Ep. 2: Relationship Structures

Hello, hello, everybody. Hi. We're recording. We're recording. This is our first podcast. We decided to start a podcast together. My name is Megan. And I'm Noelle. We're going to introduce ourselves first and just let you guys know who we are and why we're here. Want to go first? Sure. So, my name's Noelle. I am 29 years old. And I'm from New York. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. And I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself. Want to go first? Sure. So, my name's Noelle. I am 29 years old. And I am a polyamorous parent. And I have been practicing polyamory for the better of two years now. But I have been in polyamorous relationships before that. It just comes really naturally to me. 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No, you totally talk to our kids the same way, like when they're doing something completely different or like their phases change, which like people do too throughout life, right? You really have to treat it like, you know, people are going to go through stuff and we're going to be 150 people. Yeah. Different people. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. But I noticed that that's exactly how you speak to our kids, which I freaking love it because you're like, hey, why don't you teach me about what you want here or what you want to do? Like instead of saying, oh, you should do this or you should do this, it's like, well, don't you know how to do that or what do you think you should do? And then, or do you have any ideas of what you could do instead? And then like holding them accountable to that, like, oh, remember you told me you were going to do this? That's like growing with someone. And I don't know about you, but like having kids at a younger age, I had my daughter when I was 22. How old are you? 22. 22. Okay. So we both had kids at 22. Yeah. I had my daughter almost exactly four months before I turned 23, which I think you're right about the same. Yeah. No. Like mine was like right. Yeah. Yeah. About. Yeah. You're like five months, right? That's so funny. Yeah. I remember that, um, just like becoming a parent was a trip and I don't know, I love our kids so much that, yeah, I, I feel like having kids at a young age, I don't know about you, but, and this might be a generalization, so it might not be true for everyone, but I feel like having kids at a younger age, you view it as like growing together and then I'm like, I'm already grown and you're going to do what I tell you to do. Right. That might be an overgeneralization, but I do think it's a generational cultural norm for like the old, for like older women than me, like two, two generations older to be like, you know, my mom's generation, you're like, I'm already grown. I already know me, I'm good. And you're going to do what I need you to do because I know best. And I think I, you know, I, I definitely agree with that. I do think it's less about age and more so about, um, personal views around control and autonomy because I think, I think a lot of parents, at least this is what I'm seeing from an outside perspective, so I could be wrong, but from the behavior I see from other parents, like even in my own family, um, I, it seems like it's a, it's a lot of control. Parents are wanting to control their children and aren't viewing their, aren't really viewing their kids as fully autonomous human beings with their own emotions and opinions and thought processes. But the reason why I think that's generational is because the psychology that came out during their time said that that was the best way to prepare it. That's why I think that it is. I'm not saying that it is because of their, how old they are, how many years they've lived, but I do think like the generation before us did have different sides to go off of. And now we're seeing that like, human connection, there's way more of a shift, like human connection is so powerful, like touch, like co-sleeping is way more acceptable, vulnerability, accountability, autonomy. Yeah. Being accountable as a parent. Yeah. That too. It is so wild to me, um, when other people hear me apologizing to my child when I've messed up, they're like, wow, I wish my parents would have apologized to me for anything, for literally anything. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, you know, it's a wild thing to think about that, like parents don't apologize to their kids, you know, like when you lose your cool and you yell at your kid because you've had a horrible day at work and it's been incredibly stressful and they just asked you three times for apple juice and you said no, so they went and got it anyways and spilt it all over the floor. You know, you're so stressed and then you're like, what the hell, man, I told you not to get the apple juice and you get all upset and then once you calm down, you know, you, you should apologize like you would to any other human being that you have taken undue stress or undue anger out on, you know, but it, in previous generations that was a quote unquote weakness, you know, to apologize was, is to admit fault and you can't admit fault when you're in the position of power. I also am, I am very impressed with you and how little that actually happened with. Because we do a lot, like we, you know, we both work, we're both home with the girls a lot. Um, yeah, you know, I mean, we're not perfect, nobody is. I think everyone kind of loses their cool here and there and you know, we all need to regulate