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Rev. Jerry Kirk speaking at the Cincinnati Catholic Men's Conference in 2004.
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Rev. Jerry Kirk speaking at the Cincinnati Catholic Men's Conference in 2004.
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Rev. Jerry Kirk speaking at the Cincinnati Catholic Men's Conference in 2004.
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Dr. Jerry Kirk is a leader against pornography and works with religious leaders. He talks about the influence of MTV and the negative effects it has on teenagers, including high rates of teen pregnancy and STDs. He emphasizes the importance of parents talking to their children about sex and being good role models. He also shares stories of men struggling with sexual addiction and the need for support and understanding within the church. of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families. In his efforts against pornography, Dr. Kirk works with religious leaders from every major denomination and faith group in the country. These leaders represent more than 100 million Americans. A frequent speaker on the problem of pornography, Dr. Kirk is a nationally recognized leader. He has appeared a number of times on the Focus on the Family radio program, as well as a range of television programs, including NBC Nightly News. Dr. Kirk has advised President Reagan and the first President Bush, as well as three different Attorneys General. And he spoke at our third Answer the Call conference in 1997. Dr. Kirk's personal credentials are outstanding. Going back to his days at the University of Washington, he is a multidimensional man. He played basketball on a third-ranked team in America, and was captain of the tennis team. Dr. Kirk earned two graduate degrees and two honorary degrees, and has written two books. And as many of you are aware, he is the father-in-law of Scott Hahn, a speaker at two of our earlier Answer the Call conferences. Gentlemen, let's welcome again, perhaps the foremost leader against pornography in the United States, Dr. Jerry Kirk. When the Monsignor to Cardinal Cassidy, we were preparing to go meet with Pope John Paul II, and he met my wife and said, I'm so glad to meet you. You're Scott, no, no, excuse me, let me back up. I'm so glad to meet you. She said, Oh, yes, I'm Jerry Kirk's wife. And he said, Oh, that's not why I wanted to meet you. You're Scott Hahn's mother-in-law. So that was the introduction. I want to tell you, it is a joy to be here. I am thrilled to be in your midst, to worship with you, and to have heard that message from Jesse Romero. We've never met before, but if that's what the Hispanics are going to do for America, bring them on. I'm going to jump in, because brothers, I believe you're here to do business with God. Our young people are fighting a battle for sexual purity and integrity beyond anything we have ever known. They are exposed to nearly 14,000 sexual messages a year, and less than 2% have anything to do with abstinence, or self-control, or even sexually transmitted diseases. MTV is the primary sex educator in America, and if you saw the Super Bowl halftime, you merely saw the fringe of what MTV is doing to millions of young people in America, and probably many of your children. We've learned that 73% of the boys and 78% of the girls between 12 and 19 are looking at more than six hours of MTV a week. The American Academy of Pediatrics states that 75% of those videos have sexual images, and over 50% involve violence. What is most disturbing is that these are the sexual attitudes our children believe are the norm. The result is the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world, with 35% of teenage girls getting pregnant before the age of 20 at least once, and 850,000 teenage girls getting pregnant every year. And the U.S. has the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases, with 3 to 4 million teenagers getting sexually transmitted diseases every year. One out of every four sexually active young people has an STD. If you have teenagers, you must consider what the sexualizing of America is doing to us. From their around-the-clock reality shows to their amped-up video, they celebrate unrestrained heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and group sex, MTV. Young people are asking parents for guidance. I want you to know that research reveals that parents are the greatest influence on their teenagers. Take a look at three-and-a-half minutes of these young people speaking to us. I think the information that we receive at school is that even though our parents know we've heard about sex and we know about it, we don't get the right information, we don't get the straight information. We get confusing images and different stories in every ear, in every corner of the hallway. I want to know the truth. I want to know what really goes on. The best thing you can do for your kid is just talk to them. I think that basically the earlier the parents start telling the truth to their children, the better it is about relationships and sex. The earlier they know, because they're going to be finding out about it soon enough. It's on the TV, it's in magazines, it's on the radio, it's in their school, starting from, I had a relationship in the fourth grade. I mean, it starts way long, way in elementary school. The more they know, once