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This week the guys discuss: Heading Out (3:00), Monkey Nuts (13:03), Illegal Aliens (20:58), and 87' (31:09).
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Details
This week the guys discuss: Heading Out (3:00), Monkey Nuts (13:03), Illegal Aliens (20:58), and 87' (31:09).
Comment
This week the guys discuss: Heading Out (3:00), Monkey Nuts (13:03), Illegal Aliens (20:58), and 87' (31:09).
Listen to S02E12 Dried Up Dolls by Not Sure Take My Keys MP3 song. S02E12 Dried Up Dolls song from Not Sure Take My Keys is available on Audio.com. The duration of song is 42:15. This high-quality MP3 track has 320 kbps bitrate and was uploaded on 15 Oct 2023. Stream and download S02E12 Dried Up Dolls by Not Sure Take My Keys for free on Audio.com – your ultimate destination for MP3 music.
The podcast hosts discuss their recent experiences watching a football game and the disappointing performance of the Chiefs. They also talk about Kanye West and his wife's public indecency incident in Venice, Italy, where they were caught engaging in sexual activity on a gondola. The hosts express surprise at the conservative reaction in Italy and speculate on whether the incident was a publicity stunt. They also briefly discuss other ways celebrities could generate publicity, including criminal activities. The conversation then shifts to Snoop Dogg's rumored past involvement in a murder case. The hosts joke about the potential impact of such actions on a celebrity's public image. The opinions expressed during this podcast are conversational in nature and expressed for comedic purposes. Not all the facts will be correct. This podcast and the incoherent rantings within are often satirical and for entertainment purposes only. Viewer discretion advised. Alright guys, welcome in. Welcome back to another episode of Not Sure Take My Keys. Lusty Bones here. After a kind of weird, wild two weeks, we have the Lake Show. Bye week last week, everybody's back home to see both Mr. Foxtail and Dr. Junk back in their humble abodes. Everybody made it back safely. Everybody doing okay, guys? Alive and well. I wasn't happy about, you know, the outcome of last Thursday, but, you know, we can overcome one. You know? Right. Yeah. Dr. Junk, I think, certainly was. I didn't like it. For anybody who doesn't know what the hell we're talking about, we're talking about the Chiefs' home opener last, the NFL opener last Thursday night, Chiefs brickhanded their way to a loss against the Lions. We all went and tailgated, which is weird. It was awesome to go tailgate. I'm glad that we went and tailgated. I'm also glad that I didn't drop a couple hundred bucks to actually go into the stadium and just went on back to the foxhole and watched it safely in the basement down there for free. Yeah. That is what we did. And I think at a certain point through the game, I think you probably had to slap me across the head because I was dozing, you know? We weren't playing like Chiefs. It was not a good game at all. Not a good game at all. You were sleeping during the game? Oh, yeah. I started falling asleep. He dozed. Yeah. I had to reach over a couple of times and backhand him to keep him with me. We just did not show up Sunday. I mean, Mahomes was playing great, but everybody else was like, oh, what happened? What happened to me? And now, you notice that the Lions, they want to do this whole, they're going to wear the ski masks now. Yeah, that's going to go over well in Detroit. Oh, that's going to actually become something. I actually think that's going to become something. I've never seen an NFL player influence people bigger than TikTok. I mean, imagine all the dudes that are going to come out for the game in Detroit. Everybody's going to have one. They're going to walk into the gas station, wear their ski mask, and I'm sure it's going to go over real well. I mean, they got rid of the automotive department around there, so what else are they going to do? Times are tough up there. They can't drink any water. All right. All right, jumping into some news out of the EU from our delightful friends over in Italy. We had a case of public indecency, folks, and you never want to see it, especially in a classy place like Venice. But our good friend Kanye West and his wife, or maybe not wife, depending on who you ask, anyway, Bianca Sonsori, who is apparently like the Australian Kim Kardashian, but she's an architect. Oh, I was about to say, I didn't even know, I knew he was with Kardashian and they're not together anymore. Is she an architect? She is an architect with gigantic tits. It's amazing. It's like kind of a weird visual, like she's got, she walks around, tits and ass on display, like she is a, she received a college degree as an architect. She's an educated person. Is she like, she's like George from Seinfeld as an architect, or is she a real, real architect? She's probably a real architect and she's like, what, she's probably focusing on how to make her structures in the design, which is like, how, how is this building going to