EP6 PARENTING IS A MOTHER

The transcription is about the speaker's experiences and thoughts on motherhood and parenting. She reflects on her own desires to be a mother and the challenges she faces in balancing traditional and modern parenting approaches. She talks about the importance of setting boundaries with older generations and taking control of parenting decisions. The speaker emphasizes the need to love and respect oneself before seeking love from others. She shares her own journey of becoming a single mother and the struggles she faced financially and emotionally. She advises against rushing into relationships and warns against giving away one's worth for free. The speaker also discusses her experiences with her daughter's father, who struggled with depression, and the importance of recognizing warning signs and protecting oneself and one's children. hello okay welcome back primas welcome back to Luña Fresa. Today's topic is on mothers. Mothering, parenting is a mother. Yep stay tuned. So this episode is on all our millennial mamas out there. Born in the 80s, grew up in the middle of the street, the lights told us when to go home. Like who the hell even gave us the idea like I want to be a mom. For me it was growing up by myself being an only child so I always wanted I've always felt that I was lonely. I just felt that I always wanted to have somebody that was going to belong to me but that's the wrong idea I had. Our children, by the way, our children do not belong to us. They're just here to teach us lessons and we're here to learn from them and teach them. You know it's a boomerang effect so yeah our children are karma seriously because if your children don't make you well if you weren't a bad kid maybe your kids are not that bad but seriously on earth is where we pay all our debts. Everything we've ever done it is paid in life right now on earth. Okay so I just want to talk about like balancing tradition and modern parenting challenges. For example, I don't yell at my kids. I do yell at them, not all crazy but how I used to get yelled at. The way I punish them are not the way that my mom used to punish me and sometimes it's hard because our moms they're so set in their ways of parenting and mothering that they try to get in the way of you parenting your own children. I've had to step in and be like hey mom like I don't like the way that you did this and I know it hurts their feelings but if we don't correct them they're going to keep doing it and now we're adults so I'm not as scared of my mom as I used to growing up. You know we Latinas we grew up scared of our moms like that lady's gonna whoop my face. Anything that comes out of my mouth might be the wrong might be the wrong thing to say. I don't know. Toxicas right? But you know and I also want to respect her so I'm trying to balance that tradition that where we respect our elders, we respect our parents. I'm trying to teach my children that too but with this new technology and the way that just music and everything else it's so hard to control what our kids listen to, what they say, their little smart mouths. They know more than we used to know. We grew up all pendejos like that's the reason why we're in therapy most of us are like trying to figure out what the hell we did wrong but we didn't have that voice, we didn't have the guidance, we didn't have any resources back then to be like oh let me call and get some help for my anxiety. Like you said that in a Latina household you'd be like taloca, taloca. You know something's wrong with her. But yeah like punishment before and now it's just totally different. It's not what my parents used to whoop my ass like everybody got whooped with the belt. I'm sure some pretty I have some friends that their moms would beat them with a hanger and like the the belt like the side like the metal part like they used to come home all beat up like I mean go to school chingados. But yeah like there's some parents that como animales like that's how they were raised and that's how they raised us and they think that we're gonna do the same but I feel like this generation we came to change things the way that we understand love and how we understand more compassion. They grew up in a different era so they grew up with all these wars going around them and uncertainty so they're a product of their own environment of their own era and we are product of our own generation. But yeah so I know we have some moms too that like to they want to step in and they want to take over your kids like schedules the way that they eat it's it's that you have to put your foot down and you have to say hey I'm the mom I need to do this unless you don't like being a parent I a real parent is not gonna hate their job. Yeah we might hate our job one one day or whatever but like we're just over it like we get so overwhelmed emotionally. Latinas were so emotional and we get so overwhelmed really quickly and we're just like sponges and we can feel everybody's little attitude. I don't know but yeah if your mom's doing that like you need to step in and be like hey I love you but this is my family and this is the way that I'm gonna do things this time around because I didn't end up too well being parented by you so let me try my own approach okay. So yeah I just want to share all this info like when I first had my son I was 23 gonna be 24 I think. If you're listening to this and you're in your 20s don't get with no guy don't get pregnant don't let them like let you take you to a fantasy world where you're just like oh I live in a freaking fantasy because