The Power of Adaptation: Transforming Holiday Traditions for a Stress-Free Season

The speaker is Nikki from "It's Going To Be Okay". She talks about simplifying your system during the holiday season. She apologizes for a technical glitch in the previous episode. She acknowledges that the holiday season can be overwhelming, especially for those dealing with depression and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of self-care and seeking help. She provides tips on setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support and delegating tasks. She encourages listeners to reach out to her for support. Hello everybody, this is Nikki from It's Going To Be Okay, and today I'm going to be talking about how to simplify your system. Yay! Yay! It's the holiday season. So, but before we get started, I just want to remind you to, uh, if you're watching the videos, to comment, like, and subscribe. Please share it with someone that you care about. And if you're listening, please go to Apple iTunes and leave a comment. I would greatly appreciate that. We heard you. It's the same thing, right? So, without further ado, let's get started. Yay! So, um, I did want to say one thing about last week's, um, episode. I uploaded it to Spotify as a video, but what I didn't realize was it did not go out to my other platforms, and so it looks like I didn't put out an, uh, an episode. So, I'll upload that again as an audio file, and so I do apologize for that. That is just a technical relapse on myself. So, anywho, but I'll, I've got a note to remind myself not to do that again. Um, but anyway, on to better things. So, as you know, the Christmas is just right around the corner, and it's really a hard time of the year for a lot of people. Um, for those that do suffer with, um, depression and anxiety, it's just busy, busy, busy. You know, if you have kids, you have lots of school things that you have to prepare for. Uh, you have family, um, that you have to take care of. Or, you're, you know, you have work that you have to get, um, done. Um, I know that usually Christmas is always a busy time of the year for us working. We had deadlines that we had to meet, and so, like, a lot of the factories had to get, they would shut down, and so we had to get a lot of the stuff done. Um, and then, of course, you had to get your Christmas shopping done. So, it can be very stressful for those that don't, you know, deal with a mental issue or whatever. So, for those that do deal with depression and anxiety, it can be even more overwhelming. So, I just, um, wanted to get on here and just give some tips to help you with that. Um, if you've been listening to my episodes for a while, you know that we are already practicing things on a daily basis. You know, some self-care things that, um, that you should already have in place where you have quiet time, where you are, um, taking your medication on a regular, on a daily, oh my lord, I'm getting my words jumbled, jumbled. Where you're taking medicine every day. You are in contact with your doctor or your, um, therapist or counselor or whatever you're doing, or with, you know, someone at your church or your support group. Um, where you're doing your exercising, um, you're doing your journaling. You know, all of those things that you should already have in place. If you don't have any of those things in place, you need to reach out to me right away, um, so that I can help you start working on those things, okay? Those things are important. I, I can help you with those. Um, I used to live a life where I didn't do any of those things and my life was a mess. I tried to manage on my own and I realized that I needed help. Um, I was embarrassed to ask for help. I was. I was embarrassed to ask for help. But I'm not embarrassed to ask for help anymore. Um, you, you shouldn't be embarrassed to ask for help. So, and that's why I'm here. Um, to give you some easy tips. Um, it's not rocket science. So, um, even though it's not rocket science, you do need support. And you do need someone to help you with these things. So, so I've got some tips here how to support, um, how to simplify your Christmas. Oh, dear. Lord. I thought I fixed it. I'm going to smack myself in the head. Set realistic expectations. That's the first thing we're going to talk about, okay? Um, so, um, let me get my cheat sheet up here. First and above all, so, um, just so you know, I'm not a mental health professional. But I, you know, I do suffer from depression and anxiety. And, um, but these are things that I have done, um, to help myself. So, I just want to come on here and be able to help you, um, because they've helped me. Let me get my microphone over here. And I'm sorry if this is making a bunch of noise. I'm not trying to be noisy. Okay. So, one of the things that if you suffer with any mental health disorder or a behavior disorder is we tend to set unrealistic expectations. So, um, and we've got to stop doing that, people. You know, we can't decide we're going to wrap 100 gifts in two hours. I