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Interview with Katie Sparks chapter 1 young adulthood and the pathways to eternal marriage
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Jenny Sparks is interviewing her daughter, Katie, about young adulthood and the reasons for the increase in the age of marriage. Katie mentions that people prioritize education and career before marriage, and they don't feel pressured to have children early. They also feel that getting married later in life is more socially acceptable. They discuss the importance of going on actual dates rather than just hanging out, as it shows effort and intention in getting to know someone. They also emphasize the significance of viewing marriage as a divine institution, which brings more commitment and value to the relationship. Financial stability is considered important before marriage, but perfection is not necessary. They talk about the importance of communication in marriage and ways to develop this skill before getting married. They also discuss the differences in attitudes towards early marriage between Katie's generation and her grandmother's generation. Katie feels that her generation take Hi, this is Jenny Sparks, and this is my final podcast in a series of successful marriages, families, proclamations, principles, and research perspectives by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dolaheit, and Thomas W. Drake. And today I am interviewing my beautiful, lovely, awesome, amazing daughter, which I'm very grateful that she agreed to do this with me today. The chapter we will be discussing is Young Adulthood and the Pathways to Eternal Marriage, Chapter 1 by Jason Carroll. And so I thought that would be a perfect chapter to talk to a young adult, and that is my daughter. She is almost 19, and so thank you for being here, Katie. You're welcome. So let's get right into it. There has been an increase in the age of people who have been getting married. What are some of the reasons you think that this is happening? Okay, yeah. I think some of the reasons are that people, you know, think college is so important and that they need to get a degree, and so they think if they get married that they won't finish college and complete it, or maybe they had parents who got married young and it didn't go well and so they don't want to end up like their parents or get sidetracked in that way. People today, they don't really have like a desire or like a push to have kids as much, so maybe there's not like a, oh, we gotta get married young so we can have kids. And I also think like, it's just put so much today, really, to get married when you're older because, you know, anything below like 25 is like too young, you're a baby, and like that's very much stressed today. Yeah, you're right. And even me, I'm sitting here and I got married at age 21, and I would die of a heart attack, I think, if you got married at age 21. I just feel like that. But, you know, that's just my thought. I think, you know, you think of yourself as older, maybe when you're younger, and then when you're older, you think, oh, my gosh, why was I so young when I did that? Do you think it's important to go on actual dates, not just quote unquote, hang out? And if so, why? Yes, I do think it's important to go on dates, because I think with like, if you're just hanging out, like you can hang out, I could just hang out with anybody, I could like just hang out with a friend anytime. And it doesn't really mean anything. There's no real label to it. It's just like, oh, yeah, we're hanging out. And then a date though, a date automatically requires the other person to maybe put in more effort. And maybe something as simple as how they dress, maybe they're dressed nicer, maybe they're like, thinking about more how to get to know the person even better. And sometimes you can hang out and you can just not talk to the person while you're hanging out with them. The whole time you're hanging out, you can just silence. And so a date, you're actually putting forth the effort to get to know someone. Yeah. And if you're on a date, maybe the guy will actually put on deodorant. Brush his teeth. Yeah. I won't show up in sweatpants. Well, yeah, that still might happen. At least he won't stink doing it. Why do you think it's important that we think marriage is a divine institution? Because I think when you kind of marriage can kind of be more seen as like, just like a, another label, another piece of paper design, another like, box of your check it list. And you can have like, and sometimes in a marriage, you have like, if it's just a piece of paper, you can kind of have like a one foot out the door perspective, where like, you know, like, if this really, if we can't work it through, we don't have to push to work it through, we can just end it. And when you look at marriage with a more divine look, it's not that, it's not that simple. And it's way more important. Not just about the title. That's right. I'm feeling pretty proud as a mom right now. Let's continue. Let's see if I continue to feel proud. Do you think it's important to wait until you are financially stable? Until you get married? Yes. But like, also, I think even like, financially smart, like you have like a plan financially. Because if you're like, if you don't have any like plan for the future to get that financially stable, because most couples, you know, generally not all of them, but some of them don't always start out like, you know, the most financially stable, you know. And so it's like, you gotta put forth a plan to actually become financially stable at the very least. To set things in motion to be financially stable. That's true. And I mean, I mean, a plan together, possibly? Yeah. And do you think you'd have to wait until everything's perfect? No. Yeah, I know a lot of people today tend to think that's what you need to do, that you have to graduate from college, that you have to have your business degree, you can afford a house, and then you can get married, and then you can start your family, rather than starting the family and growing together. What do you think, when you're thinking about the aspect of looking for a future spouse or dating, what do you think are some important things? Hmm, okay. I'm not really in the dating game much, but I think something that is important for me personally, is like, patience. I know when people say patience, they think of like, patience with the person, with you. So they're like, Oh, yeah, I want someone to be patient with me. But when I think of patience, in this way, I think of it like, if I'm going on a date, maybe I'm going to a restaurant or someone or just somewhere to get food. And like, maybe it's taking a while. If I'm looking for is how my date reacts to that one? Is he like, gonna complain under his breath the whole time? Is he gonna complain and make a scene out of it? Or is he gonna handle it? And calmly? I'm looking for like, oh, and like, there's so