episode 4 audio

So we're recording now. Did you see it? No. Only three of us today. Get better soon, Jay. We heard about the... Circumcision. Circumcision and the amputated pinky toe. It's a sad story. It's a sad day to be Jay. Only got nine left. Yeah, man, it should happen sometimes, you know. Gotta watch out for the... Gotta watch out for low bridges. Low bridges and mini golf is dangerous. Yeah. It's an interesting week. Interesting week. John is actually alive. He's back in present time. Maybe. He's probably still 15 minutes behind. No, I'm all caught up now. All right. He's on 15. How long do you last being an hour behind us? No, he fixed the clocks. It's good. My bedroom clock is still an hour behind. I haven't had a chance to move it forward. He's still an hour behind. But I'm caught up on everything else now. Unbelievable. There you go. Well, welcome back. Congratulations. Congrats, as they say in South America. Speaking of South America. Oh, shit. Okay. What? Do you guys know about barbecue? Yeah. The Haitian guy? Yeah. Yeah. Did we talk about this last week? We talked about it. Well, we touched on it. He's eating people again. Is he? He's back on it. He smokes them. I mean, he's hungry. Low and slow. It's delicious. Delicious. No, thank you. John, who's winning the college basketball national championship? Just say a team. I know you don't have no clue. I have no clue. I'm just going to go Nebraska. It's unbelievable. What is it? Who is this? My wife again. What does she want? Hello. You're on speaker. We're doing the podcast. What's up? She's terrible. Terrible, too, right here. Why? What did she do? She, 12 seconds ago, was saying she's cute. Um, no. I had to get the mop out. For what? Um, she peed on the floor. How'd she pee on the floor? So I was undressing her, and she ran away and ran out of her bathroom. And she ran in her bedroom, and she peed all over the floor. And she came back in to the bathroom and had a wet hand. And I said, why is your hand wet? I love how we go from talking about barbecue to peeing on the floor. I love barbecue. Do you realize every time I come here, shit hits the fan? Well, your daughter just peed all over the floor. So I'm going to have to mop. Where were you in this whole thing? Great aim. I was going to the bathroom myself. Oh. So like mother, like daughter. You took her spot. Yeah, she's pissed. Yes, I peed in the toilet. She peed on the floor. Well, it's hard for her to pee in the toilet if you're on it, right? Great aim. You're going to survive? Yes, we have to. All right, well. Yes. We have to mop the floor. Well, I would hope so. Start cleaning, woman. Talk to you later. Sorry. Call the National Guard. Do you need reinforcements to mop the fucking floor? Wait, wait. How crazy is that? She called me literally. Twice. Twice in five minutes. One saying the daughter was cute. The other one's, she's terrible. I'm pretty sure that conversation could have waited until you got home. No. It's unbelievable. So yesterday, I was driving through Westbury to go play golf. Did you see it on News 12? Yeah, they said it was. They had a gun. It was reported that someone had a gun and was walking down Kaniak Rock Road, and that's why all fucking National Guards are swapping. Oh, we found them. What the hell is a swap? Swap. I said swap? Yeah. Oh, I swat. All right. Oh, Jesus. So I'm driving to Kaniak. My Waze takes me through Westbury for whatever reason. I'm halfway down the road, and I see an armored vehicle with six wheels driving at me with guys in full camo, guns out, and they don't tell me to turn around. So I get past them, and I'm driving on Kaniak Rock Road, and then the cop's like, I think you should turn around. I was like, oh, okay. And as I'm turning around, 30 police officers with their guns out pointed at this house, hiding behind cars. I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Helicopter flying around. We're playing golf. I'm like, I don't hear gunshots yet. Shouldn't they hit the fan? They couldn't find nothing. Yeah, there was nothing. It's incredible. Those guys got paid seven hours of overtime. I was going to say John's tax dollars were going to good use. Yep. Hallelujah. That was bad. I think it was a decoy. Someone robbed a bank down the road. I bet you those guys were static. They