mean, that's not going to happen, right? So, um, we've got to realize that we need to, you know, set realistic expectations. Understand that it's okay if things don't go perfectly. Um, sometimes, you know, my tendency to want things to go perfectly will get in the way of me actually getting something done. If I can't get it done perfectly, then it doesn't get done. And isn't it better to get something done than to not get anything done? So, um, let's just remember that. You know, it's best, you know, if you can get the tree up but not decorate it, get the tree up, you know. Um, so try not to be unrealistic with your expectations. And, um, what I try to do is have a mental list in my head and or write it down. And just check that list off. And so I've actually started using a new to-do list. And it's, I'm still getting used to it. Um, the only thing I don't like about it, it doesn't have, like, where I can add in my appointments. I mean, I can add my appointments, but I can't put, it doesn't, it's not like Google Calendar where you can add a time. It's just a task list. Um, and I want everything to be in one thing. And so I'm trying to get used to it. Um, anyway, that's not the point of this whole episode. But just, um, having a list of things to get done that you can check off or write, you know, put a mark through. That's the important thing. So even if it's not perfect, even if you can't get all of the cookies made, get the batter made, put it in the fridge, and then you can bake them later that day or the next day. Whatever you can do. Um, that is the goal that we're looking for, right? So, um, what can you do in this short amount of time that you can save time doing later, you know? And it doesn't have to be perfect. So some of us have trouble with wanting to get it all done at one time and wanting it to be perfect. And so that will prevent us from getting so much done. Um, so think about breaking your task up into little batches or little things and then, um, and not worrying about it being exactly perfect. That tends to help us if we can just get past it not being perfectly done from start to finish at once. So, oh dear lord. I don't know who these people are. They have been calling me every day for a week. And I answer the phone and there's nobody there. Why do they do that? That drives me nuts. So, anyway. Okay. So let's go on to the next one. Oh, so give yourself permission to prioritize self-care and well-being. So if you're tired, if it's at the end of the day and you haven't gotten the last of your few little things done on your list and you're tired, just put it on to the next day or the end of the week. Go to bed. Go wash your face. Go to bed. Drink your water. Take your medicine. Don't worry about it. Don't stay up late getting it done, losing the sleep. Not washing your face. Not taking your meds. Okay. You have to be a priority because you are the only one. You could be the only one taking care of all of those things that have to go on in your house. And if you are not taking care of yourself, guess what? You're going to get overtired. Your immune system is going to go down. You're not taking your medicine and you're going to lose your crap. All right. The kids are going to get cranky. Your husband or significant other is going to be like, what the heck's the matter with you? And it's all going to go downhill from there. You're going to fight. And then your whole month of holidaying is just going to be ruined, you know, and it's just going to snowball. So I would highly suggest that you just leave the last of what's not done, put it on the next day, go to bed, you know, make sure you wash your face, clean your sink out, your kitchen sink out, wash your face, whatever. Whatever your nighttime ritual is, you need to have the nighttime ritual done and then go to bed. You need to sleep. Okay. All right. Because in Philippians 4, 6-7, do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. So it's, you know, God will protect your peace. You need to protect your peace. You need to protect your mind. Okay. And no one else is going to do that for you. Okay. You need to do that for yourself. And you need to first advocate for yourself. I will advocate for you that I can't do that unless you reach out to me. And I desperately would love for you to do that. And that's why I put out this stuff because I know this is usually a hard time for people. I know I've talked about my mom. She suffers from seasonal anxiety every winter. She would go through it. She would go through depression, you know, and it would just be bad. And we would, we were all affected by it. You know, we were all affected by it because, and I don't, I mean, and you don't know. I mean, you think it just affects you, but it does affect your family. So protect your peace and take those little steps. Like I said, it's not rocket science. These little things that I tell you guys, it's not rocket science, but you do need support. You know, we do need to rally and support each other and link arms and hold hands