they come up to a situation, they'll know, oh, my parents told me this, this is the truth, I don't need to listen to what you have to say, you're confusing me. I mean, the more honest you are with them, the more honest they will be with you. Both dads and moms, part of being an example of sexual purity is to not have pornography in the home, to not tolerate any form of pornography in the home. And it may be the dad is the one who has this description, but the moms, no. Don't have that in your home in any way, shape, or form. Don't think that just because you have those Playboys tucked under this bed, that your kids aren't going to see them, because they know where they are, and they will find them. I think one of the common mistakes of parents is letting their children be with their girlfriend or boyfriend, like, alone in a house. Whoa, stupid. This can be happening in your household, when you're downstairs, watching TV, and you won't even know it. I think, just, supervise your children. It might be invading privacy or whatever, but I respect the fact that they care about me enough to not let me lead myself into a situation that might end up harming me or another person's child. Dads, talk to your daughter about sex. Up front, even if you don't have the finest relationship with your daughter, talk to her about sex. You need to show your daughters how they need to be treated. It is your responsibility to lay those fundamentals in them, and if you don't show them how they're going to be treated, the first guy that comes along, sure as heck is, who is your responsibility? If a girl isn't going to find it, like, affection from her dad, his hugs, and like, I love you so much, you look so beautiful today, you know, thank you for being a part of my life, you know, then the girl's going to find it from herself, and the guy's going to say it if that's what she wants to hear, and she'll take that right in. Be open with us. Be real with your wife. Show your wife that you love her. Kiss her in the kitchen, because we take note of that. I'm watching you love my mom, and how you treat her is how I'm going to expect to be treated, and we're just always looking, and that's going to be my standard for my next wife and my husband. You have the privilege of raising your children. You have the opportunity of raising your children, and you can opt and choose to let the world, TV, media, you can let them raise them, and then see what happens, but you don't even have to see, I mean, look, look at society. You see the kids. You see the teenagers. You see the high schoolers, even the college kids, of the effects of letting the world raise your kids. So, parents, take every opportunity to grab it, hold it tenaciously, hold it tight, and raise your kids right. Brothers, Jesus prayed this in John chapter 17. Father, sanctify them in the truth. Thy word is truth. As thou didst send me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And here's the key verse. And for their sake I consecrate myself that they also may be consecrated in truth. For whose sake are you consecrating yourself? As you listen, as you share in the day, as you speak to one another, I want to ask you, will you consecrate yourself for the sake of your spouse? Will you consecrate yourself for the sake of your children? Will you consecrate yourself for the sake of the youth of America that are being slaughtered by pornography, especially on the internet? Will you consecrate yourself for the sake of your brothers who are struggling with sexual issues? A pastor of 7,000 members in Portland, Oregon, announced on a Saturday night to one of his four different services, hey, we're going to have a meeting of men who are struggling with sexual addiction and pornography. And the place exploded into a standing ovation, spontaneously. The men came to him and said, we've got to meet. You've got to help us. We can't wait until you train some other people. And here's what he says. I will never forget our first get-together. They just sat there, mostly looking at the floor. Finally, one of them broke the silence. Pastor, this is the toughest thing I've ever done. In fact, I had to have a couple of drinks before I could work up the courage to drive here. Then another spoke up. This is my last hope. I was headed down to 82nd Street to pick up a prostitute again. Then I remembered this meeting, so I came. But if I can't find real help, I don't know what I'll do. The honesty and openness became contagious as others shared their struggles. A fellow with deep-seated fear in his eyes ventured out. I'm struggling with homosexuality, and I know what Christians think of homosexuals. You hate us. I've heard you make gracious statements from up front, Pastor, but it could all be a facade. I'm terrified to be sitting here. Another man just started cursing a blue streak about nearly everything. I looked at them with tears in my eyes because they had touched my heart so deeply. With their desire for wholeness, and I said, Welcome to church, guys. Real church. Jesus is glad you are here. The church is for sinners who repent and come to Jesus Christ to be washed clean and to be made new. The crazy thing about this whole process of sexual addiction, of sexual compulsion, is that how subtle hell goes about ensnaring people. In our society, where pornography has become a way of life, the dragon plies his trade with impunity. And