SLUT FAIRY Episode 1: Polyamory, Parenting, Partying, and Professionalism

Megan and Noelle are starting a podcast together. Noelle is a polyamorous parent and has been practicing polyamory for the past two years. Megan is also a parent and they raise their kids together. They share their experiences and want to normalize different household setups and lifestyles. They believe there is no right way universally, but what works for individuals or groups of people. They discuss ethical behavior in polyamory and the importance of accountability in relationships. They emphasize the importance of doing what makes them happy and bringing joy to their lives. Hello, hello, everybody. Hi. We're recording. We're recording. This is our first podcast. We decided to start a podcast together. My name is Megan. And I'm Noelle. We're going to introduce ourselves first and just let you guys know who we are and why we're here. Want to go first? Sure. So, my name's Noelle. I am 29 years old. And I'm from New York. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. Want to go first? Sure. So, my name's Noelle. I am 29 years old. And I am a polyamorous parent. And I have been practicing polyamory for the better of two years now. And I have been practicing polyamory for the better of two years now. But I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. It just comes really naturally to me. But I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. And I have one child, and then I also have another child with my best friend, Megan. Oh, that's my kid. Yeah, so I have one daughter, and we raise our kids together. We are both polyamorous parents. Noelle is my platonic nesting partner. How long have we been together? So we've been living together for a little over a year and a half. I think like two years. It's coming up on two years. Yeah, so we've known each other for like seven years. And yeah, so when she moved back to Utah and was single-momming it, and I was also single-momming it, I was like, hey, do you want to single-momm it together? Would you like to form an alliance? Would you like me to form an alliance with me and our kids? And so, yeah, then after that, it was pretty much a nesting partner marriage. Just moving. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, and then I have always identified as bisexual, and I've always been in open relationships. But more recently, I've been identifying as polyamorous. I think it suits me, my relationships a lot better, and the way that we operate our household, and I think hold each other to really good gold standards of polyamory is a really beautiful thing. So we wanted to share it with you all. I'm also a professional-ish. No, I am a professional. You are a professional bitch. I know. All right, so I also have a big career, so I've been finance and healthcare, so I've been working really hard towards that. It's really just been a crazy balance to balance parenting and polyamory and professionalism, and, you know, every now and then, we like to party. Yeah. Yeah, we got to. And we like to go have a good time and get dressed up. But, yeah, it's just Noelle and I here, and we like to do all of those things. I think we do it really fucking well. I think so, too. I mean, we are shocker. We are mothers, but we are also fully formed, whole, multifaceted human beings who have different parts of ourselves. Wow. We actually don't just want to be in child mode 24-7. Yeah, I actually don't just watch my kid all the time, every day, 24 hours a day. I don't want to just watch Blippi. I fucking hate Blippi. Oh, my God. I can't believe he's worse. His marketing is genius. Yep. From my business professional side, I believe it is. But, God, dig it, Blippi. Anyway. Yep. Yeah, like, you know, there's sometimes those moments where you shower and you've heard Moana like 20 times, so you start hearing, like, In the sea, in the water. You're like, I think the TV's playing, and you're like, Wait, it's just my head. And you're like, I don't think I need to get out of the house right now. And in those moments, you usually swoop me up and be like, Okay, we need to balance our lives. Yeah. We need to go get out. We need to, like, do something. But then I like, we also have very wholesome moments where we just, like, enjoy our freaking awesome time. Yeah. We just hang out and do crafts and eat dinner. I love our home life. We don't choose to do other things besides parenting because we don't enjoy parenting. It's because we have multiple interests, like most other people. Like most humans? Yeah. Like all humans. Yeah. But, yeah, parenting is definitely, like, one of our biggest loves, so we freaking love our kids. I love being a mom. I love being a mom with you, too. I love being a mom with you, too. It's the best. Isn't it so great? I freaking love it. I love our kids. It's really awesome. Anyways, we just wanted to hop on and share our experiences because I believe that a lot of people could benefit from what we have to say. I feel like everyone