Ananta

Well, welcome once again. This is The Aftermath, and I am Mick, the Dr. Digital Smith, with co-host Kendra Riber, co-parenting mentor. How are you doing today, Kendra? I'm wonderful, Mick. It's good to see you. It's good to see you, too, as well. It's been a while, and I'm just curious how the weather is in Ohio. I haven't checked the news reports recently. You know what? I hear we're going to get some severe storms actually later, so I'm glad we're getting this in. It's better than before. We lose the Internet, so we don't want to lose it. We're doing great out here, but it's sunny and 75, just the way things usually are. Yep, yep. California weather. You've got to love it. I would rather be there. There are some drawbacks, but the weather is fine. No complaints there. This is The Aftermath, and the purpose of the show is to educate and inspire you. Anything that is wrong with families today are the hard topics that we discuss. Both of us have been subjected to the harsh reality and trauma of custody battles. Have you ever felt the aftermath of divorce left you struggling to connect with your children? Navigating the emotional landscape after a family breakup can be incredibly challenging, both for you and your kids. What if there were tools and ancient wisdom specifically designed to help you heal and rebuild strong, authentic relationships with your children? Our guests suggest reparenting your inner child. A nine-step process to heal from childhood trauma is to give birth to the most authentic version of yourself. Get ready to discover how you can become the best possible parent, even in the face of challenging circumstances. We discuss leading with integrity, a quick way to take inventory about whether your ego or true self is holding the reins of your parenting. Moreover, we review leading by example, ancient wisdom to become a powerful parent who inspires your children by role modeling. And finally, we discuss mastering the art of powerful communication, a five-step ancient wisdom protocol to express yourself confidently and authentically with your children. During this episode, we'll do a deep dive into the family and childhood for examples about how to navigate past a traumatic period and what needs to be done. We will examine the skills you need to develop to survive and thrive with your family. By the end of this episode, you'll be better equipped to know what to do, and we encourage you to contact our special guest who is an expert in the family. Stay tuned. We'll be back in a moment with our special guest, Ananta Ripa Ajamara. Back in a moment. Welcome to The Aftermath, a podcast that rips the band-aid off the collective scars of divorce, custody battles, and the trauma of family drama. Kendra Riber and Nick Smith pull back the curtain and explore stories that put the heart-wrenching puzzle pieces together with inspiring stories, notable experts, and actionable tips. Let the healing begin. Welcome back, and thank you so much for joining us. How are you doing today, Ananta? I'm doing fine. Thank you. I was enjoying listening to your introduction, because one thing I didn't share with you is that I have lived in both California and Ohio. I grew up in Ohio, and then I went to school in New York. I moved to California, and now I live in Florida. Oh, my goodness. That's great. Oh, wow. What part of Ohio? I grew up in Toledo. Okay. I went to the University of Toledo. That's actually where I graduated. That's crazy. Oh, my gosh. Wow. What a small world. Where in Ohio do you live? I'm in Dayton. Oh, okay. Yeah. Not too far. Yeah. It's not. Two hours. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. Small world. Little did we know, right? Totally. Totally. We're in California, so let's keep the small world going. Yeah. I don't know. In California, is there such a thing as a small world? It's a pretty big Bay Area, and I lived in the East Bay, in a place called the East Bay. It's a pretty big Bay Area, and I lived in the East Bay, in a place called the East Bay. It's a pretty big Bay Area, and I lived in the East Bay, in a place called the East Bay. Sure. All right. I'm not there anymore, but I was in the Silicon Valley. I was in San Jose. So, yeah, I know where Dublin is. I've been in California, Southern California. I've been in L.A. and San Diego, but I also lived in that area. So, unbelievable, right? Wow. Yeah. Definitely. Well, thanks for being our guest. You know, we've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. 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We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. We've got a number of questions we want to get to. Yeah, it's a great question, and I do feel that it is often, unfortunately, in relationship with others that those hidden traumas get revealed as patterns of relating to other people that are not very healthy. If we're lucky, it will come to our awareness before we're in a deeply committed relationship with another person. I do feel it does tend to come up when we get very close to other people in our lives, and it's therefore an opportunity whenever we're engaging in any kind of relationships with other people to really observe our reactions to situations and see what our triggers are, what really sets us off into a strong reaction or into something that takes more time to really overcome because that will often reveal a hidden dimension or pattern that probably began in childhood. I think if people are exposed to this idea earlier on in their life and they're able to self-reflect and really take inventory of their life experiences and the impact of those experiences on their own well-being, their own habits, and their own patterns of relating to other people, there is a possibility that we can develop stronger self-awareness