S1 Episode #4 'You got This'

The speaker emphasizes the importance of putting oneself first in order to have a happy and fulfilling life. They argue that prioritizing oneself is not selfish, but rather necessary for personal growth and the ability to be there for others. They mention the societal expectation to prioritize others over oneself and reject the notion that success comes at the expense of others. The speaker uses the example of putting on an oxygen mask on a flight to illustrate the importance of taking care of oneself first. They share personal experiences and encourage listeners to follow their dreams, surround themselves with supportive people, and make decisions that contribute to their own happiness. They also mention the need to love oneself and discuss the difficult decision of disconnecting from toxic relationships for one's own well-being. The speaker promises to provide tips and guidance on how to put oneself first in various aspects of life. sometimes in our lives we all have pain we all have sorrow but if we are wise we know that there's always tomorrow hi everybody i'm very happy to have you all here today listening i have a very special program today and it is about putting yourself first i'd like to start by saying putting yourself first is not a selfish thing to do it is something that we all must do in my opinion to have a happy healthy life to be the best we can be for others as well i'd like to start off by reading something that i found online and it makes total sense to me we live in a society where it is not okay to put yourself first yet it is all about individuality we glorify individuality but dislike it at the same time the paradox is hard to navigate the myth is that we succeed at the expense of others which means that you are a bad person if you prioritize yourself first this creates a disconnect that we often struggle with there's a difference between every man for himself and taking responsibility for your own life passion and dreams it is simply not true that success has to come at the expense of somebody else however it is an effective story to hold people back it is also not true that it is unethical to put yourself first for example when you go on a flight the flight attendant going over the safety precautions and all that and they tell you if the oxygen mask drops down place your own on first and then help others with theirs okay so i used to think oh my gosh i would be jumping over seats to make sure that other people got theirs on first what they want you to do is get yours on so you have oxygen and you can breathe and perhaps you could help more people get theirs on but if you don't put yours on and you're trying to help others it may make the difference between you only being able to help one person and not yourself and that makes total sense look after yourself first so you can look after others and that is true when it comes to our children our spouse our family our friends our work absolutely everything in life we have to put ourselves first so we can be our best for others and i can't stress this enough because it took me a while to get there i've actually been this way for a very long time i discovered actually quite young that it was something i needed to do in my life or i would spend the rest of my life doing nothing but pleasing others and being miserable this way i put myself first it makes me a wonderful mother i am a good friend i am there for other people i'm wonderful at my job i'm a good wife i'm a good stepmother a good person to look after animals like it just it comes full circle when you can put yourself first and the purpose of this podcast today is to encourage every single one of you to do that because i feel like it'll make the world a better place all around if we can do that and look like putting yourself first is not it's not in a conceited way it's not like i'm doing this and i don't care about any of you it's nothing like that it is looking after your mental well-being it is looking after yourself physically it is working in a job that you like or love it is being with a wonderful partner having family members in your life who love and care about you and not having family in your life who is not good for you it's the same thing with friends and it just goes the whole way around you get to fully see your worth when you put yourself first and that's what i want for all of you i can tell you right now there is rarely a day that goes by that i'm not happy and fulfilled in some way in my day i love my job i'm a cca and i've been doing this work for almost 30 years and i've jumped around in the job force i did home care for 18 years i went from that to a nursing home for eight or nine years i've been at the hospital now for a couple years in between that i ran a daycare i also worked while i did that i was doing whatever i want to do i'll do it can you imagine being my husband we have oodles of bills we got a mortgage we had car payments you know this that whatever and i come home and i say to my husband i'm leaving my full-time position at work i'm going to drop down to casual and start open a daycare you know like when i think back that poor man but i knew what i was doing i will not fail at anything i do because i put myself first and you just can't fail whether it be going back to school you need to follow your dreams things that you have in your head that you want to accomplish and do you need to do it if you have the right people in your life they will love and support you no matter what just like you will when you love and support yourself and put yourself first when other people want to do things you will love and support and encourage them you will not say oh you shouldn't do that you know maybe it's not a good idea you shouldn't change jobs what if you don't like it so what you can make things happen in your life that you want to happen i don't know how i feel about manifesting things because i don't do that i am a doer and i physically