I use the term dragon, and I'm quoting Ted Roberts, very purposely. First, it is a biblical description of our spiritual adversary, but it also relates to a parable that helps men understand why they find themselves in such a mess and how they can get out. Listen to this parable. There was once a great and noble king whose land was terrorized by a crafty dragon. Like a massive bird of prey, the scaly beast delighted in ravaging villages with his fiery breath. Hapless victims ran from their burning homes, only to be snatched up by the dragon's jaws or talons. The king led his sons and knights in many valiant battles against the dragon. Riding alone in the forest, one of the king's sons heard his voice purred low and soft. In the shadows of the ferns and trees, curled among the boulders, lay the dragon. The creature's heavy-lidded eyes fastened on the prince, and his mouth stretched into a friendly smile. Don't be alarmed, said the dragon. I'm not what your father thinks. But are you, then, asked the prince, warily drawing his sword. I am pleasure, said the dragon, right on my back, and you will experience more than you've ever imagined. Come now, I have no harmful intentions. I seek a friend, someone to share flights with me. Have you never dreamed of flying, never longed to soar in the clouds? Visions of soaring high above the forested hills drew the prince hesitantly from his horse. The dragon unfurled one great webbed wing to serve as a ramp to his ridged back. Between the spiny projections, the prince found a secure seat. Then the creature snapped his powerful wings and launched them into the sky. The prince's apprehension melted into awe and exhilaration. From then on, he met the dragon often, but secretly. For how could he tell his father, brothers of the knights, that he had befriended the enemy? The prince felt separate from them all. Their concerns were no longer his concerns. Even when he wasn't with the dragon, he spent less time with those he loved and more time alone. The skin on the prince's legs became callous from gripping the ridged back of the dragon, and his hands grew rough and hardened. He began wearing gloves to hide the malady. After many nights of riding, he discovered scales growing on the backs of his hands as well. With dread, he realized his fate were he to continue, and so he resolved to return no more to the dragon. But after a fortnight, he again sought out the dragon, having been tortured with desire. And so it transpired many times over. No matter what his determination, the prince eventually found himself pulled back as if by the cords of an invisible web. Silently, patiently, the dragon always waited. One cold, moonless night, their excursion became a foray against the sleeping village. Torching the thatched roofs with fiery blasts from his nostrils, the dragon roared with delight when the terrified victims fled from their burning homes. Swooping in, the serpent belched again, and flames engulfed a cluster of screaming villagers. The prince closed his eyes tightly in an attempt to shut out the carnage. In the predawn hours, when the prince crept back from his dragon dress, the road outside his father's castle usually remained empty, but not tonight. Terrified refugees streamed into the protective walls of the castle. The prince attempted to slip through the crowd to close himself in his chambers, but some of the survivors stared and pointed toward him. He was there, one of the women cried out. I saw him in the back of the dragon. Others nodded their heads in angry agreement, horrified. The prince saw that his father, the king, was in the courtyard holding a bleeding child in his arms. The king's face mirrored the agony of his people as his eyes found the prince's. The son fled, hoping to escape into the night, but the guards apprehended him as if he were a common thief. They brought him to the great hall where his father sat solemnly on the throne. The people on every side railed against the prince. Banish him! He heard one of his own brothers angrily cry out. Burn him alive, others' voices shouted. As the king rose from his throne, bloodstains from the wounded shone on his royal robes. The crowd fell silent in expectation of his decree. The prince, who could not bear to look into his father's face, stared at the flagstones in the floor. Take off your gloves and your tunic, the king commanded. The prince obeyed slowly, dreading to have his metamorphosis uncovered before the kingdom. Was his shame not already great enough? He had hoped for a quick death without further humiliation. Sounds of revulsion rippled through the crowd at the sight of the prince's thick-scaled skin and the ridge growing along his spine. The king strode toward his son, and the prince steeled himself, fully expecting a backhanded blow, even though he had never been struck so by his father. Instead, his father embraced him and wept as he held him tightly. In shock, disbelief, the prince buried his face against his father's shoulder. Do you wish to be freed from the dragon, my son? The prince answered in despair, I wished it many times, but there's no hope for me. Not alone, said the king. You cannot win against the serpent alone. Father, I'm no longer your son. I'm half beast, sobbed the prince. But his father replied, my blood runs in your veins. My nobility has always been stamped deep within your soul. With his face still hidden