Mental Health Sam

Tracy, Tracy Y, Carrie, and Tracy's daughter Samantha discuss their experiences with public speaking and anxiety. They also talk about the challenges of raising children and the age differences between them. Samantha shares her struggles with anxiety in college and how she sought help through therapy and medication. She also mentions the support she received from her emotional support animal. Despite homesickness, she was able to overcome her anxiety and continue with her studies. Okay this is Tracy with an IE and this is connecting with friends and we have myself and Tracy with a Y and Carrie and my daughter Samantha is joining us today as a guest. You know I was always taught when you're on the phone if you're doing customer service you should always smile. Exactly. Like the eyebrow raises too and like yeah that's part of expression. Tracy is used to being in Toastmasters. IE. IE. IE. Tracy Y would never do that right? Tracy Y is completely fine talking in front of people. Tracy IE needs a little help. Carrie IE prefers not to. Carrie IE. Yeah I'm with Carrie IE. So I'm kind of like the odd man out today because you guys are all related. But you've known him longer. That is true. I've known Tracy longer. You've technically known me longer. You've tortured me longer. Good job. Who can deny that sweet little face. And then a plead Aunt Carrie. Aunt Carrie you're the sweetest person I've ever met. Aunt Carrie do this. Aunt Carrie do that. Take my skates off. Wait I want them back on. Wait I want them back off. Aunt Carrie jump through a hoop. Yes okay I will. That's funny. All right Sam what topic are you bringing with us today and Sam tell us how old are you? I am 24. I will be 25 in December. That is still really hard for me to accept. Yeah your youngest kid is almost 25 years old and a quarter of a century old. It's really weird that I'm only like 30 and she's going to be 25. Yeah you're 30 and your oldest kid is 33. That's so bizarre. 25 was my hardest age. I know. Hey I'll be able to rent a car. I was in the middle of having. Oh my god. Really? I didn't know that. Yep got to wait until you're 25 for that. Wow. 25 I was in the middle of having kids and a family and damn. Oh good here I am. No no honey. You're lucky. No I was like you. I was single living large. I had Ryan. It was hard. I had two kids already. I had one kid at that point. I cannot imagine being pregnant right now or having a child. No. Yeah we can't imagine that either. Yeah. I was still finding myself and trying to figure out who I am and that's why I didn't get married until I was 38. Okay. Maybe that's why I'm still finding myself because I didn't do it earlier. Yeah because we missed that. So you missed that part. So now you're like well I have to tell you guys a funny story. So Hunter is home with us this weekend for a little bit. He's my youngest son and we have only one bathroom in our house right now. And so Hunter was in taking a shower and I'm like Hunter I'm coming in. Keep the shower closed. And he's like do you think I'm going to freaking peek at my mother? I'm like I've really got to go. So I'm sitting there talking and I'm like oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. 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Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. She did have some methods that helped, but there's only so much that they can do. And also they only offer, I think it's like five free visits, and I think I used like three. But also I think that I was just kind of in the point of that wasn't what I needed at that time. Like, talking is great and I can go and talk to someone, but I'm not going to feel any better when I leave. Like, I was still in that point of... Yeah, but they have to get to know you a little bit. Yeah, I think her anxiety level was so high. Like, we ended up, like your second week of college, we ended up taking her to the doctor and getting her on anxiety meds and getting her on Xanax meds. So she gave me kind of like Xanax. It's like an off-brand of Xanax for like the emergency, where you're sitting in the middle of class and you're about to start bawling for no reason. So I got those, and then she also put me on like a daily anxiety pill, which, thank god, because I felt better than I had ever felt before. And it just made it normal, pretty much. Like, I was able to have a normal experience and not feel like my world was suffocating. Yeah, I wasn't feeling like I was going to cry every five minutes. And so you made it through that year, and then you went back year two, and you were okay. Like, it helped that she had an emotional support animal year two, so that helped. Yeah, that made all the difference. I still got homesick, but it wasn't like the... It was intense. It wasn't the anxiety, because I feel like, yes, I was homesick my first year, but I don't think that that's what was causing that intense emotion. I think that was just a lot of anxiety. Have you seen your folks a lot more when you were gone? Rude. Samantha and Tracy, besides mother and daughter, they are also best friends. We are, and I do appreciate that. But yeah, it was, I think, at least two or three solid weeks of me telling everybody that would listen that I was going to quit college, because I hated it. She was like doing research. She was like, okay, so I could drive back and forth every day. You know, it's an hour and a half, and I'm like, what are you going to do in those hours? I had a pickup