were so ready to go. They were fucking pumped. And then there's nobody there. Imagine the poor guy that they said house it was, and he opens the door. What the fuck? He's in a bathroom with his newspaper. What the fuck's going on in my front lawn? I should have called Teddy's front lawn. He's like, where's the gun? I don't have a gun. It's Westbury. What do you expect? That's racist. There it already goes. How is that racist? I said it's Westbury. Without labeling a specific group of people. You had racial undertones. I'm not going to be politically correct nowadays. Can't do it. Can't do it, sorry. Joe Biden's going to arrest Trump. Do I got to use the right pronoun, like they? What are you? What pronoun do you associate yourself with, John? King, sire. What about you, Mark? What do you associate yourself with? I'm a good Mrs., ma'am, and sir. Jesus. Oh, boy. Yeah, get to that one, motherfuckers. Mrs. Delfire. Could be an old man. I would be a good-looking woman. Phone's ringing again, Mark. I'm putting that shit on silent. She's going to be like, oh, she's hanging off the fucking banister. Yeah, she's trying to do pull-ups. Let her live. It's unbelievable. Let her fall. She won't do it again. She'll just break her leg. It's fine. I wish I could piss on the floor and not get away with it. I mean, hey. Clean it up. Talk about freedom. I mean, for being men, we always piss on the floor, so we get away with a lot of it. Clean it up. We do the right thing. What's your name? I'll write it on the snow. Yeah, I'll write it on the wall. There's no rules. Put your pants back on. There's one rule. It's terrible. You know what I hate? What? I was at the gym the other day. I can't say it. It's not racist. I was at the gym the other day, and you know how they have, like, a whole row of treadmills? Right? Yeah. Usually together. Perfectly good, John. You hate cardio. I don't like cardio. I love cardio. So what do you hate? Let's get to it. Drum roll? Anyway. Anyway. You're the drummer. I'm the only one on the treadmill, right, out of 30 treadmills. This motherfucker has to come and fucking go right next to me. He likes you. I fucking hate when people do that. Why? It's like the urinal rule. And then he stretches for about ten minutes, and then walks on two and a half. He likes you. So? It's like the urinal rule. If there's five urinals, you're at the end. Which one are you going to go to? If someone walks in, which one would you hope that they would go to? Not this guy. Probably on your left. Yeah. They'd probably just try to share the same urinal. You gotta give some breathing space. It's unbelievable. It's really unbelievable. It's unbelievable. I just wanted to punch him in the head sometime, you know? It's unbelievable the talent compared from Mark's gym to my gym. And John's old gym. What gym do you go to anymore? John. 24 Hour Fitness. How about you? Crunch. Oh yeah, that's right. We signed up for the same one. I went for a month straight. Can you imagine? I still have access to the water beds. He just pays for the water bed. You just pay for the water beds? I pay for the whole month. I don't go. Why not? I don't have time to go. I want to go. Remember the East Meadow? The one in East Meadow. East Meadow. I try doing the very first thing in the morning as soon as they open up. But I hit the expressway at 5.30 and it's just... What time do they open? 4. So I try to go for an hour, take a shower there, and then head out right to work. But the traffic sucks. Got it. I know that's not a good excuse for not going. So now he just goes there and uses the water bed. No, no. I'm just saying part of my... I'm going to take a shower here. See you later. Party News Resolution, 2026. Shower beds more often. It's the thought that counts, right? It's the thought that counts. So you pay $35 a month. It's like $34. No, $39. How much is it without the water bed? $35. $34. So if you want to use all of them. I don't even know why I still have it. Yeah, you got to cancel it. You need to put a blood oath to cancel. The Wigovi is helping me. I'm already down like four pounds. So what the fuck do I need to... Four more pounds from two weeks ago. Yeah, look at that. Just do Wigovi and blow and you'll be fucking 100 pounds in a week. With that side looking good as a fucking