our nervous system at some point and I think for kids to like see that as an example of like, oh my gosh, my mom just got a little stressed out and she regulated herself within a very short amount of time and then apologize on top of that and said, you know, had a vulnerable moment of like, I've just had a tough day. Right. That's like, I feel like that's healthy and it teaches kids to do the same. Well, it's co-regulation. Yeah. Co-regulation is so integral to a healthy body, you know, and yeah, just to have a healthy mind and healthy body and to be able to self-regulate, you must first co-regulate. There is, we are social beings, there is no such thing as self-regulating without first co-regulating and learning how to do that. That's how we cope, that's how we learn to cope, you know. Yeah, I believe that too. I feel like there's just like so much emphasis on like self, you know, nervous system regulation and like self-love and like all this stuff and it's like, um, capitalism, capitalism, capitalism, buy my bath bombs, bitch. Yup. No, self-love, buy this thing, then you'll love yourself, um, buy, you know, buy this outfit, then you'll love yourself, go to this retreat, then you'll love yourself. But not just that, but not just that. Like we live in such a culture that like emphasizes the individual, the individualistic culture of like, you know, you have to have a nuclear family, it's one man, one woman, or you know, whatever, two parents, one kid, um, you have to love yourself and regulate yourself and make sure you're 100% before you ever seek out connection or a partner so that you don't ruin them as well. Or I feel like a lot of people's fear of having kids nowadays is like, oh my gosh, I'm not healed yet, how am I supposed to be around a child? And it's like, you would be amazed, amazed, and I am every day, it like warms my heart, how much kids and our partners just, how much humans do have understanding for that co-regulation and that love and support and connection. Much more than I could ever have on my own, you know what I mean? I mean, I have it on my own when I need to because I have all of that first. Right, yeah. Right. The more stable your community is, the more you're able to lean on and lift up others, the easier it is when that isn't an option. When co-regulation is not an option, it's easier to self-regulate because you have that practice of co-regulating with people that you are safe with. Yeah, totally. I want to talk about that more on some of our upcoming projects. Yeah, I would love to, but you know me, I'm all about that co-regulation, baby. That interdependence, okay? Inter! Not co-dependence, interdependence, okay? We like a little bit of interdependence around here. Oh yes, we depend on it. We depend on our interdependence. It's not dependent. So anyways, we're going to end every podcast with a wholesome polyamory moment. Yeah. A heartwarming polyamory. Or wholesome? Heartwarming? Great. Both. Both. Yeah. Funny? I don't know. Sweet. Sweet cuteness. Yeah. Polyamory. So, okay, yeah, we're at 23 minutes, so you want to dive into it? Do you have one? You go first. I will first introduce it. Okay. Alright. Wholesome polyamory moment. Well, your birthday party, honestly. Yeah, that was pretty amazing. That was really amazing. This was, it was awesome, actually. I felt like that whole party was pretty wholesome. Noelle had her partners here at our home for her birthday party, and, well, we all did, and I had a partner here, and Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. So, Noah, who also lives with us, is my partner. And I just, I remember, like, just her interacting with her partners, and it was, I know, like, it was her first time seeing that kind of dynamic with any kind of relationship style, and I just remember her looking at you and Bryce and, like, all of your partners hanging out together, and she was, like, she was just checking it out, and I was, like, this is it, baby. I was, like, welcome. Yeah. And then I just saw you just being, you know, admired by all of your partners all at once, and that makes me so happy. Yeah. I have mad compersion for you. Like, insane. I literally was, like, oh, man, someone just made Noah giggle. I'm so happy. I'm just over here, like, giddy as fuck. That was my, that's my favorite part. That's kind of a big one. So, it's not, like, a very small moment. Yeah. That was a big moment. Yeah. I, yeah. I would have to agree that that's, over the past week, that has been my biggest and most favorite wholesome polyamory moment. Very heartwarming, very fuzzy and warm, and just surrounded by my community, and by my love, and my different kinds of love. I had so many different kinds of love under one roof, and I just felt so special. It was amazing. It was great. Definitely, definitely my favorite birthday I've ever had. It was great. See, that makes me happy. Yeah. It makes me feel just so loved and cared for. But I did have a very cute polyamory moment today, actually. One of my partners broke his phone, and he got on his computer and got on Facebook, which we've never spoken to each other over Facebook before. We always use Instagram, because I don't text. I use Instagram. If I can't, if there's not a picture associated with it, my mind doesn't, it doesn't work with my brain. Yeah. I have over 200 unread text messages. Oh my gosh. This is why I don't text you. Yeah. No one should ever text me. Hit me up on Instagram. That is it. But he messaged me on Facebook and was like, hi, my