that's what I did I lived in a fantasy like I was so sheltered when I was a kid that my mom sheltered me because you know what's out there like but they never told me what was out there like they would just shelter me like but oh they wouldn't communicate with me like why can't I do these things you know. So that's how I ended up being all rebellious and so because I was like curious we're curious and our kids are gonna do the same thing they're gonna be curious. So these kids now they my 13 year old oh he gets on my nerves that kid but I love him and I tried to correct him and sometimes me and him butt heads but we try to figure it out he's been going to therapy too shoot we're all in therapy but yeah so let me tell you how I ended up pregnant with my son and that's why I tell you guys like I said if you're in your 20s enjoy traveling go eat treat yourself love on yourself stop waiting for others to love on you no man could ever love you as much as you can love yourself okay just remember that you are the only person that can satisfy you completely you cannot teach other people to love you the way that you need to be loved you need to love yourself that so you can attract somebody that's gonna love you as much or more than that okay so don't stay focused on like oh I want this boy to like me or I want this guy to like me like because they're boys right now in their 20s they're literally like 14 okay if you're with a guy that's 25 his mentality just subtract 10 years okay that's their mentality so every time you're gonna date somebody seriously think about that because I had to go through some bullshit to like get to where I'm at right now but yeah I got pregnant when I was like 23 then be 24 I was in this mentality where I was felt lonely and I wanted somebody to be with me pinche pendeja loquera but here we are okay 13 years later and I was with this you know this guy that everything was new to me like I was sheltered so when I got out of high school I was like I met this guy and he just like a whole different lifestyle like a nightlife like we would get home like at 6 7 in the morning to go to sleep because we were partying the whole time but you're young and you're just so like you're so impressionable when you're young and you just you just don't care you just want to eat the world and our parents tell us like you know take it easy me huh like some parents do some don't care but some parents will be like you know that they're gonna be that rapid and all this stuff so I didn't get in none of that so I just lived my life the fast way and I just like here and there and you know we're about to break up and boom I got pregnant and it's like what the heck but here we are you know like I said but I didn't want to be with that guy he probably didn't want to be with me either because we're young like we're gonna do with this child and we were just living this life that was not healthy for a child so I literally cut off ties he cut off ties with me like I didn't want to force no child like my mentality was so manly that I'm like fuck this guy like I don't need him like he's not good so I'm not even gonna try this shit it was it was bad it was not good so I had three dollars to my name I suckered it and like I suckered in and I talked to my dad and he let me come stay with him in South Central and I had my pregnancy there with my dad like he took care of me he made sure that I was okay but I did that guys and it was so hard being a single mom I do not recommend it is so hard parenting it is so it's not like all oh they're so cute yes they're so cute when they don't belong to you they're so cute on TV they're so because literally we don't think about these things we don't think about what we're bringing or who we're bringing into the world because first off we don't even think about the other person's mental health okay so if you're making a baby with a person that is not all there's a little if I don't pinch a tornado those guess what your child is probably gonna inherit some of that okay and if you're a little crazy guess what he's gonna be a little extra okay and if you're bringing a whole human up like when they're little they're cute you change them you feed them you dress them up but literally parenting is no joke like parenting is not for the weak like it's it's a you better have some balls to be a parent because there's these strong willed children and we don't realize it until you are a mother and you're like it's like talking to myself times three times to this little mother effort you know but it's crazy to think about just being a mom and you know I had to get like a regular job I ended up working like as a CNA because I wasn't gonna you know be driving around doing makeup here and back and forth but yeah so I had to do a CNA work I had to go work eight to five my first paycheck guys was like five hundred and two dollars I don't know how much it was under like a little bit over five hundred dollars for two weeks which is 80 hours of work I laughed to be honest I laughed because 500 and for 80 hours a week I mean a 80 hour paycheck oh I was stunned I laughed because I'm like dang like what the hell where am I like I have to check myself because I'm like oh shit what the hell is 500 what am I gonna do with $500 okay so it's just um it's not easy trying to find a babysitter trying to find daycare you know making sure that they have pañales that they have milk that you love on them and they don't hate you when they're older it's a lot of work guys so if you're planning to get with a guy and have a baby just you guys need