Espisode 2 1-28

I'm just saying but I definitely understand what you're saying um and I think it's so shocking sometimes because we're not used to seeing it if that makes that's what blew my mind yes that makes it like you could see a man in a grocery store with his kids and I've seen women come up to men in the grocery store when they have all their kids and their grocery shopping you're such a good father you're doing such a good job but it's kind of so out the norm is that when you see it it's kind of like okay and that comes with you know therapy and stuff too that we need to get that out of our head that a man limits our limitations to be at a certain thing I mean when I went to church one time this man was upset because he said they didn't have a diaper-changing table in the men's restroom and he wanted to go change his son but he couldn't he had to give him to his wife because he couldn't go and he was like that's not right like you know what I mean what if my wife wasn't here you want me to put my son on the floor you know what I mean and it made sense like so I don't think we really think about that and I don't know when you go into a man's bathroom do you see a diaper-changing table in there? No only time I really see one is when I go to a unisex bathroom like in the mall or it has like a family or something like that but I've never really seen one I've seen them in bathrooms but I don't think it was just a man's restroom okay yeah so I mean that's something we need to think about yeah they can feel you know some type of way like hey I can't even change my kid because I don't have to put it on the sink. Right. You would have to really change your child on the sink. So I didn't actually think about that until I heard that conversation me eavesdropping yeah I heard you know what I mean cuz I never thought about that like okay that well you've never been in a man's restroom either too. I have. Yeah when the women's bathroom is full and I don't care you know about this no uh-uh and y'all say I think our bathroom as men may be cleaner but I think our bathrooms smell the worst yeah the way that they'd be blowing them bathrooms up in public. Girl. Like what and they don't even believe in hitting and flushing. Yes. Everybody who doesn't know that you need therapy. I went to the Woman Evolve conference recently and yes and it wasn't a lot of men there but of course it was a lot of women. I thought it was just for women. Oh no there were men there. There were some men there. Were they homosexuals? I don't know if they were homosexuals. We didn't have a conversation. I was actually sitting next to a man he was very good-looking too. He looked like Rick Vods but I didn't want to be like a distraction but yeah he was and he didn't give me a homosexual vibe. Okay. But you also know they had a man's panel there too. So I mean it wasn't a lot of men but there was a sprinkle here and there. Some men you know probably went because their wife forced them to and they didn't want to sleep on the couch for the week. They were like I'm about to go to this conference and you know eat some wings and act like I care but I really don't. But those bathrooms it was like 40,000 women there. So when we take breaks you can only imagine how long those bathroom lines were. Wait when y'all take breaks how long were y'all there? So one the first day was like from 7 a.m. to like. First day? Yes. It was a conference. So it was three days. Girl what? Yes. Where were you at? I told you about this. I didn't know it was for three days. Yes I told you. And you went all three days? Yes I did go all three days. By the third day I was tired. That first day would have blown me out. I was like what are we going back tomorrow for? Because it was ending like 10, 30, 11 then it starts at like 7. Oh wow. Yes. Yes and it was Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Oh the week? Oh they played that right. Oh my gosh. Girl that should have been a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Oh you know what? No actually no it was Thursday, Friday, Saturday because Sunday they invited everybody to go to church. Yeah they did that. Yeah but I was so tired I didn't even make it to church that weekend and I already knew church was going to be overly packed. And it was going to be packed girl. Yeah so I was like. I was making sure they got their coins that way. So I was like no. But anyway since there wasn't a lot of, I was like I'm about to go in this mans bathroom. I'm not about to wait in this line. And they had, it was at. That was smart. The baseball stadium. Globe Life Field. Oh I've never heard of it. Is it in Dallas? You live here right? Yeah. Okay. Globe Life is it in Dallas? Yes. Oh I don't know what that is. Is that where the Texas Rangers play at? In Arlington? Oh no. You know I don't make it out there. Oh on Collins Street. One of those streets over there by that Walmart? Yeah over there by the, yeah. Okay. In that way that Walmart and that Ella B's. You know that because we've been there. Yeah. You know so the only reason why I know that is. I always got to relate stuff with him to food. Yes that too. I used to live over there. And those apartments they're called, I don't know if they're still there but they're just called plantation place. Yeah. Oh. Yeah plantation apartments. Yikes. And you lived there? Yeah we lived there when we first moved to Texas. That's when Big Vern decided to move over there. Okay. Yeah we lived right over there. The baseball stadium was down the street. And then they tore that down. I think they rebuilt it or something right? They did. Whatever it is now. Right. That's not what it was when I lived there. Gotcha. Yeah. So that's the only reason why I know. So how was it living at plantation? Um so we got up every day at 6am. You know speaking of that, not to cut you off, but Big Vern was one of those who took his kids in and raised his kids. Your dad. Yeah. Yeah okay. Yeah he did because I mean we had a stepmother that was in and out of the household. Unfortunately she was on that thing called crack. That's her soul. She's, I think she's doing better. I think she actually is clean. So I think she'll be good. Um yeah so Big Vern he was out there and then he also took in um two other kids that was not his biological kids. You know he raised, helped raise them. So Big Vern was doing his big thing out there. Okay yeah. So shout out to Big Vern. Yeah shout out to Big Vern. So you know I had recently um when I was over there recently I was saying I was talking to one of my brothers and I was like um you talked to Patricia and then Patricia's my mom and then he was like um my dad was like um you call your mom by Patricia I said I call you Big Vern. Grabbing himself some type of way. You are Big Vern. Yes. Yes. Okay. Anywho. Shout out to Big Vern. So back to the plantation. So it was regular living there? Yeah it was just some apartments. I mean we did have to get up and pick cotton from time to time. Girl she was like how it is living there. It was some apartments. That was just the night life. It was just the night life. 