and hold each other up. And in order for these things to work. So I'm here for you. Okay. So the second seek support and delegate task. So those of you that have like older kids or you've got a significant other, if there's things that, you know, surely you're teaching your teenagers how to bake and cook. I mean, they can wrap presents. You know, they can help decorate. Right. I mean, you're not doing that all yourself. Right. I mean, your husband can help. You know, if there's things that need cleaned up for guests to come over, the whole family's involved. Right. Yeah. I hope you're not doing that all yourself. You know, and if you use an excuse that it's just easier to get it done yourself, I don't buy that. I had three wild heathens called boys. And when push comes to shove, those little monkeys could clean some stuff. Okay. When we were having stuff done at our house or we were having a family get together at our house, they could clean windows. They could dust. They could vacuum. I mean, they would move furniture out, vacuum. I mean, my boys could get it done. And they knew when we had to, when I said, okay, we need to rally around here, I need help, and we got to get our house cleaned up because this is happening. These people are, your family's coming over, and let's get busy. Every year we decorated the house together. Oh, dear. I'm so sorry, people. My phone's going off. So, I mean, and a lot of, because a lot of times, I mean, I was, for a lot of years I was single, and it was just me and them, you know. And they couldn't read my mind. So, I had to tell them what needed to be done. And I didn't assume that they knew how to clean. I had to show them how to clean. And so, you know, if your kids don't know how to clean, then you need to start showing them how to clean because these are life skills that they're not getting in school. So, you as a parent and parents need to show them how to clean a house. You need to start showing them how to cook. You need to start showing them how to wash their clothes, how to put clothes away, all of those things. And it doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl. There were no gender roles in my house because I did not know what kind of a person that they were going to grow up and marry. I mean, it didn't matter if they married a man or a woman, even though they were boys. I mean, I personally, I think, you know, you should be with opposite sex, but that was up to them, right? So, I taught them everything because what if they decided they were going to be single? Or what if they married someone that did not know how to do any of that? So, I wanted them to be absolutely independent on themselves. And in today's society, it normally, both parents have the work. So, I believe if both parents work, then both parents share the responsibility of the household. So, if you are a mom and you suffer from, you know, depression and anxiety, then you need to be having a real, and you work, a realistic, you know, conversation with your partner and be asking them to, hey, I need help. These are, I cannot do all of this by myself. What do you feel comfortable doing? Let's split this up, okay? And have a heart-to-heart. If you are in a loving relationship and a mature relationship, that shouldn't be a hard conversation to have. I'm just going to be real with you all. Nobody's got to get mad. Nobody's got to get cranky or, I want to say pissy about it, but I don't know if that's the right word. So, it's just saying, hey, I just need some help, you know. If I take on this role, can you do this? And the holidays are coming up. So, if I do this, can you do this thing? You know, split the, here's a list of all the things that we need to do. Make a list and say, can you do this if I do this? You know, just split things up. I mean, it's, don't get mad at your partner for not doing something if you haven't talked to them. And ask them to help you. So, okay. Now, I'm only talking about these things because this is something I have been guilty of my whole entire life. Because I'm like, aren't these things obvious to you? Aren't you seeing me over here struggling, trying to do all of these things on my own? And why aren't you helping me? And that's just, I don't know. I should not expect someone to be able to read my mind. And, you know, they could be looking at me thinking, my goodness, look at her. She's superwoman over here handling everything just fine, you know. And don't be like that. Don't be like me and just be stubborn and refusing to ask for help. That's just, that's ignorance on my part. So, I don't want you to be like Nikki and be stubborn and stub up and be like, well, how dare he. Just let me do all the work on my own. Do all the dishes. Vacuum all the floors. Clean all the toilets. Do all the laundry. Okay? And not even lift a finger to help. Well, I'm an idiot because I did not one time say, hey, I'm tired from work. Can you help me with some of this stuff? That's all I had to do is ask for help, you know. So, and that's just