fathers

welcome to the back to the back to the back to the back podcast i'm dakota i'm sarah i don't want to be here i mean i do want to be here but i don't want to be here yeah i don't like that sounds so horrible it sounds like you torture me and i don't no i just i've we've talked about it before i don't i don't like being recorded like on camera if we were only doing audio i'd be so free it would be fine i'd be okay it sucks because like the only like audio only it's like i don't i don't really even know any audio only podcast at this point but the only ones that are like i would say successful are probably ones that are established way like a while ago before recording was a big thing for people who are already famous right um and so like they know the voice right um but yeah so i mean i hate it i hate i hate that the way the industry or just things in general are structured that you have to conform to certain ideals and like standards or like procedures right um which like it's dumb because it's like almost like a kind of paradox but like and i don't know oxymoron's right word but it's weird it's like it's dumb that in an industry of creativity you have to be almost limited to thrive you know i mean yeah to the fact is the the way that we're going to actually be able to get to a place where you can make money off this is for it to to blow up on youtube that's what it comes down to and to hit the algorithm yeah like all these things i was listening to a podcast i was listening to earlier the jack septichead's podcast about how like i think it was that or even like just youtube in general i've heard multiple times how like youtube used to be so much more accepting to like creators who want to do whatever they want and now it's more like hit the algorithm do these things and it's like yeah it sucks i hate i say in general um i feel like the whole world uh is kind of unfortunately coming to that whole aspect or like um i don't know i'm blanking on words of like i don't know what you're thinking of so i can't basically creativity is being limited like fucking a lot all right i can't i hate when i can't think of words and i feel like i don't like that or something like i'm trying well i know right now i'm struggling with selective mutism like because of how dysregulated i am um so i'm not really contributing can you define selective mutism for those in the oh it's just like basically like when you're dysregulated if you're you know autistic right it's from my understanding it's just basically like when i'm dysregulated there are times that like i'll suddenly become unable to speak oh okay i've definitely done that yeah um it usually happens to me when i'm when i feel like someone's like not listening to me like they're shutting me down oh and so you go into like oh yeah i've done that and i've seen you go like you've seen it like whenever like like whenever there's like a confrontation there's a disagreement an argument um sometimes i'll like especially when people are um i just did it i was literally gonna say when people don't let you get your word in and i was like in this it's never it's never come from a place of like but i know like that can be contributed to mansplaining or like just like being rude in general and so i hate that i hate that that's the way my brain is wired and i think it's something i should probably actively work on no i know that it's like a part of the neurodivergency because i mean i do it with other people too um i guess i have trained myself over the years because i got so much crap for interrupting people like right like i was really bad when i was like around your age right and i just was shamed for it so much that did i do that i was too shy to even talk to people or was i going to interrupt anybody i don't know if you do it outside of me the reason i do it now is it's not because i'm not listening because i think there's a difference between hearing somebody listening to somebody and i'm like a big proponent on you should you should like actually listen like called active listening active listening but i feel like the way i active listen is wanting to contribute as much as possible to let the other person know that i'm engaging and so it just looks like i'm not listening and i just want to talk again that's what it is and i hate that i hate that's like the way my brain is wired i don't i don't think of at a place now i don't feel bad about it anymore because i understand that it's something the adhd and autistic people do yeah i don't actually like there's enough information out there for neurotypicals to understand that we're not trying to be rude and it's not that we're not listening it's just that you said something that made us think of something that we went through and we're trying to relate being empathetic and let you know like hey instead of acting like we're making it about us that's not what it is so i i don't i don't feel as bad about doing it now but i definitely don't do it as much as i did when i was younger because again it was shamed out of me so that's why on here it sounds like you interrupt me more but it's because i've been trained not to and you guys also something maybe sadly to do with just you being a woman and how society basically i don't know if it's necessarily i mean yes there's something into that too but there's like um i hate those things i know we've mentioned that literally like i think my nose is like always running all the crap in the air my nose is Usain Bolt yeah i mean it's actually you see like in a football match soccer he like broke his leg or something and like tore something no i didn't know that just like crazy man i get like seeing yeah i meant to look at that but did you see that india and usa are facing off in the uh cricket world cup but the usa team made it mom sorry no mom look at me what look at me what does it look like i watch cricket no but i'm just saying do i look like do i look like i watch i don't have to be rude to the people that watch actually i won't throw that back because like i always thought cricket