Episode 04.1 Sexcapades

The speaker discusses their recent experiences with psychedelic treatments, specifically ketamine. They describe their journey during the treatment, noting the visuals and sensations they experienced. They express a desire to increase the dosage for a more intense experience. The speaker also mentions their intention to document their experiences and share them with others. They discuss the therapeutic aspect of the treatment and their goals for personal growth and overcoming social anxiety. The speaker also talks about their past struggles with substance abuse and their efforts to cut back on alcohol consumption. They mention using marijuana and mushrooms as alternative methods for managing their mental health. Alright, welcome everybody back to The Easy Struggle, where we talk about our daily struggles That was cool. You did that on Wednesday, right? So you did one on Monday, then you did one on Wednesday? Yeah, Monday and then Wednesday. How was that second treatment? I finally got them to, they upped the dosage a little bit, they finally understood that I was a rookie. So they upped me to 70mg, I went from 50 to 70, and had a little bit better understanding, so I had the playlist. I still didn't get to go full under, like I really wanted to. I was still aware enough that I could pick up the little zoom they had, and I was changing playlists, going through, and normally they say no lyrics. So I found some Whiskey Meyers album I started with, I didn't like it, wasn't feeling it, wasn't tripping right. So I went with some Jelly Roll stuff, and was just jamming and singing out loud apparently, because the nurses, every time they'd check on me, they said they could hear me singing. So when you're going down to this journey, are you just completely, I've never done any kind of psychedelics, are you just not here? Well, I wasn't, I didn't get enough to where I fully went under, so I was still aware. If you close your eyes, I could kind of see some crazy shit, like I was still somewhat in the room I felt like. And I could get where I could see shapes that had like, colors, like great, awesome colors, hard to describe. And the colors were constantly moving and shifting like a tiger stripe camo almost, but they were constantly moving and shifting over these shapes, and I was in like a foyer almost. And I kept, every time I'd open my eyes, it would kind of bring me back, so I'm like, well fuck, alright, let's settle back down and go back in and get back in these foyers. So I'm trying to sing, and I was like, well, put on some Jelly Roll, I'm going to sing and dance my way through this foyer, like that was the concept in my head at this point. So in my head, because I could feel, I don't move, I'm in the recliner, I have not moved, because I'm hooked up to all the devices, but I can feel myself like moving, like I can pivot and do this and that. Well then when I start dancing, I can feel like I'm dancing. And I'm trying to like shift and do all sorts of crazy shit to get through this level, and I never got past this level. I stayed in this weird color, shape-shifting foyer. I couldn't get to the next level. I feel like it was God like, bro, you're entertaining, but you're not getting to the end yet. Let's try harder. Alright, so when I went through mine, I felt that too. I mean, my eyes were closed the whole ride, so they drugged me up pretty good. And like, I get the whole feeling of the shapes moving around you, but when I was laying there, you could feel the shapes bouncing off of you. And that was fucking weird as shit. I started fucking panicking. I felt like I was panicking. I could feel my heart racing, but they're like, no, you're fine. You're doing good. I was like, what the fuck's going on? But she checks my vitals, but I don't see them, so I don't know if they're... And my watch is still on, so my heart rate doesn't get too high. Yeah, because you would monitor it, right? If you were getting too high. If it does, I don't feel it. And they don't say nothing. It's not still going off when I do come out. So I'm hoping this next time I try to talk to her, hey, like I felt something, but there's more. Like I can feel more. Like I'm still too much in control. Like I'm still being held back. So I told her, like, let's go like 100 milligrams. She kind of chuckled, but didn't like discount it. So, I mean, they're going to up it again. I just don't know how much, and I'll find out on Monday, tomorrow. So you go tomorrow and have another treatment. I wish I knew what to ask, like more what to ask you on this, because I've never done it, so I don't... Well, now that I'm getting a better lay of the land, I want to try to document it a little bit better. I got a video, but it's all dark, so all you'll hear is like random spurts of me singing. I mean, that probably wouldn't be a bad thing to listen to. Well, I'll find the clip. I'm going to try to find the clips where I am singing, and we can put it on the FacePlay page. Okay. I like that. I'm sure people would like it. Yeah, I can cut those pieces out and just do the singing part. Do some fun stuff to see. Yeah. It's wild. Going on fucking crazy trips. It is a weird trip. It's a weird feeling when you see, like, just shapes and colors moving, and you're not... Yeah. I didn't understand why. Like, I could see things. I'd say I had an outer body experience, because I could... Yeah, that's kind of what's happening, right? Right, because, yeah, I mean, I saw myself laying there. And I'm going in, like, trying to make changes, right? So I say a couple prayers or whatever, but I want to get better