many other like, things of like, patience that I look for. One of the other things I kind of look for is like, the simple stuff of like, it's like, does the guy open the door? And that can be a little silly, but it kind of tells me, okay, not only do they have those manners, but then the parents or someone taught them those manners. So that gives me hope. They come from a good background. Yeah, yeah. Okay. That makes sense. How important do you think the ability to communicate is in marriage? Yeah, I think communicating is like probably one of or the most important part of marriage. Because if you like don't communicate with your partner, then how are they going to know if you do something that makes them upset? Or, you know, how do you know, like, if they're struggling, they could totally be struggling and you don't know if they don't communicate. Right. Exactly. Um, do you think you would have been emotionally ready to be married at your age of 18? Like grandma was? Absolutely not. I like to think I'm emotionally mature for my age. But there's some experiences I just haven't had yet that I don't think qualifies me to be married at 18. So putting you on the spot for a little bit, what do you think the differences between grandma's generation when she got married at age 18? And that was seemed okay. And your generation where if somebody got married at 18 right now, most people would be like, Oh, my goodness, that's so young. I think they had, well, I honestly, people got jobs, I feel like younger. And like, they just had more time and stuff that they did and then growing up faster at some times. And like, me, I've like, barely left the house a couple times at a time. So it's like, and I haven't really had a job yet. Well, don't make it sound like you barely leave the house and you're a hermit. I didn't mean it that way. I mean, like, leaving the house, like, being by myself, you mean like, going somewhere overnight by yourself? Just a few? I've done it sometimes. But I feel like that you haven't lived on your own. Yeah. Okay. I feel like this generation, especially that takes a little bit longer. So going back to the communication part in marriage, what are some ways that you can gain that skill before marriage? Hmm. Okay. So, okay. One of the ways I think is, if you're like a really social person, and you, in groups, if you're like, one of the more talkative persons, I think you can like, try to like, listen more, because that's the important part of communication. And even if it's just like, okay, I'm in this conversation, I've been talking for a while, like, try to like, divide the conversation. Or if you're like me, and you're more quiet, you've got to put your more input. And I think that can be a big help. But like, I've been trying to do that. And then another one I was thinking is like, okay, so growing up, you would do the same, where you'd have us kids. No, this is good. Okay. You would do the same when you have us kids, if we got into the argument, you would call us down. And you'd be like, okay, what did what's happening? And like, one would explain and then the other would explain what their side and you'd be like, here's where you're wrong, here's where you're wrong. And then here's what you're gonna do, and then hug it out. And then we hug it out. And then you wouldn't want to hug because you're mad at your sibling. So you hug. And then I feel like that's can be something I've grown to appreciate now I'm an adult, because it's like, I think it did teach me to be more open and listen to my sibling rather than just yell. And then it also teaches you like, you're not always right. Like, realize when you are wrong. So there's, everyone has their own perspective and how they perceive what happened. Yeah, from a personal point of view. And if you can see their perspective, then you understand and they see your perspective. Yeah, it grows better communication. And the most important thing at the end of that was to love each other. How, how do you think? No, this is a good question. How do you think eternal, at least I think it's a good, I mean, I asked it, I came up with it. So of course, it's a good question. But how do you think eternal companions are different from the term soulmate? Okay, so yes, I did like this question. Yeah, my first thought when I came to this one was, you know, soulmates, they, when they talk, when people talk about soulmates, they think, you know, it's one person. That's it. And then like, there's no one else out there for me if I don't get together with this one person. And while I do think, you know, with eternal, eternal companions, I do think there's like, you know, Heavenly Father leads you, tries to guide you and lead you to a person. But I also think, you know, there's not just the one option. But where soulmates definitely is like, it's like, one or nothing. Yeah, that makes sense. So this is this is a more theoretical question, I guess. But if you're getting ready to get married, and it's coming up, is it okay to cancel it? If you have reservations? And, you know, would you be able to tell the difference between reservations and cold feet? Do you think? I think so. Because I think cold feet are the questions are like, the questions of like, do I love this person enough to get married to them? Or like, do the, or it's like, am I, you know, ready for this? Like, am I throwing my whole life away? Blah, blah, blah. But I feel like reservations, like maybe are more like, to me, when I think of reservations, I think more like, oh, maybe I love him, but maybe I don't get along with some of the family or maybe we're not all the way there. Whether it's spiritually, or just, we're just not all the way there. What do you mean by all the way there? Do you mean by like, understanding each other? Or yeah, like maybe not necessarily better spiritually, but we're in different places. Okay, that makes sense. So, and so I think those types of reservations are fine. And, but yeah, cold feet to me is always like the, I don't love you enough. Do I love you enough? Am I really ready to throw my whole life away? It's like, those reservations to me are cold feet. But yeah, I think the not understanding of your, if we're like, are we in the same place? Those reservations, I feel like do need to be either figured out, and like cancel the wedding or be okay and be like, because if you get married with reservations, they're gonna linger. Yeah, throughout the marriage. And sometimes those reservations are there for a purpose. Yeah, they make you question. So do you feel that you'd be emotionally capable of backing out of a wedding after you said yes, and we're engaged? Yeah, yeah, I feel like yeah. That'd be hard, though. It would be hard. It'd be hard. It might take me a little bit. But I think I could do it. Interesting. Well, thank you so much for taking the time to, you know, indulge your mom. Help me with my school project. And do this podcast. I really appreciate it. Yes, thank you.
