Should you give your teen allowance?

To get your teens to open up more, stop interrogating them and instead listen attentively without interrupting or giving advice. Model the behavior you want to see by sharing things about yourself with them. As for giving teens an allowance, it can create a sense of entitlement and make them forget their role in the family unit. Instead, have separate extra chores that they can do to earn money, teaching them the importance of contributing to the family and managing money. Do you want your teens to open up to you more? Do you want your teens to be more vulnerable with you? There's three ways to make that happen. First, you must stop with the interrogation. You've got to stop with all the questions. No teen wants to share something knowing that they're going to be peppered with question after question after question. They don't want to have to defend themselves. They don't really want to have to explain themselves. They just want to be able to share themselves with you. With that said, the second thing is listen more. Listen extravagantly. Listen without boundaries, meaning listen endlessly. That means really take in what they're saying. Don't interrupt them. Don't give advice. If they ask you for advice, what a gift. Take them up on it. If they don't, just let them share, because when they do that, that's precious, and then they'll keep doing it more and more. And then third, model the behaviors that you want to see in them, meaning if you want them to open up with you and to share things about themselves with you, start by sharing things about yourself with them. And of course, make sure it's appropriate that you're not burdening them or making them feel like they're responsible for your feelings or your situation. But pick things that you can share with them and make that a conversation. It can be something funny. It can be something personal. It can be something that happened to you that day. But model the behavior that you want to see in them. And if you do that over time, you will start to see that being reciprocated. Those are three ways that are fail-proof to get your teen to open up more. Do you ever wonder if you should be giving your teens allowance? The answer is a hard no, and here's why. First, when we give our teens allowance, it intrinsically starts to develop a sense of entitlement. They feel like they're entitled to the money, whether they do the chore or not. Now, I know this isn't what you are explaining to them as a parent. You're saying you only get the money if you do the chore. However, typically what teens hear is, somehow, someway, I'm going to get at least some of the money. The other reason it intrinsically brings entitlement is because they stop reminding themselves. They stop thinking of themselves as part of a family unit. Instead, they start thinking of themselves as some kind of consultant or employee or partner, equal partner, and that's not the case. We want to teach them, and this is the second reason we shouldn't be giving them allowance. We want to teach them that they're part of a unit, and to be part of a unit, they have to carry their own weight. They have to contribute. They have to look out for others, have each other's back, just like the others will have their back and look out for them. That's life, right? So, some of you are saying, yeah, but how are they going to know how to manage money if they don't get to earn it? I didn't say they don't get to earn it. I said they don't get to have an allowance. If your teen does want extra money because they want to go to an event or they want to save up for an item, that's great. So, then you have a list of separate extra chores that they can do, things like mowing the lawn, washing the car, vacuuming the car, maybe babysitting other siblings. These things all have price tags to them. They have a rate. You tell them, hey, if you wash the car, you get to earn $10. When you vacuum the house, you get $5. I'm just throwing out numbers. You do what you think is appropriate and fitting for your teen and your lifestyle. But this way they know ahead of time, okay, I need to start being part of a family unit. I'm expected to contribute just like everybody else does because it benefits the family unit that I'm a part of. And I still have opportunity to earn money and to save money, and I do that by working a little bit harder and doing chores that I don't have to do on a daily or weekly or regular basis. So, when you think, should I give my teen allowance, remember what I just said, no. No because it makes them entitled and no because they forget that they're part of a family unit.