Myf June episode 2

The speaker, Christina Armstrong, discusses her journey of breaking up with her past and embracing her future. She talks about the challenges and traumas she faced in this process, including learning to die to self and confronting her pride. She shares how her mentor helped her navigate this wilderness season and taught her the importance of humility and surrendering to God. She also reflects on her religious mindset and the need for a genuine relationship with God. Overall, she encourages listeners to embrace the process of character development and to trust in God's plan for their lives. You are listening to the Marry Your Future podcast with Christina Armstrong, where we hope you break up with your past so you can marry your future. Christina is an author, English coach, and speaker who is passionate about helping women journey from breakup to boss up. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Alright, so last week we talked about just how supernatural faith has been, just how I've been able to live in the supernatural. I've been able to just see God's favor and His grace by being obedient to Him calling me to the West Coast and calling me to just this new season of my life. But what I also told you guys was, even though that is true, it was also one of the most traumatic times in my life. It has been the most frustrating at times. I've been stretched beyond measure. It's been eye-opening. I have been learning to die to self. And I was joking with my mentor and I was like, you know, I feel like I'm having open heart surgery and I keep jumping off the table and I'm out here walking around with an IV and I'm not fully healed and it's like, no, get back on the table. And so that's really what this journey has been. It's been me jumping on and off of the operating table, me resurrecting the old man instead of just letting the old me die and me walking in the provision and the grace and in the calling that God has for my life. And that's, I think my fighting against that is what made it traumatic. And so I'm going to, of course, give you the deets on just everything that happened and the lessons that I learned. And hopefully this will encourage you. Hopefully this will give you some insight if you are in a wilderness season and it'll empower you with the tools that you'll need to really be content in the season and to go and to grow because, I mean, you're going to be there. It's a season that you have to go through because it's a season that creates character development. It's a season that brings forth integrity. It's a season that makes you prepared to walk into your promised land or whatever the Lord has for you. And so it's going to take some dying to self and thank God I have a mentor who is authentic, a mentor who's honest and real and a mentor who's anointed. She is anointed to help me walk through this season. And so she's given me a trick to the trade. She's given me wisdom. And I want to share that with you today, again, in hopes that it would encourage you and it would just empower you to stay on the table, get through with the process, don't rush it because when it's done, you get to be who God created you to be. And so for me in this wilderness season, I learned a few things. I learned that I was very religious. I learned that I was very prideful. And I thought I knew, I thought I knew it all. And so this was a place where I literally learned I don't know anything. I'm very prideful and it's going to take humility to open the doors. And I learned my level of audacity with dealing with the Lord. You know, it's something to think that the Lord owes you something, it's something to have just that level of self-righteousness where you think God owes you something. And I was at a moment where I had to have, I had to have a couple of conversations with my mentor. Thank God for her patience. But dealing with me, you know, the first conversation we had where it was brought to me that I was prideful, I was, if I'm being honest, after that conversation, I was pretending to be humble. I was showing up how I felt they wanted me to show up. But my mentor is so anointed, she was like, Cap, you're lying, like you're not, you're not showing up the authentic Christina. And I realized how prideful I was, just with my audacity, I did not trust God. I felt like God needed to prove himself to me. I felt like, yeah, I felt like I really felt like God really needed to prove himself to me. And it's like, who are you? Which is ironic, because one of my favorite stories in the Bible is one of my favorite people in the Bible is, I think his name is Elehar. And he's in the book of Job. And he comes and he's correcting Job and his friends. And he's like, did the Lord consult you when he created the stars, the moon, the sun? Did he ask you, you know, where anything should go? No. So who do you think you are? And really, let me tell you how prideful I was, the Lord would give me things like that. And I would think it was for other people. It couldn't clearly be about me, Lord, you couldn't be talking about me, God, no. And it's like, no, honey, you're prideful. Honey, I fight against the prideful, I resist the proud. And I help the humble, you're not humble. And you have to be really prideful to think that you can fight against God and win, win. Like how I think I can fight against God and actually win that fight? That's pride on a new level. And so I remember I had a conversation with my mentor. I was in third year