Q4-20131127-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-dharma_talk-24534

Talk: 2013-11_27 Dharma Talk.json Start_time: 01:02:30 Display_question: How do we deal with the world not really helping us? Keyword_search: selfish, effort, non-meditators, hurt, war, neglect, sanity, niece, wake up, reaction, family, brother-in-law, University of California, mathematician, Jewish Question_content: Questioner: I struggle with the fact that…it seems that most people in my life don't really make an effort to return and I find I make so much effort to give, and it feels like I'm selfish, or I do it. Larry: Why are you selfish? I don't get that. Questioner: No, I can sound that way. I don't know. It feels as if I do something, to get something in return, which is not true. But still, I'm hurt that the others aren't making an effort to see or to…yeah see me, even though I'm not obviously anywhere near perfect, in seeing them. But I feel that I'm trying. So how do we deal with the world not really helping us? Larry: Yes, that question. If you continue on this path, or related ones, there are many paths. You have to find the one that works for you. This one is good for some people, not for everyone. You're going to discover something. That you're going to live out your life in a world of non-meditators. If you're a vegetarian, you're going to see most of them eat animal flesh. Most of them believe in war, as a solution. On, and on, and on. How can we maintain our sanity? I see the world as a very strange, and in some ways, insane place. But can we maintain our sanity, in the face of this? Break_line: But in this case, let's say it's neglect. I'm an expert on this subject. Really, I am, because the first generation that came upon this, was my generation. We were so thrilled about what we found, that we couldn't stop delivering it to our families. And they did not want to hear all this stuff. And then it's even to this day. I've been doing this for 40 years. My niece just visited, and she now has two children, and a job teaching. And she's very interested in literature, and her marriage. And for four days nonstop about herself. Did she ask me anything about myself? Nothing. I’m a person too. In other words, get used to it. But use that again to wake up, because everything that...let's say they don't ask you anything about yourself, they don't see you, produces a reaction. That's where the practice is, not endlessly psychologizing about it, or even dharma theorizing about it. It's in that given moment. Those are the perfect materials to practice with. Do you see what I'm getting at? Questioner: It just hurts too much. It hurts a lot. Larry: Then that's what you look at. No matter what you say, you're not going to win in this chess match. I can tell you, no matter what you... even if you win, I'm going to say, how does it feel to be a winner? Do you see what I'm getting? What? Questioner: It will feel great. Larry: Okay. And then we'll find out if it feels great. You'll get a... tend to get attached to it, and then it won't feel so great. Do you see what I'm getting at, though? I don't want to leave this, because your situation, is a familiar one to me. And the world, pieces of the world are changing, but most of the world, is not changing, necessarily, in the way in which you want it to. Look, I think I have a pretty good marriage. We don't agree on a lot of things. And I just still don't understand why she doesn't agree, with everything that I say. Why doesn't she like every film that I want to see? What's wrong with her? What's wrong with... because she's not me. She's someone else. So, it actually can liberate you to understand, that they are, the way they are. Now, if you can work on yourself, sometimes things change on their own. Break_line: For example, I think this might help. My brother-in-law. Take my brother-in-law, you know, all the punchlines. He is a mathematician. Was or retired now. Capital M. Exclamation point italicize. And he would say things like, speaking as a mathematician, we're just eating turkey. We know you're a mathematician, Walter. So, let's just say, it was an important part of his identity. So, when I dropped out of the university, he was furious with me, really. And most of my family thought I went insane. I went sane. Not that there's anything wrong with university life. Honestly, it's just for me, that was the right move. And it turned out, I found what I really want to do, which is this. And I've loved what I've been doing, for quite a few years. So, he was estranged from me, for almost ten years. We'd meet, and he would constantly bring it up. Like you couldn't find some way to stay in the university. You had a good job, University of California, and on, and on. And I was doing as best I could. What I'm suggesting you do. I didn't fight back, or try to convince him, because I tried that, it didn't work. And then I just absorbed it. And awareness can absorb it, and it's like you recycle it. And awareness can absorb it, and it's like you recycle it. Break_line: And then a number of years ago, he came over to me and apologized and he said, you know, Larry, I was so attached to being a professor. It meant so much to me. Holding on to that, gave me a sense of worth. And I realized that your leaving, it was very threatening to me, because that meant well, maybe not every... because I saw it. What could be within the Jewish community, you have to be either a doctor, a dentist, or a professor, or a very successful businessman. All right. An accountant, or a lawyer. I forgot that. I forgot that, rabbi. Is that coming back? Is there ever come back? I come from 14 generations of rabbis. I thought that was over and done. I guess it isn't. All right? In my line it is. Unless this is what it is. Maybe I'm a rabbi. Help. No escape. So sometimes, you're not trying to fix the other person, or correct them, but just by the grace of just receiving it. And they start to be able to learn about themselves. Even though he's not on anything resembling this path, if you want to call it that. But the main thing is, if you take care of yourself, everyone who's involved in you will benefit, one way, or another. End_time: 01:09:37