopping in. Thanks for coming by. Dr. Junk, any words of wisdom to leave for the listeners out there? So, as you guys know, I have a five-year-old son. And anyway, sometimes he likes to do some weird, random shit. And the other day, I walked into the bathroom, and there was a shoe in my toilet. It was clogged. Good thing you didn't try to eat them, because then it would be laced. What? What? Anyway, that's all I got. Beautiful. Beautiful. What? Do you have anything for this evening before we go? Me? Did you say me? Yeah. Just watch your little ones, if you've got little ones, especially five-year-olds. Comptroller, what do you got for the folks out there tonight? I've got nothing. She's got nothing. All right. Well, that's going to do it this week, folks. We appreciate you coming in. Have a great week. Remember that, like, you are who you are. And you love who you're going to love. And whether that's spiky-headed, leather-faced, gimp-masked individuals, or if that's dead deer carcasses in the world, if it's witch tit, be who you are. Take care of each other. Always be positive. Look out for each other. Right, Jack? Which is the real ones, not those fake-ass ones. No, you want the real ones. The naked ones. Yeah, the ones you can hide in a carcass and be like, Hi, I'm here. Let's go burning. All right, so a little fact for you folks out there today, and I don't know if anyone else knew this, but if you take a quick glance at your computer screen, you're going to see the date today is 6-9-2023. That's nice. It also means that today is International Sex Day. So find somebody to snuggle up with this evening.