be able to handle my massive breasts, you know? That could very well be her. Do I need to make the door, like the standard door is this wide, do I need to make it several more inches wider because of the large rack that I might possess? So anyway, they got, they got in trouble. They were on a gondola, like a boat going through, you know, the little, the canals and whatnot. I feel like that's, yeah, I feel like that's like a normal thing. Like I haven't been to Italy. I don't think either of us have been there. I feel like that's kind of like, it's like a staple thing, right? Like with all of us that never been there, all we see is what we see. Yeah. I'm imagining a dude with a little hat on, that long stick, you know, and you're like, just, you know, just going through. Well, Kanye decided to bust out his long stick and just got a blowjob, apparently right there on the gondola in full view. Okay. Everyone ass out and everything else. And the Italians are not pleased. It's taboo here for sure. You know, like, of course we see somebody doing that stuff going down the river or whatever. We get pissed off, but I'm surprised that Italy is mad about this. That's what I kind of thought too. Like I thought a little bit more freewheeling, you know, a little bit more open sexually, but apparently Italy in places, and Italy, and I guess Venice being one of those places, still pretty conservative Catholic situation going on down there. And yeah, there are a lot of old Italian grandmas who are clutching their rosary beads and saying their Hail Marys because they are not, not happy right now with the black ass on display. Those poor grandmas. They banned him from like ever renting a boat again or something. That's right. Yeah. The company that they rented the boat from have banned him from ever renting another gondola. He'll never be able to get ahead on a boat from that company again. He'll never get his gondo slung. There's a lot of rumors flying around that maybe this is all kind of intentional by like publicity department, Kanye's PR people. Not necessarily that they were like, hey, show your ass to everybody and get ahead, but that they were trying to get his name back in the news because he's got some new music he's been working on. Maybe he's going to finally have some new music coming out. I was curious for you guys when it comes to like PR and trying to grow a brand, any thoughts on any other ways that maybe you could get yourself in the news? You could kill someone, I guess. I don't know. Unalive them? Yeah, sure. Isn't that what Biggie did? Or P. Diddy? Isn't that what they did? I don't think P. Diddy ever killed anybody. I kind of think that P. Diddy would be what many in the industry would call like a poser or something. I guess we got to sprinkle allegedly. Allegedly. Since like P. Diddy was. Guys that actually did kill someone like Snoop. Snoop apparently. He served pot. I don't think you have to allege anything, but it always kills me that Snoop Dogg served time for murder and now. When? When? I've heard this before, but when? When would that have happened? Like 20? I don't know. That was during NWO's high time, so I don't even know when he would be serving any time ever. So Snoop wasn't in NWA. He was a little bit after that, but it was around. I've been around that same kind of time, like 91, something like that. So he did. He did. He did serve a small amount of time. I think he was like a probably like a third degree murderer, manslaughter or something. Actually, this stuff is all public record, so if we really wanted to Snoop it out. See what I did there? We could. I mean, it's public record. I honestly, I don't, I don't think this. No, he didn't. No, he didn't serve no time. I think you guys have linked to a story. I know it didn't make the cut, but since we're talking about it, about a rapper who made a rap song, and he basically confessed to the murder and gave details about the murder inside the rap song that were not public knowledge. Well, I mean, how did that work out for his PR? Were his PR people pleased with it? And also how big was it? People are interested now, so I don't think so. Yeah, and also how big was the fool? He wasn't nobody, obviously. Oh, no. Yeah, that's, that's going to be easy pickings right there. Whenever you're like, you're trying and then you're like, yo, and then you straight up do some kind of like illegal shit. And then you think about it. Working hard. Everybody should work hard for what they need, but not that hard. Yeah. But I mean, I. Not as hard as Kanye was on that gondola, you know. I would certainly get a head on a boat if I was going to put my name in this, you know. Do you think he was that hard, Kanye? On his blowjob? Like he was that hard to be in the news? Or he was that hard in general? Or I'm not sure. I mean, there's a lot of performance anxiety that would go along. Yeah, like exactly. You're floating down a little. You've got a lot of eyeballs. Yeah, like Italian eyes, too. I've always considered Italy like, they get down. They get down. When it comes to sex, they're