to literally like you're bringing a whole human no it's not a mess but I'm that cool Liendo I see all willy-nilly like no protect yourself or something it was a little stop giving away free product or letting them taste the product before they even purchase it okay that's what I'm talking about yes I should have done that you should do it I'm giving you advice take it to use it do not be giving away your cookie don't be giving them no cookies without them bringing you any coins nothing in return not a ring not a house not a car not a commitment because these guys think it's out here just for free it's like a free-for-all let me go taste this one and taste that one and these girls were as a community of Latinas and women we have to stick together and be like no let's take it back to old school before they had to marry you they had to give you a place a house a ring a paper that said that protected your future say there was a divorce or a death or something you're protected whatever his assets were they're your assets but yes let them take care of you let them offer you we are the price okay you are the price we're not just some like everything a woman has to offer love compassion hospitality care like a nurse you have all kinds of different embodiment of different professions in one woman we are priceless nothing in this world is worth what we have inside and what we have to offer you cannot purchase compassion you cannot go you can buy food you can go and you can buy food and whatever but anything else that a woman has to offer that love that tenderness of a woman you cannot buy that you cannot go you cannot get that genuinely without it say yeah you get to go somewhere where you pay to get some loving but no it's not the same as somebody really caring for you and you caring for them so stop giving away free cookies out here and just letting everybody taste your cookie and they're not giving you nothing but some drinks some food which you can do both of your for yourself you don't need no guy to be doing that for you your homegirls could do that for you but you don't need to be given away all this goodness for very very little guys like you guys have lowered y'all standards like really low you guys are out here showing your ass and titties big one first of all big one you're gonna show titties are gonna show ass like one or the other you can't be showing ass and titties like it's too much guys and that's coming from somebody that was in the entertainment industry okay big one like stop showing all these motherfuckers everything for free like what are you doing girl cover it up only the who is worth it who is going to invest in that body or that person yourself they get to see him okay if they're not investing in you why are you walking around showing everybody here fucking merchandise like it's not about insecurity trust me I am NOT insecure about no other woman like you know we each got our own but um it's it's um it's disrespect because to yourself because you're out here that you feel the need to be showing off everything for free that's the main part for me it's for free you're not getting paid you're not like a adult entertainment getting paid to walk around and collect some money no you're just free willy-nilly at the grocery store at the club just showing your chi-chis and your ass for free for some drinks no ma'am please have some self-respect you can look gorgeous and beautiful and glamorous without showing anything okay you don't have to show a freaking finger if you don't want to and you can still if you have that femininity inside you it just shows through your eyes it just glows through your eyes because we really don't have to be showing all that stuff okay and as mothers as when I became a mother like I'm like oh I was like I don't want to show that I want to teach that to my daughter like I don't want her to think like oh it's okay for you to be dressing up all you know showing everybody the whole world everything for free like no you better pay for this okay you better buy invest in this okay so stop doing away for free and yeah show your daughters that you can be beautiful without having to show a thing to a man or a woman whatever your choices and whatever whoever you love okay but you that's between you and that other person in the private setting and it's even better because if you give a man everything what else are you gonna give them like if you instantly meet them and you give them everything like there's a sickle man listen to the teachers that are that's all that's that's all another and like what else like he's not gonna want to marry you anymore he's not gonna want to buy you a house anymore why because he didn't have to work for it he didn't have it was so easy for him to just get everything from you without him having to give you anything in return I'm sorry but relationships are transactional a husband and wife it's a transaction guys like the wife cooks cleans provides love compassion care for the whole family not just for the husband for the whole family takes care of the house does things make sure even if it's like hiring other people to come take care of the house you're making sure that the house is being kept okay you're keeping yourself good you're keeping him good and he's not investing back in you so there's something not clicking so please like I said I'm doing that but anyways that was my public service announcement but going back to parenting guys I just get excited you know it's just like I just keep seeing these young girls like an Instagram being to tell me like I don't