and mentally do things as i want to um like when i left my full-time secure job to drop down to casual and you know i kept my foot in the door because after losing my grandson i really felt the need to want to be around kids and just you know have fun and make sure that they're happy and you know just i had to continue that i wasn't ready to give that up and it kind of sounds selfish but if i wouldn't have gone through the three four years that i spent with my home daycare i feel like i would have i wouldn't have healed like i did it was something i knew i had to do i have a support supportive husband and he was okay with it on the outside he i mean on the inside he might have been thinking oh my god but i told him i said don't worry when i do something i'm not going to fail i'm not because i put everything into everything i do anyway so i did that i probably i probably would have kept the home daycare if it wasn't for covid and we made it through like the first two three years of covid and then i think it was like the first two years yeah the first year i attended there was no covid and then it kind of it happened and all that so anyway when it got into the schools and i was working casual at the nursing home and my daughter was living here at the time and she was working in a nursing home as well and i just really didn't feel like i could live with it at that time if the kids were getting covid and bringing it here and we were lugging it to the nursing homes because we had already been through so much like two three years of just horrible situations and in the nursing homes like and i just didn't want to be a part of potentially bringing that in so i ended up giving up my daycare and from there i applied back to the nursing home for full time and didn't get hired who knows why i now like i was a good worker and whatever they kept me as casual but wouldn't give me a full-time position it's probably because i left and pursued what i wanted to do with the daycare i stayed there casual but i applied at the hospital and got the job there and you know i've been working there full-time ever since but um what i'm getting at is when you put yourself first you'll make life decisions it's not like doing things on a spur of the moment even though i am known to do that it's not really doing things on a spur of the moment it's doing things that you need in your life to be happy you could be a cashier and really interact well with people and things like that and maybe start thinking about you want to be a nurse or cca or could be anything that's what i'm saying and encouraging like when you put yourself first you're going to take these steps to fulfill your personal happiness and to do that when you put yourself first you also another thing that comes along with it is you have to love yourself that's another thing that people struggle with and i know that because i've struggled with it myself more so when i was younger i think as you get older the perspectives on things are so much different you see what is really important and what you're made to feel is important and what truly is important for your heart your soul and your mind and that includes like sometimes you have to make decisions in life that aren't really the norm i've known people and i've had to do it myself to sort of disconnect from family which is a hard thing to do that's going to be another episode coming up in the future about when you have to break up with family and friends that's basically what it's going to be about and you go through a mourning period and you go through a very hard time dealing with it you beat yourself up over it you cry over it you go through periods where you miss the person or people it's just basically it's it's as if they've died but they're still there and you've had to choose to just subtly take them out of your life for your own peace and well-being i don't agree with people doing that and influencing influencing others to do it as well with the same people i think if you have issues and problems with somebody you look after it yourself let others deal with things the way that they want to and the way that they need to for their own well-being but that's going to be a whole nother episode and it's also going to be very interesting because there's a lot to talk about when it comes to that and i fully fully support people when they feel like they have to do that so anyways putting yourself first i'm going to give you some tips and just some little hints and ways to go about doing that the first one i want to address is when you're in a relationship and putting yourself first and it doesn't mean that you don't work with the other person and do things with them and you know make sacrifices because we all need to do that in lots of different aspects of our lives but what it does mean is not living your life thinking that the person you're with is the only person on this planet it is not letting that other person make all your decisions it's not letting that person take your happiness or well-being away from you it means that even when you're with somebody you still pursue things that you love and want to do and have your voice i've actually seen on facebook quite a bit lately and i know it's hard going through a breakup i've been there and done that several times i lost a marriage i've lost boyfriends i've lost fiancees just because we just became incompatible sometimes it was agreed upon sometimes it was just me sometimes it was just them that person you're with is not the only person on this planet there's literally billions of people out there i do believe there's a perfect person for everybody probably several you know like there's not just one there's so many different people on this planet they could be in a different country they could be from a different culture they could be a different race it could be your next door neighbor but don't ever put yourself in the position thinking that the one you're with is the end all be all of