snort head in Canada. Put some arsenic in there. Speaking of arsenic. Oh, God. That's terrible. That is terrible. This thing is amazing. Are straws gay? I mean, it depends on how hard you say it. Are straws gay? It depends on how hard you say it, exactly. I don't know. I think they're fine. Well, what kind of straw are we talking? The normal one, the coffee stir plastic ones, like the red ones or the giant fucking... Who the fuck drinks out of the red ones? John does. He has 18 cups of coffee a day. Stop, John. You drink out of the red straw? It depends on how hard you suck, right? With the fucking stir. They're drinking out of a... They're coffee stir. They're little plastic straws. You drink out of that? You can. Do you? No, I don't. Yes, he definitely does. He definitely fucking drinks out of it. You know my hot chocolate with my stir? Next time we go out for a cocktail, we're going to see if they get bologna, how he sucks on it. Did you go to Buzz to get a coffee? One dollar? A dollar this morning, yeah. I gotta go. I didn't. I went to the Bean in Sayville. Fuck the Bean. Place blows. Buzz. Buzz Coffee. Fuck you, Sayville Bean. Shout out. What's the manager's name? I'll tell him what I really think of his coffee. I'm not going to say that. Mark will never be allowed in the club. It was dollar coffee all day. I should have got another one. I got 300 points. What the hell does that mean? You're going to buy a Lego set now? I could buy half of a Titanic. That's good. What do you do with points at Buzz? You get free coffee. What about the little stirs? No, they don't do stirs. I'm not going there then. John's so pissed. He drinks out of a stir. He didn't even know it was supposed to be a stir. It was always a little baby straw. That's great because he probably gets them from 7-Eleven where everyone touches them. They sneeze all over him. That's the best way to fucking have a good coffee. Wine Dench. Homeless. Go to 7-Eleven. This fucking guy with the towns. He's so racist. It's not my fault that those are the towns that I work in. Wine Dench, Westbury. What am I supposed to do? You work at Westbury? No. Congrats. I don't know. Somewhere in Pennsylvania. San Francisco. What's that look like? Totally random. Okay. You want to talk about Mount Kisco? Demographic? I'm not saying it. Is it similar to Wine Dench? No. What is it? Hicksville? Jesus Christ. It's more like Babylon. Chopped up bodies? Yeah. Missing body parts? Great. Love it. A lot of cartel. Columbian? I never said that. No wonder where he gets the blow from. It's a cartel. No wonder why he goes up there once every three days. Love it. I got a random thing I want to ask you guys. What is the rule of thumb... Large. Okay. How big? What is the rule of thumb on keeping birthday cards on display? This is a valid conversation. On display? So I give you a birthday card. You've never given me a birthday card. What do you do with it? Throw it in the garbage. That's so disrespectful. I read it. I say thank you. You don't put it on the counter? Look at it? For what? If I want to look at your birthday cards, I'll go to CVS. I'm just asking. Sentimental. What about you? I usually do about two days. Alright. Keep them on the counter. Mark? I just throw them out. The only reason I'm asking is because I celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday the other day. She had cards up for almost a month. How old is she? I don't know. Exactly. Sixty... I don't even want to say it. At that point, give us a fuck about your birthday card. Thank God you're alive for another year. You got her a nice birthday card? Is that what you're trying to get to? Well, yeah. And she threw it out? She threw it out. No, she put it on display. I was just curious to know how long would you keep a card out for? What would you sign the card as? 35 seconds. Something more? Big Daddy. 