love, my phone is broken. I wanted to let you know this is the best way to get a hold of me until I get another one. And it seems small. I'm sure from an outside perspective, that doesn't seem like a big deal. Like, of course, your partner would let you know their phone is broken. But it just made me feel really good that I was one of the people that he reached out to when his phone broke. He wanted to make sure that I knew how to get in touch with him. He wanted to make sure that I wasn't trying to talk to him and then feeling sad because he wasn't replying or something like that. Yeah, or like thinking that he died or something. I feel like I'm terrible at that. I'm like, you don't answer me in a day, I think you're dead. And then here I am, like not answering texts for five days. Yeah, when people don't respond to me, I just assume that they're doing the exact same thing as me. Oh, well that's good. My mind spirals. I'm just like, something happened. I don't do well with object permanence. Like, when you're not physically standing in front of me, or I'm not looking at a picture of you on Instagram, you don't exist to me. Oh my god. Like, it sounds really harsh. That is a very Sagittarius thing. Well, no, I don't think it's... I think it is. I don't think it's... I think it is. It's the stars. I think it's ADHD, dog. I think it's... I vote stars, but... I forget anything exists that is not directly in front of me. Right, it might be ADHD. I think it is ADHD. I go skiing so much more often during the winter when I keep my skis in my car, because I'm looking at them every day. That's hilarious. So I'm reminded, like, oh yeah, skiing is an option. So if my skis are in my vicinity, I go skiing more often. If my running shoes are in front of my face, like, if they're right next to the door where I walk out, I will go running more often. Yeah, why do you think I leave your laundry outside of your door when you walk by it every day? Yeah. Because if it's not directly... That's why I have my basket system. That's so funny. Because it's all open and I can see all my clothing. If I wasn't able to see all my clothing, I wouldn't do this. I love your, like, you've just completely rejected Marie Kondo. Or whatever her name is. You've just been like, fuck that, I need baskets. I Marie Kondo'd my life. Yeah, you Marie Kondo'd in baskets. And then I figured out it didn't work for me. So I figured out a way for it to work for me. It really doesn't work for many people. I still use a lot of Marie Kondo methods. Sure. Like color coding. I fold my clothes the same way Marie Kondo folds her clothes. I love that we can, like, get excited about how we put our clothes in baskets or whatever. And we can also get excited about, like, you know, the newest sex toy on the market. Right. Or the fact that I made out with eight people on my birthday. Okay. I wasn't counting, but... I counted. I mean, well, yeah. It was your birthday. And I also, yeah, I was off doing my own thing some of it. Makes sense. It was a really good time. It was very fun. I loved your birthday. It was very, very fun. But yeah, so, I just, if you guys want to listen in, we're going to keep talking about parenting and life and polyamory and sharing all these kind of moments with you. And I'm really excited. I am too. I think it's going to be fun. Keep an eye out on our social media because I plan on... Because I have had multiple people reach out to me through Instagram to ask me questions about polyamory, I will probably post polls or... For questions? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We should definitely see what people are interested in. Make polls so people can ask questions and we can answer them on the podcast. I would love to speak to what people are interested in. That would be awesome. Yeah, definitely. Because you and I could just go on all night about anything. Yeah, especially if we pick a topic, we could delve into it. Cool. So yeah, hit us up. I'll link our Instagrams in the bio of this podcast and you can reach out to either of us. Oh, we should talk about, can we talk about the name of our podcast real quick? Oh yeah, let's talk about it. Oh yeah. Fluff Fairies. Fluff Fairies. Okay. I kind of threw it out there to you. I was like, can we make a podcast and name it Fluff Fairies? Because the first time we moved in, or we moved in together, you were like... I was getting ready and Mia wore a button up and jeans and I was like, oh, I look so good. And she walks in and she whispers in the crack of the door, she cracks the door open, she's like, dress sluttier. That's always my advice. Be sluttier, dress sluttier. Just a little sluttier. Choose the slutty choice. Choose the slutty route. I need a fairy wand that has slut juice on it so that I can just tap people on the shoulder and be like, be sluttier. Not to slut shame, but you could be sluttier. What does slut shame mean? I love the word slut. I love the word slut because I've, you, I mean like just being around you and our friends and our whole like, I just, the word slut is endearing. I agree. I agree. The word slut is only endearing. I only use the word slut as a compliment. It is a huge compliment. If I call you a slut and a fairy, you've made it. I'm in love with you. You've made it. You've made it in my book. So, we're your local slut fairies and we're here to tell you all about polyamory, parenting, professionalism, and partying. Yes. All the Ps. Alright. Thank you all. We'll talk to you next time. Bye.