before we often then recreate those dynamics in relationships with other people. I know in my own life, I definitely recreated a lot of unhealthy dynamics that I then learned came from childhood and was able to catch it in time, you know, that it wasn't going to ruin my whole life, but it definitely was something that required processing and healing from. I feel a lot of us have these hidden things that we don't know about until traumatic life situations bring them out, and especially in relationships. So I feel like just even looking at relationships as an opportunity for personal growth is a really healthy lens to have on them. I think that's some great feedback in looking at ourselves. And the flip side of that is being able to recognize it in our partner. They might not be doing the growth that we might be doing or investing in, but if we could recognize it in them and go, okay, these things trigger them. So there's something maybe that might have happened in the past, and depending on how long you've been with that person, you might know some of that childhood trauma or maybe have seen some things in the family dynamics that you could pick up on and be like, okay, and be able to maybe cope might not be the right word, but be able to adjust to their triggers and not use those as much and cause so much conflict. Am I right on that? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think it's definitely helpful to be aware of that in the other, because a lot of times it's possible that one person is really aware and on a path of healing, growth, and transformation, and another person is not yet that far on that path or maybe resistant because there's so much pain that it's really scary to get onto this path and to really look those shadows and demons directly in the face and see them for what they're worth and what they're doing to your life and to your relationships. So it does require taking responsibility, always first for your own self. I think that's a really healthy way to approach it, rather than reading all the self-help and just applying it to the other. I feel like it's important to ask, well, why is it then that we have brought this person into our life willingly as a choice? Because even if they're the one or one person is causing a lot of harm physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially to another partner, the other partner has chosen to have this person in their life, and that has to be looked at too. So I feel like it's important to be aware of oneself, first and foremost, because that's the person we have control over. And then secondly, once we – actually, I think once we develop more awareness of our own self, it's easier to look at another person through a lens of more understanding, more compassion, and eventually more forgiveness, which is actually what brings about the deeper healing. I love that. Great. So tell us a little bit about – you know, you talk about leading with integrity on your website and different podcasts you've been on. Can you provide some concrete examples of how an ego-driven versus a true self approach manifests in parenting after divorce? Sure. Yeah, I think it manifests in how one would speak about a co-parent in terms of whether it's gossip. That would be more of an ego-driven approach to communication versus a true self-driven approach would be more respectful of the other parent and more speaking of the other parent in, at the very least, a neutral way, if not able to acknowledge the positives in the other and also be more objective in terms of the challenges that one may be facing. I feel like speech is definitely a big thing here, you know, and so speech that causes division, right? Like you always – or I – not I statements, but you statements, right? Like you never, you always, it's all your fault, like offloading things and blaming the other person is definitely a huge ego-driven tactic, right? And I'm the innocent one, and I didn't do anything, and you're the monster. And the true self-driven approach in the same situation would be to say, this is awful, and I take responsibility for whatever part I played in being involved in this dynamic, even if it's just that I made a wrong choice or a harmful choice or a choice that I wasn't aware would have these consequences, but I accept it and I take responsibility for it. Because once we take responsibility and accept as a precursor to taking that responsibility, we are able to move, we're able to expand, we're able to evolve and heal and grow. If we're resisting, if we're blaming, if we're saying things that cause more separation than striving to unite through our words, right? Striving to bring understanding, striving to bring compassion to the same situation, that would be another example of where this comes in. I feel like even in the darkest situations, when we're able to speak about it from a perspective that takes into account the pain another would be experiencing in order to cause a lot of pain, that also is the true self. Able to see how difficult life is for people and how pain begets more pain when it's not dealt with and addressed. And then also I see this view of the other parent as an enemy would be an ego-driven approach versus really looking at the other parent as a soul. Even if they're a very misguided soul, even if they're very much disturbed at the conscious level, they're still a soul. And if we recognize that we all have that soul, and even in the one that hurts us, who hurts us the most, that they are still a spiritual being somewhere deep down, it does shift how we are able to handle ourselves in parenting after divorce. All very good points. So along those lines, and something you alluded to earlier, I'm curious about that nine-step process about inner child healing, of course, but what