35 seconds. It goes from the envelope into my hand. I read it. I smile. I say, thanks. You know what his mother-in-law really said. She motherfucking didn't give me nothing. Did you get her a gift or just a card? I got her a nail card. A gift card. A nail? What the hell is a nail card? A gift card. A nail gift card. Good Friday's coming up. You know what I'm putting in your... When's your birthday, John? June 27th. Alright, I'm going to get you a stirrer and put it in a fucking card. When's your birthday? June 10th. Nice. You know where I'll be? Vegas. You know where you won't be? Vegas. Thank you. Get the stirrer in there. Booked my flight the other day. Actually, yesterday. How much? $6.50 or on trip. That's not bad. No. And we... Considering that you're four months out? Yeah, JetBlue. Not bad. We got the middle tier. Because, you know, every airline has to have three tiers. Yeah, you need the middle tier. You got the wine dance tier. You got the... The next middle tier. Here's your sound. And you got the Comac tier. What row? Uh, the one on the plane. Oh, shit. I don't... Is it like a... A wind seat? No, aisle. Duct tape. Aisle? Yeah. Aisle seat. I know. I'm not asking you... Oh, I'm an aisle guy. Really? Yeah. You have wide shoulders. You can put the armrest up on the JetBlue planes. And you got more room to the aisle. You got no one leaning on you. Why? What would you pick? Window. Why? Put my head against it and fall asleep. Yeah, but you're confined like this. It's so uncomfortable. See, the problem is... The best. I have the worst. Because my wife has to pee every 34 minutes. Yeah, so why would you get the aisle? Because we're sharing aisles. She got one side of the aisle. I got the other. Oh, so you're not sitting next to her. You're sitting across from her. Is everything all right with you guys? Yeah. It's great. We sit across the aisle, holding hands. Yeah, because either I'm in the middle or I'm in the aisle. You're miserable. And I don't want to be in the middle. I love the window. I'm not... I got a hand. And then as soon as the person next to me falls asleep, I open the thing. Savage. And then they go, can you close it? I close it. They fall back asleep. I open it back up. You're like, no, this is my seat. Yeah. Or you could be like... If you wanted window control, window shade control, you should have bought the window seat. Talking about airplanes. I wish Jay-Z was here. Remember when he got into the fight with a guy in the Bahamas on the airline? This is my... I had his arm rest. You remember that? You didn't hear about that? I wasn't there. He elbowed the guy off the arm rest. He said it's his. He got into a fight with a guy in the middle. Yeah. He's like, this is my arm rest. It's unbelievable. How many Jack and Cokes was he down? I don't even think he was drinking. Yeah, I don't think we were drinking yet. I mean... Yeah, we might. I don't know. That was wild. That was... And then he left his... Was it then when he left his passport on the plane? I think it was. I think it was, yeah. He left his wallet on the plane or something? What a fucking mess. He has nine toes now, John, so... Yeah, leave him alone. Last time I was in Orlando... Yesterday. We had a deaf security guard stop us. Stop, John. Because he couldn't understand why we had an extra ticket. Not me, Warren, and John, but my in-laws. Why they have an extra ticket? It's an extra seat, so no one sits in between them. So they buy the row. So it's both of them. They don't live in one thing. But the guy didn't understand. So my niece, she does sign language. And she tried explaining, you know, sign language to the guy. John trying to do sign language. I'm saying what a lifesaver that is. Who would have thought that something like that would actually come in handy? Can you show me how you try to do sign language again? I can't. That's good. There's your sign. He's just clapping his hands. That's not sign language. That is not sign language. Applaud now. Because you want to know. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Or in this day and age. Can't do that. I like this. Can't do that. Can't do it. What the hell is going on upstairs? They're making cookies. She is making cookies. Jesus. It's like Santa's workshop. She got an order for another 150 cookies. And would you buy 75 of them? No, it's schooled it. It's really not going to school. He's doing a fundraiser for the school. This goes right back to John. Fundraiser. It's like washing money. But he does it with cookies. Yeah. He opens up fake businesses. I want to see what he does to a business. Then just eats them. I want to wash the money out. I want to see how much on his taxes. Here's the order from 500 cookies. Yeah. My kitchen is 2,000 