care go get your teachers on but like cover it up like they still look nice girl but yeah so parenting guys like it's parenting my son it's been a mother it's been my firstborn was not easy like I said I had my paycheck for 500 bucks and it was just embarrassing okay so I decided to quit doing that I started promoting myself more doing makeup I started from scratch by that point I started doing some here and there gigs entertainment business adult entertainment stuff that I do not want to wish to talk about yet but yes and then I had my darm and then I met my daughter's dad which was that's what I'm telling you guys don't do drugs everything was limit don't fall in love so quick guys like I was one of those people that I just love people so much I just love everybody and I just I was always I would fall in love really quick I'm one of those people like man I'm going to because people are just like people and you just everybody's so different and you just like oh I love this person a little bit so this is where it all went like super downhill for me so that's where I learned like keeping my own well everything in life that happens to us is a learning lesson so I'm just going to take it as a learning experience because it was pretty bad and I do not recommend to anybody but yeah my I met this guy I didn't want to be alone he was a white guy I didn't want to be alone and be a single mom and he lied to me he told me that he was studying to pass the bar exam for California state law you know for his lawyer's degree and I was like oh you know he's trying to do something okay good green flag and then he would just give me his card and I would go shopping but the one thing that I didn't know was that his mom had just passed away maybe a month before I met him and he was always just really nice I'd never saw anything you know he always had weed you know so we always smoked together back in Cali and I would bring my friends you know how that goes and so we ended up like you know messing around we had my daughter like six months later or three months later I'm telling you guys it's too much six months later I think but I didn't know that he was really depressed like really depressed so I started noticing the things like right after the baby was born so we were together maybe for like a year and then everything just started happening everything just went downhill emotionally so we wanted to you know he wanted to have a family because his mom wanted him to have a daughter and have a family and all these things but I don't know how the universe works but this girl sends me a whatsapp and it's his ex's sister if she tells me that the girl this is the girl's sister was with my ex and she literally couldn't break up with him because he was depressive and she literally went and got married while still quote-unquote being his girlfriend because she couldn't break up with him like she didn't want to break his heart or feelings she didn't want him to kill himself or something because of her so okay so he this is already I didn't know any of this so that's how the universe I'm telling you it protects you it shines light on you when you best need it okay so don't feel like right now your situation is you know bad it's gonna get better I promise you know we go through seasons so that happened and I was like okay so and I knew that he had guns in the house they had guns in the house and I'm like oh hell you know so long story short there's this time where we had an episode and I had to call my son's grandma to come pick up the kids because this guy was trying to kill himself with me and the kids in the household like he was trying to do it on himself but with us in the house and I was like oh hell like I've never been through any stuff like that yeah I've seen guns you know cuz my ex was my first baby daddy he was kind of crazy he liked all that stuff but like not he was a Mexican but it's totally different race like I dated a white guy I was trying to be like when we said being teachers Lopez we're trying to be homeowners to Latina trying to be homeowners but yeah so I had to call my son's grandma to come pick up the kids my daughter's mind you is like a year old and her dad's over here waving a gun trying to kill himself because he can't handle life so this shit's happening to me and I'm like oh my god like what the fuck we're gonna do another incident I had you know we're just trying to parent and trying to deal with this guy in the house and yeah in I stayed because of what my mom was gonna say like yeah I was at the net those at the test of those you know the Mexican mom voice in my head I just kept hearing my mom like why are you you know why are you doing this that's going on the book Amelia I could just hear all these things in my head so I tried to stick it through I went to church we went to therapy together and the church always tells you like stay together because of the kids and blah blah blah and it's like I don't want to shine on nobody's religion but why would you want to be in a relationship or it's just a fucking death trap okay so run run run run so I try to parent these little babies while they were really small and it's it hasn't been easy and I had to get them out of that situation so we were in Texas I believe seven years no I'm sorry no no no we were going to be five years with the my daughter's dad and I couldn't take it anymore like I just you know it just I had to either realize like do I want to stay here and let my kids grow up this way or do I want to do better for them and not care what my mom has to say and not