are some of the initial steps that a person can take? And Kendra had said earlier, I'm curious then, how do you recognize that and how does that first rise to the fore so that you can address it in the first place? Yeah, it's a great question. I feel like with regards to the nine-step process that I've developed in my book, it starts with taking some action to get grounded and develop some stability on the journey. Honestly, that's the hardest step because when you're not on any kind of spiritual journey or healing journey, the most difficult step is to actually get onto it because that involves acceptance of what is and surrender to what may be, and surrender to the unknown. It's really scary to have to go through divorce. It's like going through a death of a relationship, of a dream, of a shared reality that you had with another being. And often there are children involved and so there's just layer upon layer of complication that make even wanting or having to separate such a difficult decision to make and to accept that even really getting grounded with that and being accepting of that can be just the most challenging thing to have to do. And it can take a long time, right? Yeah. I know some people that were very quick to kind of move on, but they emotionally had been separated from their relationship for a long time. And then I know others that it could take years for them to get to that point. And it's really like you were saying previously, it's because they're playing the blame game, right, and they're blaming the other person for everything and not taking accountability and not recognizing and then not saying, okay, what can I do to improve for the next relationship that I'm going to be in or whatever relationship that looks like friends or however I can be a better person. It does take some time and I don't think there's a timeline to that. Do you? No, I don't think so. Not at all. I think each person is on their own timeline and they're on their own kind of journey of unfolding with it. And so it is something that's highly individual to each person. And I think that is therefore the hardest step. So the kind of practices that I share about in my book, The Way of the Goddess, which is where I really unfold this mindset healing process is doing simple things like even rooting your feet into the ground and feeling your connection with the earth and just taking a moment to stop and smell your favorite essential oil because the sense of smell in the holistic healing wisdom of Ayurveda is very grounding. So there's actually some wisdom behind the idea of stop and smell the roses and bring it back to the present moment. And we have to be present in the moment in order to accept the reality of the situations as they are and to think clearly and to be able to ask for help. That's an important part of even developing the power of stability and really getting grounded on this journey. We can't do it alone. We need support. We need people to be there. And that's hard. It's scary to open yourself up to ask for that. But I feel that it's the only way for the journey to really unfold because it's just too much to have to deal with all by yourself. And we need one another to be able to go through this journey. And you need to have safe people who you can really trust to be able to embark upon this journey. So that is a key practice that I share about in terms of starting the process or starting the healing journey is make sure you have some kind of support system, someone to talk to, someone who can help you when you come across challenges or realizations or have questions or anything like that. I think it's really, really important. And then the next step of the journey is about channeling your emotions. I think this is huge. Once you have some help and support and you've committed to the path and you've tried to get grounded with some kind of grounding rituals, whether that be yoga, just stopping and spelling your favorite flowers or essential oils or whatever it may be and rooting your feet into the ground, then it's really helpful to take inventory of your five senses. And what are you taking in through your five senses? What are you looking at all the time? What are you listening to? What are you talking about? What kinds of food do you eat? What kind of words do you speak? What kinds of smells do you take in? Do you consciously cultivate that or do you not even notice it most of the time? And how are these inputs really helping you or hindering you on your path? This is a really, really important inventory. I feel that not enough people in the spiritual world really talk about this step of developing greater sovereignty in terms of your five senses so that you are really the master of your senses versus the servant of the five senses. That would be a hugely empowering thing to look at, you know, to take inventory about and then to put into practice, to really channel the sensory stimulation that is most grabbing your attention and really, you know, letting go of that and putting that energy into something creative, into making something, into making art, into, you know, journaling, into singing, into dancing, into whatever it may be that's creative, right? Because as one is going through a destruction, like a divorce, it's also important to feel your creative power because that's your ability to recreate yourself first and foremost. And when you recreate yourself and your thoughts and your emotions, then you can start to recreate and rebuild your life and your reality and the foundation for your life. So I feel like these two steps are really powerful as a way to begin the journey. And once you have that, then you can ignite the fire of transformation, embrace the healing power of love, liberate the power of your voice, access