truck. Yeah, I was like, A, we can't afford gas, and B, like, what are you going to do in the wintertime? And then she's like, I could do this, and, oh, I could take classes online. I was doing anything that I could. You need to stick this out. Like, I would go home, and I would cry, because I was devastated. I'm so proud of you for sticking with it. Oh, my God. It was so hard to watch her go through that. But she was playing tough mom a little bit there, though, for a while. That's good. Which I, like, I didn't realize how much emotion that you had with it. I thought that you were just being the mean mom who was like, no, you're not quitting. You know, there isn't a mom out there when we so much don't want to hurt our children. That's not what we want. But we know that if we're not firm with them and we do not stand our ground, that it's going to, in the long run, be horrible for you. Mom and dad's always know best. And sometimes we don't. And sometimes we're winging it. We're like, okay. You know, I remember when I brought Ryan home, I was like, well, now what the hell do I do with you? You know? And it's just this was new territory for you as a parent and you as a child. So I'm sure that was tough to navigate. And I, it made me feel like I had done a lot of things wrong as a parent. You know, because I was like, oh, I didn't do a better job of preparing her. You know, this is all my fault. Oh, God. Mental health runs so heavy in our family, like mental illness. Honey, mental health runs heavy in everybody's family. Well, but that's the thing. Like, it wasn't. But it's just not talked about. Yeah. It's like when Taylor, Taylor started out young with her mental health issues. And I remember being, her being five years old and I am calling around to counseling offices. And at that time, they didn't really take children. You know? And I was like, and I felt so helpless out there. And then I felt like I'd done something wrong as a mom. You know, like you were talking about. And that mom guilt, I swear to God, that mom guilt is the worst. And so with Taylor, we had no resources. So I'm glad that the mental health stigma and the mental health use, you know, resources have changed so much over the years. Absolutely. I will say I'm very glad that I ended up getting on medicine. Like, I'm still on my meds. Good. You know, I'll try to go. I did try to go off like a couple times. Because you were feeling great. Because you were feeling great and you thought, oh, where do I need this? Partially because I have a sister who tells me that being on medicine is not, like, she's more of the holistic route. That's her too. Yeah. Well, and when the fall first happened, she was like, no, you don't need meds. Just go to a therapist. And then it got to the point where I was like real rough. And she's like, well, shit, go get some meds. Like, okay. I don't know if you remember, but this was several years before all of this. And Julie and I tried to reach out to you. Because Julie and I of the family were that sensitive one. A.K.A. depressed. Yeah. Very in tune with your emotions. They were a hot mess and they thought they could help another. Why is it that women that are hot messes think they can go out and save other hot messes? Come on. And the rest of us stand there and go, what the fuck just happened? No, we had been through the journey of having to find medicine. Right. Well, and I've always been like, I make fun of it, but I get it 100%. Very heavy emotion and very sensitive with stuff. Exactly. I mean, I remember when I was working at Valentino's and I was having panic attacks all the time from that job. And I was talking to you about it. And I think at that point you had told me I should look into therapy. But I don't know. There's also a big stigma around therapy. Saying, hey, I'm in therapy. I'm in therapy. It's a blessing and a curse feeling too much. Yeah, I will agree. I will agree. I went to therapy for a while, about three years ago, and I'd been going for like a month. And she finally looks at me and goes, what else you got, Tracy? And I said, what do you mean? She goes, I really, I just feel like I'm not helping you. Do you just want to call me if you need something? I'm like, I just got broke up with a therapist. She dumped me. I was like, Tracy, I think you're fine. I just, you need to just trust what you're thinking. And I'm like. Did she make you feel better though? Yeah, she was a good, she was fine. She was good. But yeah, I mean, we both just kind of sit there and talk about different things. Like you're supposed to, I thought. But yeah, then she was like looking at me like, why do you need me? I'm like, right. That's such a weird feeling too. When you get dumped like that from a therapist. I mean, I used to go to my therapist weekly. And then she was like, well, I think we can go to one like every other week. So we did that for a little while. And then now she's like, oh, well, we can go as needed. I'm like, oh, man. What is this? She's dumping you. She's dumping you. I know. I'm going to let you down easy. You're family and friends. And then I've got my mother telling me we need family therapy. Gosh, that would be some entertainment. That would be some entertainment. Oh, I've done family therapy before. Family therapy. Oh my gosh. There's, you know, there's different dynamics when you're an adult child dealing with your parents. And I know I'm not always the easiest parent to deal with. I'm a freaking saint. What are you talking