was kind of weird but like the way i see people watch cricket i'm like i really wish i knew it because it's it that's probably the closest i'll get to someone who doesn't understand like football or something like yeah because i'm like how do you understand it's simple but when i see people like it it's like a foreign language and i don't understand it there's some similarities to baseball and that's why also like not at all right i thought people were like well yeah it kind of makes sense that usa would like once they got a team be able to do well because baseball's so big here but yeah i don't know i just saw like two tiktoks and i'm like what so i meant to look that up because i think they were playing today but i just kind of forgot because today's been busy but anyhow you see that yon did that officially all likes on twitter are hidden now i don't give a fuck that's like crazy i hate that man that's that's kind of bad honestly i um i saw tesla when i went to the gym and i wanted to go in and be like whoever owns the tesla and you know make it seem like something bad i'm like you're a horrible person because you're supporting a racist and then like you like oh because the whole like apple had this whole event where they're like integrating ai into their new like their next generation and everything and you know i was like if anybody uses apple my company they're getting fired or something it's like stupid like he's so the only time that i like had any bit of like enjoyment from elon was like years ago when he's on joe rogan and he was smoking weed and that's only the natural instinct of like a celebrity smoking weed i'm like oh cool it's good for you to like promote that weed isn't bad but i don't like joe rogan and i don't like elon musk yeah like even more um i'll say first of all nobody should be buying new iphones because of what's happening in the congo in the sudan like that like that shouldn't be happening why that's what the thing of congo is they're it they're mining for cobalt and it's killing them oh apple is well just any like any devices with those recharge like their batteries yeah so that's why the whole push is not to get all phones but like the big thing with apple is you know you know that they slow down phones they like they literally had a court case against it so that you're forced to buy new phones every time the one comes out and so that's why it's been a big push of don't buy new devices if you don't need them and if you do need them try to get refurbished yeah you know so so nobody should be buying a new iphone that's my point we're 10 minutes in we haven't gotten to the main topic of this sorry that's probably really loud on there with the sign yeah i don't think so and for all of my asmr people hope you enjoy this eye but i'm breathing too much uh this should be coming around coming out around father's day it'll come out the day before the day before father's day um not gonna lie i have extreme anxiety going into the episode and this whole day i've been having a underlying panic attack that i've been trying to keep from bubbling over yeah um because fathers are the number one probably sore subject for me besides my race probably i feel like father this one will be what mother's day was for me in a different way though that's the thing yeah because like it was like because the big motif in my life is the father's being absent or going away and yours is the mom's there but you don't want the mom to be there you don't want that you don't want her um yeah but to get a quick recap of my life revolving around fathers uh a biological daddy went to milk never came back that's not true he peaced out before i even was open into this existence of worlds yeah um no contact uh since then uh i mean there's been he he saw in dakota once when he was two weeks old that isn't that is it i was at you're not born until you gain consciousness yeah um and so obviously for what when how old was i when you met uh anyway well not when i met him i met andy when i was 13 when we reconnected and started dating um you were eight eight so for the first eight years of my life fatherless um and like there's layers on that which i don't even know if i want to get into this episode but the fact that my father is the black side of me so it's not only that he took away i'm not the black side of you i wish i had a bean bag that wasn't hard to injure but enough i'm just saying like i think context clues i guess for the people listening and not watching they don't maybe know that you're mixed and okay go back to my father trauma black side of me is gone so that was uh also taken away from me as well as my father or any resemblance of having a father um and that hurt a lot when i was young i it doesn't hurt as much now what hurts more now is the black side of me but when i was young it was definitely multiple like i can remember nights like being sad didn't have a father i mean but at the same time i had the best mom so it was like this weird thing in my mind where i was really upset that i didn't have a dad but proud that i had like the best mom um but flash forward i'm eight she meets what would be my stepdad um and like i mentioned before on this podcast he passed away my senior year of high school um and like looking back now i wish i had more time with him i wish i spent the last couple months and year with him uh disconnecting as much as we could but during those about a decade of me knowing him he didn't really necessarily give me the relationship that i was seeking for with a father um and that being like the emotional side um and that really hurt there was like glimpses here and now especially early on with him meeting uh you that he did show that like like nobody's heard but he showed like that fatherly love that like i was wanting um but like i said he passed and like to rewind the only other like father figure immediately in my life that i had was her dad um my grandpa but like i said before he passed away from the same cancer that my stepdad did um when i was in fourth grade um so really like