your intuition, experience the freeing power of the truth, have beautiful new beginnings with the power of rejuvenation, and finally then learn to lead with integrity. But it really starts here. And in my book, actually, I do have a lot of inventory questions for a person to be able to read and ask themselves as a way to ignite this self-inquiry process so that you can even know where you're at in order to know where then you would like to go. Yeah, that's very interesting. So we've never met before, but what you were going through, I was just kind of making notes. So I'm patting myself on the back because I did some of this, and I didn't even know what I was doing, right? So yeah, one of the things was instead of stopping to smell the roses, this is, you're going to laugh at this, I stopped to smell my chicken. Because that was my peace, right? I would, you know, drink my coffee in the morning or if I would go outside in the afternoon and just have a meditation, and I would just watch my chickens eat and go around the yard, just living in the moment, right? I never stopped to just appreciate what was right in front of me. So that was always one of the things that I tell everybody, and it's funny, and then, you know, after that, I did yoga. You know, I also journaled. One thing I didn't do that you mentioned was the five senses, but I'm like, okay, I did start to eat a little bit better. I was working out, right? So are those things that I could relate to as far as senses? What I've learned is maybe I need more plants and things in my house to smell. I don't know, maybe I'm missing that step. No one's laughing, Kendra, and one of the points we made was how to get in touch with the earth, and that's very healing because you're getting close to nature, and you're getting close to all those things, so chickens, vegetables, trees, the outdoors, nature, that's all good stuff. Yeah, and then the senses I know, Mick, that was close for you was listening, right? Definitely. Yeah, taking in music and listening. That's my sense. Yeah. Just thought I would bring that up, but, you know, it's interesting as you say those steps that, you know, we were able to do them. Some of us are able to do them without even really knowing, but it's good to be. You mentioned you know, as you were talking, ancient wisdom by leading by example. Can you share a specific example of how an ancient teaching can be applied to modern day parenting? Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and thank you for sharing about your experiences. That's so beautiful that you've intuitively connected to the earth, and also for Mick that you have embraced that listening and embracing music. That's actually a practice I share about for healing your heart, you know, and having a higher frequency and vibration as you're going through these painful experiences, so that's really, really wonderful. I love music. I just listen to it every day because it puts you in such an elevated state, you know, even when you're doing work that doesn't require talking. It's just so nice to be able to do it while listening to music, so I love that you shared these things. As far as a specific example, I would say because divorce often involves children and there are often events in life that require both parents presence, such as graduations, birthdays and weddings, those would be opportunities to really practice the power of forgiveness and to really be in your heart chakra, you know, and to really be able to feel what emotions come up while also understanding that you are not those emotions. I feel like that's where modern psychology meets ancient spirituality and that's the bridge I've tried to make in this book is to really show you how to feel everything fully and at the same time not identify with those feelings that are simply coming and going. I believe these types of situations would trigger a lot of emotions and feelings that will make it a great opportunity to really practice being with your heart in a beautiful way and a practice that I recommend actually for that is a really simple one that really helped me through a painful transition where I just would put my hands on my heart and sit with myself if I had a little more time, for more time if I had 30 seconds for 30 seconds but I would just sit with myself put my hands on my heart and I would close my eyes and I would tune in to what I'm feeling and then I would tell myself I love myself unconditionally and like really feel it as if I'm giving myself a hug it's such a powerful thing to do especially if you can do it a couple times in the day to check in and remind yourself. It literally is like re-parenting yourself because you're giving yourself that love that needs to be unconditional for yourself that we're often looking for unconsciously from the partner that maybe we didn't get from our parent in childhood because they weren't able to give that to us because they didn't experience that so it's really us actively caring for ourselves and especially as a parent it's all the more important to do that so that we can then extend that purity of love to children yeah so communication is absolutely critical which I think you're saying but I'd like to extend that a little bit too because then a difficulty is actually how do you communicate with children but you do have a way to answer this so I'm curious can you walk us through that five step ancient wisdom protocol for powerful communication with children which is going to be very different than from yourself or with other adults sure yeah yeah actually I feel that the process is still quite universally applicable although the context is different I feel that it's very important to start the process of communication with silence and really deeply listening to the other because