everything that is one thing that i find very difficult to deal with when i see other people doing it because it's so not true i and maybe part of it is because of my job i've worked with oh my god like for an example like you know could be a lady in her 80s her husband died when she was maybe in her 30s and she had her kids but she lived her whole life by herself you know kids grow up they get married have their own families whatever you know this man or this lady either had a breakup or you know a death of their husband or wife when they were young and stay single they feel like that was the love of their life and give yourself time to mourn i understand that but get out there and date why deny yourself as a human being love and companionship and you know physical embrace we're human beings i don't think there's many of us who don't need those things i come from a very loving family um we don't greet each other or leave each other without hugging and i love you and that's not it's been like that forever i i'm sure like even when we lived in yarmouth and like i go to my mom's house i always hug her before and after like when i arrive and when i'm getting ready to leave same with my daughter like you know just randomly we just hug like you know there's lots of i love you and stuff like that like that to me is normal maybe everybody isn't so forthcoming with it and stuff another thing too is i want to give you some tips on how you can put yourself first just little ways even if you start little i think it's it's a great way to be first of all look at yourself and things that you enjoy doing another way is with your job please be in a job you like you can change jobs you can change careers you can go back to school i know i say it very easily but there are ways to do it there's special programs that can help you funding free programs that you can go into you know choose something that you really like and that you're going to flourish and i can't even imagine having a job that i hate it and i've done a lot of stuff i've cut fish um years ago when i was a teenager i used to work in a fish plant we had to cut the fish bellies and get the row out i've done that i had a lot of fun doing that like we had a great team we would laugh and joke around and did i want to do it my whole life not necessarily but there's a lot of people that are very happy doing that and i commend them um one of my friends on facebook he's been um working at a fish plant he just posted the other day he's been there for 19 years does he hate his job every day i highly doubt it i think he likes what he does he must feel appreciated and you know be glad to go every day and thank god for people like him anyways i've also i worked in stores i was a cashier i liked it i like talking to the people at that time i knew on the back of my head that i had to do more with people because i love people i love to talk to them and i actually started thinking about working extensively with people way back when i was uh probably 18 or 19 and i think i took my course for nhsw home support worker i think i was in my early 20s when i did that so i made the change once i started thinking about it and got into the course and stuff like that yeah i also worked at a bar which i liked i didn't love i only did it for a year because i didn't love it what else did i do i wait dressed which i also loved because i could you know talk to people of course when i was a young teenager i was a dishwasher in restaurants i didn't like that at all it was too secluded away from people and i needed to be in the forefront so but i made the change it started off as a dishwasher you know wasn't social enough for me started doing salads i had more socialization with the waitresses and stuff coming and tell me what they needed and that worked my way up started doing waitressing and then things just changed and got into retail and then you know shortly after that i was uh i took the course to do home care but there's so many things that you can do and anybody who wants to make any kind of changes in their life when it comes to their career feel free to contact me because i can help guide people along and things they want to do if they aren't sure where to start i would love to help with that people up this way we have besides our community college um we also have a place called future works and a lot of people have gone through there they help with a lot of things they help with career changes and resumes and just doing all kinds of good things for people who are either entering the workforce mature learners um they also help deciding on appropriate careers for them like something they would love to do they also offer things like they have a cca course that they put on and there's a couple other things they do and i can't remember what they are right this minute but they're a wonderful organization and can help with things so anyway any anybody who wants to reach out for me maybe that's a start getting into a career that you love and that is putting yourself first that is part of the process of putting yourself first is getting into a career and or job that you like um another thing is like i said before with your relationship you have to put yourself first and that along with working with your significant other um to compromise and do things that you like my husband he's very much into old cars and models and things like that for the first few a few years of our relationship i enjoyed that stuff too i have kind of veered off into different directions when it comes to that but it hasn't it doesn't lessen his passion for races and old cars and his model cars and stuff like that he does those kind of things that he likes and sometimes i go with him and participate in different things with him and sometimes i don't and that's fine he still does what he wants to do and enjoys it equally as much as he always did and i want that for him another thing is when it comes to your children i know a lot of