tearfully in his father's embrace, the prince heard the father's instruct the crowd. The dragon is crafty. Some fall victim to his wiles and some to his violence. There will be mercy for all who wish to be freed. Who else among you has ridden the dragon? The prince lifted his head to see someone emerge from the crowd. To his amazement, he recognized an older brother, one who had been lauded throughout the kingdom for his onslaught against the dragon in battle and for his many good deeds. Others came, some weeping, others hanging their heads in shame. The king embraced them all. This is our most powerful weapon against the dragon, he announced. Truth, no more hidden flight. Alone, we cannot resist him. Hell's goal is to attack the children of the father. The only way he can get at the father is to get at the father's children. And the king embraced them all. There will be mercy for everyone who turns to Jesus Christ. The battle for sexual purity is raging among the young people. It is raging among the men of America. Does your concern for your own relationship with God inspire you to decide to give yourself to purity? Or is it your love for your kids that will do it? It's every man's battle. It used to be just pornography, now it's the sexualizing of America. You and I face sexualized messages all the time. I noticed more bottoms and breasts in the last three years than any time in my life because the media is throwing that at me and is throwing that at every person here. I went to a surprise birthday party. A young man, one of the Christian leaders of this city, came to me and said, Jerry, keep doing what you're doing. And I said, what's behind your comment? He said, I meet with three Christian leaders in the city, the three of us meet with four men we are discipling. One of those men last month said to us, I've got to get real with you. I am struggling with pornography. And before the evening was over, every one of the seven of us admitted we were struggling with pornography and had never been able to be honest and open with each other. I was leading a men's retreat a year, well, two years ago next month down in Tennessee. I spoke on free to be real, free to, by the grace of God, to be transparent, to be vulnerable. I went back to my hotel room that night. I was flipping through the channels. I came across a pornography channel. It was a regular channel and it hooked me. It took me 15 minutes to turn the dial. And then I, I struggled with God for an hour. Lord, you don't want me to be real with those men tomorrow morning about what happened tonight. Huh? Well, you know who won. I shared that story. The next day, the pastor came to me and said, Jerry, what you have done this morning has transformed this retreat. Now all of us are free to be real. It is every man's battle, but I want to underscore something, man, God has called us to sexual purity. Let there be no doubt about that. We could have spent the whole time talking about God's call to sexual purity. Let me just give you three passages of the words of Jesus. First from Matthew 5, you have heard that it was said, do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And then he says, if your eye, right eye caused you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. And it's better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand caused you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It's better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. Jesus says the heart is the heart of the matter. You have to win this battle at the level of the heart. Proverbs 4 says, keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flow the springs of life. Jesus also says the eye is key in Matthew chapter 6. The eye is the lamp of the body. So if your eye is sound, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is not sound, your whole body will be full of darkness. If the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness. So Job said in Job 31, I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman. I want you to know about a book, The Purity Principle. And by the way, that video is Sex and Young America. And if you want to know how to talk to your kids about sex, get that video. We've got a couple of hundred of them. I know there's over 4,000 here, but the first 200 can get it and the rest can order it. I took a leap of faith and I bought a thousand copies of this book. If I could, I'd get this book into the hands of every pastor and every priest across America. It's called The Purity Principle. We are called to purity. Listen to these words of Jesus at the end of the Sermon on the Mount. Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons and perform many miracles in your name? Then I will tell them plainly, this is Jesus. Away from me, you evil doers. I never knew you. May God have mercy upon us. You know the rest of it. Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. I want to give you some quotes from this fabulous book. I've read it five times all the way through. I've read parts of it 13, 14 times. Every day, Christian men and women forfeit future happiness for the sake of temporary sexual stimulation. Like drug addicts, we go from fix to fix, trading the contentment of righteous living for the quick hits that always leave us empty and craving. Here's the purity principle. Since the time we were young teenagers, many of us have heard the list of reasons for walking in sexual purity. God commands purity, forbids impurity. Purity is right, impurity is wrong. True, absolutely. But it's equally correct to say purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid. There it is, what I'm calling the purity principle. Purity is always smart, impurity is always stupid. Not sometimes, not usually, always. You're not an exception, I'm not an exception. There are no exceptions. A holy God made the universe in such a way that actions true to his character and the laws derived from his character are always rewarded. Actions that violate his character, however, are always punished. That's the way God's moral universe operates. We get to choose our own path, but with each path comes inevitable consequences. The road of life are sometimes hazardous, but God loves us enough to place warning signs. Don't commit adultery and no sex before marriage. We don't have to obey. We do have to live with the consequences. Well, I'm going to skip over some things because I want to read one section here. It's called Getting Radical. Suppose I said that a great looking girl down the street, let's go look through her window and watch her undress, then pose for us naked from the waist up. Then this girl and her boyfriend will get in the car and have sex. Let's listen and watch the windows steam up. You'd be shocked. You'd think what a pervert. Let's watch Titanic. Christians recommend this movie. Church youth groups view it together and yet this movie has precisely what I just described before. Every day Christians across the country, including many church leaders, watch people undress through the window of television and movies. We peak on people committing fornication and adultery, which our God calls an abomination and it desensitizes us and it changes us from the inside out. Brothers, I'm just so thankful to be here because I want to say to you it's every man's struggle, battle, and God calls us to purity. Jesus Christ is the one who gives us his purity. His purity. It's opening our lives to him. It's his death. I don't know how many of you have seen The Passion of the Christ. But as I watched it, I found myself saying again and again, Jesus, I am so sorry for my sins. I am so sorry for my sins. I knew it was my sins that put him on that cross. And I am sorry for my sins. I do not want to sin at all. I want to stop it. I want to be totally his. It's his cross that washes us clean. It is his resurrection power that comes to live in us by the power of his Holy Spirit. Purity doesn't come because we decide we're going to try harder. It comes because we're open our lives to Jesus Christ in his fullness and saying, Jesus, I want you to be the Lord of my life. I want you to create purity in my life and in my mind and my heart. You and I cannot win the battle alone. We need each other. We need that sacrament of reconciliation. We need the Eucharist. We need to remind ourselves that Jesus is Lord and he's paid the price to be Lord. And he's willing to come into our lives and be the Lord of our lives. And he's willing to give us his purity. A radical makeover. Oh, I tried to think of, you know, I wish every one of you dads who wants to talk to your teenager about sex would get that Sex and Young America. That has won three telly awards, three Oscars for video production. You just saw three and a half minutes. I hope you'll get it. I hope you'll look at the whole thing and you'll begin to talk to your kids about the Lord and about sex. I hope you'll get this book, but not only get it, that you will read it and think about it and pray about it. I hope you will join in these groups and maybe God would use you to start a new group in your church. I hope every one of you will get a purity partner, somebody you can be totally open and honest with. Dennis Beauséjour, whom I'm going to introduce in just a few minutes, is my purity partner. I am honest with him on a weekly basis, answering tough questions related to our sexuality. Nothing hidden. My thought life, my behavior, my exposure to any pornographic material. Brothers, the internet is slaughtering the men of America and the youth of America. We who are gathered here today can make a difference in our homes. We can make a difference in our churches. We can make a difference in Cincinnati. By the grace of God, we can make a difference in the lives of men all across America. I'm asking you to do that. I'm asking you to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I was appalled that night, two years ago, when I locked into that pornography and didn't turn the thing off. But when I read this book, I realized I had allowed myself in some of the ads, football ads. Huh? Where do you look? Do you keep your eyes open? Do you keep your head straight ahead? I found what this book did is sensitize me to the reality I was making a lot of little decisions that were heading for trouble if I didn't deal with them. Well, I want to share two things with you. I spoke at Promise Keepers on this theme. We closed at 430 and at 635, the men were still there in the front of that auditorium asking me to pray over them. I said, we've got to break. The next meeting is supposed to start. One man on my left said, wait a minute, you can't break until you pray for me. I've been addicted to pornography since I was 12 years old. I need God's help. I couldn't even respond to him. The