that we share with likes what we have to say. Yeah. And likes to hear about our kind of unconventional life and our home life. Anyone we welcome into our home usually has good feedback. I'm like, oh, it's so warm here. We love hanging out. I know. I've gotten a few inquiries from my friends and just acquaintances that want to hear more about our lifestyle. Yeah, me, too. I'm excited to share. I'm freaking excited because, to me, I haven't heard anything like this growing up. Yeah. I know. I just think it's really important to normalize different household setups and different lifestyles. I think it's really important for people to know that you can do something other than just have a man and a woman in a house together having kids. Totally. You can do other things besides that. You can live with your best friends. You can live by yourself. You can live with all your cats. You can have just kids in your home with you. Totally. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever the fuck you want. We are on a floating rock in space, slowly rotating. I love it when I'm freaking out and you just remind me that we're on this fucking rock. And I'm like, I'm going to have an existential crisis right now. But then I'm also like, okay, fuck it. We might as well just do what we want or what works for us. We are here for a blip of time. We are here for a blink of an eye. We might as well do whatever the fuck we want to do. Whatever makes us happy. Yeah. Whatever works and brings joy. Yeah, brings joy. But also, we practically work. I feel like our lifestyle just practically works for us. Yeah, definitely. And there are so many other ways to do this. We're not saying this is the right way. But I think it's awesome to expose people to a different way than the norm of the nuclear family box. I think the idea that there is a right way is incorrect. There is a right way for you and me and whoever it is listening to this podcast. There is a right way for an individual or for a group of people. But there is no right way universally. Totally. And I think that is going to apply to all aspects of our podcast, of what we discuss on here. Parenting, there's no right way one way or the other to parent your children. Anything we say on here may not work for you. That's just what has been working for us. And I think it's awesome to have ideas of what works for other people so you can just try it. Or know about it. Yeah, definitely. But then, same with partying. If our way of partying, going out, doesn't work for someone, that's fine too. There is no right way. And then polyamory especially. I'm learning that there are so many ways to do polyamory. Yeah. And there's not one right way. Right. But there tend to be more ethical ways. I think it's the same thing with polyamory, partying, parenting. It's really everything. There is no right way, but there are definitely wrong ways. There are definitely wrong ways. There are definitely very wrong ways. No, I'm just saying that what we do may not work, but I do believe we operate very ethically. Yeah. I agree. I think we have very similar ethics and ethics that align. And I think we both put conscientious effort into making our behaviors and choices line up with our ethics. Yeah, I do too. And I think one thing that I love the most about you is that we can check each other. And I've never had such a strong relationship where I can just be held accountable and hold someone else accountable to the same standard as we do. And I've learned so much being with you. I love you. I love you too. I love you a lot. Yeah, I read something today that was like our society conflates accountability and punishment so often that we think they're one and the same. But accountability is actually an act of love, which we've talked about this before. Oh, yeah. But if I don't love this person that is doing something in front of me that I know does not align with their ethics that they have spoken to me before, and I don't truly love them or care about them or see space for them in my life, I may or may not say something. I may or may not hold them accountable. I may or may not bring up to them like, hey, you know, this thing that you did, it seemed like it didn't align with what you actually want to be doing. Because, you know, my energy and my efforts are valuable. And I put them where I see, like, not just benefits, but like connections. It's an investment. Right, right. To help to hold other people accountable is an investment of your energy. Here's me for my business side. It's an investment. No, like, but really, it is an investment of your energy to, like, you know, put in the effort to hold someone accountable to remember what they wanted to be held accountable for and what aligns with you in, like, the most caring way. Right. And it's a hard thing to do because I think we're conditioned that accountability is punishment. So a lot of people feel super bad for holding others accountable and, like, having that kind of confrontation or difficult