about? Okay, Vito. Let's bring Hunter down here. I definitely do think, though, also it was hard growing up with you guys because you're not the most forthcoming about emotions. Like Dad feels very strongly as well, but he likes to hide that. And you just don't really talk about when you feel stuff. But they've done better than their parents. That is true. That is true. And you're going to do better than your parents. I mean, and that's all we ask for. But it just felt like something so awkward to talk about because, you know, that's not really something that we grew up talking about was, oh, I'm feeling sad today or, oh, I'm feeling anxious today. And so it's like how do I just randomly bring up, oh, hey, Mom, I've been having panic attacks for two months. Like that doesn't just come up in random situations. Dear Mom. And see, I was on the opposite side of the spectrum where I would talk about everything. You know, we would sit down at dinner and the kids and I would talk about pretty much whatever, you know, and then I thought, oh, gosh, maybe we're talking too much, you know, maybe. See, I tried to talk. I tried to start conversations with my kids. I just was not good at approaching it from like an emotional standpoint, like I understand your feelings. Empathetic. I mean, I thought I was pretty damn empathetic compared to other situations I've seen. I have a funny story about your sister. Oh, gosh. But I approach things like from a more logical perspective. So I'd be like, what did you do? Why did you do that? Do you think that was a good idea? And that was the thing, too. I'm not going to freak you out. At least I'm not going to freak you out. There's nothing we can do. Yeah, that's true. But that was the thing, too. Like when I was going through my college thing, you were approaching a lot of it with the logical side of it. Like, oh, this doesn't make sense. You're not going to get into another college or you're not going to go back to college. Where sometimes you just needed a hug. Exactly. Sometimes I just wanted to cry it out, which you were there when I wanted to cry it out, which I really did appreciate. But I feel like I was too much in the I want to cry it out, and you were leaning a lot on the, okay, well, I need you to see the logics of this. You needed a happy in-between there. Yeah. This is a perfect example of how my husband's family deals with things. I told your sister. I mentioned to your sister I was in therapy, and she just acted like she didn't hear me. That is because my sister is not empathetic. So you said it louder than she did. And then when I realized, yeah, she's not going to hear me. She has chosen not to hear this. She's like, this just nails it. We would have had a great conversation. We would have had a great conversation about that. Where Gus is like, oh, please, please don't be sharing this stuff with me. You know that Julie and I bonded over feelings, and we could see you struggling from afar. Yeah, you could. There's Julie in California. I am very throwing out a lot of things. Reach for us, honey. Reach for us. I've got a sister who doesn't embrace emotions. If she's sad, she's not going to show anybody that she's sad because she's like, ew, no, that's awkward. Feelings, ew. And then parents who don't really express emotion that often, and I'm just like, well, what do I do? And don't hate Julie, but she used to say I was the best thing to happen to the family because I would just. Oh, my goodness. My emotions are on my sleeve. Yeah, you know, sometimes you need that, though. I think that's needed sometimes. Shake things up a bit. You've got to shake things up a bit. You know, I was talking to my brother, and he was telling me, he goes, yeah, he goes, how sad is this, Tracy? My sons say, we want you to hug us more. And he goes, we just want a hug once in a while. We are not a hugger family. So their children were like, he's like, fine. You know, now he's hugging them all the time. He's like, come here. They're used to Aunt Tracy going, come here, I want a hug. So they're used to Aunt Tracy. But I've noticed, like, with my sister and my brother, I've noticed they're not real huggers. But for some reason, I am a hugger, and I just am like, oh, come on. You know, if you're my family, I'm definitely a hugger. Oh, no, you don't even have to be my family. Well, and with that, I feel like that's a lot of love language stuff, too. Some people, physical touch is their love language. Like, I want a hug all the time. Some people, like my sister, they're going to look at you and say, get the hell away from me. Oh, my God, it's hilarious watching. She gives me the shortest hug I've ever seen in my life. Say, she'll hug me. She's like, okay. She'll give you a little hug with a pat on the back. She's like, yeah. Yeah, she does do that. It's been two seconds. Are we done yet? Yeah, it's like a little one-armed hug. I'm done. I only feel okay talking about your sister like this because she really emits all of this. Absolutely. She embraces it. I can see her doing that to a student. Yeah, yeah. I was a little surprised when she became a teacher because she's very much like if you're talking about your feelings, she's going to be like, okay, get over it and move on. But I think that you can be both, hear me out, I think you can simultaneously be nurturing and have a very pragmatic, objective outlook on life. So you can do your best to nurture people and want the best for them, but also kind of approach things in