all about it. But if you're, if you're getting grandmas looking at you down there. I feel like that, like, when you're doing the river thing, you probably should steer away from that. Or. Yeah, I think. Or be a little bit more into the reef. Maybe like an ocean type situation, as long as the water's not too choppy. I'm in international waters. Fuck you, right? Yeah. Get me in international waters. All, all, all fair. We can gamble on the boat. Yeah. At this point. You don't want to get rusty, though. Not. A lot of dental teeth action there. Not yet. Unless you've got a gun. Unless you've got a cover. Yep. She can take her dentures out. You know? Then it's like, bring on the rough seas. It's all right. Brings it all the way back around to the Italian grandma. So maybe that's actually the answer. You just need to take an Italian grandma out on the ocean for a nice gummer. She's supposed to spit it out? It's like. We're just trying to weed out the fact that there might be racism in Italy. Maybe. I was trying to steer around that, but we could jump right in. Yeah. If Dr. Junk, with his beautiful porcelain skin, was giving a hummer on a gondola. Yeah. I don't think that the Italian grandma would be quite as upset. Yeah. They wouldn't be able to look at it. They'd be shocked. It'd be glaring off its ass. It'd be blinding. Yeah. They'd be like, what the hell happened here? Like. But yeah. At the same time, they'd just be glimmered by just pure white. And then they just. So is there not a lot of black people in Italy? Is that what I'm getting? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. If you say so. If that's what you're saying, it doesn't sound like you're asking a question. It sounds like. If you insist that there is not a lot of racial diversity in Italy, I'm not going to sit here and argue. Yeah. Definitely. We'll concede on that one. I'm going to do a quick, do a little quick research. How many black people live in Italy? I'm on the edge of my seat here. Like, I cannot. I mean, I don't even think you can search that. Like, for real. Like, is it giving you anything? I mean. It's from the christiansciencemonitor.com. All right. So does it give you like a pie chart? It says they are black. They are Italians. They are changing the country. Well, that's good. Yeah. One blowjob at a time. They're changing the country. I can't, I can't find an exact statistic. Okay. So basically we just need to calm down the real Sicilian grandmas out there. You know, the ones that are making the good gravy to anybody out there. Gravy is marinara. The proper marinara from Italy. It's gravy back home for them. So. It's hard. It's hard. It's like, what's her name from Golden Girls? The oldest one. Wasn't she like the Sicilian grandma? She was the Sicilian. Sophia. Sophia was the oldest one. Damn, just pulled that one out deep in the recesses of the brain. Good job, Lefty. Thank you. Italians only make up 1.5% of the population in Italy. Oh, shit. So, Italians make up 95%. Yeah. Now, now search that ratio to Kansas City. There's not a lot of Italians here. Don't do that. Don't do that. That's stupid. I don't even know if there's like a little Italy section. No, it's full German. The state of Missouri has got more German than any other culture out of it. If we're going to go European. It's straight, mostly German. But that's not to say. Because we do got a lot of Polynesian. Pacific Islanders. Stuff like that. Samoan. Alright, moving on to the world of nature. Howler monkeys. You guys familiar with howler monkeys? They are the loudest land animal on earth. And they can screech up to 140 decibels. That right there is kind of like show stopping news. As an audio man, Foxtail. How loud is 140 decibels for the lay person? Well, first of all, that's way above the chief's crowd. They did, what did you guys do? 140 something? No one can see junk for the last time. You cannot shake your hand. What was the world record number for the crowd? You just said 140, right? Yes. It's 142.2. Oh, Arrowhead is louder than a howler monkey. That's fucking crazy. To think 70,000 people lost all the extra noise they pumped into the stadium to make that happen. Like one howler monkey? One howler monkey can scream over that fucking crowd. Oh, you know what we need to do? We all need to get some pet monkeys and fucking bring them to the game. Oh, you want the howler monkeys. But like, see, we're going to get... But first of all, before we get into the meat of this, I have actually experienced this before. Comptroller and I went to Costa Rica back in 2004 for her little research biology class. The last place we were at were deep, deep south in like bungalows. And every morning we'd wake up to howler monkeys and spider monkeys fighting over territory. And that is a horrendous sound to bear. You got the spiders. What side were you on? I think I was more on the howler monkey side because they were deeper and more guttural. And the spider monkeys were screamy. So they sounded skinnier than the other ones. Dude, this just sounds like a... It's nature. It's just