Bible college. So I'm like in the last year of Bible college, I'm pretty much a senior, I've got all this word in me, I know the scriptures, I can pray in tongues, I can, you know, I know this stuff. Yet, the Lord brought to me the scripture, many will come to me and say, Father, Father, and I'll say, I did not know you. And they'll say, we prophesied in your name, we laid hands in your name, we did this. And they'll say, I did not know you. And for the longest time, I thought that scripture was referring to the world. But when I read it again, it was like, no, these people were in ministry, these people were doing things, these people were prophesying, they, these people had signs, wonders and miracles following them, yet they didn't know the Father. And it goes back to that scripture of all the gifts are without repentance, God loves people so much that he'll use you to get something done and you not even be in relationship with him. He'll use a donkey. Okay, so of course, he'll use you. And the Lord had to tell me, he said, Christina, I don't if you if something were to happen to you today, if you were to die today, I wouldn't know you. And I was like, what? No, you're no, because I was like, that cannot be true. And you know, I one of my favorite scriptures is Isaiah 4110. And it says, Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God, it says, I will help you. Yes, I will strengthen you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. And I quote that scripture often. And the Lord said to me, he said, Christina, why do you think that scripture doesn't work for you? I'm not your God. I'm not your God. That scripture only works for people who I'm in covenant with who I'm their God. And I know this is going to mess with a lot of people, religion and theology, especially that once saved, always saved. But I believe, you know, you can tell a lot by one revelation, and this is something that was between me and the Lord. I really don't care if you believe it or not. But I'm telling you, because it hit me like a ton of bricks. And I was like, God, who's on the altar. And when I really evaluated who was my Lord, it was me. I went to me for for issues. I went to me if decisions needed to be made, I trusted in me. And so you know, it's that old saying, if you want something done, you got to do it yourself. Or it's the saying that I can't, I can't, if it's if I'm not doing it, it's not gonna be done, right? Like, no, no. So literally in school, in one of the back rooms, I'm in there having a full out deliverance session, where I am bawling my eyes out, I am renouncing me as my God, I'm accepting Jesus as my Savior, not just my Savior, but my Lord, I am having an all out deliverance service, I'm going through like three boxes of tissue, it is just, it's heavy. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I wasn't saved, like, it's gonna be a crazy testimony to be like, when you get saved, Oh, third year ministry school, that's crazy. But I realized I was in religion, I wasn't in relationship, and God is all about relationship. And I was a Pharisee. And I was, it was all about what I was doing, and how well I was praying and how, how, um, how well I could deliver a message is like, but you're not in relationship with me. So my word doesn't work for you, my promises, they're for my children, they're for people who are in relationship with me. And so again, I just laid it all at his feet. And I had a moment of repentance, a moment of Oh, my God, and I'll never forget, I heard the Lord said the audacity, you have some audacity. And I know for some people, it's like God would never say that God corrects those that he loves. That was correction for me. That was the moment where it was like, Oh, I just wanted to just, just fall down in my chair. And it was like, the moment he, he was real, and he said, that's, you have some audacity. And I heard that scripture that I asked you that I consult you when I slung the moon and the stars in the sky that I consult you when I separated the waters that I consult you about anything. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, Lord, forgive me. And so that was a real moment I had with the Lord where I literally had to just go and go before him and just bow down. Sorry, if y'all hear the ice cream truck. But yeah, that was a moment I just had where I just had to really just surrender who I was, what I thought what I thought I knew. And so I was literally tore up, tore up, so much so that my classmates, a few of my classmates was like, Are you okay? And I was like, I'm on the altar. Just pray for me. I'm trying to get up. That's it. I knew I was safe. I knew it was a process I needed to go through. But it was traumatic. It was very difficult. And so that was the beginning of me walking out this walk of humility. And then, you know, some other things happen where, again, I just felt like I was getting beat down, like everywhere I turned, it was like, no correct this, no correct this, no fix this. Nope, your integrity is shaky here. And you know, I would have conversations with my family and they were like, does God ever say anything nice to you? And I'm like, Yes, but I'm in a season of correction. Like you may not understand that this is God's love. Like he, there's a train coming directly at me. And he's trying to get me off the tracks like this is love, it don't feel good. But this is love. And I had never experienced God like this, because I was so religious. I believed