with, like, people, patients, stuff like that. Addictions, like, I don't want to drink. I don't have the desire to drink as much, right? Like, then that makes this whole year-long thing going to be pretty easy. Right. So I'm trying to go in with intentions, but, I mean, to me, it's a... It's a closer access to the big man upstairs is the way I see it. Like, it's a more direct connection to that universe that we were talking about. That's where I'm at, yeah. And so once you get done, you go in there, they hook you up, you get your doses, however that works. You start coming down. Do you then sit down and go through, like, a therapy session? No, there's midway. So after this next session, I'm going to sit down again with the therapist, and we'll talk about these first few. Now that I've got a feel for it, like, this landscape. And then she'll direct me, and we'll go do a few more, and then I'll have another sit-down session with her. So when I'm done, they disconnect everything. They still leave the IV in me, but they disconnect the infusion deal, and I stay there for another hour. You're supposed to go to sleep, but I'm usually... The last two, I haven't been under enough to be groggy. Yeah, so I sit up and start kind of moving around, messing with the gauges and playing on my phone, sending y'all pictures and shit like that. We'll see. Once they finally give me the right doses, though, I imagine I'll probably just crash afterwards. Right, once they increase it. Yeah, get to where I want to be. 110. Yeah, I want to go as far as they'll take me. Yeah. I would say if anybody has any kind of, like, questions or anything they want to know about it, they should just, like, email us or something, huh? Yeah, for sure. And we can... I mean, I'm open book, so I'll be honest with you. Yeah, yeah. That's all it is. They might have... Someone who's experienced it might have something to say. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean, I have clear goals for it, and she's big on that, the whole place is. Like, you gotta have a goal, you gotta have a projection, something in mind, an endgame that you're working towards. Right. So you said that originally you were doing this to help with, like, your anxiety, right? Social anxiety. Has that always been, like, a... Has that been an issue for you, social anxiety and shit like that? Yeah. Like, for me, I hate crowds. Like, going into Target, going into Walmart freaked me the fuck out. Like, I'll hyperventilate, and I have to calm myself down just to get through it, but I can get through it. So I self-medicated for years. Right. Like, I smoked pot. The warden didn't really care for that, so I did it by the warden. The warden. So I had to do it behind their back a little bit, and I drank a lot. You know, even in the Marine Corps, I drank my ass away. That's what we do, man, and train. We drink and train. That's what they're known for. Yeah, and we could do everything drunk because we train so hard. Right. And then it got out, and even in college, I was still doing the same thing, getting stoned, going to school whiskey drunk just to deal with people. Just because I approach things differently, a little more direct, right? Like, I try to move with a purpose and intent, and they're just nonchalant. Right. Not taking it as seriously as I'm trying to. Yeah. So how has the dry-out been going? I know we had a few days that, at the beginning of this month, where you were like, you had just, like, stopped, like, completely. I was going to try the whole cold turkey. Let's do it. That lasted, what, three days? Yeah, yeah. And then I broke, had a couple beers, and then my manufacturer's day come up. Yep. And I drank a few beers there, and then I'll have a beer or two here and there. I drank a few yesterday with the Crawfish deal. Yep. So you've completely, like, went way down. Yeah, there's no hard stuff. No whiskey, no. I don't wake up and pour it in my coffee. Right. None of that. Now it's more social. Like, I don't crack a beer open until I see y'all or I'm hanging out with y'all or something. Right. And before, it was completely different. An all-day event. Yeah, yeah. It was a me thing. Yes. Everyone, you hear some Zeke, where's the beer? Yep. That's good. I mean, I got to cut back. I know I need to cut back, like, quite. I feel a lot better health-wise, like, honestly. Oh, imagine. Just not having, being drunk or buzzing all the time. Just groggy. Yeah. So I do like that. It's a nice place to be. But then it brings back the PTSD problems. Those are social issues, right? Because that's what I was masking. So now I'm more of a dick, more of an asshole. I have a hard time restraining myself to certain things. So we'll try these other raps. We'll try some pot that I'm prescribed now and these ketamine deals and I like mushrooms. And it helps get to you the whole day. Yeah, yeah. That's good. I mean, it's great that you work. And I'm still high-functioning. I still work and still do all that stuff. Yep. It helps. It's good. It is. It's fun. I need to cut back too, so. I mean. Maybe I should. I'll cut back if you cut back. Nice. Because I only drink around you. It's deep, so. Oh, so it's my fault you're an alcoholic. So I blame you for my alcoholic problems. I mean, that's just me now. We can put down some beers. Especially in Maui. He'll show up and... Did you go through 218 packs yesterday? No. There's a group. Yeah, what? No, we had a group. We had like 618 packs. Well, I know I went through almost a 12-pack last night. But I brought an 18-pack that you started on. Yeah. And I finished the 12-pack that was already open. The one that was on the cabinet? That