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Filler Words: why we say them and how to stop
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Filler Words: why we say them and how to stop
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The Speaking and Storytelling Podcast is for entrepreneurs and leaders who want to make a big impact in the world. The host, Emanuela, helps people improve their speaking skills and stop using filler words like "um" and "ah." Filler words are not a big deal unless they're overused. We say them because we feel unsafe in pauses and use them to avoid silence. Emanuela suggests changing our mindset about pauses and recognizing the power they hold. She also advises practicing with a friend to become more aware of our filler words and learn to pause instead. It's better to pause, think about your next line, think about your response, your reply, than to keep plowing through, rambling on, and umming and aahing all over the place. Do you dream of sharing your message on stages that are still terrified you'll mess it up? Want to crush your online videos so that you can grow your business, but you feel super awkward and hate the sound of your voice? Or maybe you simply want to feel more confident in the boardroom without reading your notes and fumbling over your words? Hello, new friend, and welcome to the Speaking and Storytelling Podcast, a show for Christ-led entrepreneurs and leaders who want to make a humongous impact in the world. I'm so glad you're here. I'm your host, Emanuela, a stage actress and playwright turned speaking coach and story consultant. Whether you want to master speaking on stages, online, in the boardroom, or the classroom, if you believe you're meant to make an impact in the world and you know your voice and story is the ticket to get you there, then this podcast is for you, my friend. Over the past four years, I've helped dozens of entrepreneurs find and tell their stories, speak with authority and captivate their audience so that they can grow their visibility, further their God-given mission, and change the world. If you're ready to do that, too, then sit back, grab a pen and paper, and enjoy the show. Hello, and welcome back to the Speaking and Storytelling Podcast. I'm your host, Emanuela Hall, and this is episode number four, filler words, why we say them, and how to stop. Filler words, I thought we'd jump right in to the juicy topic that I get so many questions about. It's funny because filler words are so small, but they create such a big amount of angst and stress for so many speakers that I see. Before we get into why we say them and how we can stop saying them, let's talk about them for a minute. Filler words are not the be-all and end-all of speaking. If you say a filler word here and there every now and then, that is nothing to alert the press about. That is nothing for you to get all wrapped up in your shame and your guilt and your judgments. You are not a failure, okay? There you go, I just said my first filler word, okay. Filler words do not need to stop you dead in your track. You don't need to make any mind drama about it. It is something that happens to all of us. We're gonna talk about why it happens to all of us. But first let's identify what I mean by filler words because there are also filler phrases. And I wanna say we are recording this episode in the spring of 2024. Filler words, they trend, they trend, they do. Right now there are some filler words that probably were not filler words 10 years ago or 20 years ago or 50 years ago. I wonder what filler words they were saying back in like 1930s, you follow, you see? I think that's what they were saying. You follow, you see? I digress. The filler words of 2024 are things like so, which caveat here, I use that filler word a lot. I am working on it. It's a work in progress. Another filler word is um or ah, which is probably the most common. Another one is like, literally, actually. And another one of my favorites, you know? I was listening to a podcast the other day of a really amazing coach and a dear friend and almost every sentence she said, you know? It's like, you know, you know, you know? This is one that you can be mindful of. Why do we say these? Why do we add these unnecessary words? And also why should we stop saying that? Because maybe you're like, I don't see what the big deal is with my umming and ahhing. It is not a problem unless it's overused. If you drop a so or a like or you know in one of your podcast episodes or when you're on stage, it's okay because guess what? Probably most people didn't notice. If you are dropping them after every second sentence, then it's a problem. Why do we say them? Here's my unpopular opinion and it might be a little triggering for you, my friend. But we add especially uh and um because we are feeling unsafe in the pause. For whatever reason, maybe it was the way we heard other people speak growing up. Maybe people said things to us like, hurry up. We feel like if we take a moment to pause, this is probably subconsciously, that we're gonna lose our audience. That