biological fat father gone gone and then the two other ones died or two other father figures died uh so that sucks um i don't know happy father's day though to people like i'm glad you like you had you i don't even have the perfect relationship with your dad no i didn't um i just realized something though while you were talking so my dad died in 2012 which was dakota's fourth grade year and you know dakota was in gifted and talented so he was very smart he generally made straight a's like and he almost did not make it through fourth grade year like he did not want to go to school he didn't want to do work after my dad died um i had to meet with the principal and with his teachers and we had to set up a plan and they allowed a lot of grace i really do appreciate that yeah um that was really rough and then i realized what happened after andy died a year after basically i just put two and two together that basically i think you handle grief the way that i do and that kind of consumes you um and then it has like major side effects yeah like i don't know i just see some people that lose people and they seem to thrive afterwards well i mean if you think about it i can see that it almost went away with that because when i lost andy i got into usc yeah like i got usc and my freshman year was like one of the best years of my life yeah and then that i don't know mask but that like shield the extra skin that i put up after he died deteriorated yeah and you couldn't hold on anymore and then everything came crashing down like it did with my grandpa um i'm glad i'm not crying like i'm really trying not to care i just i don't know it just when you were talking about i was like oh my god why have i never put that together i mean it's like you know how much weight i gained after dad died and i mean and now i've gained weight since andy died um granted with my dad it was partly due to the injury that i got you know from training and so i wasn't able to be active with andy it hasn't been as much weight because i've been able to stay active but it's still just like i don't know like as i said i just i wish i was somebody who thrived when someone passed away like i'm not it affects me so deeply and it takes so long for me to get out of it um i was just thinking about that but uh yeah my relationship with my dad wasn't perfect but um it was it might just be because i had longer with them i think is what it is partially right like i had how old was i when he passed 30 33 he passed in 2012 was 2024 so it's 12 years ago um yeah 33 um so he passed when i was 33 which is you know still pretty like young not a lot to no longer have your and like he died and yeah he was only 54 when he passed and i always look back and wish i had spent even more time with him like i regret going to indiana for thanksgiving that year because i didn't i didn't really have because i didn't i didn't realize it was gonna be my last thanksgiving with him like i i feel bad about that all the time so we literally came home from that trip and what was it like two days later he was in the hospital and he never came out i mean he was in the hospital for like a month a month i think yeah because he came he went in a few days after we came back i think or yeah like days after i came back and he passed away two days after christmas so he was there for a month and he never came back and then you know when andy went into the hospital and everyone came out i remember telling him then i was like i that was what i was terrified and i was like if you go in this hospital i feel like you're never gonna come out again because it was very and like for dakota and i it wasn't just that my husband his stepdad passed away from the same cancer that my dad it was he had all the same doctors too the same hospital it was reliving a very personal health in the middle of a pandemic at that oh yeah my stepdad passed away during covid yeah that was the thing that happened i forgot about that i forget covid happens no i was actually just talking to tiffany charlotte tiffany she's been binging our episodes so we were talking i was like a friend of hers yeah um how i wish i kind of wish i don't want to go back to people dying obviously or getting sick but i miss that bubble like when the world slowed down and you could see nature healing because we weren't out in it polluting it all the time and i don't know i just it sucked that maybe we couldn't go exactly everywhere we wanted to go when we wanted to but it was also nice to just have like that not no need to like constantly be doing yeah i don't know that kind of went off track there's no track this is a free it's a free race just a green coming head-on well that's a little more aggressive than i was gonna go but we'll ride with it we'll ride with it you like my shirt i will not tolerate your bull bleep um but i wish you peace i feel like it was very much like my dad that's very adequate like i'm not gonna deal with you but and i don't wish you harm did you see what kiana reese said he said uh oh my god i want to get the exact quote it was about a certain point in his life kianu kianu just really like saying that i do i love seeing kiana and i haven't seen the movie with the cat can you feel yeah yeah kiano reese kiano reeves he said i'm he said quoting kiana reese he said this i'm at the stage in life where i stay out of arguments even if you say one plus one equals five you're right have fun it's it's the theory of would you rather be right or would you rather be happy yeah i know and like at first i was like but it's important to be passionate about some things and then i was like i i kind of agree with him like i don't i don't i'm too tired and i hate that like i'm at a point in life that's the same point as like someone who's like what he's like 50 something at least yeah um and like well i was like mentioned i've been through shit i'm sure he's been through equal my shit no he's the worst like is he or no he lost he lost his uh i don't know if they were married but i i i love his life yeah um so he is yes been through it um but no