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For me, it was the opposite. We were homeless 95% of my childhood. I don't remember staying at no place more than two, three, four. I can't say that I ever lived somewhere a year. You know what I mean? That was dramatizing. I didn't have the ability to have my friends come over or the ability to go to the same school. That caused a lot of trauma with my kids at some point. I would drive 45 miles to take my son to the school, so he won't be changing schools back to back, even though we moved. Things like that are, I wouldn't even buy lunch until all the bills are paid, because I'm afraid if I calculated this money off by $2, now we're about to be homeless. Dramatic as it may seem, that comes from that, because I don't want my kids to experience that. So I think we just need to find balance, and I don't think that some parents have that ability. You know what I mean? They always say, shout outs to the ones for trying, but if you tried and it did more damage than good, does it really matter? I don't know. As far as my father goes, he was non-existent. That's a whole other episode. To make a long story short, I didn't meet my dad until I was about 33, 32, 33. Even now, we're having a hard time co-existing as daughter and father and trying to find a balance in that relationship. He's actually on my block list. Yeah. Interesting. For my mental health. Absolutely. Do it. I love a good block. Love it. I was looking at my block list. I was like, who are all these people? I don't even think I know this many people. Me either. My block list is very long, but sometimes I have to learn that it's okay to just block people and move on. Everybody is not meant for you, and that's fine, but to help me with my mental health and my mental stability, yeah, I can't deal with you right now. I agree. Family and all. People have to stop saying, oh, that's my mom, that's my dad. Stop using that for an excuse. They have to respect you. You're grown now, and you deserve the respect and get it. I'm going to demand my respect. For me, a big thing is accountability. When you try to tell me why you did something, even though you know it was wrong, and you make every excuse, we just can't. I can't be friends with nobody who don't take care of their kids. I can't, because if you're not loyal to your own bloodline, what are you going to do with me? Girl. That's true. How are we going to create a relationship where you don't even want that with your own children? Absolutely. I'm firm on that. I stand firm on that one, even with my son's father. Me and him can't, and it's kind of like, I can't be with nobody who don't take care of their kids. He laughs at me, because I know, it's my son, but I'm dead serious. Yeah, we can't vibe on certain things, but shout out to him. He gave me my son. Yes, he got a shout out. We're moving up. It's a big move. If he hears this, he's going to have a whole lot to say. I had to put that shout out in there to keep the peace. And from now on, we're giving $5 for each shout out. If you want to show up, you'll get $5. That is pretty much the gist of Black in Therapy. As we grow, as we get better, as we develop, as we seek more therapy. Absolutely, seek more therapy. Yes, that's a goal that we're going to... You know what? We're going to end this by setting a goal that we have. Yes, let's set a goal. And this goal is going to be something that we need to accomplish before our next episode. Okay. So, do you have one that you can think of right now? Yes. Okay. For me, I'm going to actually find a therapist. Okay. I'm going to be open-minded this time around. So, any Black therapists out there, let me know. Black, African-American only. Male or female? Do you have a preference? I've only dealt with females, but I think I want to switch it up. Okay. I think I want to switch it up. Okay. Yes. Okay. I don't know. It's just something with females. I feel like they have a different perspective than men. I got you. I don't know. It's just better. Yes, that makes sense. Because I actually had a male therapist, and this was when I was in high school, and he basically told me, hey, you graduated. You've done good. I don't need to see you no more. I was fucked up. Fucked up. Ended the whole session. That's crazy. Yes. Okay. So, that's a good goal to have. Yes. So, I'm going to remind you of that one. Yes. Okay. That's going to remind me of a goal. You know, I've got to hold you accountable. Mine will be to get back consistent in the gym. Okay. That will be my goal before our next episode. I have been slacking off, but I've still been tired. Yes. You know, working two jobs. Yes. You know, I've been tired. And now three. Right, right. So, to make space for something that helps me with my mental health is something that I need to work on. So, that's my goal before the next episode is to be back consistent in the gym like I used to be. Okay. Yes. And another segment that we're wanting to add is listener letters. So, if any of our listeners want to write into our email. Do you have our email? Do you know our email? You know what? Let me go ahead and locate that real fast. Okay, we're making noises. Yeah, so she's going to tell us the email. We'll tell you guys the email. And we're wanting everyone to write in for advice. We're going to give you any advice that you want. It can be you're cheating. Your mother is fucking your husband. Just something. It can be whatever you're wanting advice on. Okay. And we are both going to give you our advice. And she has the email ready. Yes, I do. So, it's going to be Black, B-L-A-C-K, N, the letter N, therapy at gmail.com. There we go. I kind of knew that by heart. I don't know. I thought it was a number or something. Yes. I thought somebody else had to have had that email before. But, no, I guess we got the first one. Yes. Okay. Black and Therapy, B-L-A-C-K, the letter N, therapy at gmail.com. Yes. The inbox is opened. And you guys feel free to send us in whatever. Keep in mind, we're not professionals. Yes, we are. Okay. We have assistance. We have a whole. You should see everything. We just have assistance and everything. We have a whole team behind us. We shouldn't even be not professionals. So, we're not professionals, just as an FYI. But this is going to be our first episode. This was a goal that we both had for this year. Yes, absolutely. So, shout out to us. Yes, shout out to us. Yes. For completing our goal. Yes, we completed our goal. We set it, we worked on it, and we're here now. But thank you guys for listening. We'll see you or hear you or whatever. You will hear us. Next episode. But we appreciate it. Thank you for listening to Black and Therapy. Black and Therapy. Peace out.