conversation when, like, really, it's something to grow from. Like, I feel like that's how you grow with other people is we're not always we are humans. Like, we're full of errors. Right. Kind of like how I keep the empty mullet in the dryer. Like, I just never, I just never click. Yup. It tries to, but, like, you still have to point it out all the time. And how I leave my dishes next to the sink. Yeah, no, I know. There's, like, stupid stuff like that. But then there's also, like, relational stuff where you're just like, wait, that is not what you said you were gonna do with this person. And I like that we can both just, like, hold each other to that. And it's not holding each other to, like, an unreasonable standard. Right. It's, like, holding each other to what we want to be. Right. We've expressed what we want in life, and we both know what we want, and we're like, okay, I'm gonna hold you to that. Right. Because I'm right here with you. Right. And that's, like, the growing part, though. Is that to become, like, your ideal self. And you do need to surround yourself with people that love you and are gonna hold you accountable without feeling like they're punishing you. Right. Right. I think I view it as a bid for connection. When someone holds me accountable, I view it as, hey, I love you, and I want to know you, and what I am seeing or hearing or, you know, experiencing does not align with what I know about you. Right. So let's talk about it. Let's figure it out because I want to know you. You know what's so funny is, like, that's the same way that we talk. I feel like we talk to our kids whenever they're going through a new phase in life is, like. Yeah. Yeah. No, you totally talk to our kids the same way, like, when they're doing something completely different or, like, their phases change, which, like, people do, too, throughout life. Right. Like, you really have to treat it like, you know, people are gonna go through stuff and be. We're gonna be 150 people. Yeah. 150 different people throughout our life. Yeah. Yeah, totally. But I noticed that that's exactly how you speak to our kids, which I freaking love it because you're like, hey, why don't you teach me about what you want here or what you want to do? Like, instead of saying, oh, you should do this or you should do this, it's like, well, don't you know how to do that or what do you think you should do? Or do you have any ideas of what you could do instead? And then, like, holding them accountable to that, like, oh, remember you told me you were gonna do this? Mm-hmm. That's, like, growing with someone. Mm-hmm. And I don't know about you, but, like, having kids at a younger age, I had my daughter when I was 22. How old are you? 22. 22? Yeah. Okay, so we both had kids at 22. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I had my daughter almost exactly four months before I turned 23, which I think you're right about the same. Yeah. Mm-hmm. No, like, mine was, like, right. Yeah, yeah, about. Yeah, you're, like, five months, right? That's so funny, yeah. But I remember that just, like, becoming a parent was a trip, and I don't know. I love our kids so much that, yeah. I feel like having kids at a young age, I don't know about you, but, and this might be a generalization, so it might not be true for everyone, but I feel like having kids at a younger age, you view it as, like, growing together, and then I'm, like, I'm already grown, and you're going to do what I tell you to do. Right. That might be an overgeneralization, but I do think it's a generational cultural norm for, like, older women than me, like, two generations older to be, like, you know, my mom's generation. You're, like, I'm already grown. I already know me. I'm good, and you're going to do what I need you to do because I know best. And I think I, you know, I definitely agree with that. I do think it's less about age and more so about personal views around control and autonomy. Yeah, okay. Because I think a lot of parents, at least this is what I'm seeing from an outside perspective, so I could be wrong, but from the behavior I see from other parents, like, even in my own family, it seems like it's a lot of control. Parents are wanting to control their children and aren't viewing their, aren't really viewing their kids as fully autonomous human beings with their own emotions and opinions and thought processes. But the reason why I think that's generational is because the psychology that came out during their time said that that was the best way to parent. Right. I'm not saying that it is because of how old they are, how many years they've lived. But I do think, like, the generation before us did have different sides to go off of. And now we're seeing that, like, human connection. There's way more of a shift. There's much more of a shift. Human connection is so powerful. Like, touch, like, co-sleeping is way more acceptable. Vulnerability. Vulnerability, accountability, autonomy. Yeah, being accountable as a parent. Yeah, that too. It is so wild to me when other people hear me apologizing to my child when I've messed up. They're like, wow, I wish my parents would have apologized to me for anything, for literally anything. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, you know, it's a wild thing to think about that, like, parents don't apologize to their kids. Yeah. When you lose your cool and you yell at your kid because you've had a horrible day at work and it's been incredibly stressful and they just asked you three times for apple juice and you said no, so they went and got it anyways and spilt it all over the floor. You know, you're so stressed. And then you're like, what the hell, man? I told you not to get the apple juice. And you get all upset. And then once you calm down, you know, you should apologize. Like you would to any other human being that you have taken undue stress or undue anger out on, you know. But in previous generations, that was a quote unquote weakness, you know. Yeah. To apologize is to admit fault. Yeah. And you can't admit fault when you're in the position of power. I am very impressed with you and how little that actually happened with her. Yeah. Because we do a lot. Like we, you know, we both work. We're both home with the girls a lot. Yeah. You know, I mean, we're not perfect. Nobody is. Everyone kind of loses their cool here and there. And, you know, we all need to regulate our nervous system at some point. And I think for kids to like see that as an example of like, oh my gosh, my mom just got a little stressed out. And she regulated herself within a very short amount of time. And then apologized on top of that and said, you know, had a vulnerable moment of like I've just had a tough day. Right. That's like, I feel like that's healthy and it teaches kids to do the same. Well, it's co-regulation. Yeah. Co-regulation is so integral to a healthy body, you know. Yeah. For everybody. And yeah, just to have a healthy mind and healthy body and to be able to self-regulate, you must first co-regulate. We are social beings. There is no such thing as self-regulating without first co-regulating and learning how to do that. That's how we cope. That's how we learn to cope. Yeah. I believe that too. I feel like there's just like so much emphasis on like self, you know, nervous system regulation and like self-love and like all this stuff. And it's like, um. Capitalism. Capitalism. Buy my bath bombs, bitch. Yep. Self-love. Buy this thing, then you'll love yourself. Buy, you know, buy this outfit, then you'll love yourself. Go to this retreat, then you'll love yourself. But not just that. But not just that. We live in such a culture that like emphasizes the individual. It's this individualistic culture of like, you know, you have to have a nuclear family. It's one man, one woman or, you know, whatever. Two parents, one kid. You have to love yourself and regulate yourself and make sure you're 100% before you ever seek out connection or a partner so that you don't ruin them as well. Or I feel like a lot of people's fear of having kids nowadays is like, oh my gosh, I'm not healed yet. How am I supposed to be around a child? And it's like, you would be amazed. Amazed. And I am every day. It like warms my heart. How much kids and our partners, just how much humans do have understanding for that co-regulation and that love and support and connection. Much more than I could ever have on my own. You know what I mean? I mean, I have it on my own when I need to because I have all of that first. Right. Yeah. Right. The more stable your community is, the more you're able to lean on and lift up others. Yeah. The easier it is when that isn't an option. When co-regulation is not an option, it's easier to self-regulate because you have that practice of co-regulating with people that you are safe with. Yeah, totally. I want to talk about that more on some of our upcoming projects. Yeah, I would love to. But you know me, I'm all about that co-regulation, baby. That interdependence. Okay? Inter. Not co-dependence. Interdependence. Okay? We like a little bit of interdependence around here. Oh, yes. We depend on it. We depend on our interdependence. It's not dependent. So anyways, we're going to end every podcast with a wholesome polyamory moment. Yeah. A heartwarming polyamory. Or wholesome? Heartwarming? Great. Both. Both. Yeah. Funny? I don't know. Sweet. Okay. Sweet cuteness. Yeah. A polyamory. So, okay, yeah, we're at 23 minutes, so you want to dive into it? Do you have one? You go first. I will first introduce it. Okay. All right. So, okay. A wholesome polyamory moment. Well, your birthday party, honestly. Yeah. That was pretty amazing. Yeah. That was really amazing. It was awesome, actually. I felt like that whole party was pretty wholesome. Noelle had her partners here at her home for her birthday party. Well, we all did. And I had a partner here. And Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. And his name is Noah. 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