yeah i'm kind of just with your shirt says like i'm kind of done dealing with people man people suck like you guys suck some of you guys are amazing but some of you guys suck um i don't know i don't i don't know if i really want to i don't know what we'll call this episode obviously we want to touch on father's day because we'll be coming out the day before father's day and so kind of along the message of your shirt i personally can't share that love for father's day like some people can but those who can i wish you the best father's day yeah and i'm kind of like there will be more episodes where we talk about sad stuff but like i don't want this to be the episode another episode like i'm like i don't like that like i do and i don't like that every episode kind of has a sad side sorry no it's i know it's me too i never said it's your fault don't do that don't put that on me um sorry my back's hurting that's not a sad thing it's from working out but it like it's a good thing feel the pain um i mean we could do the ranking of the dads like we did for mother's day i was gonna get into the youtuber that possibly but i really don't know if i like well you can talk about that um all right i have no any of the people who watch us so far know about comic storian but quickly it was a youtuber who just recently passed a couple days ago or a few days ago now um he was only 40 i believe uh and it was someone who i grew up with one of the biggest not just youtubers i watched which is thinking about now influences in my life especially thinking back on how like i had so few father figures and he was someone who was around the age that could have been a father to me and showed the things he presented in life was like comics and he narrated stuff in anime and manga and nerd stuff and video games and it was stuff i loved and stuff i found like i found like a home um and this is someone who i listened to like the podcast and i watched his videos almost every morning especially in the past year i've watched it like at least 50 percent like like every other day i've like watched his videos and just to see someone who was such a good person um so creative and such a big influence in my life died at such a young age and just like see that i see his like close friends like youtubers and his like wife and just ultimately impacted that it's he's been taken away it really sucks yeah um especially the more i've watched like i just watched a video this morning of another comic book youtuber comics explained who i've also watched one of his closest friends on the platform the way he described benny ben potter that's his name benny potter um reminds me so much of my stepdad during the early years um when he was passionate and so affectionate towards me um and so in a way it feels like i like lost another father figure which i didn't think would happen again i didn't want to have it again but i thought i was done i thought three was enough i've had three strikes and i was out but they threw me ball four um now i have to walk in this shit i'm sorry i had to uh do you think it's also like the reason it's affecting you so much too is because of everything that's going on with ben no i didn't think about that um i don't know because that's another foggy fit father figure yeah and i know for me like what's happening with him is triggering stuff from andy um but either way like i don't think you should like you know we talked i think it's very natural to be upset and about this and feel like it's a loss because that's how i felt about kid when he passed um local dallas listeners if anybody in dallas listening will know who kid cratic is i grew up listening to him on the eagle would know yeah i grew up listening to him on the eagle when i was in elementary i listened to this man from elementary until he passed away i think he passed like six months after my dad died or maybe like a within a year of my dad's passing he passed so it felt like like losing my dad again because he would and dakota grew up listening to him too because i would play um kiss fm in the morning on the way to school man kids don't know anything about listening to the radio in the car they don't know well now because you like can connect your phone and stuff they they get this apple carplay android carplay listen to whatever you know the biggest thing well actually that's kind of phased out i remember when like that was the big features like oh we can watch the movies in the back of the car yeah we think in that you know between the electric cars you can watch in the front um but like the feature of moving the back car is kind of outdated you know what kids won't and this is like i guess probably older generations can say shit about me but no none of these kids now know what it was like to have to manually roll your window up and down i don't want to hear shit from you if you've never had to roll your window up and down in the car especially in texas heat i don't want to hear it yeah i don't want to hear don't talk to me um but yeah i'm just saying like i think especially for someone like benny who you're talking about benny who you're talking about yeah that's not like it's not a celebrity like like when prince died or kobe died right like yeah you're like there's connections we have connections to them but this felt more personal because he's not this huge celebrity i mean yeah he was well known in the circles of like what he does yeah and youtube and youtube and but it was i mean like that's the thing of a generation like and y'all grew up on youtube yeah i grew up on youtube so it's kind of the equivalent of like even it's even more of an equivalent than like your generation and further growing up with like movie stars and like celebrities because youtube is such a you produce so much content on youtube and it's it's like a tv show but every single day and like people peering into your life like for most youtubers it's not them like acting something it's them revealing who they are to a certain aspect yeah um and sharing interest in like building this community um