that's where we're going to learn about what's going on for the other person for the child and that will help inform what we then communicate with them after we've really listened deeply then it's also important to tune back into ourselves and observe our own emotions that may be arising like I had mentioned earlier where you can feel it but you're also watching you're not identified with it if you are experiencing anger you're not saying hey I'm angry that would be identifying with anger it's just noticing hey there's a sensation of heat in the body there's a feeling of anger arising I acknowledge it I'm sitting with it but I'm also not that emotion and once we can do that then it helps us to become more aware of projection of our own reality in the praise or judgement that we're making and even the instructions that we give I feel this a lot as someone who is teaching people whereas when I am sharing something with someone whenever you have one finger pointing at another there's always three fingers pointing back at ourselves so I think after I teach something like after we've done this interview I'm going to have to reflect on everything I've said and how does what I say other people should do apply to what I should be doing right now and if I take the time to do that I cannot tell you how amazingly helpful that is for my own personal growth on this journey and realizing that I'm also on a journey right so as a parent we have to do that too because it's easy to instruct it's easy to guide it's easy to point fingers but we all are going to have our greatest power when we lead by example and we can best lead by example by following what we tell others to do and setting that example by our example and then we want our words to be less filled with projections but they may still be there because that's the nature of reality so we just want to really get into what we're saying and why and where it's coming from and then finally after we've done all this in silence we will then choose our words carefully with discernment and the process that the Bhagavad Gita which is an ancient Vedic spiritual text has to offer for speech is the filter of is what I'm about to say truthful is it beneficial and when we say is it beneficial that's I think the most requiring of discernment because we have to ask it on two levels is this beneficial to me to say and is this beneficial for the person listening to hear and are they ready to hear it for it to truly be beneficial or is it more beneficial to wait to deliver the same message something only we can arrive at in reflection and then also is it pleasant is there a way to say something or you can say the same thing but it has a totally different meaning based on the tone of your voice right so we have to really reflect on the tone of the voice and then here's the karma kicker am I going to be happy with myself when I turn 80 or 90 if I'm so fortunate to live till that time with the sound of this voice recording because we believe in ancient wisdom that everything we say, everything we do and every thought we think is a seed of karma and whatever we put out comes back to us are we happy with the sound of that recording would we want to hear this ourselves that's another point of reflection and this is where silence becomes an ally and we tend to speak less on the spiritual path unless asked because gosh our words just carry universes with the tone with the content of the speech with the speed at which it's spoken and whether it's in the heat of the moment or when we're more emotionally neutral there's just a lot here in an activity that we often take so much for granted and that's why in communication I do believe there's a huge role of silence that is very uncomfortable for us in the modern globalized world of podcasts and television shows and phone calls and Instagram live sessions and so many ways to be exposed to noise that we're not encouraged to turn it off and listen to the sounds that come from within that's where the inner child lives in that silence and when you tune into that silence that's when you tell that inner child that it's safe for you to be known it's safe for you to be able to share your experience and for me to know what my own experience for example is so I feel it's a really really important part of communication to practice silence in order to really do this pre-communication reflection to ensure that you speak with no regrets Wow, if I only would have met you when I was 16 You know I could have changed the course of my whole life because now I have regrets, right? I've spoken things into the universe that I'm like, I probably shouldn't have said that Yeah, I think you know the biggest thing I can take away from this is we can all change and grow and learn from this and change what we've done and when we're talking about with our children I think letting them sit, letting them express themselves like you had said right, and then us not reacting right away also gives them a different form of our parenting and I wish I would have honestly known this with my children when I was when they were younger you know now they're 16 and 13 but you know I wish I would have known that with them because all I knew was how my parents raised me and everything was right away you know an attack right back right there was no calming, there was no quiet time, there was no at least from what I recall so I just took what I had learned and applied it to my children and you know after everything I've learned over the past couple years I wish I would have known to parent them a little bit differently and some people call that positive parenting and I wish I would have probably taken the time to learn about that a little more because I think that does influence on then your communication growing up