second man said, if you're going to pray for him, you got to pray for me. I've been addicted since I was 10 years old. I found it in my neighbor's garage. A third person said, please pray for me. And before I could even respond, the fourth man on my right said, if you're going to pray for them, pray for me. Because four months ago, I was arrested having sex with a teenage girl. It started with pornography, but it ended up with sex with a teenage girl. I faced four felony accounts. I've lost my family, my church, and my business. Get help while you can. Beloved, here's what I want to do. And I do not want anybody to feel any human pressure. God has called you to sexual purity. I want you to imagine a cross on the floor in front of your seat. It's the cross of Christ. The penalty he paid for your sins and mine was infinitely greater suffering than the physical suffering that is so powerfully betrayed in the passion. I'm going to invite you, if you believe God is calling you to sexual purity and to sexual purity, and if you want to commit yourself to sexual purity, I'm going to ask you to just quietly stand on that cross on the floor in front of you as a statement to the Lord and to all of us. Jesus, I have heard you and I want sexual purity in my life. And by your grace, I will live a sexually pure life. Would you just stand in your place right now? Don't do it because of anybody else, but yourself. Thank you, Jesus. I'm going to ask you to take hands all across the aisle. We're the body of Christ. Jesus is here. He has paid it all. You can't win alone. We need our brothers. You can pray with your eyes open or your eyes closed. I always pray, or almost always, with my eyes open. But I'm going to ask you just in silent prayer now to ask Jesus to be the Lord of your sexuality and the Lord of your life. And then I'll lead us in closing prayer. Thank you. Thank you. What that says to me is you really meant it when you stood up. I have the privilege of introducing my brother, Dennis Beauséjour. How does one introduce somebody to God? How does one introduce somebody to God? How does one introduce somebody to God? How does one introduce somebody to God? Beauséjour. How does one introduce somebody who is your brother in the deepest sense? I want you to know he has a wonderful family. He married a beauty queen of Canada, Miss Canada. He was a leader of Procter & Gamble in the Orient and came back to headquarters to head marketing for all of Procter & Gamble in the world. But he met Jesus Christ and he decided he wanted to give his life to ministry. And we have the privilege of hearing him this morning. Please receive Dennis Beauséjour. Thank you. Jerry, thank you. And men, good morning. You know, what we got going on here today is boot camp. Jesus' boot camp. And he sent the drill instructor Jesse from the left coast. Wasn't that great? You know, as I heard my brother Jerry's message, which I have heard before, it strikes me that the issue at stake today, men, is freedom. Our ability to live as free men. And I want to share my story with you today because it is a journey of freedom. Now, I want this talk to be a little interactive if you don't mind. And so if you value freedom, would you say that word, freedom, with me on three? One, two, three. Freedom! Excellent. I went to a funeral this past winter. And on my way to the gravesite service, there was a sign that said, freedom is not free. And we were reminded this morning that those before us had a passion for freedom. But guys, is it possible that in enjoying freedom, we can maybe lose the passion that those before us had for it? Men like William Wallace, a great freedom fighter. Watch this clip from Braveheart. And I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men. And free men you are. What will you do without freedom? Will you fight? Fight against that? No! We will run. And we will live. All right. Fight, and you may die. Run, and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your bed, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom! Brothers, we face tyranny like that. Our enemy may not be so obvious as William Wallace's enemy on that day. But as Jerry pointed out, many of us, many men in this room, have lost their freedom to pornography. I know what a prison that is, because for ten years, I lost my freedom to pornography. We live in a free country, but you know, if we really look deep down inside, are we really living as free men? So if you want freedom, guys, say it with me on three. One, two, three. Freedom! Freedom. Maybe it's not pornography that's your prison. Maybe there's another prison. Maybe it's drugs or alcohol. Maybe it's money, debt, a lost job. Maybe it's fear and worry, trauma or depression. I'm not trying to depress you with this list, but it's long. And maybe it's the ultimate enemy, death. Death knocked on my door at 5.46 in the morning, at 5.46 in the morning on January 17, 1995, when the Great Hanshin Earthquake devastated Kobe, Japan, killing thousands. My brush with death that morning triggered a search for the meaning of my life. And I did an audit. And it began as a young man, a good student, an athlete, a leader. I worked my way to school at McDonald's. At 17, I went to university. At 21, I joined Procter & Gamble Canada. By 29, I was running the food business up there. I met a beautiful wife at Procter & Gamble, Mary Ann. We have four kids. We