like genuinely he was someone who made my mornings and days better and without watching that i probably would have had much worse of a time um check out i won't remind me when we uh wrap up this episode to uh show you this video i watched this morning it's like him um he bought like this damn yeah someone just you couldn't i don't think i already picked it up but someone just slammed their door like they got fired from work like that was thunderous one of our neighbors didn't get fired was boom unless it was the one across the street um but the video was like him like he bought his like batman collectible and it's like from the games it's like a glove and it's like it reminds me so much of andy like yeah it's gonna be uncanny it's a quick video that i thought would be cool to show you um but yeah if you want to hop into the dad draft we can do that yeah i don't i'm coming in i'm so confident i don't even need to look up anything i'm sure you have stuff prepared yeah i'm old and i can't like think without help i can't think too sorry my hair is really really bugging me i'm so glad when the bangs grow out bugging me so much what nothing all right uh i'd go first because i don't have a dad i mean you don't either now but i have one less fucking rude uh you can go first no you can go how many are we drafting i don't remember how many on the mom doesn't matter no we did three no we did more than three three did we do three three okay then three either so we'd want the dad yeah you can go first no i'll let you go first no go first no you go first hey i haven't prepared you've prepared you already have someone first go well like you you can probably guess who i'm gonna pick first uh oh now i can but go yeah you need bob you need bob she got linda last time yeah i can i'm just saying they need to be married i guess that your mom would that be bob i want bob because even though he's like you're terrible you're all terrible i'd fire you if i could right he's very honest but also he is he's so ride or die for his kids like and then the way that he is passionate about what he does you know for a living that his burgers cooking um there's an episode where he takes gene to this like rock opera thing at the planetarium and it freaks gene out so they leave and then they go to the car and listen to the album in the car it's pretty much like whatever it is i think they're comparing it to being floyd's album dark side of the moon right and then gene wants to go back in to see it and i don't know like he's just willing i feel like really out of the two parents i'm more like bob than i am with linda like he really does try to they both they both try to do everything they can to make sure that their parents their kids feel supported and loved and happy and i don't know i mean he's weird so that's why i would pick him it's like actually so many choices i oh i'm saying i actually i'm doing it i have so many choices in my mind but i think he's not he is a dad but his son died and so i'll throw that boy for him because you know i'm choosing lease from the line give me uncle iroh i like oh my god talk about a father figure yeah zuko no no oh my god literally i need uncle iroh in my life so bad everyone can use their own uncle iroh i literally you know when you have me watch it i immediately fell in love with him i need to watch i haven't watched avatar this year and i've watched avatar every year of my life yeah but like since i've seen it yeah obviously i didn't come out the womb airbending um uh yeah for sure yeah i think too because that was going to be my second pick there's so many options oh okay um arthur weasley i really love him he's like i'm surprised i don't know why i didn't take his wife because i love her too but i don't know just the way that he did everything he could inside the ministry to help you know basically like there's more in the books than there is in the movies which is the point like i don't know and also like his fascination with uh muggle things you know um i don't know just the reasons in general they could just adopt me that'd be amazing is that all you have about arthur yeah all right because again you freaking took well i'm just trying to think uh i probably should became more prepared about dads i have like one in mind but like i don't think you have this this person in mind but like i want like either of you my dad's i just talked about how sad i was not having dad so i should probably get some good ones you know yeah um um i think who like would i want to be my dad oh i'm just going i'm i'm just i'm destroying you give me master splinter okay if you can raise four radioactive teenage mutant ninja turtles on your own yeah you can raise me give me master splinter i'm really surprised there's one that i really thought you would take but are you thinking of one from a movie no oh there's some of you want to oh i know the one from the movie you might take yeah that's what i was like thinking of but i kind of want to go separate from that one yeah um and my only last pick would be gomez adams oh that's a good one because not just the way that he is supportive of his kids but the way he cherishes his wife and just the way he loves his family and i'm not even just talking about the movies i'm talking about like the original show too like they that couple was obsessed with each other and they were obsessed with their kids but in such a like healthy hands-off approach but knowing like they're they really figured out how to balance being supportive and not being like a helicopter parent which i'm like i know i probably was and am but that's like anxiety fair but i just i don't know for best husband i would have dropped him for sure for yeah i would get a husband but like who i'd want to yeah i think he's such a good good dad too yeah and a good brother like i don't know he's just like oh yeah i just if i could be an adopter from another family it'd be adams i'd love to be part of the adams family i would no i would oh it was creepy a little creepy house i don't know if i like would love that yeah i'm not