nature, basically. Earth crypt kind of thing? Yeah, don't try to make it a human thing. It's just nature doing nature. You can't really make it a human interaction at all with that. It's just nature being nature. You know what I'm saying? The bloods and crypts on territory is actually that. If we do decide that we need to get howler monkeys to take them to Arrowhead, Unfortunately, research shows that the smaller that howler monkeys' testicles are, the louder it is. That makes sense. It seems a little counterintuitive. Cartoon-wise? It may be the case with humans, too. Yeah, I mean, it explains why you're always so loud. Because of my incredibly small testes? Yeah, it all makes sense now. Look, they're like almond-sized, but it does make a lot of different sitting poses more doable for me. I rarely get accused of manspreading. I can cross my legs at all sorts of different angles. And, honestly, it worked good two kids taking care of, so I'm going to say those little fellas did their job. I mean, honestly, think about it. The most loud, annoying person... Like, I'm going to say I'm joking. You're not that loud. The most loud, annoying person you can think of, they probably have small testicles. Oh, yeah, there's no doubt about it. What I found beautiful about this whole thing is that they financed the study. Sure. Figured this out. I mean, sure. I didn't pay for it. There ain't no way we paid for it, but somehow we probably may have. No, you don't fucking know that. You very well might have paid for it. We may have. So let them study. Study away. Study away. It was the University of North Texas where they did the study, actually. Right down the street from here. UNT? Oh. Yeah. I knew these fuckers up to something. What do they got for me? So, basically, the way that the howler monkeys make a louder noise, they have what's called a hyodid bone. A hyodid bone, the noise echoes around in there, right? And that's what gives it that good bass sound, that good lower register. But there's a direct correlation, like an inverse relationship, between the larger hyodid bone and the smaller testes. And they were basically going and looking at the corpses of howler monkeys and doing dissections and whatnot and discovered that that was the case. But it also leads into a little bit the two types of societies of howler monkeys that exist. Which, this is where the science gets interesting to me. Okay. Dr. Junk, all about this. So, howler monkeys with smaller testes that are louder, they're able to attract more females. So they have, like, a harem. They're louder and they're able to produce, like, higher frequency. They can spit further out than more guttural babies from all around. Yeah. They're like, Hi! Hey there! Which allows them to have, like, a little harem. So, even though their small testes don't produce as much ejaculate, they're still able to have, you know, Kind of like, boom, I got a lot of opportunities here, right? Which, once again, seems very human nature relevant. It's like we copy them. But also, we are animals, too. We're just conscious animals. Oh, very much so. And I'm sure we're not too far away from howler monkeys when you get right down to it. I mean, when it comes to some weird shit, you know, like, you know, sometimes we get stupid. I mean, we came from monkeys, didn't we? Yeah, sure. I'm down with that. Once again, you're the doctor. I don't know why you keep asking these questions. Yeah, you're asking us. Like, we're just morons, you know? You know how it is. Ask that question again, but say it with some confidence. Gusto. Some moxie. We came from monkeys, guys. Exactly. I knew that. Damn it. That's exactly what I always suspected. Thank you for confirming that. So, the howler monkeys with the bigger testes, they tend to end up in groups where it's, like, kind of like swinger communities. Sure. Where there's, like, a lot of dudes and a lot of chicks and everybody's just blowing up. But since they've got the bigger balls, they're able to produce more ejaculate. So that's how they are able to procreate, is they kind of, like, flood out the other howler monkeys. So it's like a bukkake party. They're just like, yo, look how much you got less than I got. Splash on your face. I've always found that crazy, like, when you watch Bourne or whatever and the dude just has, like, an endless amount of ejaculate. Oh, you're watching fake ones. Like, where is that coming from? But he can't sing very loud, see? That's because he doesn't have a very loud singing voice. I do always have to turn the volume up on those really loud. He just dumped a whole gallon of wash on you. That's basically it. I always wondered if I wasn't drinking enough milk or something. I don't understand. That little hose under his... That little hose under the cock, when you hold it, you're doing this part. It's underneath there. And then he rolls it. It's like pudding. No human being can honestly do that in a sitting without eating, like... I don't even know. You can do a good salad, fully charged up, and no male human being is going to be able to blow