have a beautiful home, more materially than I ever dreamed possible. But there was something missing back then. The problem was my sexual addiction. It started when I was young, with magazines. And it progressed to videos. And as I went through college and started working, strip clubs. In 1988, we moved to Sydney, and my job was to establish P&G Australia. The business increased by four times. And in 1991, I was elected a P&G Vice President at 34. I traveled across Asia, and the more I traveled, the more I strayed. Massage parlors are a lot cheaper in Asia than a video in your room in America. And when massage parlors were no longer enough, it was a short step into prostitution. It was ugly, men. Prison. I moved to Japan in 1992, and there, again, the business boomed. But as my success grew, so did my pride and my self-centeredness. And I also had a nasty tongue that could cut down an enemy in two seconds flat. Worst of all, I became an absentee dad, like my father. Something I swore I would never do. And the lack of integrity was eating me up. And I wanted freedom from this stuff. Men, if you want freedom from some of this stuff, on three, give it to me. One, two, three. Freedom! Soon after, we moved to China, Hong Kong. And I went into China every week and worked in seven different joint ventures. And we did all kinds of interesting stuff, like introducing Tide and Crest into the world's largest market. I worked with great people. I had a great business. But I had a huge hole inside. And in March of 1996, I had a chance to go to a retreat. That retreat was kind of like a Kairos or a Curcio. Can I have a show of hands for anybody who's been at one of those retreats, a Kairos or a Curcio? Okay, guys, you know what I mean, right? Well, we had 15 guys speak to us that weekend. Successful guys, real guys. They shared authentically out of their lives. It was an amazing weekend. And the thing that struck me is that they not only shared their successes, but their failures. And they were dealing with the same questions I was. The meaning of life, the purpose of life, my destiny, my freedom. They had one thing in common together. They had experienced a personal deep moment in relationship with Jesus Christ. Now, I've been in church my whole life, and these guys talk about Jesus like I've never heard anybody talk about Jesus. It's kind of like the difference between talking to someone who knows Mel Gibson and someone who's seen him in one movie. And I learned a lot that weekend that Jesus is way more than a good teacher and a good example. He is God in the flesh who took this incredible trip from heaven to become one of us on this planet that He created. And that He died in my place for my adultery, for my self-centeredness, for all my sins, for all our sins. And I learned that Jesus doesn't want religiosity. It makes Him sick. He wants way more guys than a weekly trip to church. He gave everything, and so He wants everything. Our trust, our heart, our obedience. Guys, this was an entirely new Jesus for me that weekend. And I learned that being a good person and doing good deeds is not satisfactory to God, because no man can earn his way into heaven. So guys, actually, that sounded pretty good, because as I look at the scoreboard of my life, in the good deeds department, I was pretty much dead meat. And they said that Jesus said, the key to eternal life is to trust Me and make Me your Lord. And some guy read a Bible verse and it said we are made right in God's sight when we trust Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we can all be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done. Guys, that was grace and that was music to my ears that weekend. No matter what we have done. It's like playing golf, and then you get to submit Tiger's card instead of your own. It is the gospel, guys. It's the best news on the planet. It was awesome. If you want that kind of freedom, say it on three. One, two, three. That night, my head was spinning. My concept of God and Jesus had been turned upside down. And frankly, the whole thing just sounded too good to be true. What do you mean, trust Jesus? That's it. I went out on the mountain that night and I said, God, I want to trade my life in for Jesus'. But I need You to show up to help me know that this is real. And in that moment, on a hillside in Hong Kong, the wind got still. I was standing on a ridge with a big cross. And no visions, no voices. I just felt His presence. And He pressed in on me. And I felt like a son. I felt forgiven. I felt accepted. And I felt like a 60 pound rock of all my crap was being removed from my chest and dropped at the foot of that cross. Guys, I experienced eternal freedom that night for the first time. I was in awe. And I came down the hill and I was going back to my room and I asked the organizers of the retreat, Hey, is there a priest here? I need to talk to a priest. And Elmer came around the corner and I was totally shocked. You see, we're at this retreat and we didn't know each other's last names or what we did. That was the rules. And I thought Elmer was like this CEO type guy because he had this big mane of gray hair. And it was cut and he had glasses and he was a solid looking guy. Kind of reminds me of Father Ken a little bit. And he was wearing this golf shirt from Pebble Beach. It was brand new. And the day before he had one on that said Riviera. I said, What's