follow tradition and not follow you know just having one baby daddy like at that point that's where I reached my breaking point and to be honest from there I could care less what anybody has to say about my life what anybody's opinion is on who I'm with why what where when all that I could give one grain of salt ass about what would other people think and that's how I want you to take things and how you want I want you to live your life because if you live life on your terms you're going to be so happy and if you stop listening to everybody else around you that's just like projecting their fears and their emotions onto you onto your life do not let them absorb your your good do your good energy that you carry because these people are so scared to move forward and shine because we all can we can all shine but we choose to be dull and lifeless but if you yourself you choose to shine your life is going to be beautiful because everything that we think about we attract it so back then when I was in those situations my mindset was very weak I always thought of what's the worst thing that could have happened and it did and it did with that guy like I ended up going to jail for a DUI like a week after I met him so that's why I want you guys also we're gonna have a different episode on like relationships like love relationships but I want you guys to know this part whenever you're dating somebody like new and if bad things continuously happen to you while you're with that person I want you to take those red flags and run okay fly because that's a sign I'm gonna tell you guys one thing with that second guy that I was with every time we would go eat somewhere they would mess up his order and our order was good me and the kids order was good just his order was nasty it was uncooked there was a hair something every time he tried to go somewhere he would be angry because the traffic was just terrible and I'll be like oh I just drove by there like there was nobody like I just walked through there so stuff like that I want you guys to pay attention because I want to teach you guys and a couple new episodes coming up I want to teach you guys how to open up your intuition I don't care how old you are I teach this to my daughter she's 11 and I don't care how old you are you can definitely reopen up your intuition and follow your gut and let that guide you instead of overthinking in our heads we overthink things so much that we don't follow that intuition that voice that is already inside us okay so yeah I just wanted to share that on parenting is a mother because it really is like you can be in a situation and then your situation just change okay but I had to get the kids help after all that trauma I had to my daughter saw you know him rip open my bag and break my camera and break my glasses and she was very little I want to say she was like three or four years old but you still remember things when you're four years old and she remembers that and we kind of talk about it well not anymore we don't but we've talked about it and she's like yeah mommy I remember you know him dad doing that to you and I it breaks my heart I'm like how could I let my daughter see me and see that it just it as a mother it breaks me because I'm like fuck it I fucked up by the mother but I've done other things that I'm not proud of but my kids have never wanted and will never want and I've always provided for them like when I was with her dad he never paid for any daycare he never did a lot of things he stayed at my mom's house it was too it was too hot outside to go look for a job for him so I want you guys to look at those flags guys but me I was such a compassionate person that I didn't want to this man to kill himself because of me he is the father of my child but it's like I was killing my own soul being with this person and I didn't I was so gorda and so like I still wore makeup but I just wasn't I wasn't glowing now that I look back at a lot of pictures I'm like dang like shit I look fucked up but yeah here I am now I'm better I've grown I've healed I'm still healing but yeah I want you guys to know that being a mother is hard it's not easy but it's also very rewarding because we do learn a lot about ourselves and our resilience and yeah if you're you've ever been in a relationship like that I suggest you get some help there's a lot of resources out there wherever you're at always go to a women's like help office they have those for free make sure you file a report because it gives the state paper trail of when it started don't just be quiet and not say anything and not document anything because a woman will always go back you're always going to go back to the same situation because that's all you know and you're so scared to move forward but there's resources out there there's other people that genuinely want to help others and I suggest you take advantage of those angels that the universe puts in your path and get some help and try to get out of that situation because it was hard for me to get out but I the way that I got out I'm gonna tell you guys so I guess he had called a hotline this is the last time I'm not the last time I'm on the last part of it he had called a hotline it was during like Thanksgiving time like a November and I get a phone call and they're like no actually I didn't get a phone call I was cleaning my mom's garage with my goddaughters in a car a cop pulls pulls up and they're like who lives here and I was like you know I'm telling him my mom my dad everybody and and then he's like who else lives here and I said his name and he's like