really into pain either so yeah so i was like i i said that i just want to like support um i just had oh yeah so the other ones i was thinking of that i'll quickly mention i will mention that i was considering before i like just thought of a really good one was grew so go me great dad uh marlin from finding nemo no he's a bad dad he's a bad dad but he like all his kids decimated except for one that's not his fault damn and then you lost your kid the victim shamed him i don't like him wow she hates all all confid nope i like nemo i just don't like marlin there's another one to shout out um mufasa nah because he died he was murdered you got onto marlin about letting me that's not the same thing at all um there's also another one that was like that would be like good but i can't particularly think oh hank hill hank hill will be cool ned flanders would be cool um professor you told him i mean professor x right from um powerpuff girls oh i think professor x from x-men uses low-key racist uh wolverine i don't think he's a dad that's you're just naming fictional men at this point i'm just with you i'm just trying to oh shrek is a dad yes so is donkey donkey i was watching shrek earlier or i had it on actually i'm really watching it making waffles yeah uh but no i'll get to my last draft for the fictional dad uh i'll call him father white beard oh yeah i mean if i have white beards my dad no one's messing with me and i know who goes to the ends of earth for me so i'm talking we're talking quick recap top three dads yours is bob belcher and who's like oh arthur weasley and um gomez adams selection but great selection but i got uncle iroh okay well because you stole him and white beard you just went with people that can kick ass that's it no they can kick ass and also take care of me emotionally but don't don't get it wrong they'll kick your ass and i was i thought you were gonna pick phil dumpy i thought of him but he's not not the best you'd have a lot of fun with him though i would i literally thought about the guy i have i would never would i was trying to make a tv show dad then he was the only one i could think of i wouldn't mind being married to somebody like phil dumpy because i know he's frustrated the fuck out of me all the time but i feel like i'd have a lot of fun oh jim jim is technically a father from the office yeah but we didn't really get to see him as a dad like that yeah so actually michael like you know he's like yeah he ends up having kids but like just the way he is like a horrible boss but he's a really good dad so other other quick chatter like uh what's uh sully is what's his name from big daddy that's what i was thinking of it yeah i was thinking big daddy i figured that's what you were also wilson missing the pursuit of happiness i'm also surprised you didn't go uncle phil i i don't know how many fucking times i have to tell you i don't watch fresh friends oh it's like the one i'm a martin man sorry philadelphia no you're not i'm not literally the only thing good thing you have is cheesesteaks cream cheese and hers chips so just your food you just have food that's it everything else i spit on you oh my god you get good celebrity you get good you produce good people we want this to like become a thing and people are look back and then we might just lose a whole fan base in philly there's a gmm rad like i think it gets like like i think it's like saint louis or like colorado like some random state wait the whole state or yeah the whole state um i was gonna say something and i just like totally lost it it went away i don't know it's gone to the nethers i don't know like it has something to do with the words oh joel from the last of us oh yeah he'd be really good you know why i think of him roy can't thinking of dads and i just oh oh i'll say it was who ted ted lasso oh yeah my god um but also roy i just said roy did you say roy yep i'm sorry no you didn't i did we can i'll make the day talk and i'll rewrite the tape um i was gonna say the tv dad i feel like is the most like my dad is actually uh what is his character's name on there on uh modern family the one that's married to jay jay oh my god um yeah i feel like that's like the most that my dad's like out of every representative i'll say kind of looked like him yeah so that's another reason i probably feel like that like but i feel like my dad like we've talked about my dad is very accepting of people just as they are he might not completely understand it but he would accept it yeah like and the understanding just comes from like obviously a different generation but like he's definitely stuff was definitely more open-minded than a lot of people in his generation so that's why i like i have he reminded me of jay sometimes that's why it's hard to watch modern family sometimes because i'm like oh my dad so that's why i stopped watching it if anybody was wondering it wasn't a good show but anyhow that was a ramble i don't know i feel very awkward right now it's probably because we're recording a different time it is we normally record first thing in the morning basically and because of the i'm getting tired that's it yeah i yeah i'm tired now in a different way in the mornings it's because i'm not fully awake now it's because i've been awake too long i'm so tired you could get me confused with the michelin man what's that thinking you thought about it i did think i digest it consume it it was poop it out it's weird though we're good right yeah we're good we're golden say golden golden chick read that in high school right outsiders oh yeah fucking sad book where the where the red fern lies oh my god you mean where the red fern grows whatever i it was years ago i love you i don't feel like you do with the way you said that you aggressively said that i'm aggressive love you no that sounds wrong is austin powers a dad dr evil technically he's a mini me i don't remember if he has any there's a lot of people i think are like i don't know i don't know i don't know i love you to the back to the back to the back to the back podcast uh goodbye you