with them on how they receive it and you know just enhancing the relationship with them so thank you for sharing and you know regret is also an opportunity for transformation, it's a catalyst for growth and it's never too late, they're still very young so even applying what you know once you know can make a huge difference in your relationship with them, I know my experience and relationship with my parents has really evolved a lot since I started practicing these things I feel like they became a lot more aware of their own you know contributions to issues and their communication has dramatically changed after I changed mine don't underestimate the power of that at any time I think that's important right, we can't change people but we can change how we react and then that ultimately might reflect you know how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves and how that relationship evolves I would even recommend going on nature walks being close to nature and being held in nature you know so that you are receiving that nurturing from mother nature yourself to then be able to meet your children in a more neutral way in a more loving way once you've taken some time to do whatever connects you most with your true self and that can be ever evolving and changing based on your own needs in a specific moment in time that is going to really really help you to have better experiences with them you know so ironically yeah like having boundaries even with the ones you love the most will actually help your relationship with them more than spending 24 hours with them all the time it's important to recognize Sharon I got that one too I've been taking walks right for months and months and months so yeah I just did four miles on Sunday so that is my my nature getting out in nature so I'm still connecting so that's good that's awesome how do you prioritize children's needs and well being during a challenging time like this I know a lot of us are ready to give but you also have to make sure that there is a balance for yourself but how do you prioritize for the children and how do you really directly address their needs yeah well I feel again it all comes back to our relationship with our own self the more we can really take care of our own well being the more we're able to fasten our seatbelt before we do that for our child or put our safety mask on before you put it on to someone else right so it's really going to make a huge difference in how we're able to support them and really know that from our own experience otherwise it's hard to do it from the outside in I do feel that it needs to be from the inside out because if you prioritize children and you don't include yourself at all in that equation it's going to lead somewhere to resentment or a feeling of you know self betrayal or self abandonment which is so much the root of the distress that we feel in our relationships so I do feel it's important and it may not be possible to give yourself as much time if your children say are really small and really dependent upon you but I think even knowing this is going to be helpful to be able to make the time for your well being in whatever way you can at whatever time and frequency you're able to allocate for it but just making sure that you don't lose yourself or forget yourself in caring for them because the way you care for yourself will give you insight and experience and embodied wisdom to share with them and plus you're showing them through doing it yourself which is the best way to show them or help them with their well being because if you prioritize your well being and they see that then that's telling them prioritizing your well being is a good thing to do especially if you look happy after you've spent that time right they get it yeah I'll never forget when my son he said don't you ever worry about me and he's like no mom he was like you have friends you work out you know you do all these things he was like and you're happy I'm like okay he's like don't worry about you but I think that's important and for those that do have their children more often we probably need to just remind people that it's okay to leave the laundry the laundry will be there it's okay to leave the laundry you don't have to clean up the dishes you don't have to cook every night right that was one of the things that I learned quickly in the separation you know I can order out for them it's fine we can eat mac and cheese whatever it is and you take that 30 seconds I think you mentioned earlier to you know a couple minutes whatever time you have and sit quietly and just kind of refocus might change the whole outcome of the rest of the day so I think that's important absolutely yeah and food is actually a great example of prioritizing well being for both yourself and your children so recipes, cooking eating more grounding foods is also a part of our stability enhancing process because food becomes our mind as well as our body so in IRV that's a really really important aspect of healing so that is something we teach through my organization and we offer resources also for ways that you don't have to spend that much time on it but you can still eat a healthy fulfilling meal and I think that is actually a huge practice for prioritizing well being and it doesn't have to be just you cooking while the children are doing something by themselves involve the children while you're cooking right make it something that you're doing and involve them in the cooking I know that's something that I always used to do is involve them in the cooking but also don't feel bad if you need to order pizza because you're having a day it's okay you're going to survive they'll survive they won't remember the day that you had order pizza and you didn't cook but overall yes if you can involve