a more logical, objective way. She doesn't approach it in a logical, objective way. She approaches it in a you're annoying me, stop doing that way. Well, the whole family is a walk-it-off. Oh, I agree. I agree. We are a walk-it-off family. You know, and that's funny because we grew up, with Lonnie and Gordon, Lonnie and Gordie, it was, you know, you just, it happened and you don't talk about it. You know, one of those, you know, okay, yeah, we just went through crap, but we're not going to talk about it, you know, and that's just kind of how they are. You know, and where I'm over here going, let's talk about this. You know, let's talk about this, Dad. You know, it's like when I told Dad I was doing the podcast and he goes, don't be talking about the family. Dad. There's so much to unwrap, Dad. I'm like, Dad, I'm not going to do anything ever to hurt my family, you know, and not. But you are going to talk about them. But I am going to talk the shit out about them. Oh, my God, if they annoy me, hell, yes, I'm going to annoy them. It's like it's a family. My brother and my sisters and my mom and dad, you know, that's our, that's, that's that family and then now my current family, so. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, and that's what, and I notice my sisters that way with her kids. It's like something happens, we don't talk about it. And then I come back around and I'm like, so, Kim. And she's like, you know, and then they share their feelings. If I talk to them, they will share their, because they know I'm not fucking going away. So they're like, oh, God, we got to talk about this. You know, and I always make it a point. We always, though, we always make a point to say we love you, though. So we never want to leave each other without saying we love you. So I say I love you to my husband's mother. She's like, uh-huh. My own grandmother. Grandma's very like, I, we, I grew up in an I love you family. Like, there are, my mom's love language toward other people is acts of service. Absolutely. And so she will show you that she loves you. Very rarely tell you. What she, I mean. Because that's her way of telling you. Those, like the, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, like that's her way. And that's her way of saying, yeah, I love you. Saying it, yeah. So, like, just, those words just aren't freely, like, weren't, like, frequently used. Whereas with us, we say it, like, at the end of every phone call. We say it when we go to bed, when we leave. I was raised. Constant. Yeah, and I even do that with you girls, you know. I love it with Tracy. I'll go, okay, love you. She goes, okay. That's because that's what her mother. But I know she loves me. I know. We have been together too long for her not to say that she doesn't love me. I love you. I think my own grandma handled it best by just going, thank you. You know, I did that. I had, I had a boyfriend. I don't, I was in my 20s and I had a boyfriend. And he goes, Tracy, I am falling in love with you. And I said, oh, thank you. And at that point, I did not show back up for two weeks. Oh, no. And he had a tornado, like, a week after I left. And I finally called him a week after his tornado. And I'm like, how's it going? And he's like, Tracy, it's been two weeks. I said, oh, so we're breaking up? And he's like, no, but it's taking you two weeks. I said, no, I think we should break up. Are you doing okay? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, okay, that's great. And I've never talked to him again. I did. I was like, man, you know, if I didn't give a shit enough about you to find out how your tornado went. If you survived it. Yeah. Then that tells me that I should not be with you. I was weird that way. Yeah. And I don't know what made me mad at my husband. If I mad at my husband and he says I love you, I'll say thank you. In a little snotty tone. Thank you. If I mad at my husband and he says I love you, I say I love you too, asshole. Oh, wow. Yeah. No. And I like. I try never to call names. Oh, okay. That's good. That is a good philosophy. I need to do that more. Yeah. It's like, even when I get into a fight with like one of my siblings or something like that, I'm like, yeah. And I, and I, and I still fucking love you. And they're like, yeah, back at you. Click. And then they hang up, you know? So at least, you know, that's a given, you know? I do like being able to like talk through things, though. I'm one who, you know, something happens and I want to tell someone, hey, this is why that pissed me off. And I have. But here's the thing. Sometimes people don't give a shit that they pissed you off. See, I have one parent that I can absolutely do that with. And I have one parent that I absolutely cannot do that with. You can always vent with me. Yeah. I do appreciate that. Yeah. Thank you. Feel free. Kids venting, I think it's healthy. You can talk to me anytime. I wouldn't. I'd be like, okay, cool. Yeah. I, yes. I definitely have. Sorry for being the parent. That's not easy to talk. You're funny. You're hilarious. I have very wide, like, like different ends of the spectrum. Because I've got one who's like, all right, yeah, let's talk about this and talk about like why you're mad. And then I've got one who's just like, I don't want to talk about that. That's awkward. Let's just forget it happened. And it's like, I guess if that works. Is that part of the man thing? Do you think men are genitalia? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.