that much load on a fucking girl's face. A salad? That's a good salad. You gotta have a good salad, though. Honestly. Sorry. I didn't know that's what it was. You mean to eat, like, leafy greens? Yes, man. You gotta, like... It's not all meat. It ain't gonna help you on that. Oh, jeez. Alright, staying in the world of science, but now we are jumping into, I guess, archaeology? Yeah, uh, aliens. I guess. We're going right into aliens. Like, this is a new age now. Aliens are a thing. A new age of aliens. Aliens are a thing. Why did they make them look just like E.T., though? Listen, now hold on. Hold on just a second. Pump the brakes. We're gonna get to that. Hold on. We'll get the news out first. Tell the tale, and then we'll spin some conjecture into it. So, gentlemen in Mexico, just the other day, presented some 1,000-year-old alien mummified bodies. Alright? Presented this before the Mexican body, and the Mexican government body found it fit to publicize on TV, and I think combined with the other recent governments, the United States is real, others that have come out and said the possibility of it being in, on, or around Earth is pretty high. I'm buying it. I'm in. You're in? Aliens are real. You're in on it? I mean, I'm not at all saying aliens are not real, just because of this. This right here, though. This, to me, is like, I've seen too many fucking weird shows, like, make it and bake it or whatever, like, and then also, I try to, like, find new ways to sculpt things or create art and stuff. Immediately, I'm on junk site. The first site, I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? E.T. looking fucking sons of bitches? Like, E.T. like, dude, I was a little kid. Like, they went and raided Universal Studios' warehouse and found the E.T. that didn't make it. Like the babies? Yeah, the marbles. This isn't it. Like, this is prototype 1. Prototype 1 is not it. That irritates me. Prototype 2 is still not it. That fucking irritates me. Well, they found the real one later. Yeah. These, these are... I'm not buying it. I'm not saying that I don't believe in aliens, but I'm just, I'm tired of governments piecemealing this, this, these little, hey, look what I found. And all they do is pull a pocket, piece out of their pocket and like, oh, this is like fucking 1400s bullshit out of Abraham Lincoln's ass. Like, fuck you. I'm tired of this. So... Is there, is there a possibility that Steven Spielberg, being a learned individual with connections, maybe he had come across or somebody had shown him other alien? Oh, so, so Steven Spielberg made E.T. based off these ones that they found? Well, not necessarily these, but other, you know, other mummies that they had found in the past that he just knew before we did. If, if, if he did do that, then I don't know how you guys are going to explain to your children how movies are fake. I just don't know how. Because kids get scared watching shit. You always got to reiterate and be like, hey, this ain't real, this ain't real. Oof. Oof. I don't even know how you guys are going to get through that. I got scared watching, I got scared watching E.T., but he was all sickly, you know? And like... You had to bubble up the house? Yeah. You had to bubble up the whole house? Yeah. I didn't, I didn't like it. I was talking about Aaron, our kid, found my Marilyn Manson book upstairs tonight. Oh, nice. And he brought it to me, he's like, dad, what is this? It scared me, blah, blah. So I pulled up the Sweet Dreams video, and I was like, dude, it's just a fan. What? Why would you? I was like, dude, it's just a fan, watch this video. And then he's like watching the video, and he's like, dad, this is scary. Yeah, he's a little too young for that right now. He's like five. Yeah, he's, he's, he's used to like Roblox and whatever you give him in the... Focus on what you feed him in the tablet. Don't, don't, yeah. The street babysitter is growing him up faster than you guys can do it. I introduced the kids to, like, metal music and music videos, probably earlier than I should have as well, but it was mud-veined, it was dig. It had scary face paint. Oh yeah, so like, I've seen this at age two. No, there isn't. But, uh, yeah, I don't, I don't know. The showing the Marilyn Manson stuff to a five-year-old, that, I mean, I guess it's prepping him for the other terrors that are going to come down the line as he gets older. You're toughing him up. You won't make him sleep in his own bed all night, but you'll show him, well, now he's never going to sleep in his own bed. He's going to be sleeping with you guys when he's fucking 17. Oh, right. Marilyn Manson's coming to get me. He didn't want to know why he was riding a pig, and I was like... Well, what about whenever one of the kids are going to start asking about aliens? So, the alien mummy did, I know that everybody's saying it looked like E.T., but it kind of, but not really. It had, like, a snout. E.T. didn't really have, like, that snout going on. He was more, like, cylindrical. No, it had, like, a weird kind of, like, jawline that was sharper, and then