in, you know, the, the fairy God, I believed in, you know, the sweet unicorn God, oh, you're going to your, your place called there, oh, you're where the Lord told you to be, it's going to be sunshine and rainbows. I did not count the cost of being obedient, and going to a place that I did not know, I did not know that I was being called apart, to be broken so that I could be used. And if anybody's going to do the breaking, I would rather it be his hands, because he knows exactly what pieces to take away. And so it began to develop my trust, I had to learn to trust him, and to trust his correction. And to trust his love, and to trust his ability to heal and to restore. And so I remember that I'm going through this process, it's difficult. And then I get into this relationship. And I'm like, Okay, yes, this is an amazing time. I feel like this is, this is from the Lord, you know, I prayed about it, I felt like I got an answer. And that relationship ends up imploding. And it is bad. It is bad. And I'm left hurt. I'm left humiliated. I'm left broken. And I'm still in this season of being in the wilderness. And I'm like, God, what happened? And it's like, pride, honey, you're still operating in pride. And I thank God so much, because in the midst of being broken in the midst of being in this relationship that ended badly, I was given opportunities to walk out in humility. I was given opportunities where it was like I had to go and have conversations with my higher ups with people that I was accountable to, to let them know the situation. I had to have conversations with my pastors, as I have conversations with my, with my coordinator, with my director, with HR, like I had to have hard conversations, when really all I wanted to do was to hide and run. I wanted to graduate school, pack up my bags, move somewhere where nobody knew me and start fresh and the Lord was like, No, we're gonna stay right here. You're not done with this season. And so he presented me with opportunities to be humble, with opportunities to say, Hey, this is the situation I got in this relationship. And I thought it was God. It wasn't. This is the situation. And I need accountability. I need grace. I need support. And it was in that that I was able to really bury the pride really, you know, just push the pride out, and really see the opportunities for humility, accept the opportunities for humility. And then I was able to see God's grace, I was literally able to see how God resists the proud but helps the humble. And so I got to experience that. But again, it was a traumatic event for me. And so I'm going through all of these things. I'm going through this character development, I'm going through making sure I show up and then there's this season, or this time where the Lord reveals, you know, my full calling like another level of my calling. And I don't want it like, and it's one thing when people see you, and they're like, Oh, you got a call of God on your life. Oh my God, you're called to this, that and miracles and da da da da da, and you can do this and that. And it's like, that's wonderful. Praise God. I just want to be a janitor in a church. I just want to sweep the floor, clean the bathrooms, get in, get out, see you on Sunday. I don't want to be responsible for this. I don't want to walk this out. I don't want any Lord I know, no. And I realized now that I was resenting my calling. And I was resenting the anointing and the light that God had placed on the inside of me when really it has nothing to do with me. But because I was resisting it, I was operating in pride, thinking I knew better than the Lord God, you gave this to the wrong person, that I'm not, I don't want to do this. I seriously just want to, I just want to clean the church. I just want to be unseen. I just, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this podcast. I don't want to do the course. I don't want to write the books. I don't want to do any of it. And I always say, God can't bless who you pretend to be, and he can't heal what you pretend isn't broken. And so I didn't realize it, but being honest about that, being honest about what I didn't want to do, it allowed the Holy Spirit to minister to me. You don't want to do it because you don't trust me, because you think that you're qualified to do this on your own. You think that because I've given you this gift, you're the one who can carry it out. Honey, you can't. You need me. And I began to see it as a partnership and truth be told, I'm just getting to the point where I'm seeing it as a partnership where I'm leaning into the Holy Spirit and I'm allowing him to be my helper. I'm allowing him to be my comforter to where now I'm excited about the things that God has for me. I'm excited for my family. I'm excited for the ministry and it's no longer a prison to me. I'm no longer resentful for the call of my life and I'm like, God, what do you want to do? You want to, oh, okay. You want me to, we're going to be, you know, in another country ministering. Okay. Oh, we're going to have this organization is going to be, oh, okay. God, whatever you want, I'm willing to do it. But I didn't realize that humility was a big part of that game. All of this was traumatic for me. Coming to self was traumatic for me. You know, realizing that I was not in good standing with my father was traumatic for me being told that I was wrong and that I did not, I was not on the right track and I was bound for separation from Christ. That was traumatic