square feet. Can I write it off on my taxes? Why not? You can. It's a workspace. Yeah. It's an LLC. We write off the whole office. Yeah. You write off the entire home office. Probably. Why not? Why not? Mark's just upset because he's not. I'm going to start a business out of my garage. Yeah. Selling coke. He fucked up his taxes. No, they got fixed. Wow, what happened? What was the fuck up? Someone didn't put in my daughter's social security number. So. Would they send it back to you? No, no, no. I looked at it. Well, I didn't look at it. I said something's not right. And then they re-looked at it. And then poof. Who did it? My brother-in-law. Uncle Sam. Always trying to get you. That's ridiculous. So it went from like making $20 to making like $2,000. Or getting $2,000. Just like that. I'm only getting fucking $700 back. After you write the whole first floor? Yeah. How is that possible? You didn't do that correctly. Who does then? Why? Lauren does. She uses TurboTax. My Uncle Tony owns a tax place. Return this. You ain't getting no refund on this. File this. Oh, poor John. You got to write the Mustang. How? Isn't there like a special insurance that you could put on that thing? I have special insurance. Like? You're in a classroom with two other kids special or? No, no, no. That's why they charge him more for that. They made him take a test. No, no, no. The insurance is just because I don't drive the car. So, it's based off of mileage a year. That's crazy. You blew her engine. How did you not drive the car? People didn't think so. Since I bought the car, I've only put on like 10,000 miles. 200 pounds? No, 10,000 miles. Not even. Really? How long have you had it? Two and a half years. Well, you couldn't drive it for like eight months. Facts. No, I know. So, you had it for 14 months. It's actually less now. If I drive my car 3,000 miles, that's a lot. You could always put it in reverse. Put it on the jack. Fuck with the odometer. No, that's not true. Just break the glass and start turning it. I know a guy who knows a guy. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Does he live in Kisco? No, but he is from the Westchester area. Shocking. Fell off the back of the truck. I know a guy who knows a guy. If you need a guy, I got the guy. I got him. Just make sure you say... That's the beautiful thing about being Italian. You always know someone. You're Italian? Yeah. I didn't know that. That you were... Napolitan. Yeah. Sicilian and cow grease. Sure. Like the salad. You're fucking mutt. I know. I'm 100% mutt. That's it. You're like in the pound. Yeah. It's all right. They live longer. And then me and John have hip problems. Exactly. And I live longer. Runs into fucking jeans. Exactly. You hit 40 and you're like, Oh, my fucking hip hurts. Yeah. You have just stuff with fucking Provolone and Cabo Gold. It's in olive oil. That's it. That's a fucking wonder drug right there. Olive oil? Yeah. Take a teaspoon of that every night. It's great for the colon. Here we go. Am I the only one? No, seriously. You and your... I cook with olive oil. Why don't you? Never drank olive oil in my life. A little teaspoon. Stop, John. No, come on. Seriously. What kind of olive oil do you use? Yeah. What kind? I don't fucking know. Canola? No. Avocado. Avocado oil dead. That's the worst for you. Terrible. Doesn't burn. How do you know Lauren's not putting avocado oil in that container? You should lay off the pudding. Get it? I don't like pudding. Don't drink the Kool-Aid. Because you're fat. That's not nice. He's down four pounds. He's taking... That's not nice. Yeah, you look good, John. Thank you. I worked hard. Yeah. I haven't been to the gym in 30 days. It's so easy. One little fucking injection once a week. Why not? Why not? It's so easy. That's what crackheads say, what heroin says. Yeah. Give me some more, boss. And fentanyl. Get some fentanyl in here. It's just easy. Just one injection. Mm-hmm. John, you should go on an Ayahuasca retreat. A what retreat? Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca. I do Ayahuasca. What the hell was that? You find the meaning of life. Yeah, it did. It takes you to... Aaron Rodgers did it. It takes you to... You have to have a shaman, though. It takes you to Disney without going to Disney. Yeah, I think that's what Walt Disney took to make the character. Are they going to bring him back to life? No, I don't think that's ever going to happen. Why not? One, you can't do that. It's impossible. Why? And he's not frozen. I thought he froze himself. That's a fucking myth. Are you sure? He's in the castle in Disneyland World, whatever the hell it is. Don't fuck it up. They're making organs. You saw that? They're growing baby organs. They're making organs. They can find... Like, if you have a baby, or your embryo needs a kidney, they can grow one and implant it while it's still inside of the mother. Where are they growing that? In a petri dish? Yeah. How is that even possible? I don't know. So, it's the other day. It's alien tech. They grow it in farms. It's like an animal farm. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a petri dish. It's a farm. It's like a liver farm. It's like the Matrix. Heart farm. Lung farm. Remember the Matrix? Yeah. Same shit. Those movies are fucking wild. I wasn't really a fan of them. It's kind of a little out there for me. A little too sci-fi-ish for me. Yeah. But there are some fanatics. It's just fucking weird. Yeah, bizarre whole world. It's just like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. Star Wars is way better than the Matrix series. Yeah, because they have a thing at Disney. We get it. We get it. No. Just because. It's so much better. Is it? I think so. I think the new ones suck ass. The new ones are horrible. Yeah, I concur. I like Darth Maul. He was a badass. He's the guy I like. And Darth Vader, obviously. You don't like Yoda? That's what Jon says when he sleeps. Not anymore. You fixed it? You lose weight. I haven't had to use my machine in months. Really? Yeah. I think it almost killed you. Twice. You didn't hear the story? It was slowly killing him? Yeah, it was slowly killing him. And didn't you get an infection from it too? Yes. I got an upper respiratory infection. That was my fault because I missed the cleaning. I should have and I got lazy about it and ended up inhaling in mold. I got an upper respiratory infection. That's what happens. I think I was choked on it. You know what's good for upper respiratory infections? Olive oil. Oh boy. Nope. Semen. No. Nope. That's wrong. Olive oil. Are you sure? I think. I'm a doctor. I'm a lawyer. I looked it up on WebMD just now. Pretty much said that. Your phone's ringing again. Your phone's ringing again, Mark. Oh boy. Oh no. Is your shit on the floor now? Probably. It should be better soon. Hopefully. It's unbelievable. The joys of having. Favorite dinosaur. Oh, that's a tough one. Unspell it. No. Everyone will always go for the T-Rex, but I'm going to go for the raptor. Velociraptor. Can you rap? No. I'm a stegosaurus guy. I was going to say stegosaurus. They just chill. They just chill. They just fucking eat leaves and. Just chilling. Bang bitches. I just like the toe on a raptor. The pinky toe. Yeah. Or the index finger. Whatever the fuck that would be. Do you have a foot fetish? The big hook. That noise is a little crazy. You got a foot fetish, don't you? You're like Rex Ryan. You have a foot fetish. Yeah, you do. Sexy Rexy. Sexy Rexy. Foot fetish. McNeese State's got to win tonight. That happens. We're sitting nice. Nice and nice. A little stegosaurus action. Stegosaurus. John's yawning again. It's over. I'm going to wake this one. It's over. Okay. Here we go. Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis did a thing about if his plane was crashing, he's on the plane and it's crashing. And everybody's on their phone calling their loved ones to say goodbye. Like, I love you. Was that his SNL skit? No, I think it's on his own show. And then he calls up L&J's auto body and he goes, yo, is this Bob from L&J auto body? And he's like, yeah. He goes, hey, Bob, go fuck yourself. He's like, I'm going to come there and beat the shit out of you. And he's like, what are you doing? He's like, why am I going to call people? Like, my wife had them cry for the last four minutes of my life. He's like, I'm just going to call people to fuck with them. Not a bad idea. He's like, you better get ready because I'm coming there and beat the shit out of you. That's it. We got this guy with bad golf hands. I'm not kidding. This was the guy with bad golf hands. What the