okay well I need you to give me where he works and his phone number and everything because not his phone number where he works and I was like okay um I was like what's going on he's like oh you know some type of suicide something I was like oh hey I'm like literally I had just spoken to that guy not even 10 minutes okay so it's so weird so I'm like okay so apparently they had pinged his phone and he was in a garage somewhere with a gun okay so I give them I give them this had been already asked like a day or two after he ripped my bag and he broke all my stuff okay my camera and all that stuff my glasses and everything so give them the address and he when he told me because he called me from the hospital they literally put this guy on a 5150 hold this is how they got him they got to his office this is what he told me they got to his office and three guys tackled him in his cubicle and pinned him down and put him in handcuffs okay like from all the shit that this man had done to me and that wasn't the story I just told you guys so where he just ripped my all my stuff that's just one one day okay there's plenty of days and I went through it for five years and he says that so the psychiatrist calls me so they put this guy on a 5150 hold meaning a psychiatric hold for 72 hours so he had to spend in Bentop Houston the holiday Thanksgiving he had a hot dog and water probably for Thanksgiving dinner and I'm telling you I don't have to lift one finger for karma to do its thing and that's why I believe in karma because whatever you do comes back around and not instantly sometimes yes sometimes it takes a while and it comes back okay so don't steal don't cheat don't lie don't do any of that because it comes back okay it comes back in the form of your children receiving it or them doing it to somebody it's in different forms so this guy's in the 5150 and the psychiatrist calls me and he's like so what do you know what do you want to do and I was like well and then I tell them I took the opportunity and I opened my mouth I wasn't gonna say anything and I opened my mouth and I told him what had happened two nights before and he they kept him they kept him for three days and he called me and called me and call me tell me I didn't answer he called me again so I didn't want to be the mean person but I had to like be hard and when he was he was let out from the hospital I told him I don't I couldn't come back to the house I said I can't like I can't do it anymore I took advantage of that and I you know I said you can't come to the house I think he lived in his car until you finally got a place or whatever I didn't care anymore like it had I was to that point where I was done I didn't care if you live in your car you live in a parking lot I don't care because I cared so much and he didn't care enough for him to lift himself for our daughter and to take care of himself for himself and to provide for us so why should I care I've been taking care of everything in the house for five years without no help like what I was wasting more money than I was actually making because I was the one working I was the one that had to wake up at 3 4 in the morning to go do bridal parties and do makeup and come back to like 6 7 and at night and still hang out with my kids and eat with them and try to and do it all over again like no you have to put into account all the work that you guys do on the daily and what these guys are not bringing to the table is it weighing more on your shoulders or is it is he lifting weight off your shoulders so stop being so stuck and what is my mom gonna say what is this gonna say you know just do you protect your kids always put your kids first because a man's love a man can never love you that's not love that's all transactional a real man a real love is between a mother and a child that's true love right there between a man and a woman that's transactional that's animalistic love I don't know how to explain that but you know that love you feel for your children especially if you're a mother you feel this love for your children I could never feel for any man in this world okay so yes so parenting like I said it's a mother and nobody's ready for it moms were not ready for it but we just take it one day at a time and we tackle it and we try to make the best of the days I had somebody tell me the days are long but the years are short remember the days are long but the years are short and that's true now that I look back at it I'm like I look at the pictures of my children I'm like oh my god I'm in chiquitos now they're like little monsters like my son is taller than I am I'm 5'3 he's like 5'5 5'6 my daughter she's almost reaching me and she's only 11 I'm a minute I'm sure I'm shrinking but yeah so I know these kids can wear us out and they can you know get on our nerves and we're a different generation and we're trying to be different but we need to meet in the middle too and be like okay I'm a whoop your ass and you keep messing with me okay they need to have some type of discipline but not beat them whooping and beating is a whole different I need people to understand that I got a whooping on my ass pero pues aqui estoy look nothing happened to me I'm alive you know yeah don't beat your kids that's not okay but yeah primas I hope you guys learned some more things from me and I'll catch you guys on the next episode and we will be getting into relationships with a man and we will be getting into intuition so that's really important what I want to teach you guys because that's going to help you like forever I love you guys bye