was in the fridge. Okay. Because I know I left 2 in there. Yeah. So the one that was on the cabinet when you got here. Yeah. I pulled that one out of the fridge. That one only had like 4 or 5 beers in it. Every time I went through the fridge, it got smaller and smaller. The quantity of beer. Of all different flavors we had in there. There was a lot. There was a lot. So the crawfish bowl was really good. It came out good. Yeah. Dude, the food came out bad-ass. You did good job on that. It was good. I'm glad someone liked it. I mean, my kids were like, oh, it's spicy. I was like, well, you got to get used to that. Because that's how... Well, yeah, I only heard like 2 adults say it was too spicy. I mean, they were females. They don't really like hot stuff anyways. Kaylee said it was a little hot. But she's great. That's how Maddie was. She was like, it's hot. And I was like, well, you should eat some chicken. Yeah. Everybody else tore into it, though. All the kids were eating into it. They loved it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they were tearing into it. Yeah. So that was my thing that I told Cardi. She was like, Dad, this is really spicy. I was like, it's a crawfish bowl. Baby, like, it's Louisiana food. It's got to be spicy. That's what they do. That's what they do. That's the way it's supposed to be cooked. Trying to be a traditionalist here, right? Yeah, yeah. Let's be real. Yeah. Let's do it the right way. Like, why do we want to half-ass that shit? We half-ass that shit. That's right. Yeah. We don't half-ass it. We don't half-ass smoking these bad-ass cigars. We don't half-ass drinking beer. We don't half-ass cooking crawfish. That's right. Come on, man. We did do it big. Yeah, it was fantastic. Go big or go home. Yeah. Hell, yeah. 100%. So other than that, like, this coming week, what's everyone got going on this coming week? Oh, for me, nothing. Nothing, huh? Just another regular-ass... Just another regular-ass week of hopefully not doing much. Just skating by. Work, pay holes, and motorcycle riding. Motorcycle riding. Yeah, it's getting really nice out there. Yeah. So now's a good time to work on my motorcyclism. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Now the cold's kind of going away. It's getting hot really fast. Yeah, yeah. Because I missed last summer. So I didn't get to ride at all last summer. That's right. I was just in the brace in March, and I rode that brace until friggin' August. Yeah. The brace was a terrible... That was horrible. It ruined last summer. It did. It does. And I also wrecked last summer. Yeah. So I was like, fuck it. I went and bought another bike. Yeah, yeah. Which I'm now on. You ride that bike now. Just so we can make sure that I didn't want to miss the whole riding season. And if I wouldn't have done that, then I would have missed the whole riding season. Yeah, yeah. Because we didn't get yours until the end of the summer. September, August, something like that. Oh, yeah. It was that late. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty late. Your back brace, though, whenever you were wearing it, it was pretty badass because you turned it into an Iron Man kind of light. Yeah. I have my heart somewhere hanging up somewhere. Yeah, yeah. It was fuckin' badass. He'd show up. That's badass. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it lights up. It's like a coil of lights. That's great. He'd show up, and he'd click it on, and he'd show through his shirt so it looked like he was Iron Man. Yeah, I'll send you that one, too. Yeah. That shit was hilarious. That shit was hilarious. Fuck it. Had to do something because I had to wear a stupid fuckin' thing. Yeah. He'd get in trouble all the time because he'd be like, well, the fuck's your back brace? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In the truck. I just took it off. He was fuckin' lying to me. That's right. Yeah. Good lie. So I got in trouble with Pekin. The reason we call him Pekin. Little firecracker. Mm-hmm. This firecracker hand hit me one night. Yeah. I had my back brace on. The first thing they told me, where the fuck was your back brace? Yeah. That probably wouldn't have happened if you had your fuckin' back brace on. Yeah, because he'd been like, oh, shit, there's something wrong with this guy. Yeah, let me not go. Yeah. One of the guys we ride with. You know this guy. His name's Pekin. He's little, but he comes with the fuckin'. Yeah. He's smaller than me, but he's got a punch. Yeah. He comes with a punch. Yeah. He's ballin' to me pretty good. Yeah. That night he got back, and I was like, what the fuck happened to you? We were at bike night. Yeah. And he was like, what? And I was like, you've got big-ass scratches across your whole goddamn face. Yeah. Like, he was all, fuck, this dude hit me. And I was all, the fuck is going on? Like. Yeah. Couldn't find out it was the boss's son. Yeah. And now he rides with us. And now he rides with us. He's a good kid, though. He is. He's a young buck. Yeah. He was a little football all-star, like. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He was a little football all-star. He was pretty badass. He's, uh, he's good on the mic. He subsets his mic skills on YouTube. Yeah. That's funny. Uh. So, couple of random topics that we're going to run through today. Okay. Just random stupid shit we've half-ass talked about, half-ass. Fair. Let me get my crayon out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we all got crayons, so we can take notes and talk. Take notes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 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