it, like, it kind of went smaller, and then it got bigger in the back. So, there was, it wasn't full E.T., but at the same time, it's like, ugh. I wanted to go to Kansas City Art Institute my entire life, and we were at the Nelson Art Gallery this last week, because I love that area. Right. And waiting on, trying to figure out where to pick up food, we pulled into the parking lot where the institute is, and just watching all the little art students come out with their fucked-up, weird creations, and we're on the sculpture side of the building. It's just, it, it, anybody could have made that. It's, and also, like, if you're going to keep something like that, why, why is this super dry, as if it looked like it came out of, like, a, it's, like, we, we created an art class, we paper-mached everything, and then we put all the glue on it, and the glue hadn't set yet, and then we're, like, oh, we're about to present it. Sand it. Dust it with sand. You know, so. There's no sand on it? Because it's just, there's just too much to it that's theater art. Grotesque. They said, I mean, they're not, they're not claiming that these are fresh-out-the-box, anyway, these are 1,000 years old. No, these are, like, 1,000 years old, which is, like, 900 years before our time. Get the fuck out of here, I hate, I hate all this Bozo the Clown shit, man. Like, Bozo the Clown was cool back in the day, honestly. I don't know, man, like, and, and also, that's gonna diminish religion. If aliens are real, like, I'm not trying to, I'm not saying that they're not. I just, I don't believe in this little, hey, check out our little fucking dried-up dolls type situation. I think if they looked more, if they looked more fresh, I'd be less likely to believe it. The fact that they look kind of shitty, I was like, oh, okay, all right, all right, yeah, they look kind of shitty. And in that same thought, it wouldn't be no different if they were in formaldehyde, right? Like a glass jar floating. It would be like, that's fake. I feel like, I don't think they would have preserved like that and stayed to continue to look like that if they were real. Buried in the Mexican desert where there's, like, no moisture, no sun exposure, I mean, no? How old did they say they were, like, 10,000 years old? Just 1,000 years, just 1,000 years old. 1,000 years? Like, no, it's gonna, it's gonna, you're gonna turn to dust after a little bit. Many Egyptian mummies are older than that, and they stay pretty well intact. They weren't wrapped in anything, like, it's fucking fake. They got x-rays, they got x-rays, there's bones in there. They got bones. Well, they said they x-rayed them and there was, like, ovaries in one. Like, okay, those are still not gonna be in there, it's ridiculous. I don't know. You guys are dashing my dreams to pieces right now. Well, what kind of dreams are you looking for, though, Lefty? I don't want to shoot you down. I'm not saying aliens are not real. I know they're real. I just don't think that they're just gonna, like, float their ass over here and be, like, oh, these money-loving fuckers are gonna just, like, bury me in Earth and, like, let me, no, I don't believe that. Like, we're the worst thing that possesses a planet, so it's impossible for, I just don't see that. I don't, I just don't. And if they're higher intelligence than us, then, like, they would, it's just, it'd be more of an observation of, like, what? They got water on that planet, but why do they suck the shit out of the resources for an involuntary thing that's not even theirs? It's, like, part of the Earth originally, which is basically paper money. It's, like, I feel like that's, that would be the cycle for aliens to watch this. To me, it's, like, they took, you know, everyone has their ideas of what an alien looks like, and it just was not very imaginative. Like, to me, if an alien, if we ever do see an alien, I don't think it's ever gonna look like anything that we've ever seen before. It's gonna look like fucking, I don't even know, but it's not gonna look like that. I feel like they'd just be, like, high intelligence. I feel like things would small down to parasite level. Like, even if you wanted to be alien, you could just go and infiltrate us just by becoming some kind of a parasite. Like, easy like that, because we can't do that. We're just, we're just like, hey, I'm smart. I think I know everything. I'm flesh and blood. You shoot me in the head with a fucking gun, I'll die. Other than that, right now, I'm super smart. I could do all this stuff. But, yeah, it could be just as small as a little fucking larvae. Like, that's how I always thought aliens, is krang, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Like, you have the brain with larvae. Yeah, just this little, like, brain thing, you know. It's, I'm not expecting them to be big or large or alien like whatnot, but I'm just tired of just the normal alien look. Alright, give me some dried up aliens over here, looking like E.T.'s. Look at the small eyes and whatever, and very frail, too. Oh, no, they're fake as shit, but I have to present the counter-argument, or else it gets pretty stale if we all disagree. Exactly, yeah. Alright, rolling into something we all can believe in, gentlemen. It is the feel-good story of the year. It may be the feel-good story of the decade here in Kansas City, as I'm sure everyone's aware. Taylor Swift came through a couple months ago. Delighted fans of all ages, including our very own Travis Kelsey, and I'm sure you remember he tried to meet her backstage. He wanted to give her a friendship bracelet that he had made, but got shot down, if you guys recall that happening. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to hear the worst part about this story? Is that I also was at the concert with bracelets made with my phone number, and she would not take them, but I didn't fucking air it out on the podcast, so now since he did, she's talking to him instead of me. Yeah, that was a feel-good story. That's the beautiful angle that came with this, is rather than hooking up with Dr. Junk, it appears that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey, one of the more beautiful couples ever, if it's real, they're hooking up, guys. They're getting together, and I'm here for it. I am a big fan of this situation. I mean, I'm cool with it. It would be neat if she was like an arrowhead in the suite, like a chair to mom. Like, you remember when Tony Romo was with Jessica Simpson or something? Barry Underwood. Barry Underwood, yeah. She was at the games, and she would watch them. You know, if I'm just walking through the corridor, and I like run into Taylor Swift, that'd be cool. If you were walking through the corridor, and you ran into Taylor Swift, you'd probably get the shit beat out of you. Like, her security detail is, I'm going to assume, probably pretty hefty. Probably some hard-hitting, hard-pipe-hitting motherfuckers, you know what I mean? Like Messi's bodyguard. Messi's bodyguard ain't fucking around, man. But it does beg your question, and the timing is a little bit suspect, in that Travis gets hurt, hurts his knee, and then like, the next day, it comes out that they're hooking up. I mean, I know that she's had a few run-ins, more than a few run-ins. Like, a lot of run-ins with gentlemen, and things didn't go well. That's like my only concern, is that hopefully she doesn't ruin it. Do you guys think this is real? She, uh... I honestly, this ain't real. Like, do you guys are buying into this? Okay. Yeah, I mean, his brother asked him about it on the podcast yesterday, and he was like... I haven't watched that. Yeah, he said we can't talk about it. I don't know if she'll like me talking about her on the podcast. Oh, well, okay. Foxtel's got a different view on this. But, I don't know. I don't know what's going on here. I don't know what's going on here. All I know is we need him back Sunday, and he's got his boy, Chris, back too, so... I would just be concerned if I was Travis. I just don't believe this. I mean, Taylor Lautner... What's his name? John Mayer? John Mayer. The body of the Underland guy? You're gonna, like, man, that's some competition there. I just don't buy into this. I don't get it. Jake Stoneholm? Foxtel's just not believing in this. If Travis is truly in love, and they have this celebrity love thing going on, Hell yeah. Absolutely hell yeah. In my gut of gut, I know that he's not gonna be completely satisfied. Well, no, and that is a very good point. Because if you do look at his dating past, he does tend to go for someone who brings a little more mojo to the party, a little more meat that you want. And she is a little quickie for a guy that's historically been like, maybe he's gonna back her up a little bit. Who knows, man? Maybe she's got some of that hood in her. And we just don't know. I think she's from the Philadelphia area, so maybe she's got a little hood in her. See, I'm not here to try to shoot anything down. And if he's got a chance, I'd do it too. I'm just not buying it. It's just not... The cookie ain't crumbling like these damn Mexicans finding aliens in their little tomb, you know what I'm saying? It's like, why can't you just dig up another deep arrow or something? There's always gotta be an E. Dusty S. E. The dude is on fire right now. He's in like every commercial on TV. He just won the Super Bowl. This is the second. He has like the number one car... There ain't no way Patrick Mahomes is going to have an affair with Taylor Swift. How about Travis Kelce? No! Travis Kelce ain't... Yeah, you just said something that made him above Patrick, which is not... He's right here. Patrick is a happily married man. Patrick's up here. You put Kelce up here with this Swift thing. And I'm like, I had to bring you back there. Just to let you know. He's not Mahomes, but Travis Kelce is a better looking man than Patrick Mahomes. Like, I can say that, you know? Travis Kelce is a good looking man. I would feel like, you know, Taylor Swift is probably doing alright with that. But, uh... I don't know where she's running. That little fuckin' foot tickler you got going on right now. Ooh! Yeah, which