we're taking up too much time. Rather than taking a moment to pause, we add words. It's like we have this fear of letting the other person know that we have to sometimes think about what we're going to say and that is such a silly fear. It's better to pause, think about your next line, think about your response, your reply, think about where you are in your script than to keep plowing through, rambling on and umming and ahhing all over the place. Am I right? Am I right? But there's something deeply ingrained in us and I noticed this especially in women where our nervous system just does not like it. We get uncomfortable. We're afraid we don't sound smart. We're afraid we're gonna lose them. And this also goes along the lines with speaking really quickly, which could be another podcast episode. This is why we use these filler words. Also, it's a cultural thing. Back in the 90s, if you grew up in like the clueless era, she was always saying like, like, you know, like the valley girls and that became the thing. Everybody began talking like that. Don't beat yourself up. This is how so many people have been taught to speak. And if we're taught to speak that way and we speak differently, uh-oh, now we're gonna be judged. We know what filler words are now. We know why we say them. And now I'm gonna share with you how we can stop. And again, only if this is a big issue for you. And how do you know if it's a big issue? You have to first notice, become aware. What is the expression? Awareness is the first step towards changing. First, become aware. What are my filler words? Am I saying them a lot? That it's a problem, that it's detracting from my message, from my voice, my vocal clarity? Am I losing my audience because I'm um-ing and ah-ing? I'm so-ing and like-ing and you know-ing? How do we notice? You can definitely listen to yourself, your recordings, but it's sometimes hard to be objective when we listen to ourselves. So another cool way of noticing what your filler words are is to transcribe your video. If you are not a coach or a podcaster or on social media and you're like, I don't record videos, Emanuela, what you can do is just record yourself for fun. Maybe you have a talk coming up, record yourself and get the transcriber. I think there's apps that can do that. There's definitely apps that can do that, some AI, and read what you said. And then you'll know what your filler words are. Okay, step one, become aware of what they are. Notice what they are without making a judgment about it. Just notice. Step two, let's change our mindset around it. Let's stop seeing pauses as this scary thing. When I say change our mindset around it, I mean change our mindset around pauses. Rather than seeing pauses as, there is a pause in the conversation. I'm up here, people are looking at me and I'm not saying anything. I want you to remember this phrase, write it down, tattoo it to yourself, put it on your mirror, put it in front of you wherever you record. There is power in pausing. There is power in the pause. And why is there power in the pause? I'm not just throwing out an affirmation without any proof to back it up. I will always back up my claims here, my friend. There is power in the pause because pauses create suspense. Pauses actually, there's a filler word for you, can emphasize what you just said or what you're about to say. We call this rhythm or tempo, just like in music. So music, if you listen to classical music, especially, you might notice that it builds and builds and builds and builds and builds and builds. And then sometimes there's a second pause and it starts to decrescendo. It starts to retard, which means slow down. And then it picks up again. Your voice, the way you speak, it can be like that. It can be up and down, it can be up and down. It can be like that. It can be up and down and slow and fast. This is going to create more excitement in your speech and in your audience. When people are excited, they lean in. What's she gonna say? If you feel uncomfortable in the pause, remember, there is power in the pause. And when you can embody that pause, you will start to learn that you don't need the filler word anymore. You just need a pause. Okay, and number three, this is the most practical way to start stopping saying your filler words, is to practice. Now, like I said, you can record yourself, but this is a fun little exercise you can do with a friend. Find a friend who loves you, who is willing to set some time aside, get a little timer. You're gonna tell a one-minute story and your friend is gonna have the timer. And every time you say a filler word, your friend's gonna go, eh. But every time you stop and physically say out loud, pause, you get a point. You could say pause or you could do it by just pausing. I find at first it's easier to say pause because it gives you, again, that extra second to think about it. So have a story. There you go, see, I just said so. Have a story. Don't have anything ready. Your friend can say, okay, tell me what you bought at the grocery store today or tell me the coolest thing that happened to you