them in it my kids eat everything right I mean that was just the way they were raised so salmon fish sushi anything right whatever is on the table is what they ate so but they were involved in the process so that's great yeah that's also showing them how to prioritize well being by including them in the cooking so that they know how to do it for themselves when they are grown up and independent that's a really really powerful life skill so you mentioned your book a couple of times I know you've been on several different podcasts and interviews but are there resources that you want to mention now to share with people that you know they can utilize including your book sure yeah so on my website I have a free chakra healing download where it's a chakra healing guide and what that means is it has basically inventories or quizzes where you can see which of your chakras or these nine centers or powers that we talked about like stability, creativity transformation, love voice, intuition truth, rejuvenation, intention which are all in these energetic centers which are called chakras are in balance and which ones may be out of balance and then you can see which ones are out of balance means which ones you have to work to heal and the guide also includes one simple healing practice from my book that you can start to incorporate to begin to heal any of the chakras that are really the most out of balance within you but I definitely recommend checking that out and we are also in the process of launching a new free to the public platform called Conscious Conversation where we will practice these five steps that I shared about today in community so we'll have a podcast interview of the True To Yourself Podcast which is my show followed by a Q&A to be able to be part of the dialogue and then finally an experiential activity to really embody one aspect of this nine step hero's journey to heal your inner child and take what I've written about and shared and make it more of your own embodied wisdom I absolutely love that you're turning what you're reading and practicing or turning what you're reading into you're practicing right and you're making that experience kind of live for people and I think that's amazing so I'm glad to hear that that's amazing I'm excited you might have to put me on that list I would love to I'd love to have anybody from your community also join it will be really nice it's always nice to see people too right because so much of what we do is listen which is great and we'll have that recording available to listen to as well but it's nice to engage it's nice to be a part of meaningful dialogues and to actually approach communicating more consciously by being part of a conscious conversation and meeting other people who are on that path as well because I believe community is a huge need of the hour and something that will be very very important for the aftermath healing journey yes agree you know as we kind of wind things down you know there are so many people that are not feeling well and are suffering and are going through trauma whether it's from that inner child or the things that they experience that are triggered by relationships I'm wondering if you kind of wrap things up by offering some hope and some encouragement because one of the things that we talk about in the aftermath and I always say is that third part it's healing so wondering if you could offer some hope and encouragement for people who are listening yeah absolutely I would really encourage everyone listening to this to approach looking at divorce from being this painful death like experience to learning to see it as a very powerful opportunity to give birth to the most authentic version of yourself and to really embrace this transition of life as an opportunity to not only survive but to truly thrive and embrace post-traumatic growth which means you don't just become resilient and bounce back to who you or what you were prior to this event but you actually because of the intensity of this event you catapult yourself through the power of your own intention to become an even greater version of yourself because of it absolutely love, could not have wrapped that up any better I'll say thank you for sharing so much of your wisdom ancient as it might be it's very applicable and very today don't mind me using the expression because we need it probably more than ever before thank you so much for being our guest sharing your wisdom, sharing all the things you have learned and we look forward to a really positive experience and hopefully the same for our listeners as well, thanks a lot thank you so much for having me and thank you for your kind words, I am myself very grateful for all the ancient wisdom I've been able to learn and it's such a privilege to be able to share that with others who can really benefit from applying it to the heat of the intensity of life so that we know that we are greater than any challenge that is in our lives and that it's all an opportunity to ultimately become the most empowered best version of ourselves so really wonderful to meet you and I look forward to seeing you more now through this conversation yeah, it's great awesome thank you so much thank you well that was pretty phenomenal we got so much and I'm hoping of course that people are listening and taking notes like you always do Kendra, I am it's like you're scribbling away it's like yeah it's awesome we hope that people listened and learned a lot and of course what we always hope is that you would like, you subscribe you positively review and share the aftermath with everyone we'd like to share all the things that we have and especially the special guests who take some time out from their busy schedules to meet with us and talk with us until next time, we'll take care Deus Vult