for me. But God is so faithful. He's a God of love. He's a God of integrity. And that was another thing, you know, having him develop my integrity, it was like, Hey, you told them that you want to take care of this on Wednesday. You can't, you need to communicate that. But I don't know what to say. Okay. Tell them that. Hey, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. I thought I was going to be able to have it. I don't at this moment. This is what I can do. I'll let you know if anything changes. Integrity, like integrity and communication are sisters. So it was literally learning, uh, even with people, uh, that I was close with, I guess sometimes it's so easy to just blow them off and be like, Oh yeah, I'll tell them no integrity. You said you're going to show up at nine o'clock. Why are you getting there at nine 30 integrity? You said, uh, you know, it's just you in this house. Why does it look like this? Why are the dishes still integrity? You say you want to be a wife, but you, you, uh, the house look crazy. You don't know how to cook. Your mouth is crazy. Your attitude is crazy. You're bitter. You're angry. We're going to deal with those things in the wilderness. So having that mirror put up to me was just traumatic. It really, it really was traumatic. Um, but I'm so glad that I went through that season of allowing my feelings to be acknowledged, um, allowing the Holy spirit and to help me see what the root of the issue was. I'm so glad that I stuck with it. Um, and I'm so glad that he brought me accountability through my mentorship community, through my mentor, uh, through my pastors, uh, you know, cause one of the things my pastor said to me was, you can't run. We will track you down and find you like you're, you're, you're not running. Um, and so my prayer for you is that the Lord would surround you with people who have his spirit, people who love you with the love of the Lord people, uh, who have wisdom, uh, to know between grace, uh, and correction and to know when to extend grace and, you know, knowing how to, uh, just minister to you. And my prayer for you is that you would humble yourself, that you would humble yourself while you're in this season, that you would allow the Holy spirit to reveal you to you. Uh, and that you would allow him to do the work in you. My, my prayer, my encouragement, my hope for you is that you won't revert back to running or hiding or self-sabotaging, but that you'll stick with the process. And it's almost, you know, one of the analogies we love to use in the community is the butterfly. Everybody sees a beautiful butterfly, but nobody talks about the butterfly being in the cocoon. And I know it's not called a cocoon. I can't think of the real name, but being in the cocoon, what happens to the caterpillar in that cocoon, that caterpillar literally is disintegrated. It turns into mush and then it gets redistributed and then recreated into a butterfly. Nobody considers how alone that process feels, how hard that process feels, how painful that process is, how traumatic that process is. Nobody ever talks about that. They only talk about the butterfly. And so this is a time where you get to decide, are you going to stick it out? Are you going to humble yourself? Are you going to go through the wilderness, uh, so that you can come out on the other side as the person who's able to grab a hold and live in the promised land that God has for you? Or are you going to keep going around the same mountain? Are you going to be like the Israelites who had to die in the wilderness because they were so prideful? You get to choose. Everyone goes through a wilderness. Not everyone comes out. And I've decided that I am coming out. I've decided that I am leaving the wilderness and I'm coming out completely different. I'm coming out stronger. I think it's, um, I think it's training day. He said, you put me in the, put me in the jungle. I'm coming out 20 pounds heavier with a mink coat. Like I'm coming out different. I'm coming out different. The question is, are you? And so I hope that is something that encourages you. I hope you are, um, just in a place, uh, to expect something different, uh, because the Lord has good things for you. I'm convinced of it. You know, third John two says, beloved, I pray that you would prosper in all things and be in health. Even as your soul prospers, you will only prosper to the level of your soul, your mind, your will, and your emotions. The wilderness is where you build that fortitude. The wilderness is where you build that character. The wilderness is where you, where you build that mental stamina and you develop, uh, in your soul. Guys, he's given us the abundant life, but we have to participate in it. We have to be humble. We have to be willing and obedient, and we have to trust him. His love for you is greater than you can even imagine, even fathom, even it is so good. You cannot understand it. But your part in this is to go through the wilderness willingly. Your part of this is to go through the wilderness and be humble. Your part of this is to go through the wilderness, not turn back and get everything that you're supposed to get out of it. Don't leave looking the same. That's ghetto. That is ghetto. Do not leave looking the same. We hope you enjoyed this episode. Be sure to check out the website at itschristinaarmstrong.com for more content. And remember, God can't heal who you pretend to be. It's time you break up with your past so you can marry your future.