hell is that? That's what he looked like. He looked exactly like that guy. How did he hit the ball? Low and fucking rolling. How did John play? Course record? Yeah, he broke it again. You're super good at golf. Yo, I shot a six. A six? What, in the first hole? John hit, oh my God, it's going to fucking snow on Saturday. What the fuck? World's coming to an end. Is this real? Oh, I thought it was supposed to rain. Yeah, rain. Sometimes this thing gets a little loopy. It's going to rain for a month now. Yeah, I know. March is a... March is a bitch. It's a bipolar month. Such a bitch this month. Good job, John. Dave Portnoy loses 25K on a disgusting beat. Dave mounts a 24-4 comeback to beat Nevada. Oh, yeah. Wild. What are you doing over there, John? Ordering Chinese food? Ordering Chinese food? No, I'm trying to find something. Stop playing with your thingy. No, no, no. There's this comedian that is fairly new, but he's becoming very popular. What's his name? Dave Chappelle? No, no, no. I can't find his... Martin Lawrence. You ever heard of this guy, Chris Rock? He's pretty good. First time... First time, one time. We should get callers. Who can we call? My wife will probably call in the... Well, that doesn't count. Ten minutes. Y'all never believe what's going on. She just did a backflip. She said, I love you and then shit on the floor. And then gave me the finger. That would be incredible. I'd like that one. John, are you okay over there? Yeah, what's going on? You know, I'm trying to find this fucking comedian. Do you know his name? If you just put their name in Google, it usually comes up. Oh my God, I can't find it. It's going to irritate the fuck out of me. Here we go. Is it? No, it's your podcast. John was looking at his phone for three hours. We watched John look for a comedian for an hour and a half, and then we went home. No? I can't find it. What's his name? How about that? I can't remember his name. That's why I was trying to find it. Great comedian, then. Memorable. Memorable. He pulls like shit out of his mouth. He hands fucking pictures out. He's fucking all over the stage. I can't remember. I can't remember John's name. Gallagher? Is it Gallagher? No, I'm not going to find it. He's never going to find it. He was definitely an Ole fan. Thank God. Came across the sky. Jay didn't get to bring a glass here either. Oh no, did he leave one here? No, he left his glass, my glass down here. I brought it up, but he left his bottles here. Uh oh. Now what is he going to do? Here's your sign. He's still looking for this comedian. Yeah, Jay, challenge. It's enough. This is unbelievable. I'm not going to find it. Casey Rocket. Yep, never heard of him. Nope. Thanks. Try again. All right. How was your day, John? It was rocket great. This guy's fucking hysterical. They call him the schizophrenic comedian. That's great. So you see, what's his name? He got a fight in the summer? This guy. You've never seen this guy? He's fucking all over the place. Mike Tyson? No, not Mike Tyson. McGregor. Yeah. He's going to fight in the summer. Can't wait until he breaks his other shin. Dude, he's fucking hysterical. Oh, he's great. He's all over the page. Nothing makes sense. It's giving me a headache just watching you. I could go in the corner to the train station and pay a guy $5 to do the same thing. Give him a cup of coffee. Put a stirrer. I use wood stirrers at my house. He's using stirrers to drink out of. How do you suck on the wood? Don't. Can't say that. What, did you leave a condom wrapper down here or something? No, that's a bottle. Jason's bottle wrappers. Jesus. Does anyone clean up for themselves in this house? Nope. It's unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable. Nope. I'm on vacation next week. It's cool. It's going to be awesome. It's going to rain. All week. It's great. It's going to rain Saturday. We'll fucking die. Fact. You want to do a podcast Saturday? No. What about in the morning? Oh, fuck. John, what are you doing on Saturday? Blackstone. Again? Probably helping her bake. Eating the cookie is not helping baking. That's anti-helping. You've got to have quality control. Out of every two cookies, yes, I have a half. You've got to sample. Make sure they're consistent. John just took some more cookies and then stabbed himself in