an adjustment period from how I was raised, being married, you know. So, you go from being raised by a single parent and my mom never asking for help and then being married, not knowing how to communicate to my husband, you know. Then being single and not having anybody to ask for help. Then being married again. So, Nikki's over here like trying to figure it out and so now I'm like, oh, yeah, I should have done this a long time ago. Hey, can you help me out over here? So, don't be like Nikki, okay? Anyway, so, I'm telling you this so your life will be a little bit easier than what I've been doing. Carry each other's burdens in this way. You will fulfill the law of Christ. Yeah. God wants you to help each other out. Oh, Lord. He probably looked at me and just shakes his head like, there she goes again. You know, share your feelings and let them know what you're comfortable handling. And they'll share with you, you know. They may say, I don't want to change the dirty diaper. Okay, but can you take the dog for a walk? So, you know, you just got to negotiate some stuff. Oh, boy. Focus on, what is it? Focus on meaningful traditions. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay, so, did you ever grow up doing something and you're like, someone's like, why are you doing that? And you're like, I don't know, my mom did it, so I'm doing it. I heard this story a long time ago. And someone asked this woman, when she would get a ham, she would cut off the ends of the ham. And they said, why do you do that? She's like, I don't know, my mom did it. So she asked her mom why she did it. She's like, I don't know, my mom did it. So she asked her mom, and she said, well, I did it because it didn't fit my pants. So some things, you know, we don't know why we do it. It's best to find out why, you know, before we start doing something and make it a tradition, right? So if there's something that you do in your home that doesn't bring you peace, and you do it every Christmas, and, you know, don't do it. I mean, it's not worth it. When my boys were little, I thought, yeah, we got to take them to go see Santa Claus, you know? And so you would go out to the mall, and you would stand in line, and all the kids are screaming and crying. I mean, like, all the kids are screaming and crying. And you set them on their lap, and your kids are screaming and crying. And then you wanted pictures, and the pictures are so expensive. And after a couple years, I was like, I'm not doing this no more. This is awful. This is like torture, like torture to me. And my kids are screaming and crying. My oldest at the time, I mean, he hadn't been diagnosed yet, but he was so overstimulated with everything. I mean, he couldn't sit still, and he was into everything. And so I'm trying to handle, you know, keep him under control. And the baby's crying. And finally, I just stopped. I'm like, we're not doing this no more, you know? I mean, it just wasn't worth it. So we just stopped going out to see Santa Claus. And then the birthdays, you know. Every year, we'd have a birthday party. And you have three boys, and you did three birthdays every year, and you invite family and kids and stuff. And it was expensive. And finally, I was like, it stressed me out so bad. Not like I enjoyed, like, being with family and, like, the school kids and stuff, but the whole planning of it and everything, which is so stressful to me, I finally just stopped doing it. And I know my kids probably wanted me to, but for my peace of mind, I had to stop doing it. So those are some things, my examples of traditions that I had to stop doing because I mentally, I couldn't handle it. So what are some things in your mind, like, that happens every Christmas that is just overwhelming to you? You know, are those things that you can tone down or avoid doing, you know? Is there something else that you could do that's not stressful, you know, that you could do as a tradition? One thing that we did start doing was, on Christmas Eve, was we would get a bunch of junk food, like chips and snacks and drinks and things like that. And then we would play cards, you know, for a couple of hours. And we would have fun. That was enjoyable. You know, I enjoyed doing that. We were at home. It was just the boys and my husband and I. There was, it wasn't a big hoo-ha or anything. It was just us the night before Christmas if they were, you know, if they were home. We only did that a few years. You know, now they're all gone. So, and then watching them decorate the tree. I love that. I do miss them doing that. I think that might have stressed them out. I don't know. But I just want to say too bad, but, you know. How sympathetic would I be having this podcast, right? But those are some things that, think about your traditions. Are you doing things that is not serving you and your family? And is there something, if you take something out, is there something that you could try that isn't, that wouldn't be horrible, you know, that wouldn't stress you out or your family? You