people feel that it's just the order of life to put your kids first and i'm telling you right now you will be a much much better and their mom if you put yourself first and i'm probably going to get some flack for that but if you um put yourself first then you have the time and the energy and the peace that every single parent on this planet needs to be the best for their children be the best parent you can be if you have a fulfilled life outside of being a mom and a wife and a homemaker and a person who works a full-time job then you will have a fulfilled life with your kids and your significant other and some ways you can do that are this is one of the most simple things in the world and it is not anything that's going to affect anything in your life but your own well-being when you get home from work sit in your car for five or ten minutes and just relax just sit there you can scroll on your phone you can sit there and look around at the inside of your car you can change the settings on your electronics you can put your seat back and just be that in itself is one of the most relaxing and rewarding things you can do after a long shift at work that in itself is one of the best things you can do for yourself and it takes absolutely nothing away from anyone else it is just the most peaceful solitude that you can do and i recommend that everybody just try it just take those 10 5 10 15 minutes even if it's five minutes and just enjoy that and it feels good and i feel like every time i've ever done it when i get out of that car and go in the house i feel like a whole new person and it's true i don't know what it is about the simplicity of sitting in your car after work but it just works and i'm really asking all of you to just try that so another thing is that i like to tell people to put themselves first and i put myself first and i'm still a very compassionate kind giving loving person who's there for people and i feel very satisfied in my life and i want you to feel that satisfaction too you should never feel pressured or made to feel like you need to put yourself out for other people there are times that we all do that and i still do that sometimes it depends on what it is and you know i really try to stick to my guns when it comes to my own well-being like my mental well-being and stuff because really sometimes people in your life can drive you crazy and you need to have a balance there and you need to yeah you just really need to know how much is too much and if you have people in your life who are constantly pushing you to give more than you can or do more than you can maybe you need to step back from them a little bit maybe you need to revamp and rethink you know who you're giving your time and yourself to because really people shouldn't do that i don't expect people to do that for me at all if you have things that you need done i'd also like to talk about unhealthy relationships just for a minute you don't need to be in a relationship with somebody who makes you miserable there's no need of it whatsoever and i know sometimes you could be tied in with somebody like financially and this and that there's ways to get around that and get out of that but i just i really suggest if you're in an unhealthy relationship to please figure out a way or contact me i will help you i have been through relationships and i've restarted my life several times after long-term relationships i think like my first long term was like a couple years i was married with my first husband for 11 years maybe and then i was with somebody for five years and i had to rebuild my life each time thank goodness my my breakups have been amicable um we've always been mature about it we've always you know divided everything up equally um even remained friends after i can't think of anybody who i've ever been with that i'm not friends with to this day you know i'm not a bad person they're not a bad person just sometimes it doesn't work out and putting yourself first you see that you can kind of shop around until you find somebody that you do work out with instead of being with that one person that makes you miserable anyways i'm actually going to read this and quote it off the internet because i really love it and i'm just going to say this in closing and i hope that this podcast kind of got through to some of you a little bit um and please feel free to reach out and talk to me if you'd like me to elaborate a little bit more i'm living proof that you can be a good person and be there for others and be a good mother and a good wife and you know a good friend and a good family member and everything even when you put yourself first and you can grow in life and it never ends like the goodness that comes of it but i just want to i just want to quote something that i found online here because i just love it it says here's the thing though our society will not change unless you and i step up it is not any anybody else's responsibility to change it for us it's down to you and me the prejudice around putting yourself first will continue as long as we allow it we need to create a new story courage bravery and the willingness to stand in the fire and risk being unpopular and called names is part of what it takes if you feel this is calling you but you are afraid of what it takes think about what is at stake by not owning the right to step up and be respected for we contribute to clever ways of holding people back so it's basically saying that choosing to put yourself first is what we need to do in society to keep going to make things better to be able to give more of our all and when we don't do that all we're doing is holding ourselves so i'm encouraging you guys all to do that put yourself first and still live and love and work and take care of your family and your kids and everybody you love with your whole full heart but put yourself first thank you for joining me until next time listening again with lean on me with trina i love you guys thanks for all your support