the stomach with a fucking EpiPen. EpiPen. Whatever it is, back and forth. You're going with a fucking diabetic shock. Three cookies in his eyes, he fucking jabs himself in those three cookies. I need another one. This guy never had quality control of his life. He's never had quality control of his life. Another one. This guy never had quality control of his salad. No. Who the fuck would just want quality control of a salad? Make sure the lettuce is fresh. I'm pretty sure it's fresh. What are you doing for your week off, Mark? What do you have planned besides going to the shitty coffee, I mean, beanery? I'm going to clean my garage out. Wow. Going to clean my fence, the side of my house. What a waste of time. When it rained? When it's not raining. Going to probably take my daughter to the... Adventureland? Aquarium. No, that place is a deathtrap. The aquarium? Park? Wait, so why is Adventureland a deathtrap? I don't know, but John... Yeah, you hit a string there. Didn't you? Just look at Adventureland. People, you know that swinging thing? Kids, like, fly off of that shit all the time. Back in the fucking 90s, when we didn't have a problem, these kids act stupid and they'd go to the bar. I was in a zipper one time. At a carnival. And the thing got... You know how the zipper is supposed to spin as you're going up and around? It stopped spinning when I was upside down and got locked. And I couldn't unlock the gate because I was upside down to get out. But they had to stop the ride and bring me around because I wasn't spinning anymore. I was just completely stuck upside down for a whole time around. They couldn't get me. That must have been terrifying. My head was against the ceiling. Sorry for your troubles. Here's a lollipop. No, they just said, get out. They were hitting me with a hammer and it finally unlocked itself. They're like, you want to go back in there? I said, I'm good for the day. I said, okay. It's broken, how do we fix it? In Adventureland, they actually took down a bunch of rides to put in some new stuff. They took that all down. They're putting some new stuff up. What are they putting in there? I don't know. They didn't announce it yet. Love it. That log thing was sketchy, though. Do you think? Last time I went with JR, the wood was all rotting out. You saw the whole thing flexing. It's a great park. Let me tell you. I feel like I was on a wooden rollercoaster in Pennsylvania once. It was some cheap thing. It was fucking so long ago. It was sketch. The rollercoaster itself was going to fall. The sketchiest ride I ever went on, it's in Edaville. Don't say your bed. No, it's in Edaville, Massachusetts, I believe. Where is it? Edaville. E-D-A-ville or something like that. Amusement park. There was a Ferris wheel. It was so old. How old was it? The guy sitting there with the crank and the fucking flywheel spinning right next to him. That's what was keeping the whole fucking thing in motion. It was all wood. It was sketchy. That's good. It's quality. No, thank you. I will go back there again. You pay for what you get. You get fucking hepatitis from a... Hepatitis? From a goat? Yeah. You ever see those carnivals down south when they do the calling of their husbands? The women? No. You've never seen it? I got to pull it up. I got to show you. It's like, you know how they hog haul? Yeah. They do that with their husbands. I'll show you. Let me pull it up. While you're looking for that, I'm going to Tennessee in April. Which part? Actually, where you were at. Knoxville? Knoxville area, yeah. We're going to go there. You're flying into Knoxville? Yeah. There you go. The airport. No, no. We're not flying. We're driving down. What? Yeah, bro. I'm telling you. These people get into it, bro. Yeah, we're going to leave like... It's not that bad. No, we're going to... I think we're going to leave like one, two o'clock in the morning. We should get there by four or five o'clock. Yeah, it's not that bad. Where are you going? Dollywood? It's on the itinerary. We're going to do some ATV off-road guided tour. You ready for it? You go to... Titanic Museum? Yeah. That thing's the size of your basement. You ready for the husband calling contest? Yeah. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 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