with this shirt, man? I didn't know you were a priest. And he goes, Well, I had a CEO in my parish who died and his wife gave me all this stuff. Nice, huh? And I said, I said, Oh, God, you know, I see Father Ken. I said, Man, isn't that like God to leave the rakish good looks for all the priests? Anyway, I told Elmer about what happened up on the mountain and I started working through my pile of sin with him. And he was like Jesus with skin on that day. He listened to me. Guys, that went on for three hours. At two in the morning, I was either babbling or repeating myself, which people who know me know I want to do. And he said, Hey, Dennis, it's been three hours, man. It's two in the morning. We're done. God's forgiven you. You've trusted Christ. You have eternal life. And, you know, for all the fathers here, yes, he did assign penance. Plenty of it. But then he grabbed me by the shoulders and he said, Dennis, you're going to know your faith is real because Jesus is going to change your life. And Dennis, do your best to stay out of the way. So we went on that weekend, guys. I learned more about stuff I'd never heard of before. I found out the Bible was the most accurate, well-preserved document in the history of human antiquity. I found out that four gospels would be legally admissible eyewitness evidence in any courtroom on this planet. And you know what? I felt intellectually lazy. I had never read the Bible for myself. You know, I wouldn't dream of running a country for P&G without a thorough briefing of history, business culture, language, etc. And I got a passion that weekend to read and study the Word of God. And as I began to study, God started teaching me his secrets. And I want to share with you today three of the many freedom secrets that Jesus has taught me. Freedom secret number one is what the brother said this morning. When we read the Bible and go to God, Jesus shows up and speaks into our lives. The Bible says the Word of God is living and active. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I was trying to figure out what this big hole in my heart was all about. And I was reading Ecclesiastes in chapter 3, verse 11. It says, God has placed eternity in the hearts of men, and they cannot fathom what he has done. See guys, we have a donut hole right here made by the Creator of the universe. And we can stuff sex, food, money, fame, achievement, wisdom. We can stuff that thing all day long, and it will not satisfy. Because it is only satisfiable by eternity. And when I invited Christ into my life, he filled that hole. And miracles started happening. I struggle every day not to look lustfully at a maiden. But it's been eight years guys, and I am free of pornography. Praise God! Praise God! By his grace, he led me to share my story with my three sons, two of whom are here today. And they all have made commitments with me to sexual purity. Praise God! And as a bonus, he cleaned up my language. And those are just three of his freedom miracles. But he didn't stop there. He revolutionized my marriage. I was reading in the Bible one day about Adam and Eve, and how they were in the garden, and they were naked, and they felt no shame. And I felt God say to me crystal clear, Dennis, if you want a marriage like that, you got to come clean with Marianne. Now guys, seek counsel if you are in this situation. God does not always have the same plan for everybody. But I knew I had to talk to her. And I dreaded that conversation. And when it happened, I was crushed. And I never want to see the hurt in her face that I created that day again. And praise God, I haven't. But you know what guys, through her tears and my fears, God showed up. And she forgave me. And I asked, why? And she said, because Christ forgave me first. And you know guys, that moment of her forgiveness was living proof that Jesus was real. And he's healed our marriage. He's made our bed pure. And guys, let me tell you, Jesus Christ knows more about satisfying sex than any cheap imitation I tried to substitute for it. Because He made us! If you want that kind of freedom, say it with me on three. One, two, three. Jesus! After that, God went to work on my Lone Ranger qualities. You know, they were talking about groups that weekend at that retreat. And I thought, man, that is so weird. That's the last thing in the world I would do, is work my stuff with another guy. It's like, never cry, keep your guard up, right? Wrong! Father Elmer invited me to his group. And I trusted him, and so I tried it. And I went. The next Saturday, eight guys. Read the scriptures. We prayed. We encouraged each other. It was safe. It was good. And then, on the third Saturday, things got really interesting. A guy walked in, our youngest guy. And he confessed that the night before, he'd broken up with his girlfriend. And he got mad at God. He said, man, I'm never going to have a wife. And he lost his virginity to a prostitute. He was devastated. But what happened next was a miracle. Because one at a time, three guys confessed their own sexual sin. And then even Father Elmer confessed sin. Everybody confessed sin. We were all there together. We all were sinners. We'd all failed to reach God's standards. And we admitted it. And we were real. And we asked God to heal us and to stop our sin. And He did. And wherever I went, week in and week out.
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