last week. They can just give you a topic at random so that you don't have anything pre-planned. Give you a minute or two minutes, however long you wanna go, and they can hit record or hit the timer button and then, eh, whenever you say any of your filler words. You can tell them, like, listen for this, this, and this. And if you don't have a friend, I'm very sorry. I can be your friend. I am your friend. But I mean, if you don't have anybody around that can do this with you, you can totally do it on your own. You just have to be your own monitor. You can do it in the mirror. Again, you can record yourself, even just an audio recording. Feel what it feels like to remove those extra words and live in the pause. I'm throwing in something extra here because I realize that a lot of us, myself included, struggle more when we are unscripted with these filler words. For example, when you are in an interview, say, on a podcast or an Instagram Live with a friend or colleague, or an interview, an actual interview for a job, because you don't always know what the questions will be. The best way is to prepare as much as you can. Have some idea going in. If you are going into a job interview, you should at least know what the job is and what you're bringing to the table and what your story is. If you are doing a Live or a podcast and somebody's interviewing you about what you do, your business, your message, your story, obviously have those things ready. Have like three to five points of what you want people to take away. Again, we will go into this in another episode, but preparation is key, even if you feel like you aren't prepared. And the more you do it, the easier it's gonna get. Be prepared, but also, it's okay if you don't have all the answers. A great line to say is, that's a really good question. Let me think about that for a minute. Or, nobody's ever asked me that. I'm gonna have to take a minute and think about it. Doesn't that sound better than, hmm, yeah, so, like I went to this thing and yeah, I graduated from university and my friend, I was listening to a podcast the other day and the first question, the first question that I was asked was, tell us a little bit about yourself and this is a very typical first question. Tell us about yourself, where you're from, who you are and what you do. My gosh, this man, very smart man, very, very smart man, had a ton of experience and knew what he was talking about. He could not get through one paragraph of who he was, where he's from and what he does, what he did, what he does, without maybe 100 arms. I wanted to play like, you know those, take a drink every time somebody says a certain thing in a movie? I wanted to do that with this man on this podcast. I would've been on the floor in the first minute of the show. I don't suggest playing that game, FYI. But if you can't at least come into an interview knowing who you are, what you do and where you're from without stumbling over your ums and ahs, then you need to start practicing that question and you need to get your story down on paper and remember the key points you wanna say. Again, another podcast episode, but what I will say is be prepared. When you go live, be prepared. When you make a video, be prepared. When you go into an interview, be prepared. And then trust yourself. Allow yourself to be comfortable in the pause because the pause is power. What was that? The pause is power. There is power in the pause. I want you to go to bed and have me whispering in your ear hearing that over and over again. How do we get rid of filler words? First, we change our mindset around it. We notice what our filler words are by using a transcriber or listening and then we're gonna practice with a friend or on our own. Write those things down. That is your homework. Go ahead and identify your filler words. Drop me a line by either leaving a review and let me know what your filler word is. Maybe you had some aha moment. Maybe you didn't even know you had a filler word and now you're gonna discover that. I'm so excited for you. Or you can come on over to Instagram and drop me a DM and say, hey, Emanuela, guess what? This is my filler word. And from this day forth, I shall not say it any longer. All right, my friend, that is it for today. I hope this was eye-opening for you. And the big takeaway I want you to have is don't make a big deal about such a small little thing like filler words, okay? Don't make a big deal about such a small little thing like filler words. Have a wonderful rest of your day. God bless. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of the Speaking and Storytelling Podcast. Now, I'd love to hear your voice. What's one thing you learned from today's episode? How did it inspire you? And how will you take action today? You can let me know by leaving a review or visit me on Instagram at Emanuela.Paul. My friend, remember that you were born for such a time as this. So get out there and fearlessly share your unique God-given voice because it just might be the thing that changes the world.
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