know, traditions can be broken. We don't want to do bad traditions, you know. If your family has done something for many, many, many years and you've got elders in your family, they're like, why are you doing that? Just explain to them as nice as you can that. I can't, it stresses me out. I don't feel like I can be a part of that. Hopefully they'll understand. They probably won't. But, you know, you are in charge of your own life and your family. And so you can't take care of your family if you're not taking care of yourself. So, you know, we want to focus on things that bring us joy and happiness in our life. And remember, in Ecclesiastics 3.1, there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. So there, if it's not going to serve you and bring you joy, then don't do it. I definitely only want to do things that's going to be a positive influence in my life and be a positive influence in my family. And I definitely don't want to do anything that's going to stress me out. I mean, there are so many things and so many times that I have done something and kept doing it just to please other people. And all it did was just build a big ball of woe in my chest. And I don't want to do that. That's all gone. You know, all that burden is off. You know, and I don't want to keep having to deal with that. So and I don't want you to deal with that. That's why I'm talking about these things now. So just to recap. So let's recap. Let's talk about what we learned is set realistic expectations. Let's emphasize the importance of being realistic in our life. Even if it doesn't go perfectly or if you can't do everything as planned, give yourself permission to prioritize your self-care and well-being. Remember, that is the number one thing. And if you can't do all the things this year, you can't have a cookie bake-off or whatever it is. You know, don't do it. Go buy you some cookies. I mean, you're not going to die. Okay. They're cookies. So if you can't make holiday candy, you're not going to die. Okay. You don't need the mess. All right. Just next year will be better. I promise. Number two, seek support and delegate your task. So reach out to your friends and family for help and support, even if you just need somebody. Oh, dear Jesus. This cat. Get out of the way, cat. Go on. So sorry, people. Just ask for help, even if you just need someone to listen. You know, everything's okay. Like, you're managing everything, but you're just feeling overwhelmed. Oh, now he wants. See, he wants on my lap, but he is so fat. And go, cat, go. I'm so sorry. Get out of here. Go. I need help already. Come on. Come on, kitty, kitty. He is so fat, people. I bet he's like 16 pounds. But I love him. He's my boy. I call him Mufasa. Mufasa. Or two-ton Jack. Anyway, so reach out for help and support. Talk to your husband. Don't assume that your husband knows what you need, okay? Please don't assume that, okay? You need to communicate and delegate tasks. Give your kids stuff to do, okay? If you have teenagers and stuff needs wrapped or baked or cleaned, get them on it. They can do it. Is it going to be perfect? Probably not. And don't gripe them out about it because it's not perfect. Or they didn't follow step three of the 10-step process, okay? Just chillax. It will be all right, people. Keep your panties on, you know. It will be all right. It will be all right. Take a deep breath. In, out. Yes, just like that. It will be all right. Oh, dear Jesus. This phone is going off again. Okay. Then step three, focus on meaningful traditions. So only do the traditions that bring you joy, okay? If you have a tradition that your family has always done and you hate it, it stresses you out, and it wants to send you to the mental hospital, by all means, do not do that one, okay? And if your family doesn't understand why, explain it to them. Explain it to them in layman's terms that you will lose your mind if you have to do that one more year, okay? I promise, it's going to be okay. Right? Right. So I hope these tips will help you this year, this holiday. These things, I mean, they helped me, and there's so much that I felt like over the years that I had to do, and I really didn't have to do any of it, and I still had meaningful holidays, okay? I still have wonderful holidays with my family. And some I created on my own, and some I just had to kick to the curb. Sorry, Santa, we're not going to come see you anymore. It's just too stressful. So anyway, but I hope that you found this helpful, and like I said, I do have a new promotion coming out, and I have the promo. It's almost ready, and I can't wait to share it with you all. So I hope that you will take advantage of it. I mean, I have freebies, and sometimes it's probably my fault I don't say it enough for people to take advantage of, but I want you to take advantage of it. So it's to help me more than to help you, but I'm really excited about it. So anyway, I hope you have a great day, and I will talk to you all later. And remember, it's going to be okay. I promise. It is. Bye. ♪♪♪