also has nothing on mine. That's CT! I missed the boat on that. I should have said it on the podcast. But, it's alright. Yeah, does it raise the specter of like, should we be airing more Dirty Laundry on here to try to get hooked up with Taylor Swift? I'm... Personally, you know me. You know me. If I'm gonna air my Dirty Laundry about Rihanna, that's the one that like... RiRi. Yeah, have her. Yeah. Hit me up, girl. It'd be one of those. It's kind of like the same way. It's like, if you're gonna have like a break up. I'm more than able to straight up kill you, dude. I would like, I'd rather have like, Olivia Rodriguez like, sing some little... Oh, we're a fuckin' deep shit, son of a bitch. You know, Olivia Rodriguez style. Yeah, yeah. Lefty's got what I'm going on. Rihanna? Like, if you're up under whatever is ASAP Rocky, like his name has a dollar symbol in it. Like, better watch out. Well, it's just, you know, ASAP. I got a dollar symbol in my name, too. Lefty Bones. ASAP. Like, it's different than RSVP, you know? ASAP. Quick. And then bring the dollars. I'm gonna go in here. I'm gonna see if I can do... RSVP Rocky. Rihanna's not as pretty as Taylor Swift. I'm sorry. No, but Rihanna's got that certain je ne sais quoi. I've always been intrigued by her because she seems like she would probably hurt me a little bit. I kind of like that. Taylor, to me, Taylor would be, it would be like, with her it'd be, I mean, super hot and everything, but it'd be so white bread. You know, it'd be the most generic, like... Yeah, it's way, way, yeah. Generic. Like, yeah. Eggs and soup. Get in, get out. Yeah. Just a little bit of... I don't think so. I think all those dudes she's been with have probably, uh, let her out a little bit. No, that's why it always ends bad, because she doesn't know how to throw it back. She told me Rihanna would, like, Rihanna would, like, sit on your face and punch you in the balls, you know what I mean? That's the kind of shit she'd bring to the party. I think it's about, like, how they sing, too. Like, their lyric content and... Cardi B? Like... Be like, Cardi B, can you mind your Mormon manners around me real quick? I'm gonna whip my dick out real fast, but you need to calm yourself down there, Cardi. You want someone to sit on you and punch you in your balls? I didn't say I... Look, I didn't say I wanted her to do that. Not what I said. I didn't say I wanted her to do that. But the thrill of not knowing if maybe she would? Yeah, I'm into that. Remember the fact of, like, knowing that you can kind of, like, ask certain things and not be like, oh shit, I'm gonna fuck this up. You know? It's like one of those... Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, you never wanna... Yeah, you never wanna fuck something up, so you gotta think wisely on it. That's true. If you probably asked, like, to eat Taylor's ass, she'd probably break up with you. You know? Riri wouldn't. Depending on the moment, maybe. Yeah, Riri, immediately, I would say, like, yeah, she'd be like, alright, cool. She'd be like, yeah, reciprocate. Be like, no, hell no, you don't even have to. You got no qualms here, no qualms. I'll just go ahead and get on in there, do the job, clock in, clock out. No, no, no, no harm, no foul. But, I mean, hey, you know, Taylor, I'm sure she's probably like that. That thing lipped, lipped up, whapped up, smacked up, cracked up, whatever, however we call it nowadays. What would you do to it, junk? Doctor? Put a little, like, would you, like, put your ear clamps on it? You know how you check the heartbeat? You just go ahead and clamp the clitoris. Be like, ooh, let's see, I hear a heartbeat through it. Like a little bean. The man in the boat actually has his own heart rate. Alright, and with that, I think we are going to call it a week, gentlemen. Doctor Junk, I hope you had a moment to collect your thoughts because you seemed a little bit perturbed by that. Before we go, anything that you'd like to leave for the listeners out there, sir? Oh, just recently, he's got so many things to do. He's got football practice, he's got Cub Scout, you know, and then we have other stuff that we've got going on. Anyway, it's just like now when I look at the calendar, I'm afraid of the calendar. It's days or numbers. Yeah, he's going to get old and he's going to die soon. Sooner than you want, Dad. Sooner than you want. Oh, man. Oh, Mr. Foxtail. Mr. Foxtail, leave the listeners with some sage words of advice, please. Well, this is a hard one here. As of late, there's just a lot going on. Just don't get involved in too much of the poetry of books and the artistry of politics. Just be you and just know your opinion, know your state of mind. And have a good time. Just don't ever let the world bring you down. Yeah, I think you can't end it on any more sage and wise words than that. So, everybody, thank you for coming in. We appreciate you spending the Friday night with us. And we will catch you on the next one. See you. Peace. Later. That's a wrap. Join me again next time on Not Sure, Take My Key. www.notsure.com
